Chapter 1

P.O.V. Kensi

I just got out of the hospital an hour ago, and Deeks and myself are just arriving at his apartment after a quick stop at mine for clothes and other necessities. I'm lucky to be out of the hospital; most people under my circumstances would have been admitted. The conditions for me being out of the hospital are: I have to eat, I can't exercise, I have to have someone live with me for awhile, I can't go back to work until I'm deemed ready by a psychologist/psychiatrist, and I have to talk to Nate three times a week while I'm out from work. The list of stuff I can and can't do is overwhelming for me – especially since I have to let my guard down – but, I will do it if it means staying out of the hospital and keeping my job. I'm reminding myself of this just as we pull into the parking lot.

"Okay Kensilina, we are here" exclaims Deeks as he puts the car into park.

We get out of the car, get my bags – well Deeks does anyways – and walk towards the apartment. Deeks unlocks his door, and when he opens the door, a big mass of fur jumps on me and almost knocks me over. It takes me a minute to realize it's Monty, and when I do, I lean down and scratch his head lovingly as he licks my face.

As this happens I hear Deeks say "Hey, enough kisses Monty; that's my new job as her boyfriend."

When he says that, I feel blush rising to my face and my heart fluttering in my chest. We walk into the apartment and Deeks sits the bags down then turns on the lights.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" asks Deeks.

"Can we watch Titanic?" I ask giving a little pout.

Deeks lets out a soft laugh, then says "Sure"

He suddenly frowns and in a hesitant voice asks "Umm... what would you like for dinner?"

As he says that, my heart clenches in fear and the voice that tells me not to eat starts up.

I feel a lump start to form in my throat, so I clear my throat as best as I can and say "Can I have a salad?"

He gives me a pained look – like he wants to please me and say yes, but knows he can't – and says "Kens, you got to have more then that"

I force down the rising anxiety and say "You can choose, just please make it something light" then I try to focus my attention on the movie.

-40 minutes later-

"Okay Kens, dinner's ready"

I try to stall by taking my time turning the movie off, but eventually I had to make my way over to the table. I sit down and in front of me is a plate of plain pasta.

I start to panic and say "I can't eat that Deeks; there are way too many calories."

"Kens, it's really not a lot okay. It's just a small plate of plain pasta. You have to eat something proper for dinner, okay" says Deeks in a gentle voice.

I feel tears well behind my eyes and fall down my face.

"Deeks, I can't do this" I say chocking back sobs.

He starts rubbing my back and says "It's okay sweetie, just take a few bites for now. We will take it one bite at a time."

I nod then take three bites of pasta, but stop when the voice starts yelling at me to stop.

"There" I say pushing my plate away.

Deeks lets out a soft sigh, then says "You can take your time eating this if you need to, but at least half of it has to be finished by the end of the night."

Who would have thought eating could be so hard?