Author's Note: I haven't written anything in a while, but after watching 'Last Rites' I knew that I needed to write something to channel my anger/sadness into something constructive. Honestly, I did not cope watching this episode. I cried my eyes out and I was so angry at the show for killing not just an amazing character, but also for killing the BEST OTP this show has ever had. Regina has always been my favourite character and will continue to be, despite the fact that the show seems to take pleasure in destroying her happiness just to have her rise above and prove she deserves better than the stories that are written for her. For this one-shot I tried to go deep into how Regina would be feeling after that funeral, and the ending is based off the promo for next weeks episode. I'm really hoping the show doesn't go down this road, but I feel like it's something they could definitely explore. Let me know what you think! #OutlawQueenForever
Regina put the key in the keyhole of her front door and paused, gathering herself and making sure her emotions were in check before entering. She knew what was waiting for her on the other side of the door and she needed to be mentally prepared. With a deep breath, she turned the key and opened the door.
Silence.
There was nothing but silence.
Her eyes began to well with tears but she furiously blinked them back. The others would be here soon and she had things to prepare. Avoiding looking at her reflection in the ornate mirror hanging on the wall, she closed the door behind her and strode across the entrance in the direction of the kitchen.
She gave a small jump as she dropped her keys and purse on the counter, the sound echoing throughout the empty house that had only recently been full of so much joy and laughter. The dishes from their last meal together as a family were still in the sink, dirty and unwashed. She reached for one of the plates, intending to wash them before the others arrived.
When Regina's fingers touched the cool ceramic she felt a surge of anger course through her body. Taking hold of the plate she turned and hurled it across the room, taking pleasure in the resounding crash it made as it hit the opposite wall and shattered into pieces. She stood, her chest heaving as she tried to take in a deep breath while keeping the tears that threatened to spill at bay.
She decided to leave the kitchen as it was. Knowing Snow, she would probably insist on cleaning up as soon as she arrived anyway, and Regina had more pressing things to attend to. She needed to change into something more appropriate. David's parting words still rung in her ears. 'Not a wake, more a celebration of the life he lived…'
As she thought back on David's words she felt the familiar surge of anger and forced herself to leave the room before she destroyed every piece of crockery she owned. Her hand gripped the bannister of the grand staircase and the ghost of a smile passed over her face as a fond memory of Henry teaching Roland to slide down the stairs on a mattress flashed in her mind.
The whole house was full of memories of her family, of her boys, of… him. Suddenly, Regina felt as though all of the oxygen had left the room and she was left gasping for air. She clutched at her chest, her fingers itching to remove the infernal organ that was the cause of her pain. It would be easy, so easy to pull it from her chest and bury it deep within the confines of her vault… but no, even her vault held memories. The memory of a darker time, when they were the only light each other needed.
Gripping the bannister even tighter, Regina forced herself to ascend the staircase, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. When she had reached the top step she paused, placing a hand on the wall, anchoring her to where she was. Slowly, she made her way to the end of the hall where her greatest challenge stood waiting.
At the entrance to her bedroom she hesitated, unable to cross the threshold to where they had spent their last morning in Storybrooke. It hadn't been a good day, not with Nimue and the pirate raising an army of Dark Ones, but still they had cherished in a few stolen moments before the sun had poked its head over the horizon, before their sense of duty rose them from the warm embrace of each others' arms.
She stood, frozen, staring at her bed. She noted it had been left unmade, the sheets rumpled and dangling off the edge. The chime of the grandfather clock in the hallway pulled her from her thoughts, reminding her she had guests coming and she needed to prepare. Tearing her eyes from the bed she forced herself to enter the room, ignoring the tears that were now flowing freely down her face, despite her attempts to keep them at bay.
She hadn't cried at the funeral. Regina Mills was a lot of things. She was a mother, a queen, a lover, a villain and a hero, but now she was something else, something new. She was broken. As she had watched her soulmate disintegrate in front of her very eyes she had felt something else break inside of her. The tears had fallen then. Shock, anger and sadness had overwhelmed her. She had clung onto her sister as if she were the only lifeline she had left to the world, but she knew that wasn't true.
Henry.
Henry. Her prince. The sole love of her life since Daniel and before… him. It was Henry who had believed in her first. Henry who had encouraged her to be good, to be a hero. It was Henry she owed more than anyone. Henry, who was coming later with his grandparents. The thought of her son seeing her like this, broken and confused, was enough for her to sober up. Wiping the tears from her eyes she entered the adjoining bathroom and turned the shower on, hot water falling onto her hand, causing her to pull away.
Slowly, Regina removed her coat and boots before reaching behind her to unzip her dress, allowing it to fall to the floor, leaving her in just her underwear. Trying to stifle the sobs that were now threatening to escape her body, she quickly shed the remainder of her garments and stepped into the shower, relishing the feeling of the warm water on her skin.
The water cascaded down her face, freshwater mixing with the saltiness of her tears. Her chest heaved as sobs wracked her body. She bit her lip, trying to calm herself down. They'll be here any minute, she told herself softly. With a heavy heart she began to wash herself clean, allowing the soap and the water to wash away the day's events. She knew she would need to shower again after her guests had left, but it didn't feel right to greet them in the clothes she had worn to the funeral.
Come on Regina, she pleaded with herself, you know them. They'll be early. With reluctance she reached out and turned off the water, gasping as the stream of warm water stopped abruptly and was replaced with cool air. Working on autopilot she left the confines of her bathroom and readied herself for her guests. No sooner had she finished reapplying her water-proof mascara did she hear a knock at the door.
She froze. She wasn't ready for this. If she went downstairs and opened that door, she was accepting what had happened to be the truth. These people were here to celebrate his life. To mourn over his death. She couldn't let that happen. Once that happened there was no coming back. That had been the way it happened after she had mourned Daniel for the second time.
The knock on the door came again, slightly more impatient than the last. Henry.
Regina studied herself in the mirror. The shower, and the make up she had reapplied had worked to mask the redness and puffiness of her eyes. No longer did she look as though she had been crying. That was good. She didn't need Henry to see she'd been crying.
A third knock. Henry was insistent now. It wouldn't be long before he used his key and allowed himself and whoever was with him entry to the house. The house that would never again house her little family.
A fourth knock.
Never again would she wake to his arms around her waist, her back to his chest. Never again would his lips map every inch of her skin. Never again would he cherish her body as they made love, treating her as though she were the most precious thing in the world when she knew she was not. Never again would she fall asleep wrapped in his embrace, knowing she was safe, and loved, and wanted.
A fifth knock.
Regina panicked. She knew Henry would be retrieving his key from his pocket now. Would be inches away from putting it in the lock and opening the doorway into her pain. Her heart thumped louder in her chest. She couldn't let this happen.
'Mom?' She froze, not able to move. She knew she only had a few seconds before someone came upstairs and looked for her. Most likely it would be Henry, coming to hug her and tell her it would be okay. Maybe it would be Snow, coming to tell her to have hope and that she'd see him again one day. Regina hadn't the heart to tell anyone he hadn't gone to the afterlife. That she would never see him again. Maybe it would be Zelena, coming to place baby Robin in her arms and tell her she could see the baby whenever she wanted.
'Mom are you here?' Footsteps on the stairs. Regina could hear them getting closer and closer until they were right outside her door. If she wanted to leave she needed to do it now. With a puff of purple smoke, she could be gone in an instant. The door opened, her decision made for her.
Emma Swan stood in the doorway, hair pulled off her face, still wearing the same clothes she had worn to the funeral. Her face bore a guilty expression. Did she blame herself for what had happened?
'Regina are you okay?' she said slowly. 'Henry's really worried about you.' Regina studied her for a moment. Something had changed. She no longer looked like the woman who had lost her true love and had inadvertently caused the death of someone else. She looked guilty. It was the same look she had worn when she'd told Regina she'd brought the thought-to-be-dead Marion back from the past.
'No,' breathed Regina. Realisation dawned on her before she pushed past Emma, purposefully making her way towards the stairs.
'Mom!' cried Henry when he saw her. She ignored him, ignored everyone, as her eyes searched for the one man that could be the source of Emma's guilt.
There. Standing behind the Charmings was Killian Jones. The man they had gone to the Underworld to save. There he was, standing in her foyer, despite not returning with them from the Underworld when they had jumped through the portal after Hades and Zelena to make it home.
Hatred burned through her. She heard Emma come up behind her, could practically feel the guilt radiating off the blonde.
'Regina-' began Emma, but Regina cut her off with a single word.
'You.'
'Regina please-'
'This was your fault. All of it. Every single thing that has happened since you became the Dark One. You turned the pirate into another Dark One. You took away our memories in the hope you could change him back before he realised. You dragged us to the Underworld, entangling us in Hades' games. Why do you get to have your happy ending, when I never get to have mine?'
Tears fell freely from her eyes as she screamed at the woman standing in front of her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it wasn't Emma's fault. Knew it was Hades she had to blame. He was the one to wield the Olympian crystal that had struck the killing blow, not Emma. It certainly hadn't been Emma to restore the pirate's soul. Clearly they had tried that in the Underworld and had failed so it stood to reason that it must have been some higher being who had given Hook his life back.
'Regina-' came a different voice, trailing from bottom of the staircase. Regina recognised it as belonging to her sister. Zelena, who until a few days ago had still hated her more than anyone. Zelena, who was carrying a sleeping baby Robin in her arms. Zelena, who had been there, who had plunged the Olympian crystal into the heart of the God of Death, causing him to crumble in a pile of ash.
Regina looked from Emma's tear-stained face to the faces of those standing in the foyer below her. There was Snow, clutching Neal to her chest, silent tears streaming down her face as she cried for the woman who had lost so much. David, a hand resting on Snow's lower back, gazing up at her with a look of sorrow plastered on his face. Hook, guilt shadowing his features as he tried to comprehend what Regina could be feeling. Zelena, her face full of pity as she rubbed soothing circles on baby Robin's back. Henry, his eyes full of tears as he saw his Mom fall apart in front of him.
As she took in their tears Regina realised she didn't want their pity. She felt a familiar desire for revenge rising in her chest. She tried to fight it. It isn't what he would have wanted. He would have wanted her to fight it, to remain good. He gave her a second chance. He wouldn't want her to waste it. She turned back to Emma. The blonde offered her a weak smile and the part of Regina that had broken when she saw him get hit with that bolt of light shattered even further.
'I'm done losing my happy ending.'
With a puff of smoke, she was gone, leaving behind her worried and guilt-stricken family. Deep in the woods she reappeared, a desire for revenge clouding her features.
'I'm sorry Robin,' she whispered as she conjured a fireball in her hand. 'I can't do this without you.' She let the fireball loose, smiling as it hit a nearby tree which immediately burst into flames. The Evil Queen had returned.