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Chapter 1: Fall To Pieces
"And I don't want to fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you."
- Avril Lavigne
Bella POV
"Come on, Bella!" Mandy yelled.
My eyes snapped open and I immediately got out of bed. I walked into my bathroom and sighed when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Once again, my eyes were red and swollen and my face was incredibly pale. I rested my forehead against the mirror and exhaled slowly.
I turned on the sink and washed my face. It's been thirty years, Bella. Get over it! Besides, it was your own fault.
I bit my lip angrily and pounded the granite counter.
"Bella?"
I sighed and turned to look at Mandy. "Yeah?"
She took a seat next to me and gathered me into her arms. When I couldn't hold it in anymore, I broke out sobbing uncontrollably.
"You really did love him, didn't you?" she asked. I nodded with teary eyes.
"I still love him. That's why I decided to break it off," I cried, "We were fighting too much, Mandy. We were just hurting each other by being together."
"Shh," she tried to soothe, "If you guys are really meant to be together, you'll find your way back to each other."
"Maybe."
"Now, come on. These things aren't going to pack themselves, you know?" She offered me a lazy grin, which I weakly returned.
The time has come for me to move back to Forks. It's been a whole eighty years since I left this place behind. At least, now, I am absolutely sure that the people that once knew me here are now dead.
After I left the family, we all had an agreement that we wanted to age before reincarnating again. Rayne told me about everyone. Ives and Patrick are now 22. Rayne and I are 23. Daniel and… and Landon are 24. God, I didn't realize how much it hurt to just think about him. Rhia and Marc are no longer the little elementary kids that I once knew. Rhia is now 17 and my little KangaRoux is already 18. Cassandra and Adrien had decided to stay the same age.
When we left, Mandy immediately wanted to know how I became one of them. I told her about the process of being an Asher. She willingly wanted to do. We waited for a few years, until she turned 22. And then, she became just like me. Ever since we left, we've been by each other's side, never abandoning each other. I think we both needed the company. We've become such inseparable friends.
I wasn't quite sure why I wanted to stay in Forks. I've been back here every year to visit Charlie on his death anniversary, but something inside of me wanted to be here, to be close to where I grew up. Although my memories of him will always be with me, his life belonged here. And for the first time in a long time, I wanted to be a part of the life he built here, even if it's already slowly fading away.
I can still remember the promise that Rhia made me make. "I know you go to Forks every year to visit your dad, but there's going to be one year when you finally decide to stay and when you decide to do that, stay. I want you to promise me that you're going to stay there no matter what happens."
Part of the reason why I'm staying in Forks is also because of that promise. I'm not quite sure what that promise entails quite yet, but I have a feeling that I'll be finding out real soon.
I looked over at Mandy and saw her bent over some boxes. With a sigh, I pushed myself off of the floor and finally moved to help her.
"Everything's taken care of at the apartment, right?" Mandy asked.
"Yeah, I've already done all the paperwork. The place is officially ours."
A couple of weeks ago, Mandy and I transported to Port Angeles to do some apartment hunting. We found the right place for us. Because moving trucks are much too expensive, we planned to rent an apartment first, so that we could just easily transport back into it with our things.
We're packing only the last of our stuff. Most of it is already in our apartment.
"I think this is the last box." Mandy closed the box and took a step back. We surveyed the entirety of our old apartment. It's barren now; the walls lack the paintings and pictures that were once hung up on it. I can still see the holes on the walls where we hammered the nails. There are clean spots on the carpet where our furniture used to be located on.
We've moved around so many times these past thirty years, but for some reason, this move felt more exhausting.
"You ready?" Mandy asked.
I nodded and carried the half of the boxes with me. I closed my eyes and let the familiar feeling of a warm blanket cover me. When I opened my eyes, I was already in our new apartment.
Several of our boxes were strewn around, some half empty, some still completely unopened.
I settled the boxes on the floor and sighed. "I guess we're completely moved in, huh?"
Mandy smiled. "Time for another new life."
We spent the rest of the day unboxing our things and putting them in their respectful places. As soon as we finished the basics of the apartment – the living room, kitchen, and dining room – we moved to our own rooms. We had a bathroom in each of our rooms, thankfully.
The first thing I set up was my calendar. I flipped to the current month of the year: August. A sigh escaped my lips as I read the red marker on the calendar. It's almost Charlie's death anniversary again. It's in exactly a week.
I tore myself away from the calendar, no longer wanting to dwell upon it.
As I put away my things, I couldn't help but think about the past thirty years. Mandy and I have been everywhere. Before we moved here, we lived in Vancouver, Canada. It was a nice change of setting. We had never been there before.
Although it's been three decades, I couldn't find it in myself to move on to another man. I still clung on to the idea that Landon and I would get back together, but our future seemed bleak now.
Landon and I never really officially broke off our relationship. I guess there just came a point where we realized that it was okay to see other people. Despite this, I just never did. No one could ever be Landon.
I still continued to talk to everyone in the family everyday. Rayne, bless her soul, wanted to keep me updated on Landon. At first, I didn't mind it. It calmed my nerves to know how he was doing.
I knew all about his drunken escapades and it made me feel so broken, for him and for me. When Rayne started talking about his relationships, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I asked her to stop talking about him.
"Are you sure, Bella?" she asked me.
Reluctantly, I said yes. It felt wrong to know that I knew everything about him, yet he didn't know a single thing about me. I prohibited the others to update him about me. Just like I was finding myself, I wanted him to find himself as well. He didn't need to concern himself about me.
Right now, no one is the family knows that I'm in Port Angeles. But I also have no idea where they are, so I guess we're even.
A heard a knock on my door. "Yeah?"
"You ready to walk the streets?"
I placed the box on my mattress and nodded.
As we opened the doors to our apartment, the cold air whipped against our faces. I smiled when Mandy linked her arms with mine.
"Cheer up, Bella. There's no time like the present," she said.
"Thanks, Mandy. I really don't know where I would be right now without you," I replied earnestly. She grinned and squeezed my arm.
"I could say the same to you. So, about this bridal shop thing…"
I chuckled. "Yes, Mandy, I'm just as excited about it as you are. I wouldn't be suffering through this cold for nothing."
"Shut up," she laughed, "You can't even feel the cold." Oh the perks of being a Phoenix. "I came up with a name for it. La Bella Sposa. It means – "
"The Beautiful Bride," I chimed in before she could continue.
She smiled. "Yeah, it's perfect! Plus it has your name in it."
"What about yours?" I asked She scoffed.
"I'd rather not have my name attached to it, thank you very much. Besides, this was your idea."
"But – "
She waved me off. "Don't worry about it. I like the name the way it is."
I decided that fighting with her would be pointless so I just let it go.
We continued to roam the streets, looking for potential building spaces for our bridal shop.
Before Mandy decide to leave her old life behind, she was well exposed to life inside of a bridal shop. She knew the ins and outs of the business. For the past decade, we've worked as wedding planners. I offered the suggestion to start our own shop and Mandy was more than happy to pull through with it.
I glanced at Mandy as we walked. Unlike me, Mandy has had her fair share of flings. She's gone out on several dates but none of them ever became serious enough. She was more of a "hit it then quit it" kind of girl.
I'm still pulling for her and Ives together. It might not be anytime soon, but it's okay. They have a lifetime to find their ways back to each other.
I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize that Mandy was staring back at me. "What?" she demanded.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
She suddenly paused and put her hands on her hips. "Bella…"
"I was just thinking about you and Ives," I finally admitted.
Mandy played it off and shrugged, but I could tell that it affected her.
"What about him? I haven't heard from him since we left," she said with bitterness in her voice.
Oh, but he always bothers me about you. Every single day.
"You know it's not like that," I told her. "He just… He's just Ives."
"Ives will be Ives," she spat. "Can we just stop talking about him?"
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry for bringing it up," I apologized.
"It's fine," she murmured.
After a few more minutes of walking, I felt like giving up. "There's nothing here! All of these buildings are old and ugly and – "
My words died on my throat.
"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Mandy asked with awe in her voice.
I gulped and nodded.
We looked both ways and finally decided that it was safe to cross the street. We stopped right in front of a glass window. It was perfect.
The inside looked empty and dusty, as it should be, but what attracted us to it was the large glass window. It was perfectly flat, no indents towards the building. Two glass doors were situated in the middle of it.
We wanted a space that would show the entirety of the shop once we've moved in. We wanted people from the outside to see the beautiful women as they tried on their wedding dresses.
I looked at Mandy and she was just as breathless as I was.
"This is it," she whispered.
I wordlessly agreed.
My hand went up to touch the glass but I stopped in my tracks.
In the reflection of the window, I saw…
I saw Landon.
I choked on air and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I whipped around to confirm it. And when I turned around, he was there. Just like the reflection.
He might have been a whole street away from me, but I looked at him like I was looking at the sun for the first time in forever. He looked different, but so familiar. He seemed to be looking at something in the distance. My eyes followed his eye line.
A girl, probably around my age, was running towards him. She had a soft smile on her face. He was obviously the subject of her eye just as she was the subject of his.
Something sparkled in my eyes and my eyes zeroed in on the shiny ring on the girl's finger.
And right then, everything I've ever hoped for shattered in front of my very eyes.
The girl propelled herself into Landon's arms and he easily caught her. They both leaned in to each other and I knew instantly what they were about to do.
I closed my eyes and tears that I didn't know were there slid down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly and turned away.
Bella!
I heard Mandy shout after me, but I just couldn't.
He was there within my reach but…
He's not mine anymore.
Hot damn. First chapter is already off to a cliffhanger.
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