Ever since we came back from the Hell's Gate, Dean's been avoiding me. It was nothing obvious, but he seemed to flinch every time I tried to touch him. He spent more and more time at the local bars and less and less time with me. It was almost like he was expecting a blow and was trying to distance himself from me before it happened. When I thought about it, it began right after our fourth demon exorcism in Colorado.
We were in our motel room after the exorcism. Dean was oiling his gun while I was bandaging my forearm. "It'll be a relief to take a rest," I sighed to myself. Dean jerked his head around to stare at me. "What do you mean by that Sammy?" His face was curiously blank, even my name sounded as if he were asking about the weather. I knew that he was deep in his 'I don't care mode', so deep that even I couldn't read him. I forged ahead anyways. "I just mean that we've been on the road for almost two years. I'll be grateful for a break from the constant hunting and gathering." I saw a flicker of something in his eyes before he forced it down. "Oh." He turned away and I knew that the conversation had been forcibly ended.
After that it had been the same thing. There were the sideways glances, the cool stares, and the tense muscles. Classic signs of Brooding Dean. He never came out often but when it occurs it's full blown. Currently, we were in between jobs and taking a break. Although if Dean had his way, it would be all hunting all the time.
Dean was so focused on the road that I feared he would will me out of existence. Deciding to let him stew I remain silent and silently ponder what could be bothering him. Dean was never really emotional, even as a child so it was hard for me to read his moods. I was thankful that he allowed me to see more than anybody else had. But it didn't help me when I was trying to guess at the subtle nuances of his feelings and thoughts.
Dean had inherited his stoicism from Dad while all I got from him was a very interesting education and a constant migraine. I was the outsider, always too emotional too soft-hearted. Dean and Dad shared the love of the hunt that drew them together and also alienated me from their 'group'. In fact, the only time I had seen like this was when I informed him I was leaving for college. The lone thought jumped out at me. Leaving.
That must be it. When I had joked about taking a break and leaving he clammed up and shut me out. He seemed to be fine with me leaving for college. He practically helped Dad push me out the door once they realized I was serious about it.
My curiosity peaked I openly scanned Dean, trying to get a sense of how long his stonewalling would last. I know that I had to broach the subject but Dean's natural ambivalence to all things emotional would be a huge block. I continued to stare at him until finally, he cracked. He turned his head to look at me for the first time in about two days.
I know that Dean didn't mean it but his constant tunnel vision hurt me. If he could ignore me so completely why was he so moody at the thought of my leaving? Sighing I rubbed my temples. Dean was like the sea. Changes in his state seemed to occur rapidly and without warning. Turning away from him I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine and ignore him as well.
And so it went. He pretended I didn't exsist and I did the same. Before I even noticed it was full dark and we definitely couldn't keep ignoring each other if we had to sleep in the car. Dean pulled over at the next motel and we got out in order to rent a room for the night. Unfortunately they didn't have any twin beds. They only had a king size and a queen. He chose the king size and we took the key cards.
As soon as he entered the room Dean headed for the shower. Soon the rushing water could be heard faintly through the shut door. Deciding to stay out of his way I quickly stripped of my shirt and jeans and slipped under the covers in only my boxers. I usually slept nude but never when Dean and I had to share a bed. My eyes were closed and my back was to the bathroom door when the shower turned off and Dean exited. He puttered around behind me, pulling on a shirt and boxers and putting away his dirty clothes and packing the journal away.
Dean said nothing, even while slipping into bed with me he was silent. If Dean kept this up much longer I didn't think that I could stay with him. I loved him more than anybody else but this was ridiculous. I resolved to tell him that in the morning. Turning off my lamp I relaxed into the mattress and fell into sleep.
Dreaming deeply I was shocked awake by an unfamiliar sound. I waited to hear it again but when I didn't I prepared to go back to sleep. Then I heard it; a slight whimper from the body next to me. Dean was tossing and turning in his sleep, mumbling something under his breath. I turned to him and gave him a once-over. His breathing was harsh and sweat stood out on his brow. He rolled toward me and shockingly he started to cry silently. Concerned I reach out and cup his face. "Dean," I whisper softly. "Dean, if you can hear me you need to wake up." His eyes opened in a flash and he looked pretty embarrassed, although he didn't pull back from my hand. Feeling closer to Dean than I had in days, I was reluctant to stop. Finally, I managed to pull my hand back and sit up.
"Dean, are you okay?" I asked him as he sits up as well and switches the lamp on. I didn't expect much and wasn't surprised when he replied with. "Fine, I am fine." He ran his hands through his hair tousling it and touching his hands to his cheeks. Feeling the stain of recently shed tears Dean rubbed his fingers on his face, trying to rub away the evidence.
"So, what was your dream about Dean?" I had chosen to be blunt and direct in my questioning. My patience for his games and avoidances was very thin. He peered at me through his hands; strangely he looked more vulnerable than I've ever seen him. He muttered something in between his hands. After looking at my expression he spoke a little louder. "You told me that you hated me and you never wanted to see me again." Dean looked directly into my eyes and I could see what it had taken him to admit that.
I paused as an unknown emotion swept through me. I immediately went to Dean and hugged him around the waist. I felt Dean's fine trembling against my skin. He buried his face into my neck and breathed in deeply. He seemed to calm down after that. He laughed shakily and pulled back.
"Look at me Sammy. I'm a moody, emotional wreck. No wonder you want to leave me again." Dean's voice broke on the last part and he tried to extract himself from my arms. Stubbornly I held on to him until he relaxed into me again.
"If you want the truth Dean, your continuous cold demeanor hurts me." I made sure to look away from him as I said it though. When I felt his eyes on me I turned to meet his gaze. He looked at me with raw, open eyes and I did something I had longed to do since I was in high school. I leaned down and kissed him full on the lips.
It was unlike anything I've felt before. Heat and awareness burned between us. As I ran my tongue over his bottom lip, begging for entrance he tore away from me and lay down on the bed, shivering. I was instantly contrite.
"Dean, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't help myself; if you want me to leave I'll go get another room." I stood up and start away from him when his hand shot out to grab my wrist. His reaction was immediate. "Sammy, please don't leave me. I didn't find you repulsive. It was just that I have wanted that so long and I never dreamed that you did too." Pulling me down onto the bed he wrapped his arms around my waist.
He sighed in contentment and rubbed himself against me. I could feel his hard-on against my thigh and my own was quickly rising to the challenge. Leaning over Dean I pulled him to me and kissed him senseless. He moaned into the kiss and opened his mouth under mine. I swept my tongue inside his moist cavern and dueled with his tongue. We fought back and forth until his tongue receded and I chased after it greedily. I took his tongue and sucked on it like it was something else altogether.
He arched his back and groaned deeply, the vibrations pulling a similar sound out of me. I could feel how close he was so I sent my hand searching past his waist band and immediately felt his cock. Sobbing my name he choked out. "Sammy, what─," before I tightened my hand on his cock and bit into his neck above his pulse point. Sobbing, he came in long waves, each as strong as the last. I extended it as long as I could before releasing him and wiping his cum on the bed sheets. Dean writhed on the bed as the aftershock flowed through him. I tried not to squirm as my painfully hard cock ached and begged for attention. It was all about Dean tonight so I put my own needs out of my head.
I stroked his damp hair off of his forehead. "Dean," I commanded. "Look at me." Slowly, his eyes swing back into focus and he stared up at me. "I will never leave you Dean. Even if you want me to go I won't." Dean smiled up at me brightly. Sliding under the covers, Dean's ass rubs against my cock as he rearranges himself.
I gasped loudly and backed up towards the other side of the bed. Dean turned his head to stare at me then looked down at the tent in my pants. Chuckling softly he thrusts his ass into my cock and slides up and down it like a pole. Whimpering softly I fall forward until my face is pillowed by Dean's neck. Frantically trying to pull myself together I panted harshly against his neck which evoked shivers from him in response.
Dean looked me dead in the eyes and grabbed my cock. "I want this in me," he said as I bit my lip to keep from coming. "Please," Dean murmured as he softly stroked me from hilt to tip. When I heard his whispered plea a sharp cry erupted from the back of my throat. As quickly as I was able, I grabbed his hand before he made me cum.
I knew in my head that this was supposed to be all about Dean but, I wanted to cum inside him so bad. "Are you sure?" I choked out as he rubbed the pad of his thumb of the head of my cock. He peered at me for a long moment before letting go of me and sliding off of the bed.
He rummaged for something under it and stopped when his hand hit something. He pulled his hand out and held open a bottle of strawberry flavored lube. Lying on his back, Dean looked so hot that I leaned over and nipped his throat. Inspiring a moan from him I do it again before lubing up my fingers and questing downwards. When I reached his hole I circled it with my first finger, spreading the lube around. When it slipped past the tight ring of muscle tears fell from Dean's eyes. I stopped my motions and kissed the tears from his cheeks. I brush my finger against his prostate. His cock hardened up and he tried to thrust back against my finger.
As I put another finger inside him I practically inhaled his tongue. Dean moaned and begged me to go faster as I put my third finger in. He was frantically thrusting his hips, trying to get enough friction to come again. He pulled back from me and whispered against my lips. "Sammy, please finish it." I stared at him for a long moment before pulling out my fingers.
Taking the bottle I spread it in my hands to warm it up. Then I slid my hands over my dripping cock, until it was soaking with pre-cum and lube. I positioned the head at his entrance and pushed in slowly. Dean's wince of pain tore my heart as I slid partly in. He panted hardly for a minute before thrusting down on my cock. His warm heat surrounded my cock and I had to fight mot to cum immediately. I wanted to make this good for him as well. I slowly thirsted in and out, hitting his prostate each time. He writhed on the bed sobbing in pleasure as his cock rubbed against my stomach.
Although he was bucking and crying out beneath he didn't seem any closer to coming and I was almost there. I decided to try something I hope would make him never forget. Pulling out of him I sat on the edge of the bed. Dean groaned loudly at my exit. I pulled him up and positioned him above my cock. I slowly lowered him down onto me. Dean's reaction was worth it; he gasped loudly and thrusted onto me further. We gasped and groaned in unison as the heat built and built between us. It was much more than I ever imagined. Dean and I grew louder and louder as we came closer to the edge.
I thrusted up into him hard and was rewarded when he jerked and writhed against me as he came again in long ropes. His tightening hole shoved me over the edge and my yell mixed with his as we both rode out our orgasms. Dean went lax against me and I compensated by falling back onto the bed.
I pulled out of Dean slowly and repositioned him so that we were lying down face to face. Dean looked at me and seemed uncertain for the first time in a long time. "Was that okay? I mean was it─," he stopped when he saw the anger in my eyes. I held onto his arms tightly and forced him to stay focused on me.
"Dean, that was fantastic, I'll never forget it." I kissed him softly pouring everything I felt into it. Dean sighed and relaxed into me. I pulled him close and whispered. "I love you Dean." My voice cracked at the emotion was in it. I trusted him but I waited for the rejection anyways.
Dean tipped my chin up and kissed me back with fervor. "Sammy, I…I love you too." I was so happy that I hugged him to me and laughed into his ear.
"Dean, oh Dean we're going to be together for a long time." And with a contented sigh we settled onto the bed and fell asleep in each others arms.
"Forever."