This takes place anytime after "The Apprentice", but is definitely AU, unless you consider my speculation about the rest of the season/early S5 to be plausible. If you want to hear my theory, you can PM me and/or let me know in a review and I'd be glad to chat about it!
I do not own OUaT or its characters.
Killian isn't really sure that talking to David alone is a good idea, especially because he and Emma had decided to put a label on their relationship the day before. Robin had told him that labels made the relationship much more real, much more tangible. So while David had tolerated Killian up until now, that's not to say he'll continue to do so, especially because Killian is officially Emma's boyfriend.
Or, at least, he thinks she is. It's also entirely possible she'd changed her mind at some point between 11:00 last night and 5:30 this morning. Killian's body is still accustomed to waking up with the sun, despite his lack of sailing since arriving home from the Enchanted Forest. Since Granny's is the only establishment open at 5:00 am, he always ends up sitting on the same stool and drinking his first cup of coffee of the day before Emma meets him for breakfast at 7:00.
But this morning was different. In the reflection of the mirror on the wall, Killian had seen his Swan hurry past the diner merely half an hour after he'd arrived. He knows she's aware that he spends his mornings there, so he wonders why she would neglect to at least stop in and say hello. The only reason he can come up with is because she's panicking about the fact that they're officially dating.
Needless to say, he doesn't want to confront Emma right away, because something feels off about his assumption. He'd originally planned on talking about his concerns with Snow, but what he found at the Charming residence was David's pickup truck, not Snow's station wagon. Emma's bug is still there, too, but he thought as much since she was walking earlier. He knows Snow takes strolls through the woods with baby Neal most mornings, so that would explain why her car was gone. However, David should be at the station with Emma. The new development worried him even more.
Gathering his courage, Killian knocks. He hears the TV go quiet and the shuffling of footsteps. Moments later, he's met with a concerned-looking David on the other side of the door.
"Thank gods you're here," he says. If he knows anything about his daughter's official relationship status, he doesn't let on. "Is Emma alright?"
Killian frowns, "I was actually just about to ask you the same thing, Mate." With that, David steps aside and ushers Killian into the small apartment.
"Do you want a drink or anything?" David asks.
"I'm alright, thank you. Did she say anything to you?" Killian doesn't see the point in beating around the bush. If Emma's upset about something, he wants to make it better as fast as possible.
"Other than an angry 'get out, I don't care if you go home just get out' when I showed up at the station? No. And she wasn't here this morning when Snow and I got up at 6:30. It's Saturday, she never even opens an eye until at least 9:00."
"She walked past Granny's at 5:30," Killian says, taking in the information. "And you said she was angry?"
"Angrier than I've seen her in… well, pretty much ever," David sighs. "Look, I don't know what's gotten into her. The David Nolan in me can only see the anger and hostility, but as her father, I see the pain, too. She's behaving like a wounded animal, I think. I mean, I'm assuming. It was like she was lashing out. I had literally taken about three steps into the station. She was in her office with only her table lamp on… other than that, it was dark in the entire place." He shakes his head again, worry painting his features. "Honestly, it was like she was hiding. She doesn't do that when she's angry, she lets the nearest person know, as I'm sure you've figured out."
"I have," Killian smiles slightly, and the two men share a chuckle. The light moment is short lived, however, when Killian realizes how bad the situation is. "I'm going to check on her."
"I highly doubt you'll make any further through the door that I did," David says.
"It's been a few hours. Maybe she's calmed down."
"For your sake, I hope so. Good luck, Hook."
With a nod, Killian exits the apartment. On his way to the station, many townsfolk try to ask him why no one's answering their calls at the Sheriff's station. This makes his heart drop even more, because Emma was either missing or neglecting her duties. He knew the latter was extremely unlikely, and even if she didn't feel like being the Sheriff today, she would have switched the calls to go to David's cell phone.
By the time he finally gets to the station, he's honestly surprised that the front door isn't locked. He takes a few steps in, his footfalls echoing in the silent building, and notes that Emma's office door is shut, which explains why she hasn't yelled at him yet. David hadn't mentioned it being shut earlier. Her table lamp is still on, and she's sitting in her chair, arms crossed, glaring at the window of her office that looks out toward the main part of the building. The tears in her eyes are a stark contrast to the angry, determined expression clouding her features. It's when her eyes flick up after he risks taking a few more steps that he realizes the determination is to keep the tears at bay.
She's in way worse shape than he thought.
The anger becomes more prominent as she forcefully stands up, causing the chair to roll into the wall. She throws the door open and says, her voice laced with venom,
"What?"
"I just thought I'd see how you were doing, Love. I saw you walking past Granny's early this morning, and I know you're not a morning person."
"I'm fine," she states.
"Even if you're not sad, you're still angry. I'd like to know why." He keeps his voice level and caring, not wanting to further intensify the situation.
"I'm fine," Emma reiterates, and crosses her arms to prove it. Of course, it doesn't work; he knows that's not a naturally comfortable position for her. He knows she'd much rather shove her hands in her pockets, and that crossed arms mean she's scared and vulnerable and trying to seem the exact opposite. Deciding she needs a little push, Killian says,
"The hell you are. Emma, you're sitting in an empty building with all the lights off except for your office. You were staring into space when I came in, and you verbally attacked your father this morning. What's going on?"
"I want to be alone," she offers, and she consciously tries to keep the anger out of her voice. Maybe she can still convince him to leave her the hell alone.
"I can see that, love. I don't understand, is it something I did? I thought we were great as of last night."
She closes her eyes, willing the tears to just wait five freaking minutes so she doesn't embarrass herself for the umpteenth time.
"Please just leave."
"Emma–"
"Killian," she says softly. "I just really need some time alone," her voice breaks and she turns away.
"You've had nearly two and a half hours. I don't want to push you, but I hate seeing you like this."
"Seeing me like what!?" She spins around again with the fire reignited in her eyes. "Vulnerable? Broken? Weak?" She practically spits out the last word with disgust on her face.
"Emma, you know that's the last way I see you. Ever. You're hurting, and I want to be here for you and help you." He feels himself begin to panic. She's never been this unreasonable in the history of ever. She shakes her head frantically and bites her lip so hard she draws blood. In that moment, he realizes she's not stubbornly refusing to cry; there are still some parts of her mind that don't, for a lack of a better word, function normally. He knows this is one of those times. She's psychologically and emotionally refusing to cry because of fear, and pushing everyone away because the fear of being vulnerable is just too strong. He knows she needs to stop this before she hurts herself, so he closes the twenty foot gap and embraces her.
"Killian, what the hell are you doing?" She fights it and hits his chest, but he holds on. He places kisses on the crown of her head. Finally, she relaxes against him, and he waits for the usual dampness on the back of his shirt. This time, it doesn't happen, and he pulls back in confusion. Emma seems much more aware and lucid, and this gives him hope. She offers him a small smile and steps back. She keeps her gaze firmly on her shoes as he asks,
"What the hell was that, Love? You scared me."
"Sorry," she replies. It's not an answer, but it's an acknowledgement at least.
"Emma…" He steps closer, just in case she loses it again. She goes to bite her lip as her eyes start prickling, but realizes it's cut. "Please tell me what's wrong." She wants to scream and cry and throw something. She wants to curl up in a ball. But she's not allowing herself any of those luxuries. She steels herself and lets the words fall out. She can deal with the consequences later.
"I'm pregnant."
He stands there, shocked for a few seconds. He doesn't blink, doesn't move. She knows he's going to walk away and leave her. She'll lose this baby all over again, one way or another.
"You're not happy?" Killian says around a lump in his throat.
"Are you aware of what happened last time somebody knocked me up accidentally?" It's sarcastic and biting, and she feels bad, but if she doesn't keep up the snark, she'll cry, and she doesn't know what she'll do if that happens.
"Yes, you had to give your lad away," he says softly. "And I understand why you don't want this baby, but if you change your mind, I'd be more than happy to raise him or her with you." He sounds like it's a simple business transaction, but he doesn't want her to feel pressured to keep the baby. So, he plays it neutral despite the joy that's bursting inside of him.
"Wait you… you wouldn't leave?" She sounds so small and childlike. He's having a hard time adjusting to the sudden yo-yo behavior, but he masks his uncertainty.
"Aye," he nods. He lets her search his eyes for a lie, knowing she won't find one.
"I… wow." She exhales and runs a hand through her hair. "Okay, um… yeah. I don't want to lose this baby. I mean, if you're okay with it."
"Emma, this is the best news I have ever received!" He allows his joy to shine through as he pulls her in for another hug. "Gods, I love you so much!" She seems a little overwhelmed by his happiness, but he doesn't hold back. He needs her to know just how incredibly happy he is. When he's done with the hugging, she takes a seat at her desk out on the main floor. It occurs to him to turn on the lights now that she's done brooding, so he does so. He sits at the chair that is adjacent to her second desk. The chair is for him only, and it makes him smile even though it makes David annoyed.
"I'm sorry I was so psychotic," she says quietly. "When I found out I was pregnant with Henry, I cried for two hours straight because I knew I couldn't keep him. I was so upset with Neal for putting me in that position…" she trails off to swallow more tears. "I vowed that if it ever happened again, I wouldn't cry. I would be stronger than I was back then. Tougher."
"Well, love, I promise you I will never let that happen. I'll be right here for you and the child."
She smiles sheepishly at him, "I sound crazy, don't I?"
"No, Emma. You've been through a lot, more than any person should have to bear. Your reactions to things may not be… normal." He winces; he hadn't wanted to use that word, but oh well. She gets the point. He smiles that goofy, self-conscious, adorable smile as he says, "I have this ritual that I did in the Enchanted Forest on your equivalent of Halloween…" he scratches at his ear, a telltale sign that he's embarrassed. "I'd spend Halloween alone and drink, in memory of Liam and Milah. I'd talk about the year to them. I had kept the shirt he'd died in, and I would burn a piece of it every year. I told myself that when I burnt the last of the shirt, I could let him go. I did the same with Milah's shirt."
She reaches out and rests a hand on his knee, "That's pretty normal, Killian. It's logical, anyway, and sweet." She takes a breath, not sure if she's crossing a line, but asks anyway, "Did you finish burning the shirts yet?"
"Aye," he nods solemnly. "Liam's was many years ago, but Milah's was the final Halloween before I met you."
"Oh?" She quirks an eyebrow and rolls her chair closer to him.
"I guess my ritual was a good thing, then." He tries to make a joke of it, but clearly the deaths still haunt him. She doesn't really know what to say. She knows what she wants to say, though, so while her head is screaming 'no', she ignores it and says,
"I love you." The words are so unexpected that Killian is speechless for the second time that day. He responds the only way he knows how.
"I love you, Emma. Gods, I love you so much," he shifts his gaze to her abdomen, "and you too, little lad. I love you, too."
"Who says it'll be a boy?" She quips, and it warms Killian's heart to see his Swan starting to come back.
"I don't care, either way I'll love him or her." She moves from her chair and sits on his lap, letting him hold her in an embrace. "You know, you never told me why you were up so early."
"Morning sickness," she replies with a sigh. "I really need to get my own place. Otherwise my parents will figure it out."
"You don't want them to know?"
"Not yet. Henry told me about a place by the water… I think I'll take a look at it once I get some food in me. I didn't dare eat breakfast this morning."
"I know it's a little later than we usually have our morning dates, but how about we do so now?"
"Sounds great," she smiles.
She's three months along and has been living in her, Henry, and Killian's new place for two of them. She's still trying to figure out how to tell her parents, and Killian's still trying to figure out how to ask her father for permission to marry his daughter.
They're arguing again, about whether or not to tell yet. And it isn't the first time.
"I can't hide it forever, Killian. I don't know how much longer they're gonna buy the 'too many bearclaws or other baked goods' excuse."
"Just wait a little longer, Love." He's exasperated. Why does she always have to bring this up?
"Why is it so important to you that I wait!?"
At that, Killian raises his voice, and doesn't pay attention to what he's saying. "Because I don't want everyone thinking that the reason I want to propose to you is because I feel as though I have to!"
"You want to marry me?" She gasps and a hand flies to her mouth.
"Aye," he nods, "and I wanted to surprise you after a very romantic evening. But I haven't been able to figure out the best way to ask your father, and so, it's taken me this long. But I've wanted to since you said we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever that means. I still struggle with your world's terminology."
"Oh, Killian," she wraps her arms around his neck and nuzzles his cheek. The whole thing is very un-Emma-like, but he goes along with it. He breaks the embrace to kneel down. He pulls the ring box out of his pocket, opens it up, and holds it up to her. She gasps again, this time because of the size of the ring. "That's so big," she whispers.
"Only the best for my Swan," he replies quietly. "May I?" He gestures to her ring finger.
"Of course." She nods, and he slips the ring on.
"What am I supposed to tell your father?" He asks nervously.
"Leave that to me," she pecks him on the lips and rests her head on his shoulder.
It goes unnoticed by both of them that he never actually asked her to marry him, and she never actually said she would. Like everything else they've done, it's about what they don't say.
The ceremony is small and intimate. Besides Emma's immediate, blood family, Ruby and Granny are there, the dwarves, and even Regina. Despite having none of his biological family attending, Killian can't be feeling more at home, especially when a trying-to-look-grumpy David is escorting his smiling Swan down the aisle. Having told her parents a month ago that she and Killian were expecting (and receiving no judgment from anyone), Emma feels comfortable wearing a wedding dress that shows off her five-month belly.
Killian feels as though she's opening her apartment door in New York all over again. He's never seen her this light and happy. Frankly, he's never felt this light and happy.
The dress cuts of right above her ankles, showing that yes, she can still walk in ridiculously high heels even though she's pregnant. The only sparkles adorning the white satin sit just above her waist, and the straps converge around her neck, exposing her bare back. Her long blonde hair is curled and pulled back just slightly. It's all so simple, yet screams Emma.
God, she's a sight, and he makes a concentrated attempt to close his mouth before David hits him. Instead of a punch, the father of the bride gives Killian a nod of approval (probably the last one he'll ever get), and deposits Emma in front of him. She gives her father's hand one last squeeze before turning to face him.
"Hey, beautiful," he winks cheekily to cover his emotions.
"Hey, yourself," she smiles, thinking back to their early days when he was still a ruthless pirate and she was still a lost girl.
"You ready, guys?" Archie asks quietly. Killian's been ready for so long now, but he looks at Emma to make sure she isn't panicking. For once, he's the one searching for the lie, for the hesitation. He doesn't find one, and he nods at Archie. Emma takes his hands –both, uncursed hands– and takes a deep, steadying breath.
"One second," she says. Archie steps back to give the two some privacy. "I don't have the urge to run," she tells Killian in a whisper, aware that everyone's eyes are on her, expecting her to get cold feet. "I'm not panicking."
"Isn't that good?" He's confused as to why she's telling him something he already knows. He realizes that she doesn't know, and that is what she's scared of. "You're happy," he explains, because he's always known her better than she knows herself. "All of your walls are finally down, don't you see? You finally have everything you've ever wanted."
"Don't get all poetic on me, Jones. My mom told me I'm not allowed to cry or I'll mess up the make-up."
"Then I say we get on with this before that happens," he whispers back. When Emma doesn't protest, he nods to Archie.
"Ready guys?"
"Let's do this," Emma says, squeezing Killian's hands.
"You ready, love?" Killian asks from the door.
"Why are you rushing me, it's not like the boat's going anywhere?" Emma complains.
"The Jolly Roger is not a boat, love, she's a ship," Killian corrects for the hundredth time.
"Whatever you wanna call it, it's not going anywhere."
They're finally on the ship, and Emma can finally get out of the damned dress and into something more comfortable. Once changed, she finds Killian out on the helm.
"Thank you for finding her for me, Swan," he smiles and wraps his arm around her. Emma had managed to track down the Jolly Roger in the months between his impromptu proposal and the wedding, and knew she had to give it to him as her wedding present.
"Thank you for finding me," she replies, nuzzling him. "I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for you."
"It was my pleasure, love," he says and looks down at her belly. "I can't believe Henry was insulted that the baby got to come along on our honeymoon but not him."
"Yeah," she laughs, rubbing her stomach. "It's not like we have a choice, anyway. Besides, we're not going to Bermuda, we're barely sailing 500 feet from the harbor."
"Yes, but it's far enough away from the distractions and obstacles of Storybrooke."
"That it is," she agrees. She's quiet for a few moments, looking out over the railing, her hair blowing in the wind. Killian moves next to her. "When I was little, I used to think about my wedding day. I thought I'd get married to the first man I loved, have my honeymoon somewhere tropical, and… happily ever after. You're the fourth man I've ever loved, we're having our honeymoon practically in Canada, but it's still happily ever after. Once upon a time, I never thought it would be possible."
"I think life has a tendency to never work out the way we plan. But that's a good thing, because if it did, then it would take the fun out of living."
"I suppose," she says. She turns to face him so he can see just how serious she is. "I love you. So much. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much I love you, and how sorry I am for the times I've pushed you away."
"Hey, shh now, it doesn't matter. None of it matters. We're here now." He pulls her in his arms and strokes her back. "I love you, too Ems. I hope one day you'll see how much.
"Ems?" She pulls back and looks up at him. He shrugs, then says,
"'Swan' seemed a little too impersonal since I've used it so many times. I wanted something new."
She scrunches her face up in that adorable way and shakes her head. "I don't like it. Sometimes my parents call me that, and it makes me feel like a little kid. Besides, it doesn't have any history with us. If you're gonna start using it on our honeymoon, it's gotta be romantic."
Apparently his Savior has a romantic side (though he should've figured that out when she kept that grudge on Will Scarlet for crashing their date). He needs to up his romance game, it seems.
"How about… 'my tough lass'."
"It seems fitting for us, Captain Hand," she nearly giggles, and he's wondering if he should revoke her nickname.
"Are you ready for the best two weeks of your life?"
They've barely been back for a month and a half, Killian amusedly notes, as he's driving well past the speed limit to the hospital. Emma had been having lunch with her mother when her water broke and contractions started.
They were supposed to have another month, he mentally whines. They haven't even decided on potential names!
"Calm down, Killian," David says, uncharacteristically using his first name. Immediately, Killian takes it down a notch, knowing that if David is using his first name, he's being serious. "You'll be even less use to Emma if you're down in the morgue instead of next to her bed."
"She could be having the baby right now, and I'm not missing the birth of my child," Killian says.
"I guarantee you, Emma is not having the baby right now. It hasn't even been ten minutes."
"She told me that second babies come out quicker."
"Yeah, and did she also tell you it won't hurt as much?"
"…Yes."
"When are you going to learn not to trust every single thing she says?" David sighs a mix of irritation and pity.
"So it's going to be as bad as it was in the moving-picture she once made me sit through?"
"Snow told me the same thing with Neal…" the prince shakes his head, shuddering at the memory. "I like to think it was an unintentional lie."
"Let's just hope she doesn't make me lose my hand again."
He hears her arguing with Dr. Whale from down the hall, well before he lays eyes on her.
"Emma, I really think it would be in your best interest–"
"The hell what you think, it's my baby!"
"Swan!" Killian calls from the end of the hallway and rushes to where she and Whale stand outside of her hospital room. David isn't too far behind.
"Mary Margaret's in there," the blonde mumbles, pointing to her room.
"I'll get to her in a second, but first, I want to know how you're doing," David says evenly.
"I'm fine, I just want five freaking seconds to make my wishes clear, and then I'll talk to you."
"Ms. Swan, believe me, you've made your wishes crystal clear, it's just that as the medical expert in the room, I think that–"
"I'm not getting a fucking epidural, so shut up about it. I had Henry naturally, I'll be fine."
With a sigh of defeat, Whale takes his leave.
"Could you give us a minute, mate?" Killian asks David.
"Of course," David squeezes Emma's hand on the way in to see his wife, who had been forced to stay put by Emma.
"Emma love, why are you so worked up?"
"Because the baby's coming a month early and I was supposed to have more time to get ready."
"Well, it's a good thing we set the nursery up the week we got back, isn't it?" He wipes a tear off her cheek and places a kiss on the top of her head. "Everything will be fine, Emma."
"I don't want any meds," she sniffles, and he knows this isn't about her being stubborn. He waits her out, knowing that eventually she'd elaborate. "I missed everything with Henry. Not just raising him… I mean, I have the fake memories, but they're not real. Neither are the memories I have of holding him moments after he was born, or seeing him for the first time as this little, gooey human being, or looking into his blue eyes for the first time… I don't want to miss any of that with this baby because of medicine."
"That's perfectly logical, sweetheart. Whatever you think is best." With that, Emma throws her arms around him.
David had long since vacated the cramped room to wait with Henry and baby Neal. Snow is on Emma's left, and Killian on her right.
Emma pants, "You know, the last time I did this, a nurse was holding my hand," she chuckles, looking up in an effort to stem the flow of imminent tears. "Now I have my husband and mother. I guess my dad would be, too, but he freaked out."
"He's keeping Henry company," Killian says with a wink. He will always look out for the man he's come to see as a close friend, maybe even brother of sorts.
"Sorry to ruin the moment, but on the next contraction, I need you to push, okay Emma?"
"Oh God," she whispers, and he sees the panic in her eyes. He sees the way she looks to be in another word, and he knows she's reliving Henry's birth.
"Emma, love, this isn't Henry," he says lovingly but firmly. He uses the hand that isn't being held hostage by his wife's to stroke her forehead. "Nothing's going to happen to this baby, and you'll be the first to hold him or her."
It's his voice that brings her back to the present, and as the next contraction takes her in its iron grip, she pushes, a scream caught in the back of her throat.
"One more, Emma, come on!"
The scream breaks free and mingles with that of the unmistakable wail of a newborn baby.
"It's a girl, Emma!" Dr. Whale exclaims as he places the baby on her chest. All of the emotion she's been keeping at bay so that her family wouldn't freak out and panic escapes as she chokes on sobs, taking in her beautiful baby girl.
"Gods," Killian breathes, careful placing one finger on top of her tiny hand. Instantly, she curls her fingers around his, and he loses his composure, too. "She's beautiful, Emma. She looks just like you."
It's true; the mop of light hair on her head is all Emma, as well as the button nose. When the baby opens her baby blue eyes that remind Emma so much of the ocean and peers curiously up at her parents, Killian gasps.
"She has your eyes, Captain Hand." Leave it up to Emma to crack a joke during one of the most emotional times. He half laughs, half sobs, and smiles.
"That she does." Suddenly, the baby holds his finger tighter, as if to let him know she doesn't appreciate him taking his attention off her for a second. "I'd say she has your grip, love."
"Then she definitely has your need for constant attention." Emma looks up at him, and he swears he's falling in love all over again.
"Do you want me to get Henry and your father?" Snow asks.
"Yeah."
For once, Henry listens to the adults in his life and enters the room quietly. When Emma smiles at him, he knows everything's okay.
"Can I see her?" He asks.
"Come take a look, lad," Killian shifts a little so that the teenager can see his baby sister.
"She's so tiny," Henry says in awe.
"Well yeah, kid, she's a baby."
"Was I that little?"
"I… don't know. Regina didn't know what you looked like when you were first born, since she adopted you at three weeks, so she couldn't give me the memories of you as a super newborn. I mean, I have them, but they're fuzzy because there wasn't enough information."
"You were that small, Emma," Snow pipes up from the corner with the other sleeping baby in her arms. "You were a month early, too. We thought we'd have plenty of time to get me into the wardrobe before you were born, so I'd be here with you, but…" she trails off, realizing she's gone into dangerous territory. She finishes quietly, "Well, we all know how that ended."
"Still, you were the strongest, bravest little thing I'd ever seen," David says, deciding he'd finally say what he's wanted to say since the moment the curse broke because Emma's staying put whether she likes it or not. "When you were in my arms while I was fighting Regina's guards, you didn't make a sound. Either you were completely oblivious to the war going on around you, or you just didn't care."
"Damn straight I wasn't scared," she pauses to let everyone think she's retreating behind her walls again. Honestly, she's starting to wonder if she's having too much fun playing around with her family. "I had my dad to protect me."
"Emma," he whispers and moves over to the side of her bed not occupied by Henry and Killian. He holds her as close as he can without squishing the baby. "I love you so much, sweetheart," he says into her ear so that no one else can hear him. To his surprise, she pulls him closer.
Both Emma and the baby are ready to be discharged. They still need to find a name for her, but the more pressing issue at the moment is getting the baby into her new duck-themed onesie (courtesy of Henry).
"I thought you said you knew how to do this, Swan?"
"I have memories of doing it with Henry, but I've never actually done it. Besides, she's already got you wrapped around your finger and likes you better anyway."
"I'm telling you, she's going to be a mommy's girl," then turning his attention to the baby, he says, "Come on sweetheart, please cooperate for Daddy, hmm?"
She responds by placing a well-aimed, harmless punch to his forearm.
"Hey, I'm the only one who's allowed to get away with that," Emma says to her daughter with a smile.
"She may have my charming ways, but definitely your temper and attitude. And you know what? For a tiny thing, she's got quite the arm."
"She's squirming too much, I can't get her in this damn thing," Emma says with a huff as she falls back onto her hospital bed, choosing to ignore Killian's ramblings.
"She's stubborn, love. Have you not listened to a word I've said?"
"You've been talking nonstop since she was born, Killian. How am I supposed to remember everything you've said?"
"It doesn't matter, I am quite adept at getting stubborn lasses to cooperate." He turns back around to face his daughter and says, "Come on now, my sweet baby girl. We all know how much of a fighter you are, so how about you let us get you dressed so we can go home?" Within moments, the baby stopped moving, content to just watch her father's face with her brilliant blue eyes.
"You're a baby whisperer," Emma springs up from the bed and scoops the baby up, then places a kiss on her husband's lips.
Never one to take compliments easily, Killian says, "It wasn't quite as difficult as wooing you, though. Nothing will ever be that hard."
"Hey!" She smacks him lightly on the arm.
"See, she's already picked that up from you," Killian comments.
"Can you shut up for five seconds so we can go home and sleep?"
Killian had learned a long time ago that shutting up when commanded was the best thing to do. So, he does.
"So, have you two decided on a name, yet?" Snow asks the innocent question as she plops down onto the sofa in her daughter's home, with baby Neal cuddled in her arms. Killian shoots the brunette a warning look, but not before Emma sighs in aggravation.
"I'm going to check on the baby," she says, then makes her way up the stairs. This concerns Snow, because her daughter hadn't been this moody for a long time.
"I'm sorry, Hook," Snow says. "I didn't mean to start anything. It's just… it's been two weeks, I'd assumed you two had at least settle on a couple potential names." In fact, it's become something of a running gag around Storybrooke: the new princess still doesn't have a name.
"Yeah, well, we're not interested in rushing into anything… we wouldn't want to name our new baby after someone's ex who had hurt our other child beyond belief and constantly degraded her. Oh wait, that was you." Normally, Killian didn't like to comment on Snow's lack of parenting towards Emma, but the protective husband in him couldn't help it. He couldn't understand how his mother-in-law could be so uninterested in Emma, especially since he knows how he feels about his own daughter.
"Hook–"
"You wanted to name him after a hero? What about this Graham fellow Emma speaks so fondly of?" He leans forward in a somehow nonthreatening way. "Look, Emma needs her mother. She's trying really hard to hide it, but she's terrified. She already feels like she's failed Henry, and the fear of letting our daughter down is eating at her. I get that you have a baby that you can actually raise, but don't you dare forget that Emma is the first person that made you a mother. Your hands were tied when she was born, but they sure as Hell aren't now. You've done a lot of damage, so you better fix it."
"I don't know how," she whispers, blinking back tears.
"You're her mother. You figure it out." With that, Killian gets up to check on Emma and the baby.
"Her official name is still Baby Girl Swan-Jones," Emma says once Killian walks into the tan-themed nursery. Since she was born, they've added touches of pink.
"I don't think she cares, Sweetheart," Killian says as he places a kiss to the top of his wife's head.
"That's not the point. Mary Margaret already knew what she wanted to name me before I was born, and I'm guessing the same with Neal… Regina already had a name picked out for Henry. I guess Henry really was better off that I didn't raise him."
"Come here," he pulls her away from the crib, where the baby is sleeping. "What's done is done, okay? Henry has turned out great, regardless of when you became active in his life. And this baby is going to be great, too. We may not have a name for her yet, but we will, and that's all that matters."
"I just feel like nothing's perfect enough for her," Emma says. "I've thought about names, but none worth discussing."
"I have the same feeling," Killian's eyes widen. They really are kindred spirits.
"What are your ideas?" She asks.
"Um… Megan."
"Why?"
He shrugs, "It means 'strong'. I don't know, it seems fitting, but if you don't li–"
"That's perfect enough for her," Emma smiles.
"It is?"
"Yeah."
"Well, what was your name? There obviously has to be a debate, or at least a discussion."
"It's stupid and cliché," she shakes her head. "Probably more of a middle name anyway, but I'm not even really sure–"
"Emma, tell me."
"Hope," she rolls her eyes and looks away.
"Megan Hope… it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
"Oh my God… did we just name our baby?"
"I think we did."
"Oh my God!" She squeals, and then the baby lets out a cry. "Oops," the blonde says sheepishly. "Hey, Megan…" she says to the crib as she picks up the squirming baby. "Hey, it's okay. Mommy just got a little excited is all. You have a name!"
Killian shakes his head, stifling chuckles. This well never not be amusing to him.
"I'm gonna go get her a bottle, it's been four hours since her last one." So much for their little moment. Emma's back to worried-overprotective-mom-mode.
"I don't think she needs to eat that much, Love, even if she's half yours."
"Watch it, Jones," she says with a fake warning tone in her voice.
"Emma!" Snow jumps up from the couch, careful not to jostle her son.
"I'm still not even really sure why you're here…" Emma says.
"A mother can't drop by to see her daughter?" At Emma's silence, she continues. "Look, Hoo- Killian and I had an interesting conversation while you were upstairs. He um, he told me that you need your mother, and the funny thing –not that it's funny, but I'm just at a loss for a descriptor– is that I didn't exactly… know." Snow keeps her gaze fixed on the wall. As much as she'd like to look down, she has her other child in her arms, and doesn't want to give Emma the impression that she's focusing on Neal rather than her. "I mean, I had hoped you'd want me, but I just didn't think you did. As David once pointed out to me, you're tough. You're Emma Swan. You keep going even when your world's falling apart, and you're so independent. Why would you possibly need your mother? And then it hit me, after Killian talked to me; I'm trying to pretend that you're okay. I'm trying to pretend that we've gotten past everything because, well, you're not okay and we still have so many problems in our relationship, Emma. I failed you, sweetheart."
"We already talked about this. If you didn't put me in that tree, Regina would have killed more or I would have been an infant forever. There was no solution that would have kept us all together, I get that," Emma says quietly.
"I'm glad you understand, but as a mother, I'll always be guilty. But you know that, because of Henry," Snow pauses, trying to gather her thoughts and courage. "But I've failed you in another way. When the Curse broke –when you broke it– I tried so hard to be your mother. I just wanted to… mother you. I believe the term is 'helicopter mom'?"
"Yeah," Emma laughs, looking down to wipe a tear in what she hopes is a discreet way. She's so sick of crying and being upset.
"I was trying too hard. I lost sight of what you needed, and it got really hard. I felt like the more I tried, the more I failed, and–" the brunette's voice breaks and she tearfully rushes the next words out: "I'm so sorry, I just gave up. I'm sorry, Emma, it was too hard. I was never going to be a good enough mother to you, and I never will be, and you're probably better off without me as your mother, so I stopped. I stopped trying."
"No!" Emma gasps, and her dam breaks, too. "I… you're my mom. I don't care if you suck at it, just don't…" Just like that, she deflates, collapsing onto the sofa. She shifts Megan a little bit, suddenly aware of what she had been trying to do in the first place. Even though she's tired beyond belief, and terrified of her mom leaving her again, of walking away, she forces herself to get up and fix her daughter a bottle.
"'just don't' what?" Snow asks, following the blonde to the kitchen.
"Nevermind," Emma waves her free hand dismissively.
"Don't 'nevermind' me, everything you say is important," Snow says impatiently.
"Is it? Because I'm not sure you've put my brother down for more than ten minutes, collectively."
"Has it ever occurred to you that I'm terrified of losing him, just as I lost you?"
"So it's my fault my brother will end up with Stockholm Syndrome?"
"Emma, stop lashing out. And the least you could do is say his name. It's Neal."
"Don't go there," The blonde's voice went dangerously low as she put the bottle in the microwave. "Has it ever occurred to you that you named your son after the man that hurt me the most? I've made peace with what happened when I was born because I know now that you guys didn't have a choice. Neal voluntarily left me because he was too afraid of seeing Gold again. He knew when the Curse broke, and the only reason he came to Storybrooke was Henry. Not me. I wasn't enough. He abandoned me twice! And the foster family I had until I was three? They planned on adopting me, but then they found out they were pregnant, so they sent me back," Emma doesn't care about the tears streaming down her face. If Snow wants to start blaming her for her actions, then she should know why Emma's behaving the way she is.
"…What?"
"I'm trying so hard to be happy for you guys. And I am, because I'm not jealous that he," she points to Neal, "gets to be raised by you and David. Whatever, I can't change what happened in the past. But when I was alone for the first time since David opened the door to the apartment, and I saw your round belly, I panicked. I had a full-blown panic attack, complete with sobbing. Do you know how long it'd been since I'd done that? I really long time. And the idea that the people I'd just come to accept as my parents –who had been ripped away from me by yet another curse– were going to forget about me because of the new baby? It scared me shitless. When you gave up on me, that confirmed it. David tries, but… we're all out of our depth. It's not fair. I deserve to be fought for, and I deserve people who will wait for me to be ready. It's taken me a long time to see that, but I do now. So either you're gonna start trying to be my mom, and you can't stop when it gets hard, or you're just gonna give up now and spare me pain down the road. It's your choice."
"Emma–"
"I think you should go home and think about it," Emma says as evenly as she can. "Cause you can't change your mind."
"Okay," Snow nods despite the fact that Emma's back is to her. "I'll um… I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then." With that, the smaller woman quietly backs out of the apartment. Once she's gone, Killian descends the final two steps of the stairs.
"Are you alright, love?" At that, Emma shrugs and pulls the microwave door open before it beeps so it doesn't startle the baby.
"Was I too harsh on her?"
"I wouldn't know, I wasn't eavesdropping."
"Yes, you were. The whole idea of 'True Love' is still kind of alarming, but I do know where you are. I can feel you before I see you, I know what you're thinking."
"If you want my honest opinion," Killian says as he takes the baby and bottle from Emma, carefully choosing to avoid commenting on her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks, "I think that you gave her the kick in the ass that she needs. I'm just glad that you know you're worth fighting for, Emma."
"You're the one who taught me that," she admits as she plunks herself down onto a kitchen chair. "You're actually the third best thing… well second, because Henry and Megan are tied for first," she smiles. Then it turns dangerous. "By the way, don't meddle with my relationship with my parents. Okay?"
"I was just trying to help."
"I know, but… There's still a lot you don't know about me, and maybe my reasons for not talking to them about certain things are valid. Maybe it's about not hurting them, instead of about not hurting me."
"Love, I–"
"I know," she gets up and kisses him. "I know why you did it. And I appreciate the effort. And… you're right. I do need my mom. But she can't be my mom unless I point out to her that she isn't being my mom right now. I was gonna wait and do it in a less traumatizing way, but whatever. I guess this way might have been more effective."
"I won't meddle again, pirate's honor."
"No 'as you wish'?"
"As you wish," Killian smirks. He watches as Emma moves about the kitchen, cleaning up the various spills, the most recent being last night's cookie-baking adventure with Henry. She really couldn't trust Killian and Henry by themselves while she took a nap.
"I had a thought," she says as nonchalantly as possible.
"Oh?"
"Since we settled on a name, we could go to Town Hall and make it official?"
"That sounds like a splendid idea," He agrees. "Why don't you pack the diaper bag while I finish giving Megan her bottle?"
"'Kay."
Ironically, Killian muses, David is also at Town Hall on some sort of kingly duty. He takes a moment to talk to the man he's come to view as a brother and smiles.
"I never thought we'd make it this far, Mate."
"You and I?" David gives him a funny look.
"No, me and Emma. The first time I talked to you when our baby was… sort of in the picture, Emma was freaking out. Remember? And now Emma's totally calm and fine. In fact, I wish she'd hurry up and get in here so we can officially name our baby, and, you know… it's cyclical."
"I'm not sure cyclical is the word, but you get a gold star for trying to be poetic," David quips. "Do I get to know my granddaughter's name?"
"Emma and I haven't discussed that yet, and I don't want to anger her."
"Of course," the older man nods in agreement. "A happy wife is a happy life."
"What about happy wives and lives?" A breathless Emma asks as she sidles up next to Killian.
"Nothing, love."
"Yeah right," she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Come on, I thought you wanted to name a baby?"
"I do," he replies and follows her.
"I don't even get a 'hi'!?" David calls after them.
"Sorry, I'm a little distracted. Hi, Dad," she says, very much emphasizing the last word. It still makes David's heart melt, especially because little Neal isn't quite old enough to talk yet.
"Have fun. Hey, how about you guys come over tonight, as a celebration on finally picking out a name?"
"Oh… I guess Mary Margaret didn't tell you about our little chat," Emma says.
"No, she did, and she's thought a lot about it. It's not really my place to talk about her conclusions, but I know she'd love to discuss it with you. And, Emma, I have to say thank you, because she's acting more like herself now than she has since the Curse."
"You're welcome," she smiles, but David can tell she's eager to get on with her and Killian's big moment.
"Go on, Emma. Enjoy the moment."
David decides he'll do the opposite of what Snow would do, and not eavesdrop to find out what his granddaughter's name is.
Apparently, Snow's made a decision, as made obvious by the bear hug she pulls Emma into, blocking the entrance completely. Killian doesn't grumble or try to get them to move, even though his hands are full with the baby, the diaper bag, and the mashed potatoes. David mouths a 'thank you' to his son-in-law, because he knows there's no way Emma would have confronted Snow on her own.
Killian knows that, too, despite the fact that Emma had claimed she was planning to. She may be more confident now –no doubt because of Killian's constant compliments– but she's still terrified of doing anything to lose her family. He looks over at mother and daughter, and Emma looks up over the brunette's head to smile her thanks.
He's still not used to people being grateful to him, or glad to have him around. The sudden uncomfortableness ebbs away as Megan starts squirming. She lets out a soft noise, seemingly bringing Emma and Snow to the present. Snow releases the hold on her daughter, and Emma turns around to take the baby out of her husband's arm so that he can use both hands to carry the stuff.
"You offer to take the baby but not the heavy stuff? That's a lot of help," he quips, earning him a sharp glare from the blonde.
"I thought you said you're always a gentleman," she smirks. "Besides, I think somebody wants to see her uncle. Hey, kid, where'd you put your guys's uncle?"
"He's over here!" Henry calls from Snow and David's room, where he finishes putting the older baby's shoes on. He emerges from the room and proudly shows off his handiwork.
"He's looking dashing, Henry," Killian says with a smile. He sets everything down on the coffee table and takes Neal from Henry. "Do we want to put them both in the play pen?"
"Umm…" Emma looks over to Snow, who's happy to jump in.
"I probably wouldn't. He's ten months older than her. When we're ready to eat, you can put her in her car seat or in Neal's crib, whichever you prefer."
"Okay," the blonde nods and bites her lip, thinking over the options.
"I think she'll be fine in the car seat for now, love," Killian says as he carefully takes Megan out of her arms and into one of his. How he's balancing two babies, Emma will never know, but she's grateful for a moment to process the fact that her mother just helped her with her daughter. David then carefully grabs Neal from Killian, then puts him on the floor. Neal starts crawling toward the coffee table. Killian gently puts Megan in her car seat and buckles her in, just to be safe.
"All the babies are safe for the moment," Snow sighs in relief. "It's weird."
"How about some hot chocolate?" David asks, pointing to the five steaming mugs on the counter. "I got it prepped to save time."
"Yes, please," Emma's face lights up as David passes out the family's favorite beverage. As the family settles in the living room, Neal pulls himself up on the coffee table and takes a wobbly step forward towards his sister.
"Emma, he's walking to you!" Snow exclaims.
"I don't know why," Emma stares at her brother in disbelief. "Hey, go the other way toward Mom. You're supposed to walk to one of your parents, not your sister you idiot," she says with a smile plastered to her face. She sits forward on the couch, prepared to catch him if he fell. Sure enough, he does, and she pulls him onto her lap. Snow resists the urge to pluck him from her daughter, instead trying to contain her excitement. She doesn't want to ruin the night by focusing all on Neal. "Guys, be happy, he took his first steps. That's huge."
Snow shares a smile with David.
"He may have taken his first steps, but you had a first today, too, Emma," Snow says.
"Umm….. I've been walking for over three decades."
"You named your baby for the first time!" Snow exclaims. The blonde looks over to Henry to make sure he's okay, but he's genuinely all smiles. He's long since made peace with the fact that Emma had given him up, and Regina had adopted him.
"Speaking of which, when do we get to stop calling our granddaughter 'Emma's baby'?" David asks.
"Well technically, she's half Killian's," Emma smirks because, yes, she's totally going to drag the moment out as long as she can.
"Emma, tell me!" Snow practically whines. David does a poor job of disguising a chortle with a cough. Emma shares a look with Killian, silently asking him if they want to say their daughter's name at the same time, and he silently answers her with a 'no'. He wants her to enjoy the moment fully.
"It's Megan," the blonde smiles. "Megan Hope Swan-Jones."
"Your middle name's Hope, too," Snow whispers as happy tears flood her eyes. "How did you know?"
"I–I didn't," Emma stutters. "It's just, it's meaningful to us. I don't know," she shrugs, the emotion of the moment becoming too much for her. Killian, for his part, is smiling like there's no tomorrow. Emma seems to sense it and turns her head and smiles back at him.
And in their silent language, they both recognize that this is what home feels like.