Author's Note: For those of you waiting patiently for the newest chapter to my "Shattered" series, I would just like to let you know I am still working onit. It's just I'm at a particularly complicated battle scene and need time to choreograph it, if you will. As for the reason why I updated so many chapters all at once, well FFN was having some trouble and wouldn't let me upload for a few months, but I kept writing dutifully in hopes I would be able to update soon. Thank you and I hope you all like this song-fic. I plan to do a few others alongside my "Shattered" series: Zelos (Maybe two of them), Mithos and Lloyd.
"You Don't See Me"
Sitting in the Garden of the Gods, I wipe away the tears and tell myself to forget. I've been such a fool to think that time would change you and get you to open your eyes. We practically grew up training by each other's side and yet I'm as crystal see through to you now as I was then. I tricked myself into thinking that my absence would make you remember me…but I was wrong. You probably completely forgot about me as soon s the king sent me on my mission. Now the only ones here to comfort me are the flowers and trees of Martel.
You once told me your mom used to bring you here for walks when you were young, since it was so close to your estate in the noble's district. It was one of the only good memories you had of her before her death, but one that you cherished the most. Would you ever think to look for me here? Do you even care? No, you probably don't even know what transpired back there. You're so blind to my feelings you're probably sitting in your fancy room with all those girls, not even thinking twice about me.
My people have always served the kingdom of Tethe'alla, but deep inside I've had another reason. Though honor is something that must be earned within Mizuho, I convinced myself as a child that honor would also bring me prestige in your eyes.
And I would no longer be invisible.
Why do I try so hard when it's clearly an unrequited love? You'll never feel the same way about me as you do them. Going to that other world, seeing Sylvarant's Chosen made me see how little you do with the power you've been granted. You could make a difference and yet you choose to throw your fancy parties and play with the daughters of nobles like toys. How could I ever try and want to be one of your…possessions? Yet knowing this, I still returned with hope in my heart. Hope you would have missed me enough to change, missed me enough…to return my love.
The warrior in me played off my shock and hurt when I came back to find you with not one but two women on your arms. Your superficial side smirked at me and asked how my mission was. Another lesson of etiquette for you to practice? You don't care what I'm doing or where I'm forced to travel. I wonder, Zelos, would you even notice if I never returned at all?
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
This is as hard as it gets
Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours you can hold me
I'm empty and achin' and tumblin' and breakin'
This mission is quickly becoming too much for me to handle. Lloyd and his friends obviously don't need me, you don't need me, and with the way everything else is going in my life, why not end it all? Kuchinawa stands before me, accusing me of being the cause of his parent's demise and it's true…it was my fault. I wasn't ready to form that pact with Volt and many villagers from Mizuho lost their lives because of my mistake. Now I've got a chance to repay my debt. Do it, Kuchinawa…kill me. I won't blame you if you do and no one will miss me when I'm gone. Mizuho may be my home, but I'm merely an orphan the village elder took in. I don't belong there any more than I belong with Lloyd. Joining his journey was a pathetic attempt to bring some meaning to my life and now my usefulness has ended. I don't want to be here anymore. Free me, Kuchinawa…do it now!
"You've got to be kidding me! Enough of this, Sheena!"
Not even sure I heard your voice, I step forward towards my awaiting death. I failed to express my love to you so why would you care what happens to me? You'll always have those girls back in Meltokio. I hope they make you happy where I could not. Out of nowhere, someone latches onto my arm and yanks me backwards. Sudden anger combines with my feelings of despair and hopelessness and I pull my arm to try and break free. My ruby gaze catches your fiery red hair but before I could say anything you drag be towards the swirling vortex that would take us back to Sylvarant.
"Lloyd! Come on!" You shout as we're enveloped in the flying colors of the portal. Why are you doing this? Aren't you happy enough with your life, you can let me end mine so that maybe I could find happiness on the other side? I've failed both important missions bestowed upon me by my people and I've yet to find true love. Damn it, stop being so selfish and leave me alone!
We land somewhere near the Sylvarant city of Palmacosta and I'm filled with nothing but anger for you. "Zelos, why'd you butt in?" My arms are straight by my sides and yelling at you is the only thing I can do to keep from pounding your face in. The love I once felt for you has disappeared from my heart and now I feel twice as much anger and resentment as I ever felt love. You never think of anyone but yourself! Even when I'd be doing everyone a favor by just disappearing, you deny me my chance!
You cross your arms smugly and turned your head away from me. Oh what, now you can't even look me in the eye? "Excuse me? Don't tell me you actually wanted to die back there." How dare you believe you know what I think and feel, Zelos. You don't know anything about me and never bothered to learn! I gave you plenty of opportunities and you threw them all out the window!
But here in front of everyone, I cover up my true feelings and try to come up with an excuse. If I were to tell them my desires for death, they would fain caring and try to convince me of the meaning of my life, but they'd be wrong. "Well…"
"Besides," You cut me off, as usual. "Those guys would've come after us regardless of whether or not you died. Pope's orders and all."
"Are you saying Kuchinawa is working for the Pope?" You think so little of everyone besides yourself, Zelos. I think you've been on that high ground in Meltokio for too long and you've lost sight of reality. Kuchinawa is from Mizuho! We work for the Royals, not against them!
While the rest of the group tries to convince me of Kuchinawa's relationship with the Pope, I stare at you with unbelieving eyes. You still refused to look at me, yet going through all this makes it seem like you care. Are you toying with my feelings? Is this something that's amusing to you? I may have loved you once, but I won't be suckered into becoming one of your toys. I'm smarter now and I don't need you!
"Colette's absolutely right. You should thank Zelos." I hear someone say.
Thank you? You are becoming more and more of a thorn in my side and I'm glad you never paid attention to me. You don't really know who I am and I'll always be transparent to you. But, again with everyone here, I look away and say thank you. But know I haven't been pulled in by your little tricks. I've accepted my invisibility and could care less what you think of me.
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
We've made it to Flanoir and the doctor's left to help save Altessa. Now we're just waiting out the night before Lloyd decides our next move. My body's exhausted from the flight over and I'm worried about Lloyd and what he'll do if we run into Kratos again. I've never known my parents but to have them with you, deceive you and then to betray your trust to your enemy? I want to say something, but still other things fill my mind.
I've noticed your changed attitude lately, your constant need for seclusion as well as the spaced out look you're always carrying. What's wrong? My earlier anger has dissolved and is replaced with deep concern. You've always been so outgoing that I can't imagine what would happen to make you become so introverted. I'm lying in bed now, wondering if I should try to talk to you. Would unloading on someone make you feel better? Would you even open up to me?
Knowing I wasn't gonna get a wink of sleep until I knew you were alright, I get out of bed and leave the inn to go out and find you. It takes me a while, but I finally catch sight of your bright outfit as it stands out against the white of the snow. I come up to your side, but you're so out of it, you don't even notice me. Your face is the saddest I've ever seen and I remember reading the reports about your mom's death. It would've been around this time of year, huh? Does the falling snow that usually brings a smile to most people's faces, only bring you pain and sorrow? Is that the reason behind your recent retreat from the group?
"Zelos?" I ask just above a whisper.
"Huh?" You blink out of your reverie and finally notice me standing next to you. "Sheena?"
A hot blush rushed to my cheeks at seeing your amazing blue eyes meet mine…and so close. "I…uh…" My heart's pounding and I can barely think about what to say. "T-thought you might need some company." Goddess that sounded so stupid! Good going Sheena.
Before us stands one of Flanoir's statues. It was of the Goddess Martel, arms crossed over her chest. Your eyes seem to dull a bit and your initial surprise drains from your face. "…Oh."
We both stand there in silence and I try to find my next words; find something to say to get you to talk to me. I know I'm a nobody to you, but if you don't talk to somebody – whatever's making you upset is gonna eat away at you from the inside out. "You're strong, Sheena." You comment all of a sudden.
"Huh?" Now I'm the one with the look of surprise. You've never complimented me like this before. My blush instantly deepens.
"You've trained hard for your people, harder than I have, and because of it you have a strong heart and strong resolve. Skill – is something anyone can learn, but that kind of strength is something you can be proud of."
"But you have that strength too!" I insist. "You're the Chosen! You were willing to give up your life to save everyone! You never complained and you didn't run away."
You turn to look at me and I'm caught off guard by the hurt and regret I see reflecting in your eyes. "Haven't I?"
Your answer confuses me and I frown. "You're starting to sound like Colette." I move in front of you to make sure I have your full attention. "You haven't abandoned Tethe'alla just because you haven't completed your Journey of Regeneration. You're looking for what's best for Tethe'alla in other ways. Lloyd wants to save both worlds. You're still doing the right thing, don't ya get it?"
"What's best for Tethe'alla…?" You mutter. Before I even knew what was happening, you wrap both your hands around mine and pull me close. The smile that for a while now has been absent from your features returns in an instant and I am once again at a loss for words. Is the beginning of what I've wanted all along? "Thank you Sheena. You're the best friend a guy could ask for."
"Friend?" I echo. Is that all?
Your enthusiasm doesn't diminish in the slightest at my tone and you release my hand only to let the cold of winter seep in where for a moment, your embrace kept it warm. Running a couple steps away, you turn and wink – back to your usual self. "Everything's gonna be all right, Sheena. Just you see." Then you run off into the night.
The snow starts to fall and as the cold seeps in, I sigh with sorrow. I was so close to you a moment ago and now it's gone. Will I ever feel that wonderful again? Should I just give up and stop this constant pain you unknowingly put me through? No, I shouldn't blame you. It's me. I'm fighting for something the Goddess Martel didn't intend for…if she even exists. I look up at the statue and wonder. "Am I meant to be alone, Martel? Is there someone really out there for me?"
The statue remains silent and the snow continues to fall, forming a layer of thin ice upon my already cold body. Am I really that strong, Zelos? Because without you, I'm nothing…
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
But I dream a million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
It's you standing before me and it's your voice, but I still can't believe it. All this time, when I thought you were with us, you were working for Cruxis? What about last night? What about what's best for Tethe'alla? When we arrived here at the Tower of Salvation, I thought you were acting strange, but never would I have thought this was the reason. What, was guilt finally getting to you? My full anger doesn't even begin to show itself as you cross you arms smugly saying how you're on the strongest side.
…I once thought that about you, Zelos. I once admired you for your strength. But you're quickly making it apparent that you not only deceived the group, but you deceived me. Do I truly mean so little to you? How could you do this? As you disappear with Colette in tow, my knees go weak and my heart shatters at your betrayal. Why Zelos? Why?
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
My continued despair is hard to ignore and as we make our way through the lower levels of the tower, I become more and more apprehensive about facing you again. Is this how Lloyd felt? During our talk at Flanoir, I thought I was finally manifesting before you. You finally recognized me. But that was just more of your deceptions, wasn't it? My continuous thoughts of you make me oblivious to everything around me and I hardly acknowledge the fact that we just lost Regal.
In the next room, I recognize remnants of the giant tree, blow apart by the opposing mana of Tethe'alla's summon spirits. You know, I didn't do that only for Lloyd. I did it for you, so that you could live the future you've always wanted – one where you could make your own decisions. Knowing we couldn't get past the living roots, I call forth my summon spirits once again and blast it away into pieces.
I would have tried harder to fight back then, if only to see you again, but when that tree root grabbed a hold of me and pulled me into the darkness – I was only happy to go. I convinced Lloyd to leave and remained alone, dangling off a mere string. Why, you ask? Why did I refuse to fight with the heart you once told me was so strong? Well, I'll tell you, but the answer was there all along.
You.
You were the one who made me that strong and now without you, I'm left with nothing. You've broken me down and it was only a matter of time before the shards of my shattered heart fell apart.
But silly me, I still think of you in the end. I still want the best for you, even if it means removing me from your life. Not like I was ever there to begin with. You may have looked at me, but you never saw me. Funny that this one-sided love should end where it all began. It was here in the Tower of Salvation, where I first saw you. I was gathering information for the village chief many years ago and snuck into the Tower of Salvation just in time to see you receive the oracle.
You looked so handsome with that heavenly light illuminating your form. I was captivated by your grace and composure. It's hard to believe that Zelos died, only to be replaced by you. With my strength and spirit gone, I don't fall…I let go, unable to fight on. This world holds nothing for me. Not anymore…
No sooner had I released my hand than someone catches me and supports my weight over the abyss. Looking up, I'm more than shocked to see that it's none other than you. What is this? Some kind of trick? Or has Cruxis now found interest in me for their sick games and sent you to retrieve me? Well you can forget it!
"Let go of me!" I shout and struggle against your grasp. Pulling me free of the root that threatened to bring me into oblivion, you hold me against your warm body. As I continued to fight your embrace with what strength I have left in me, I noticed your heart's pounding in your chest and you're struggling to catch your breath. Were you running?
"Sheena, listen to me." You calmly whisper into my ear. "I didn't betray you. Please believe me."
"No!" I cry, tears forming in my eyes. My arms are exhausted and I can't seem to fight your warmth any longer. "How can I?" My voice drops to a whimper. "How can I trust you when you just left us there? Left me there."
You gently caress my hair and I feel my body instinctively relax. "I never wanted it to come to this, Sheena. But it was the only way I could get my hands on this." You pull away from me just enough to bring up a shining orb. On it were strange angelic letters that I myself couldn't decipher. "This is what's gonna win it for us, Sheena. With this, Lloyd will be able to wield the Eternal Sword and we can finally put an end to Mithos." You smile genuinely at me and caress my cheek with your free hand. "And it's all because of you. You helped me see I could still do what was right and help save both worlds."
"Me?" The way you looked at me at that moment was something I'll never forget. For once I didn't seem transparent to you. You didn't look past me…you looked right at me.
"Now I need you to do something very important for me." You release your hold on me and I remain still before your powerful gaze. "I need you to trust me."
At first my heart wanted to leap for joy, but then I hesitated. Everything was happening so fast it was hard to tell what was real. The Zelos that betrayed us is still fresh in my mind, where as the Zelos before me now also seems different – more alive and genuinely happy than before.
But despite my fears, I nod to you and force a smile as I wipe away my tears. "You got it."
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
Yes, I placed my faith in you back then and you came through. You didn't let us down. But now that everything's okay, I am once again left alone with my thoughts. You've returned to the castle where they need you most and I have returned to my village. So close to each other yet so far away that I am constantly filled with remorse. What happened that night at the Tower of Salvation…was that the beginning of something? Could it have been?
In these quiet days of peace after Mithos' downfall, I keep wondering if I had told you my true feelings, would we be together now? Your phantom arms can still be felt around my body as my mind refuses to forget that night. I still hear from you every now and then, but you're so busy you don't really have time for me. I have noticed that you don't socialize with those noble girls who were on your arms anymore. Is it because you've lost interest in them, or are you saving yourself for someone?
I learned a lot about you, Zelos. Our journey with Lloyd to save the world brought me closer to you in ways you'll never understand. But that's okay. I'll remain in the shadows, watching over you from afar and overlook your safety the way you did mine. And though you might never think about Sheena from Mizuho…she'll always be thinking about you.
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me