Chapter 1 : What have I done!
Tobias POV
'WHAT HAVE I DONE!' The life changing sizzling, hissing of burning coals, the disappointed gasps of the Abnegations and feet thumps and fist pumps of the Dauntless all music to my ears a moment ago, a mere moment ago have all vanished and a deafening silence now screams" What have I done indeed".
All this just on seeing the face of a man I call father but never will deserve the title
Dad. With every crimson drop dripping on the burning coals his face contorts into a different expression. Drip. Confusion. Drip. Anger. Drip. Shame. Drip. A smug grin .And the fourth drop was enough to make me realise the mistake I made choosing black over grey. That whatever I do I can't outsmart this grey clothed wolf who is leading all these sheep. A mistake I will repent every day of my life. My mind is numb. My heart is clenched. With heavy steps I walk to keep the knife on the table not once lifting my eyes for I will not show the world the tears brimming in them for they are the proof of how bad I want to go back. Go back to grey robes that hide my scarlet back.
My excuse of a father drops a note in the pocket of my robe under the pretence of patting my shoulder. Everything happens in a blur as I reach the dauntless. They holler, pat my back, give me a place to sit still I am numb. The same deafness screaming at me .The ceremony continues. I take the note out and break into a cold sweat. Seriously, what have I done! I should never have even thought about this. Never have chosen this. I should go back. I want to go back. But, I can't go back. The rest of ceremony passes in a blur.
After what seems like hours, I stand with the rest of dauntless and start running to the tracks. Had I been any other abnegation transfer I would have enjoyed the freedom, the exercise, the sense of belongingness that comes with this sensation of hundreds of feet pounding together and the merry, carefree shouting. But I am not. All I can still hear is my conscience yelling at me " What have I done"
I run fast and am among one of the first dauntless to climb onto the train. The others in this compartment stare at me in awe. But my thoughts are reeling. I sit in a nook and start thinking. The light piece of paper now heavy in my pocket. I take it out and read it again 'Tell someone and you know what happens.' I crumble it and through it out of the window with all my might. I am not afraid to be dauntless. I am not afraid he can hurt me anymore. I am not afraid of him anymore for myself. I am shaking like a leaf inside. What's the point of changing faction if I can't tell. I know I don't want pity or justice or something like that. I just needed help. And I screwed up by leaving because I didn't just leave my faction, I left her.