My name is called and I enter a small room. The lady inside is from Candor. I raise my eyebrows and giggle. She looks confused.
"What?" she says.
"You're from Candor." I say. "So you have to tell me the truth."
She doesn't seem to see the joke, and gestures that I should sit down in the strange, mechanical looking chair. I squint at it, tilting my head this way and that.
"What the –
"Please, just sit down," she interrupts.
Huffily, I sit, and she starts applying thingys to my head.
"What are they?" I ask.
"Electrodes," she said.
"What for?"
"You'll see."
She gives me a vial of clear liquid.
"Drink this," she says.
"What is it?"
"Just drink it," she says.
"Fine." I tip it into my mouth from as high up as my arm can reach, just to show off. She rolls her eyes, just as mine close.
I open them to find myself in the empty school cafeteria, and wonder idly if it's lunchtime yet. Or dinnertime...might have already had lunch.
"Choose," a woman's voice says.
"Huh?" I look round trying to locate the voice, but see no one.
"Choose," it says again. Choose what?
"Oh, for goodness sake, right in front of you. Baskets. On table. Choose one."
I look down to find that the table in front of me does, indeed, bear two baskets, one with a knife and one with a hunk of cheese. I think about it, the reach out fast with both hands and grab both, taking a big bite out of the cheese. I spit the cheese out immediately, and toss it back into the basket.
"Eww!" I complain. The baskets disappear. Good riddance, that was some NASTY cheese. I hear a growl from behind me and spin round, brandishing the knife. A huge dog with black eyes glares at me from across the room, and I glare back and snarl at it. Then it pounces, and I scream and run, tossing the knife behind me as I go. To my surprise, when I turn round the dog is sat at my feet, the knife between its teeth, panting happily. I think he wants me to throw it again.
"Good dog," I say, petting it, "Good boy, who's a cutie then?" I take the knife from its jaws, and am about to throw it when a little girl appears at the other side of the room.
"Puppy!" she squeals, jumping up and down excitedly. The dogs head turns, and it starts barking and snarling, then stalks towards her, pauses, and prepares itself to pounce. The little girl does not appear to be aware that the dog is threatening her.
"I'd advise you to run," I say, "Unless you have something to throw, he likes playing fetch." She completely ignores my advice and rushes towards the dog, arms out wide. More fool her. I slip out whilst the dog is distracted, and find myself alone in the testing room. I look around, noticing for the first time that the walls are made of mirrors, and do a double take when I realise that my reflection does not show in any of them. Meh, I think, and wander out through the door. I find myself on a bus, and look around, confused.
"Hey!" a man with a newspaper grabs my arm and I spin round, "Do you know this guy?" he asks, pointing to a picture in his newspaper. The picture seems familiar, but I can't place it. My brow furrows as I think, then I conclude that since I can't place him, I might as well claim not to know him. Besides, the headline above says he's a brutal murderer, definitely best not to associate.
"Nope," I lie, casually, "Never seen the guy in my life,"
"You're lying," he says.
"Who d'you think you're calling a liar, fool?" I reply, indignantly.
"I can see it in your eyes, you're lying."
"Am not," I say, flippant now.
"If you know him, you could save me," he says, "You could save me!"
"Naff off," I say, "I told you, I don't know the weird dude in your newspaper."
I wake up, and smile sunnily at Candor-lady.
"Well?" I say.
"Umm..." she says, "I just need to check something, I'll be right back."
Check something? Jeez, clearly they don't even train them properly. I sulk.
When she returns, she seems more confused than when she left.
"Right," she says, "Well, your results are somewhat inconclusive. Typically, each stage of the simulation eliminates one or more of the factions, but in your case, all of them have been ruled out."
I narrow my eyes and stare at her.
"So what you're trying to say," I say, slowly, "Is that I have no good qualities?"
"Well..." she says awkwardly, "I'm sure you do have good qualities, it's just that they do not include honesty, selflessness, kindness, intelligence or courage,"
Typical Candor. Only they would be that blunt about it.
"So what am I supposed to do about it?" I ask, "What faction do I choose?"
"Well," she says, "Not Dauntless, Erudite or Candor, definitely, you wouldn't have a chance of passing their initiation. Amity or Abnegation would probably be your best bet. Since you're already in Amity, I would advise you to attempt initiation there. Your inside knowledge and upbringing should give you an advantage,"
I walk out in a huff. No good qualities indeed, of course I have good qualities. Well, I'm pretty, anyway. That's a good quality, right?