I don't own the show. Just my imagination.
- Takes place after season 8 -
"It's okay if you can't find the words, let me take this weight off of your shoulders"
"Two" – Sleeping at Last
Daryl had always loved the night. When he was younger, he used to go outside, run in the woods and admire the starry sky. It had always been so quiet, calm, and peaceful. No one was yelling or telling him what to do.
Every night, the world was his.
Every night, he felt free.
Every night, he felt safe.
Despite the broken earth he lived on, he still loved the night. It was a break from this mad world, a breath of fresh air.
So why the heck couldn't he sleep?
He'd been lying in his bed for what seemed like an eternity. His heart was pounding too fast, his stomach torturing him and his temples beating so hard against his head that it hurt.
Daryl rubbed his face and sighed, running out of patience. There wasn't much to be done about insomnia. He could go outside for fresh air. Maybe a walk down Alexandria's deserted streets would help him sleep? He wasn't sure, but he had to try.
A grunt escaped his lips as he attempted to straighten up, but he froze when he heard a muffled noise.
He knew this sound.
His face turned towards the body lying next to him. Her body.
After the end of the war against the Saviors, Maggie and Carol both came back to Alexandria. Although this family reunion had been a relief after such a long time apart, the lack of space quickly caused a problem. Carol gladly let Maggie move into the remaining room so the young woman could have privacy with her baby. Everyone else already had a roommate.
Everyone except Daryl.
He never felt comfortable sharing such a narrow space, however, he refused to let Carol sleep on the couch, suggesting he take the sofa downstairs so she could have his bedroom, but she refused.
So they ended up sharing his double bed.
If he was completely honest with himself, he'd hardly been able to sleep the first few nights. Had been so worried about touching her unintentionally, about his body… doing things that would make him uncomfortable around her for the rest of his life that he made sure to stay on the edge of the mattress and never leave that spot.
But his discomfort hadn't lasted long.
Every night she walked into his room, he realized how lucky he was to finally look after her the way he should have since the farm. These days, all he wanted was to protect his people and to make sure his family was okay, and she was his family.
She was even more than that.
She was the reason he never gave up. The reason he kept fighting, kept living. She believed in him when he felt like a failure, trusted him when he was losing hope, and cared in a way nobody ever had or ever will.
He just wanted to make sure she was okay and safe, especially after all she'd been through since the prison. Heck, since her husband. He knew she was strong and capable, she learned to be throughout the years, and he was proud of her for that. But she'd taken so much, been broken so many times and he didn't want her to go through that again.
He wanted to be the one supporting her this time.
For a while, he thought he saw a change. Hoped he'd managed to help her feel good again. Seen her rebuilding Alexandria, teaching, smiling, laughing... he'd seen her live again. She even teased him. Twice! But he was wrong. He had missed every one of her signals. Maybe she was a pro at pretending she was okay, maybe her smiles and attitude seemed real enough, but he should have noticed. He was the only one that could have and he failed.
He gazed at her where she lay peacefully.
Except she wasn't sleeping.
He had heard her cry. Muffling her sobs into the pillow, likely knowing he was awake. He was certain she forced herself to still the trembling because she didn't want to bother him.
He was so damn sure of it that it drove him crazy.
She was used to keeping quiet, feeling nothing, being nothing around her husband. He knew how that worked. He had been used to it too, just like her. But he wasn't Ed. She didn't have to be silent anymore and pretend she was okay if she was not.
Not with him.
He bit his lip, swallowing down the frustration, before taking a deep breath and for the first time Daryl Dixon found the courage to move closer. Dared to touch her bare shoulder with his hand and stroke her soft skin with the pads of his fingers.
All he got in return was her body tensing under his hand.
He was tired of her faking, keeping her feelings to herself and acting like her pain wasn't important.
It was.
It was all mattered to him. She mattered to him. More than anything else in this stupid world.
Without thinking, he closed the gap between them, pressing his chest against her stiff back.
He nevertheless chose not to move further, letting her know that he wouldn't push if she didn't want this. That she was in control here even if he was the one being brave enough to do something he never thought he could.
She didn't take him up on that offer. The quiet gasp he heard only encouraged him to slide his arms around her to hold her tightly. Her breath came out faster than before, though, body tense and restless, making his heart clench and his vision blur. Crying in front of her wasn't an option but crying for her could make things worse so he swallowed down his emotions and pressed his cheek against her shoulder, giving her all the confidence and strength he could offer, hoping she'd trust him enough to let go.
His embrace tightened around her, her back pressed firmly to his chest and his beard scratching her skin.
Until finally, she let go.
Her broken sobs crashed against him like waves against rocks, making her body tremble in his arms. At this moment, she seemed far from the woman she was pretending to be. There were no fake smiles, only real emotions.
She was broken.
His own fists clenched against her restless rib cage.
He felt awful.
Guilty for all the signals she sent and he missed. He blamed himself for leaving her secluded with her demons. Hated himself for letting Rick send her away without moving his stupid ass to bring her back. He loathed himself for all the pain she felt, the tears she shed, breaths she fought to take and every wail that escaped her.
Seeing her overwhelmed and frightened destroyed him and he felt like a failure for not being able to change it. Holding her wasn't enough. In this moment, nothing was. But he couldn't stay like that listening to her cries. He had to do something, anything to ease her pain.
He had to try.
Carefully, he urged her turn in his arms, laying his hand against her cheek, wiping every hot tear away with his thumb. The room was dark, but moonlight lit up her damp face, falling against the thin line of her lips and illuminating the sorrow in her eyes. While she was sobbing, he placed a long kiss against her forehead, just like she'd done for him so long ago when she gave him the strength to move on, hoping she would, too.
Little by little, her breathing returned to a slow and steady rhythm and her body stopped trembling. But it didn't stop him from being angry with himself.
He should have known.
How could he have missed so much? She trusted him. It was his responsibility to protect her, keep her safe and happy, and yet he had failed. She was everything to him and he let her down.
Carol's soft hand touched his clenched fist, bringing him back down to earth. His eyes fell on hers, but she wasn't looking at him. She was somewhere else, gazing off into space. She'd spent so long fighting against herself and holding her emotions back that letting them out at all had been exhausting. Accepting defeat against her inner battle was the final straw to shedding that armor and he sees it fading along with the tears against her skin.
She was finally letting herself feel it.
His fingers caressed her chin, urging her to look at him. Even the darkness couldn't hide how beautiful her eyes were, or how tired they look, staring at him with so much trust and adoration. No one had ever looked at him like that before, like he did something good, something important. A lump formed in his throat as Carol stroked the side of his face, finally looking at him like he was the brightest star she'd ever seen.
And she was smiling. A real smile.
They eventually ended up in their previous position, with her back pressed against his chest and his arms circling her body. He buried his face in her short hair, breathing in her sweet and calming scent.
It was perfect.
His anger and pain were gone, the room was quiet and he had somehow managed to comfort her. The woman he cared the most about was curled up with him, her small hands gripping his arms like she didn't want to let go. How could he be happier?
He flinched, surprised, when a hard sigh escaped her lips, but figured it was only her body's response to releasing the overwhelming emotions she'd pent up. Hoped she wouldn't keep so much to herself ever again.
She wasn't untouchable. She wasn't a heartless machine. She was only human, unable to hold the weight of this world alone and she didn't have to. Not anymore. Not as long as he was breathing.
Now, all that mattered to him was that the person he loved most was asleep in his arms, safe and sound. And it was all he needed to cure his insomnia.
Do not forget to talk to someone if you feel sad. There is always someone here for you.
I would like to thank Silversundown for helping me with this OS!
Thank you for reading!
Mille bisous mouaaaak