Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight at all. I only own the plot. I make no money from this.

Dear Journal,

This had to happen sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. Six years have passed, and still I can't look at her the way Alice had seen in her vision. I'd secretly watched my supposed future mate, my future wife; grow into a young woman over the years, mostly through Alice's visions because I can't risk her knowing me just yet. We'd moved to Forks recently, the family and me, knowing it was only two years away from the vision coming true; no one bets against Alice.

The only reason Alice was able to see my supposed mate was because she'd looked into my future, attempting to tease me at the time, to see if I'd ever have a lover; then it happened. She saw a vision me of dancing with the most beautiful human girl she'd ever seen and I watched it with her, the love in our eyes was unmistaken, along with us saying 'I love you'. But then her vision shifted to the present, at the time six years ago, to Bella, that's what she liked to be called, and showing that she was merely an 11 year old girl. Emmet would not let me live this down until Carlisle told him to shut it.

She was destined to be part of my future which is why Alice was able to see her at the time. The vision never changed over the years so it was a set course. But I didn't know what to do. Many times I'd tried to convince both Alice and myself that there was no way I was going to fall in love with someone, especially a child at the time. But as time went on, both Alice and I knew that Bella would not remain a child for long and the vision of my future with her grew ever so near.

Today was her first day here at Forks High School. I tried my best to ignore her, not wanting to accept my future of eventually turning her into one of us; monsters, Alice had foreseen it. Unfortunately, she was like a moth to light, everyone wanted to know about her. Questions came from everywhere and I could tell by the look on her face that she hated being the center of attention. The moment I looked at her though was my downfall. She'd been staring at us, 'the freaks' as we've been labeled, wondering who we were. I knew the moment I first looked at her, really looked at her, I was doomed to love her. I'd watched her grow for six years through Alice's visions and she never looked as stunning as she did now.

Dear Journal,

Her first day here was misery for me. She's in my biology class and boy did I get a good whiff of her scent. She smelled so good that I nearly killed her because of the monster in me. But I held him back. I would not kill her, no matter how much I thirsted for her blood. I love her too much to kill her, to damn her. That's why I've gone away. Out of all the years I've dreaded seeing her, selfishly hoping that she'd love me in return but knowing there was always a possibility she won't, I dreaded having that intoxicating scent teasing me to the point of no return. So here I write, in my little black journal, hoping to get some of my frustration out; so far it's working its' magic.

It's a good thing my father suggested writing when we first found out she'd be in our lives. It gives me some way to vent my frustration and anger and misery. Sometimes I've got good things to say, I've said some positive things in my previous journal. I started this one when Bella came to Forks High her first day, I figured I'd need a new one to consume my thoughts with her. Surely it was a good idea.

I have no clue what to do. I'm so frustrated. It wasn't like I really believed that I'd fall in love with her the moment I saw her in person, no, that was a ridiculous thought; but it happened. After watching her grow, mature, fill out, I've finally realized that there was never any stopping it. If my heart had a beat to it, it would be breaking with agony because of how miserable I am. I love her and yet I cannot have her. I just may have to live in misery for all of my existence because there is no way I'm going to let her suffer the three days of agony and have her soul eternally damned. Especially if she doesn't want me.

Dear Journal,

It's been a week since I've seen or smelled her and yet the beast inside me craves her more than ever. Is there no justice for my tormented soul? With my luck probably not. My family is worried for me. They're also wondering if I'll ever come home soon. I'm still deciding that but I'm leaning toward going home tonight. I miss everyone, but I mostly, and selfishly, miss my Bella. Even though I really have no claim over her, nor have the right to call her 'my' Bella, I can't help but feel that she does belong to me. Six years of wondering, waiting and stressing really took a toll on me.

Here is the supposed love of my life and now her scent is driving me crazy. Crazy enough to want to go to her and not only feast upon her blood but to ravish her as a lover would. But she doesn't have a clue. She doesn't know me like I know her. Worst of all, what if she doesn't want me? How am I going to get through every day watching her if she doesn't want to be with me? What if she thinks of me as a monster?

I could understand if she didn't want me because I'm a monster, but I don't think I could understand how she would merely not want me for me. If I were human I'm sure that I would be a great guy for her; but I'm not human. In fact, I eat the very thing that keeps humans alive. I don't deserve her. I should never have been allowed to know she existed. WHY DID ALICE HAVE TO TEASE ME THAT ONE DAY???? Now I'll never get her out of my head.

I think I will go home though. There's no stopping me from loving her no matter where I go. I'll just have to endure it.