As I lay on the couch watching "Daily Lifes of Teenage Grandmas"with my wonderful wife, Katniss I sip a drink of eggnog and look at my Christmas tree. "What a beauty!", I think. This year I made Katiniss buy a fake tree because I was watching TTT6 News and saw that real trees can catch on fire quickly. It took alot of protesting and begging like a 4 year old child wanting that new glamourous training potty but the mother saying no. Tisk Tisk Tisk too you my mother! ( That was a real life inccident.). Even though I miss the smell of the real tree, I smell Buttercup's litter box and try to imagine the smell of a real Christmas tree but all I smell is wonderful poop. I want to be safe and sound because we have a child named Daisy. 3 years old but DANGEROUS. She came at me with a knife on Friday afternoon after protesting about how she should get a Elmo CD called "Magic In The Potty:A Sequel" including favorites "Wipe your Bottom", and " Flush". Its a nice CD but I refused to buy it because I influnce my child to watch Barney and buy the Barney CD "Barney and Me: Potty Edition. Daisy also has a HUGE vocabulary which makes verbal threats even WORSE! I was almost stabbed when Katniss came in the room and threated a spanking. She dropped the knife and went to her room while me and Katniss had a little "fun".
After our "fun" Katniss got Daisy ready for bed. It's not fun being alone knowing that a 3 year old almost mass muder could come out with a knife any minute. After "Daily Lifes of Teenage Grandmas" went off I turned off the T.V and decided I should get ready for bed myself. I got on my wonderful new "Kitchen Master" PJS Katniss had bought me for our anniversary knowing I loved to bake. When Katniss came in we "fought" for the remote because I wanted to watch "Jersey Shore" ( Gotta love Pauly D) and Katniss wanted to watch "It's A Wonderful Life". Of course I let her win because I didn't want to see her cry. 15 minutes in the movie and I wanted to break the T.V with my amazing arm stregth. I could probaly break it with a pinky but $1589 worth a T.V I think I'll pass. 20 minutes in the movie Katniss was sobbing and this was my chance to cuddle with her and maybe steal a kiss. As I am making my way over to cuddle with Katniss BANG! Power outage. As Katniss stops crying Daisy starts crying. I magnged to make my way through the pitch black house pick-up Daisy and bring her in Me and Katniss's room. Once I get in there I see Katniss has lit some candles. Oh what a wonderful wife I have but there goes cuddling with Katniss because looks like she's already has a new cuddling partner. DAISY!
Once the power goes on and Daisy and Katniss go to sleep I am relieved I can turn off this mess. I pick up Daisy and put her in her bed and make my way through the house when I hear a lock pop. I bolt and snatch Daisy, then wake up Katniss. Once she is awake I shove them in the bathroom and make them lock the door. As I reach under the bed for a "Louisville Slugger" I hear tiptoing through the house and I see cameras flashing. As I turn on my light I see 7 girls with 5 boys accompining them taking pictures and IMing friends and linking photos of my house! I look down and see a crowbar and look up. I am ready to beat them when I hear "Cut,Cut,Cut!" Hey,thats the voice of President Snow!
"Snow? What are you doing here?!", I shout with furry. "Making a movie of course!" he replies. I am ready to punch all of these people when Katniss walks out with Daisy. " What's going on here?!", she screams. " THEY ARE MAKING A MOVIE IN OUR HOUSE!" , I reply. As I shove them out , and turn around I see two men and Katniss and Daisy being dragged put in a truck and watch the truck go away, I see a gun pointed to my dear head! THIS IS NOT GOOD!
As the gun is pointed at my head I think about Katniss and Daisy and the terror they are in. The guy who pointed the gun at my head is asking me for Katniss's umm "things" or else. So I succry to our room and grab her "things". I come back out and he's gone. The next thing I know is I feel hand touch my area of privacy and jump out of bed with a bloddy muder scream. "Whoops!", I exlaim. I accidentaly punched Daisy in the nose. While Daisy is bauling I am looking for our telephone trying to call the doctor. What a wonderful life I have!
The next morning I am the first to get up and make sure I am in my own home and no one is in it. I get up and I walk around a bit and notice I am in my house! What a relieve. Once Katniss and Daisy get up I make French Toast while Daisy hits me and tells me to dance. I am a horrible dancer so she like to see me make a fool of myself. Katniss picks Daisy up after 10 minutes of hitting me and puts her in her seat. I am serving breakfast when a I hear a knock at the door. "Who Is It?!" I yell. "OPEN THE DOOR!" "It's Haymitch most likely", says Katniss. I believe Katniss and open the door. "Do you happen to have anymore wine?" says, Haymitch. "We never had wine in the first place."says Katniss. "Yeah" I say while closing the door. Bad idea. Note to self: Never close the door on a drunk. I get punched in the face and Daisy grabs a knife and darts for the door. "DON'T HURT MY DADDY!" exlaims Daisy as she gets ready to stab. Luckily Katniss grabs the knife and punches Haymitch and closes the door and locks it. "Nice knife skills" I say. "PEETA DON'T ENCOURAGE HER!" exclaims Katniss. "What I'm just sayin" said Peeta. " As for you Daisy," Katniss explains,"Go to your room and think about what you just did and I will bring you French Toast in." she says. "Okie Dokie!" says Daisy and walks to her room.
*Knock Knock!* I hear. I open the door to see and Prim! "Hi mom and Prim!" I exlaim. "Katniss Mom and Prim are here!" I shout. Katniss comes bursting out of our room full of excitment. "Hi mommy and Little Duck!" Katniss says. "Were is Daisy?" says . "Oh she is in timeout but I will go get her." I say. As I am walking to Daisy's rom I hear them whispering about something. I enter Dasiy's room and Daisy is watching Elmo. "Turn this mess off!" I shout with furry while turning it off. As I cool down I say,"Grandma and Auntie Prim are here." I say. Before I finish my sentence she makes a beeline for the door. As I walk out of her room and make my way over to Katniss, Katniss asks me to put some tea on. "Of course!" I say with excitment trying to act like a good husband. I put the tea on and join the others at the couch. "Auntie Prim I want to show you my toys!" Daisy says while dragging Prim along with her. "How's Daisy been?" says . "Good just been picking up a lot of survival skills." says Katniss. "She seems like a good fit for the Hunger Games! says Mrs Everdeen. Then everything got quiet for a bit. Then I get up and get some tea and pour them into antiquie Chyna cups. I give one to Katniss, and myself. AsI walk back into the kitchen because Katniss and are stiring up a conversation about girl stuff I see a note on the kitchen floor. I bend down to pick it up and it says Meet me in the backyard NOW.-HA. "Who is HA?" I wonder. I make my way to the back yard and don't see anyone. Then I see pitch black and im knocked out cold.