I Have Died Every day, Waiting For You
A/N: I call it the attack of the one-shots (or in this case, drabbles). I'm stuck with my other stories in more ways than one and my muse is holding everything hostage until she gets appeased with lots of nutritious and fortifying reviews! Anyway, until then, I hope this calorie-filled, fattening drivel will suffice and tide us over… until my muse decides to work for free, or I fire her and get a less demanding one.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the clothes on my back. And the few crazy friends that I have.
WARNING: OOCness. But then again, it's Snarry… when are they ever fully in character?
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PART I: Colors and Promises
Green.
Damn it!
Why should his eyes be green?
Why should it be so much like yours?
Lily, my sweet Lily… I have hurt you badly. What prevents me from hurting him too?
Harry, your son… he could have been mine, you know?
But oh, how I love him –so much more than a son!
It is so wrong. I know it is completely preposterous. But I –I am weak. My soul calls out to him in need and want –in despair. At first, I blame his eyes; eyes that are so much like yours. Eyes that pierce through that blasted Potter's face.
Eventually, I realized that it was so much more than that; The way he carries himself with quiet dignity –not so much like the Gryffindor bravado of his father; His fierce loyalty and protectiveness over those he holds dear to his heart –much like his mother; His passion, his drive – oh, how proud you would have been of him! He is Potter –I hated him. He is you –I loved you. But much more so, he is his own person.
It would have been easier to leave him if his eyes were anything but green… greens that beckon me to come closer and fulfill that promise I gave you that day I found your lifeless body and held it in my arms for the last time. It would have been easier to love him, if his hair was anything but that unruly jet black mess that reminded me of everything that was wrong in my life.
Oh Lily, I thought I would carry on and love you beyond the grave… but your Harry, he had stolen that devotion.
I had promised you I would take care of him that day by your grave. Now I promise one more thing: I would love him with my all and protect him with my life.
He does not know. He will not know if I had anything to say about it. But if I perish in this war, I will not have it any other way that he knows of my true loyalties. He will know. Not now, but when the time comes. Until then, I shall love him from a distance as I had you in the past.
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PART II: All Of My Doubts
I am afraid.
Every part of me trembles at the mere thought.
But oh, how I love him! How I yearn for his affection: his voice, his eyes, those stolen moments with him.
Whenever his obsidian eyes would look at me with indifference, oh how many times would I pretend that they were filled with unspoken passion and desire?
I ache inside, knowing that he feels nothing for me but hate –because of my father, a man I never knew.
But how I long to tell him, that I am not my father… but would he believe me? He spent his whole life hating me –I reminded him so much of the darkest days of his life…
Should I even feel this way? He is a learned man; he has lived a life that I can only imagine… I am but a mere boy of seventeen… or so he tells me…
What should I achieve from this unrequited love if not pain and suffering? Does it even matter? I may not live after the war anyway…. Should I risk it? Should I risk loving and losing someone yet again?
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PART III: One Step Closer
There, I've finally said it. Against my right mind, I've told him. If I should die tomorrow, I will regret nothing.
He looks at me with those piercing emerald eyes.
They were no longer Lily's eyes.
They were his, his alone.
My heart beats fast –I hear nothing else. His eyes refuse to look elsewhere but mine –I see nothing else. He takes one step closer and… presses his lips against mine –I feel nothing else.
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PART IV: All Along, I Believed
Time stood still.
It is over.
I lower my wand.
The Dark Lord is no more.
I turn away from the blur of faces cheering the defeat of the dark side and made my way towards him.
His obsidian eyes were staring, unblinking, unmoving –as was the rest of him. I touch him, hold his hand and gave it a light squeeze…
He squeezes in return and smiles.
We have made it through, both of us –it was more than what I could have asked for.
He wraps his arms around me and every doubt I had left melted at his touch. All along I believed that I would not live to see this day… how wrong I was.
There, now I see that proverbial rainbow after the storm.
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PART V: Every Breath, Every Hour
I hear music playing from a distance.
My whole life has been nothing but one unfinished sonata –filled with adagios and staccatos –all ill-placed… but I couldn't be more thankful. My melancholic ballad has now found a rest.
I cannot complain; life was bitter, painful and harsh, but I endured it –I lived through it.
And it now all boils down to this.
Every tear, every suffering, every breath –
Every laughter, every pain, every high and low –
Every second, every day, every hour –
It all comes down to this one perfect moment.
The music stops and changes.
The door opens once more – I see nothing but green. Brilliant emerald greens filled with unshed tears. I knew that they were not of anguish but of joy. He now stands beside me and all becomes a blur. I hold his hand in mine as he holds mine in his as we recite the words of the old:
We are eternal
Separated by Darkness
Now bound by Light
Divided we come
Now joined we shall live
We are eternal
We arrive alone
We now walk the same path
No force shall break us
No peril shall destroy us
For my trust
My loyalty
My hope –I give to you
In this lifetime
And those to come
Our love id forever
Our love transcends time
Our love shall never end
I would perish without you
For you are my life
I would flourish in you
For you are my love
All those years I have existed
Far from your embrace
Are times well spent
For I know this day would come
I may have faced a thousand deaths
Waiting for you
Know now that you are with me
I would live through a thousand more
We are eternal
Hand in hand
We will walk 'til day break
Eye to eye
We will see every sunrise
Heart to heart
We feel every beat
Life to death –and beyond
We vow to one another –
One heart
One mind
One body
One soul
We are eternal
We are forever.
***FIN***
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A/N: Thoughts? Please review so I can improve! Love, Eastwoodgirl :D