(Author's note: Hello, Flopplings. I have been getting some very interesting PMs and have seen much interest in my Johnny Test story, "Johnny Test: Experiment Gone Right?"! Luckily for you, my muse decided to inspire me with some more Johnny Test scriptures. Here you go, you wacky willy wugglers!)
Years of prison time had left Johnny Test a hardened and disturbed individual. On this day, years after his first ever sexual encounter with his dear friend Dukey, Johnny was being released back into the real world having been considered "rehabilitated" and for "exhibiting good behavior." The grim reality, however, was that Johnny wanted retribution. He wanted retribution for being separated from his fuzzy buddy, and he was prepared to take his rage out on the one who turned him in. Gil. He would kill Gil and make him feel the same pain that he had felt in prison. (Wow, what a nutjob! Those prison systems could sure use some work, am I right ladies and gentlemen?)
Stepping outside into the daylight Johnny inhaled deeply, holding his breath shortly before slowly exhaling out his nostrils. He hadn't had the opportunity to breathe in anything but stale prison air for ages. In case you were wondering, stale prison air smells like man sex, toilet wine, and minorities. And white people. I'm not racist.
Johnny walked through Porkbelly until he came across his house. Outside, sitting by the front door, were his parents, who- upon seeing Johnny- looked up at him and smiled nervously.
"Welcome home son," his dad said nervously.
"We missed you!" his mom said nervously.
"I know what you must be thinking now," Johnny said amidst all of this nervous energy, "but I don't have time to talk to you two. I have other matters that need to be dealt with."
Walking by his nervous parents Johnny stepped into the house and headed upstairs to his sisters' lab. He was met by a voice activation panel that requested a password. Fortunately all that time in prison had given Johnny the time to master sounding like a girl, and knowing his sisters, he was able to guess the password fairly easily.
"I'm a little Jew-pot short and loud, here is my dreidel here is my gout," he read rhythmically into the panel with a pitch perfect impression of his sister.
The lab doors shot open and Johnny was met by Susan, Mary, and Mr. White, lounging about in a king sized bed with fine velvet sheets. Pillows and cigarette butts littered the floor like a giant bowl of marbles spilled onto a floor. But the marbles were cigarette butts and pillows.
"Johnny!" Susan shouted, clearly intoxicated. "You just missed it! We made a reverse oreo..." she trailed off as she started giggling.
"Listen," Johnny said, "I need some weapons."
"What?" Mary sounded surprised. She was at least a little sober.
"I'm after retribution," Johnny said dramatically.
"Little brother," Mary said with concern in her voice, "you just got out of jail. I'd hate to see you go back."
"If I have to go back to prison so be it. I'd rather go back to jail than live here another day knowing that the son of a bitch who put me behind bars is still out walking the streets."
"I can see you've already made up your mind."
"You know me well."
Mary smiled. "Well, I am your sister."
Mary reached over to her nightstand and grabbed a remote control. With the press of a button, a giant panel came down from somewhere in the lab stocked full of high tech weapons and gadgets. Johnny grabbed what he could and started walking back out into the house.
"Johnny."
He turned around.
"There might be a way to bring Dukey back."
He paused for a second. "I wouldn't want him to see me like this."
Johnny left as Mary turned back to Mr. White. "Hand me that wine bottle would you, honey?"
The Test parents said nothing as their son passed by carrying all sorts of guns and things and walked over to Gil's house. He knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Three times. On the third knock the door opened by itself ever so slightly. Johnny was apprehensive but stepped inside regardless. The house was quiet and dark.
"Gil!" Johnny called out. "Come on! I know you're here!"
There was no response, so Johnny fired a round from his MR40 Eagle up into the air. The noise from the gunshot echoed loudly throughout the empty halls.
"GIL!"
Still nothing.
Tears ran down Johnny's face as he fired more rounds into the ceiling. "You BASTARD! Get out here and pay for what you've done to me! For what you did to DUKEY! COME OUT YOU FUCKING COWARD!"
Johnny fell down onto his knees, sobbing. All those years of holding back his emotions had finally caught up to him. He cried for the loss of his innocence and ultimately for the life of his fuzzy buddy Dukey.
"Now I've got you."
Surprised, Johnny turned around but it was too late. Gil slammed the butt of his rifle into Johnny's face. Half conscious and bleeding, Johnny fell over, writhing in pain.
"Johnny Test," Gil started, "I have you now."
Trying to ignore the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, Johnny let out a single "Why?"
"Don't you understand, Johnny?" Gil began, "I was jealous. Jealous not only of your name being top billing for this piece of shit fan fiction, but jealous of your relationship with Dukey. That should have been ME having sexual relations with that cartoon dog. ME."
Gil kicked Johnny in the stomach. There was the crack of a rib breaking. Johnny tried to no avail to scream out in pain; the wind had been knocked out of him.
"As a member of PETA, a well-respected member of the furry community, AND a connoisseur of bestiality, that was my dream. I was jelly of you, Johnny Test." (Yeah, he just used the term "jelly" un-ironically. That's the real crime here.)
He kicked Johnny again.
"I knew I had the one to bring an end to it. An end to you. So I called the ASPCA. I had you thrown in jail. And I knew that when you were released, it would only be a matter of time before you showed your face here again. You are weak and predictable, Test."
Gil aimed his rifle at Johnny's head.
"And with you and Dukey out of the way, I can finally bring an end to this horrible story."
Gil wrapped his finger around the trigger.
"Not quite, a-heh-heh."
In the doorway stood a familiar silhouette holding a shotgun.
"W-what?" Gil stuttered right before he was shot full of lead.
Gil's limp body fell down onto the ground as blood spray coated the walls. The silhouette dropped the shotgun and ran over to Johnny who could only look at the figure through swollen eyes.
"It's alright, Johnny, I've got you now," Dukey said calmly.
"I... is it really you?"
"The one and only, a-heh-heh" Dukey chuckled quietly.
For a moment, there was a sort of lingering tension between the two friends. Finally, Johnny lifted his head up and lodged his tongue into Dukey's dog mouth. Dukey was surprised at first, but he got on board fairly quickly and the two started sucking face. Dukey's mouth tasted like asshole.
"Wait, wait," Johnny said, pushing Dukey off of him for a second. "How are you alive? Weren't you euthanized?"
"Mary took a break from her love romp session to come dig me up and revive me. They're mad scientists or whatever, remember?"
"So that's what Mary meant." Johnny said, smiling. "That's the sort of cheap plot device only a fan fiction writer could come up with."
"Let's get you home, Johnny. You need to get some rest. After that, you and I have a lot to catch up on, a-heh-heh," Dukey chuckled his signature chuckle once more.
Taking Johnny in his arms, Dukey stepped over Gil's limp body and walked out into the light of Porkbelly.
I'm home, Johnny thought, I'm finally home.
Thank you Kevin Spacey, thank you wacky willy wugglers.