Love Is...?

NARUTO

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

NARUTO

A pointless little oneshot about Gaara's equally pointless quest to find out what love is like. I thought that it might be amusing to somebody, so I decided to upload it.

NARUTO

Gaara may have had the character for 'love' permanently scarred onto his forehead, but love was a concept he'd always had difficulty with. He'd missed all the signs regarding his sister's engagement to Shikamaru of Konohagakure—in fact, he didn't even know they were dating—he had no clue whether Kankurō had even been in love before, and when he'd attempted to understand love by reading Icha Icha Paradise and only ended up embarrassed and even more confused than he had before he'd read the book, he quickly decided that he was a lost cause and intended to never think about love again, but after the fiasco with the Council attempting to arrange his own marriage and his adoption of Shinki, he'd begun to think about it more and more.

Gaara didn't want a relationship. That was the last thing on his mind. He merely wanted to understand the concept of love between those who were in love. What did it feel like? How did it happen? Was it possible to be prepared for love? Was experiencing love preferable to torture? How could one tell when they were experiencing love, and not merely bad indigestion?

These were all very important questions that Gaara wanted to know the answer to, purely out of his own curiosity and the desire to be prepared, and he would sternly rebuke anyone who ever suggested otherwise. Unfortunately, though, Gaara didn't have a long list of people he could comfortably ask.

"Have you ever fallen in love, Shinki?" he'd absentmindedly asked his son one day. He didn't get a verbal response. The child had merely looked at him like he'd gone crazy, coupled with a disgusted look that vaguely translated to something like, 'Ew. No. Girls are icky,' and went back to his studying.

He could quickly tell that Shinki would be of no help to his mission.

His trip to Konoha had been no help at all. At least, it was no help where his good friend Naruto was concerned. It was like the man suddenly forgot how to speak in proper sentences, and for a moment, Gaara forgot the reasons why he had asked this person in the first place—namely, Gaara trusted him with his life, and Naruto had been the pupil of an author of a famous series of romance novels. That, and Naruto actually had a wife, which he supposed was a factor in his decision, upon second thought. Even so, the man's response made little sense. Naruto had grinned knowingly, and he threw his arms out, seemingly for emphasis.

"It's like bam, and then wham, and then slam!" After the excited outburst, there was silence as Naruto let the information sink in. "You get it?" he finally asked with a confident grin, expecting a positive response, no doubt. Gaara wasn't sure if he could disappoint him.

"S-sure...?" Gaara had finally answered, his statement more like a question, sweating bullets as he desperately hoped that his lie wouldn't be caught out. Naruto, quite thankfully, was as dense as Gaara had expected him to be, and he'd thankfully let the subject go rather easily—a level of tact that Gaara admittedly hadn't expected Naruto to be in possession of.

Sasuke, on the other hand, might have even been a stranger experience for the young Kazekage. Having met him on a trip outside the Village, Gaara suddenly recalled a piece of information that Naruto had gladly 'let slip'—nonsense, Gaara knew. Naruto had no intention of keeping quiet about it. He'd be surprised if the whole village of Konoha didn't know by that point. Regardless, Sasuke was currently dating Sakura.

Opportunity knocked, and Gaara made the difficult decision to answer.

Just as embarrassed as when he had asked Naruto, if not more, Gaara asked the question once again. "What with all that nonsense going on with the Council lately," he'd been sure to begin with, "I've been wondering about love. What does it even feel like?"

Sasuke was, by the expression on his face, unsure and embarrassed in equal measures. In fact, Gaara had never seen the man become so red or so expressive. Even so, Sasuke had, quite thankfully, managed to calm himself. With that done, he attempted to answer the question...in his own way, at the very least.

"Well...you sort of feel like you wanna punch somebody."

His deadpan response caught Gaara off guard, and the young man found himself barely able to string a sentence together.

"Punch...somebody...?" he asked incredulously, almost unsure that he'd heard what he had.

"Yeah, like, really hard," Sasuke continued, unperturbed by Gaara's weak response. He was really going with this explanation, wasn't he...?

"So...it's like hatred...? Anger, maybe...?" Gaara continued nervously, at least trying to make sense of what he was being told. After all, Sasuke was smart, wasn't he? Maybe he was on to something. Gaara desperately wanted to believe that, but he didn't know if he could actually bring himself to.

"No, no," Sasuke responded, determinedly cutting Gaara off before he could say anything else with something like exasperation in his voice. "It's a good kind of punching."

"There's...a good kind...?" Gaara had questioned, now even more confused. How could punching be good?!

"Yeah. The kind where both parties walk away happy at the end. Never felt that before?" Sasuke asked matter-of-factly, as though this was obvious.

Of course I haven't!

"I...can't say I have..."

"Hmm... You probably won't understand it, then," Sasuke admitted bluntly, seemingly becoming more and more bored at an alarming rate just as soon as the conversation had fallen flat.

After about 10 seconds of awkward silence, it was quite refreshing to see Sakura approach. Gaara had been told that she'd been on a journey with Sasuke for a while by that point. However, when she sighed and, without realising that Gaara was there, said, "Ah! That was a nice piss break!" Gaara knews that she's been in the company of males for far too long and did his best to ignore the statement. When she'd looked away from Sasuke for a second and finally saw Gaara, Sakura had blushed furiously and seemed to have something like a wordless meltdown of sorts. However, it wasn't long before she fell into the flow of the incredibly strange conversation.

"Gaara doesn't understand what love feels like. I told him that it's like when you want to punch someone," Sasuke had informed her, ignoring her previous statement and the resulting meltdown. Sakura calmed almost instantly as she processed the words of her lover.

"Exactly!" she excitedly blurted out with a grin, pointing at Sasuke as if to say 'Bingo!' "It's like...there's this feeling in your chest...and you just have to punch someone...but in a totally good way."

"See? Sakura gets it," Sasuke had responded bluntly, staring at Gaara as though he was something of an idiot. Gaara, rapidly getting the message that he was never going to get this message, decided to retreat. Strategically, of course. With an exasperated sigh, he ran his hands though his bright red hair.

"I'm just...going to go over here..." Gaara responded tiredly, and he'd walked away without so much as a goodbye as he tried to wrap his head around the strange conversation that he'd just had. Naruto and his friends, he decided, were even more confusing than Icha Icha Paradise.

It was with dread that he'd finally approached his older brother, Kankurō, for some semblance of help. He had seen his brother walking down the corridors of their home, and with an embarrassed blush, he averted his gaze and took hold of Kankurō's sleeve from behind, causing the older boy to stop in his tracks.

Seeing Gaara's averted gaze, Kankurō had immediately become concerned. "Gaara, are you OK?" were the first words to come out of his brother's mouth, his tone laced with confusion and worry. "Are you not feeling well?"

"Kankurō..." Gaara tentatively began, nervously shifting on the spot. "How does one tell when they're in love...?"

Gaara immediately questioned his choice of wording, but he still glanced up into Kankurō's face anyway, feeling sweat begin to trail down his face as he witnessed his brother's cheesy grin and sparkling eyes. Then, before Gaara could react, Kankurō drew in a deep breath.

"Temari! It's finally happening!" Kankurō excitedly bellowed at the top of his lungs before Gaara could stop him.

As if understanding his words perfectly, from somewhere in the house, Temari let out a decidedly un-Temari-like squeal that, accompanied by the sound of her quick, thundering footsteps, came closer by the second as Gaara mentally braced for impact.

"Who is she?! What's she like?! Do we need to stake her out to protect our cute baby brother?!" the woman had practically shrieked with excitement.

While Gaara was flattered that they thought of him this way, this had to stop. He just wasn't quite sure how to do that.

"Guys..." he began, his eyes nervously flitting from sibling to sibling. "I'm just curious... I'm not actually in love with anybody..."

There was silence as both older siblings stared at their younger brother. The events that occurred next happened all within the next 5 or so seconds.

Kankurō appeared to deflate.

Temari removed her fan from her back and hit Kankurō with it.

Kankurō flew through the air towards Gaara.

Gaara's sand didn't react quickly enough.

Kankurō slammed into the suddenly-frightened young Kazekage.

The two of them slammed into a wall with enough force to crack and bend the plaster.

Gaara and Kankurō slid to the floor in a world of pain, groaning in unison.

Temari screamed something unintelligible that Gaara hoped was only something that was meant to hurt emotionally, like, "You two disappointment me!" and not, "I rain curses of death down upon on you and your children!" and stomped off.

Yeah, Gaara decided as Kankurō slowly got off him and helped to pull him out of the wall. Punching people? Getting hit by my sister? Incomprehensible onomatopoeia? Love is dangerous. I should pursue this matter no further.