"I can't believe you talked me into wearing this thing. I feel so weird in a dress."
"Aww c'mon, you look fine! And I can't imagine you dressing up as anything but an angel, considering your mom named you Seraphim."
My best friend Kazuto, or Kaz, trying to be encouraging as usual. Ever since I moved to Tokyo last year he's always been around. He lived in my neighborhood, so when I started school, he saw me walking and started up a conversation. Most walks to school back then were one-way conversations. I'm just not very good at casual talk, much preferring the comfort and solace of my room to anything social. But for some reason he didn't just throw his hands up and walk away. Eventually I got comfortable around him and we became friends. One of the only friends I've made since moving here.
He's a huge baseball fan and always carried around his 'lucky bat', even during the off season. As much of a recluse as I was outside of school, I made it to nearly all of his home games and even some of the closer away games. Some kids didn't like that a popular kid like him was associating with the new girl and bullied me whenever Kaz wasn't nearby. They'd shove me in the halls, throw things at me, make fun of my size since I was overweight. They always had cruel things to say or do, and I'd just take it. If you react to it that only encourages them to continue, so I never showed them how it was affecting me. Kaz didn't know about it either. I mean, why bother him with it? I dealt with it at my old school by myself, I expected to do the same at this one.
One day he happened to walk by as three of them had me backed into a corner, calling me fat-ass and pushing me so hard my head hit the brick wall behind me. He was always a cheerful guy around me, but at that moment I'd never seen him so angry. He shoved them backwards, cursing their names and shaming them in front of the other students. He then declared that if anyone had anything else to say or do to me that they should expect no mercy from him. The ache I had in the back of my head dulled as I felt a sudden rush of embarrassment. He grabbed my hand and walked me to our next class. No one even looked in my direction as I went to take my seat. I supposed it's better to be ignored than bullied and humiliated.
As we walked home that day, he was unusually quiet. I gathered the courage and asked him why he defended me like he did.
"Because no one deserves to be bullied for who they are or what they happen to look like." is all he said. I'm sure that was the moment I knew.
That was the moment I knew I had started to fall in love with him.
So now here we are, a year later and preparing for the Halloween Dance. An angel and a baseball player. Guess we wouldn't exactly win Most Original Costumes considering he's already the star of the baseball team and I... Well, with a name like Seraphim I guess there are some obvious costume choices. I didn't even want to go to the damn dance, but Kaz turned on that charm of his a week ago and convinced me that it'd be a fun time.
"C'mon Sera! Everyone loves dressing up for Halloween, it's the one night where you can be anything you want!" Kaz said as he walked ahead of me, then turned and began to walk backwards while still talking.
"You know I don't like crowds, Kaz. Or people in general. Turn around, you're going to trip and fall walking like that."
"S'ok, I'm good. And I know you don't, but you aren't going to be you the day of the dance, you'll be whoever you want to be! And that person enjoys getting out of her house and having fun with her best friend and greatest baseball player of all time!" He gave me that goofy smile he always makes when he's trying to talk me into doing something I'd rather not do.
"I don't know who I'd want to be."
"What about an angel? I mean, you already have the name to fit it."
"I thought this was supposed to be a night where I could be anything else?"
"Okay, let's see your long list of choices then." he replied smugly, crossing his arms across his chest and acting like he was waiting for an answer.
"Fine. But I'm not wearing a dress."
"Fair enough, I'm sure there are plenty of angels rocking pants around Heaven."
"You're ridiculous, you know that?" I said as I started to laugh.
"I know, but that's why you love me. See you tomorrow!" He waved as he turned back around and jogged off towards his house.
"You have no idea, Kaz." No, he doesn't know that I actually do love him. And for as long as it's possible, it'll stay my secret. I don't want things to change between us right now. If he were to find out my feelings for him, I don't think we'd ever... There's no way he feels the same anyway, so it'd just be embarrassing to reveal.