Author: Ren Kayashima

Genre: Humor

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Alas my top secret mission to steal the rights to Criminal Minds failed. At the last minute my repel line broke and I was arrested for trespassing on ABC ground. If you would like to help me with bail money…

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March 28, 2012

Derek Morgan forced himself to bite back a chuckle as he watched Spencer Reid's quest for answers. Morgan wasn't one to quell a curious spirit, but there were just some things that were better left a mystery, and this was certainly one of them.

Derek watched as Spencer glanced around surreptitiously. Reid pulled out a black and white composition notebook. Scribbling quickly, the doctor hid the notebook in a drawer as Emily and JJ walked by on their way to meet Garcia for lunch. Taking the momentary distraction as his chance, Morgan swaggered over to Reid's desk.

"The jig is up, Kid," Morgan stated, his wolfish grin growing as Spencer jumped slightly from the sudden appearance of the older agent.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about," Reid sputtered, scooting forwards in his chair to make it look like he was about to start another consult.

Derek wasn't ready to give up that easily. He had been observing this suspicious behavior for several months now. At first, he wasn't sure what the genius was up to, so that took a bit of finesse on Derek's part. For one thing, Reid didn't just leave the notebook lying around. No, that would have been too easy. Any time Spencer left the BAU, he would slip the ledger into his tanned, leather, messenger bag, preventing any prying eyes from reaching its secret scribblings.

Possibilities of fancy math doodles, to an epic fantasy novel swarmed around Derek's mind until that fated day when Reid was called into Hotch's office about a consult. The timing couldn't have been any more perfect.

Derek was on his way back to his office after speaking to Garcia. Hotch's barked summons rang out over the Bullpen, causing Reid to look up from his most recent note taking endeavor with a look of mild terror mixed with confusion.

The scrawny genius jumped up and ran towards Hotch's office, leaving the notebook out for Derek's curious eyes to glance over. And what a sight indeed.

The memory caused his grin to grow even more as Reid continued to busy himself with the file in front of him. "I know what you're hiding in that little book of yours," Morgan stated. He turned so that Reid's desk became a support. He glanced at his friend as he braced his hands against the ledge. "While amusing, it's a lost cause, kid."

Reid quickly shifted his gaze to his drawer. Morgan couldn't really know what he had been working on. Spencer had been sure to keep the notebook close to him. Spencer focused on Morgan's face, studying it carefully. Despite the joking demeanor, Morgan was most certainly telling the truth. "H-how?"

"Right place, right time," Derek said with a shrug as if it was a matter of too trivial too contemplate to deeply. Morgan decided that stringing the genius along was a little cruel. With a grin, he laughed once more. "Reid, how long do you plan to keep this up?"

"Well…" Reid started with a resigned sigh. He wouldn't be able to avoid Morgan's interrogation. "I've been told that these trends change various times during the year, so the numbered value is bound to change based on the times. Then you have to account for wear and tear, price, and some other factors that might change the value."

Morgan felt his eyes lose focus as he listened to the genius, and he quickly stopped Reid from saying any more. "Don't you think five months is a little too long?"

"The season's changes," Reid answered. He, of course, had already considered what would be an appropriate time frame for this study. He let out another sigh as he picked at his nails. "There are so many," he whispered as Strauss walked by. "Where do they keep them?"

Morgan chuckled as shook his head. "This is why they always demand the big closets, man." Morgan shook his head in half amusement, half bewilderment.

Reid pulled the notebook from his drawer and opened it up to a page of well-organized columns and rows. Each column had a name of one of the female team members. The rows started with a date, and then written in descriptions followed under each of the female team member's names.

"Garcia is an outlier," Reid said pointing to the techie's column. "She never repeats a pair during the work week. Sometimes, I see it again the next week, but I can go a couple weeks without seeing a repeat which is just odd." He ran his pen down the column of descriptions. They always seemed to be bigger than Emily or JJ's.

Morgan nodded gravely. "Baby girl loves her heels," he said knowingly. "I'm surprised there's still room in her closet."

"But how many pairs of shoes is enough for a woman?" Reid asked. How could he possibly know what was enough for a woman? He was a male and he had five pairs of shoes, only two of which were worn on a regular basis. "I've logged over seventy-five different pairs of shoes."

Morgan felt the need to put this to an end. He could see Reid growing just a little more aggravated with each second. "Okay… Have you seen the Tootsie Roll commercials with the owl? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"

"Yeah…" Reid drew out slowly, wondering where Morgan was going with this.

"The world may never know, kid," Morgan said, patting Reid on the back before moving towards his office. "The world may never know." And with that last bit of sage advice, Morgan walked away shaking his head. Spencer Reid had organized an entire scientific-like study just to determine the number of shoes a woman usually owned.

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Author's Note: Thank you nebula2 for giving me a little bit of a push for the inspiration of this story. I actually had a lot of fun messing with this. If you haven't guess this in response to Spencer's puzzlement in "From Childhood's Hour" about what number of shoes is enough for a woman. Clearly, five months later, and the answer still eludes our fair genius.

Quick Note: The nomination process for the Third Annual Profiler's Choice Awards are going on until the fifteenth of October. This is an awards show to honor your favorite Criminal Minds fanfics and the authors who write them. You can find the nomination ballot on the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum here on the site. Check it out! Show your favorite stories some love by nominating them for one of the 50 awards available.

Don't forget to leave me a review to let me know what you think. I do so hope you enjoyed it.

Ren