Baby Steps
- Asami & Akihito take a few steps forward. Or backward. -
*Set post-Hong-Kong/Fei arc*
**Italics -- Akihito's thoughts**
***I own none of 'em***
"Eat."
It was a command, not a request.
"I'm not very hungry, thanks."
For the food, for the ride, for your time, your expense, your hospitality…
"You haven't eaten enough." Gentle enough to the point of concern.
"Really, I'm not that hungry."
Really. Thanks for everything. For my life.
The clinking of dishware stopped, signaling an impending dread.
"What's wrong?" Flippant enough to the point of detachment.
He won't bite, then.
He took a bite of a tasteless something that was supposed to taste like something before replying,
"Nothing. I'm just tired, that's all."
Tired of this. This pretending to be unaffected, pretending we're back to square one, pretending we're still playing the stupid, stupid games we've been doing in the past…
"You can't be. You did nothing all day but sleep." Mocking enough to the point of derision.
Amazing how fast they can fall into their old pattern.
"What am I supposed to do, then? What SHOULD I do?"
Because I don't know what to do!
But Asami sure was biting eagerly.
"Should I create an agenda for you?" Sarcastic enough to anger.
He couldn't help it this time; it was just so easy…
"What's stopping you, Asami? I'm surprised you haven't handed me one yet."
An agenda under YOUR terms, YOUR dime, YOUR control, YOUR pleasure.
"You're old enough to do that on your own." Serious enough to take heed.
Hold up. Were they going somewhere with this?
No. They weren't. Slow it down, then.
Get up from the unnecessary elaborations of the dinner table. Start pacing. Think.
The silence stretched.
Then a sigh. A sigh from the one sitting.
"Akihito." Soft enough to break something in him.
Was it his pride? His bravado? His exhaustion?
What was it that prevented him from touching base with his feelings? With Asami?
& how far could he probe? Where to start? Where to end? Should he?
"Asami, I..."
I don't want to play these games anymore. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I want to be with you. I want to be equal to you. I want to be my own man. I want to BE a man. I want to have a say. I want to have my own will. I want my freedom. I want to be free. I want to breathe...
He was standing in front of Asami, staring & breathing & begging him to listen to the words in his head.
Asami complied, waiting, silent, listening.
He looked away, at the table, out the window. The potted plant by the window. Back at Asami.
"I want..."
If you want to be a man, then man up.
"I don't..."
Man up, Akihito!
"I don't know what to do."
Was it this easy to be honest?
Strangely enough, I see Akihito being the one to make or break or move the tides of their relationship. Asami's too stunted a character to do it (IMO). I doubt his nature would allow him.
I also had a more cynical alternate ending:
"I don't know what to do."
Was it this easy to be honest?
A smirk. "Is that all?" Dismissive enough for Takaba to give up.
No, it never was.
... but figured it would have been another insignificant, pointless exchange between the two. So I left it off. Plus, I want Akihito to have a (winning) voice.