Remembering Winter 2
Revision and Completion
Chapter One: Waking Up Alone is the Hardest Part
-A/N-
Well, hello again, or for the first time. It doesn't matter.
A few years ago I began to write Remembering Winter (the original-don't bother reading it lol) and had a pretty good time doing it. Life got in the way and I lost my inspiration for where my story was going so... I did the worst thing I could do: stop. And it has been 3 years since then. I feel like I kinda failed myself and my readers by not finishing, and that's bothered me. However picking up from my skill level from 3 years ago was not an option. So a re-write is in order. I promise this isn't going to be as over the top as my old one!
This chapter is more like a prelude. It starts at chapter 169 and goes forward. Assumes knowledge of events leading up to Winter War. It covers things from the Soul Society arc, namely between Hina Hitsu and Aizen, and then I go off from there in later chapters and will create my own story line. But I will stick semi-realisticly with the manga we all love. (Disclaimer: I borrow direct quotes from the manga, but I do not own Bleach.)
So without further ado...
The long blade pierced through Hinamori's body in one smooth movement. For a moment, everything stopped as she looked up at her attacker, who was staring her down with eyes filled with unrecognizable coldness. A sickening sensation of shock and disbelief ran through her as she held Aizen's gaze with flickering eyes. Tears that were produced by joy only a moment ago now froze halfway down her cheeks.
Then came the pain. Spreading from her center to her toes and fingers, like a burning fire. Finally breaking his stare, she looked down and saw red blood pouring out of her, onto the hilt of the sword, tracing rivers down Aizen's hand until the drops finally fell to the floor. A pool was beginning to form below her.
Why is this happening? Why would her captain, her idol, betray her like this? She had just gotten him back, from what she thought was death, and now she was dying by his sword.
She opened her mouth to ask him just this when blood rose in her throat and her words came out in red, splattering on Aizen's white haori. He gave her a smirk as he quickly shed her body from his blade in a swift motion. The ground came quickly, knocking what little breath was in her lungs out of her in splatters of blood. She choked on each breath as she lay crumpled in the darkness.
I am going to die here. She concluded as she felt her blood swarm around her. I am going to die by my captain's sword. I've been a fool. I followed Hitsugaya here, thinking I could prove he murdered my captain... this is what I deserve. I chased him so blindly, all because a letter told me to. I pointed my blade at him, I tried to kill him! Oh, Toshiro... please forgive me...
The footsteps of Aizen and Ichimaru began to sound distant, until they stopped when a new voice arrived.
No... no, no, no Hinamori pleaded inside as she realized who the voice belonged to. She wanted to cry out, to tell him to run away as quickly as he could, to save himself. But she was powerless. She couldn't speak, let alone move. She was paralyzed to help him. Her body was beginning to feel cold, her breathing beginning to feel taxed and her heartbeat weak. She could feel her life beginning to fade. Seconds seemed like hours, and her ears interpreted voices in slow motion- nothing but blurs of sound. And then, in her last shred of consciousness, there he was. Appearing suspended in the light flooding the doorway of the dark room. Her eyes could see him, could see the look of pure disbelief on his face, but she was unable to make a single breath. She couldn't speak the words she needed to say. The only function still working were her eyes; unable to move or blink- but could still see and interpret what was happening in front of her. Her leftover spiritual energy kept her mind running for a few minutes after her body had stopped entirely.
Run, Toshiro... please, run away she prayed as he came closer to her, picking her body up gently from the pool surrounding her. She couldn't feel herself being moved. A few tears made their way down his face as she watched his mouth move, unable to make out the words. He held her lifeless body close to his chest and kissed her on the forehead before gently returning her to the ground and turned away, grabbing the hilt of his sword as he darted from the room.
Please, Toshiro, live, she begged as her eyes slid shut. The pain was gone now as she lost her grip on consciousness.
Please.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
–
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Hitsugaya's eyes flashed open and took some time to adjust as he looked around in confusion. Sunlight poured in through the windows, still making his eyes wince at it's brightness. It reflected itself wildly off the pure white walls and sheets of his room. But this wasn't his room. This had to be the fourth division's infirmary. Even his blurry vision and dizzy head could recognize the sight of this place.
His suspicions were confirmed as he attempted to sit up; a small motion that sent him back down on the cot in excruciating pain. With trembling fingers he slipped open his robe to find a long scar stretching from his shoulder to his hip.
"God dammit..." he murmured to himself as he felt the leftover riatsu tingling on the wound. "Aizen", he growled as he identified it. There was something else interlaced with his energy, however... just what was that? His thoughts stopped there as he realized his blistering headache. What even happened? Hitsugaya questioned as he rubbed his forehead. He knew that Aizen was the one who had done this, but the rest of the details seemed to be a milky blur in his memory.
"Good morning, Hitsugaya-Taicho!" The sweet voice and smile of Unohana entered the room and distracted him from his thoughts, "It's been a few days since we have seen those eyes!" She began to write some notes down on the clipboard at the foot of his bed.
I've been asleep for days?
Slowly, Hitsugaya propped himself up on his arms, wincing at the movement."Unohana-Taicho," he spoke hoarsely in a near-whisper, "How... How did I... " He trailed off not even knowing what to ask to gain clarification. Everything was still such a blur...
Unohana's expression softened, "We will discuss the details once you have had a bit more rest, Hitsugaya-Taicho. Your body has been under a lot of stress these past few days. You sure put up a good fight however." She smiled at him as she gestured for him to lay down on his back once again and began to change the bandages on his chest.
He was in minimal pain, if he laid still. Spiritual energy was working it's magic and was healing him quickly. Mentally, however, he felt drained and weak. As if she could read his mind, Unohana reassured him, "You will think clearer after you've slept some more. This is the first time you've been awake in three days, it's completely normal for things to be a bit fuzzy."
This must be several times worse than the hangovers Matsumoto has after a friday night at the bar, he thought with chagrin as he leaned back and let his eyes shut. Once Unohana finished with his bandages, she quietly exited the room, letting Hitsugaya slip into much-needed sleep once again.
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Suddenly he was flash-stepping along the clay rooftops of soul society. He didn't know where he was headed. All he know was he needed to get there. Fast.
Panic soured through him as he ran. He didn't know who or what he was running towards, or what was causing this erratic sensation inside but he just knew he had to keep running. Soul Society blurred around him as he picked up the pace, and began leaping over multiple rooftops. When he paused for a millisecond tip-toed step, the clay tiles shattered under his feet.
He was getting close; he could feel the anxiety sharpen in his chest as he pushed himself to go faster.
His senses finally lead him to where he needed to be: the forbidden residential area of Room 46, the Seijōtōkyorin. Only coming to a stop once he entered the building, he paused and glanced around at the sporadic white towers reaching to the ceiling, each with only one small window. Forbid to anyone other than Central 46, this was his first time seeing it.
A quick burst of riatsu caught his attention and he rushed to the source, getting there in time to see Aizen and Ichimaru exiting a tower. What are they doing here...?
"Aizen-Taicho? And Ichimaru?" He was slightly out of breath from the run across Soul Society, but it didn't phase him.
"Yo, Hitsugaya-Kun," Aizen called out with a slight wave, a seemingly genuine smile stretched upon his face.
Aizen was supposed to be dead. And he had his suspicions Ichimaru was the one who killed him. Yet they were both here, together. Just what was this...?
"Aizen... are you really Aizen?"
"Of course," he replied, "What you are seeing is all very real. Although..." He paused, and glanced back at his counterpart with a slight frown, "Hitsugaya-Taicho has arrived quicker and in better shape than expected."
"Ah, Gomei, Taicho," Ichimaru responded, scratching the top of his silver head nervously, "clearly I overestimated my Fuku-Taicho's effectiveness at being a distraction." Hitsugaya could almost sense a hint of fear in his voice.
Suspicions began to rise. "What are you talking about, Aizen?"
Aizen turned back to Hitsugaya, a smirk firmly in place. "Oh nothing, just discussing our strategy. It's best to keep enemies dispersed, is it not?"
"Enemies? But-"
He froze when he sensed a whisper of riatsu, weak like a flame about to go out completely. It was difficult to make out, but somehow he knew who's it was as his once speeding heart froze in his chest. How had he not noticed sooner?
"Where is Hinamori?" He found himself nearly shouting as panicking nausea rose in his throat.
"Ah yes, where indeed?" Aizen muttered in tone one could only connote with self-satisfaction.
Hitsugaya's eyes fell on the doorway he had seen the pair walking out of. In one fast movement, he shun-po'ed past them and into the tower. Upon entering the blackened doorway his feet froze in their place.
There she was. His beautiful Hinamori who was so full of life and love was laying haphazardly on the floor, broken. Unfathomable emotions ran through him as he stood frozen, forced to take in the devastating sight. Her eyes were open, but were matte and unfocused. The luster in them had faded, turning them into a dull, grey amethyst. The only color that stood out in the room was red. Blood was everywhere; on her clothes, her face, her body... and it continued to run from the massive wound on her chest, adding to the already massive pool on the floor. Light from the entrance behind him reflected it brightly, making it seem fluorescent in the dark room. Taunting him with it's gleam that had been stolen from it's owner.
An impassible lump had formed in his throat and he did not fight the tears that he knew were slipping out underneath his trembling brow. Slowly, he stepped over to her, his footsteps echoing in the blood that had accumulated into a moat surrounding her.
"H-Hina... Mori..." He choked out as he knelt next to her and very gently picked up her limp body. Her head rolled back sharply as he did so, before he caught it in his hand and was forced to look at her. Fresh blood stained her lips a bright red, and had trickled down her chin. Mouth slightly agape, he could sense no breath coming from her. Even her riatsu had dulled to nearly nothing. He couldn't sense a damn thing that showed any sign of life.
Fighting back a sob that threatened to come out of him, he pressed her into his body so he didn't have to look at her lifeless face any more. It was truly the material of nightmares.
Oh God, Hinamori... Please... He pleaded, praying her soul could hear him, Please don't die. Please don't die on me, Hinamori.
"Ah, you found her? How unfortunate..." A voice from the outside caught his attention, but he still held Hinamori tight to his chest. This could be the last time I ever touch her again... he thought, as he grabbed her tighter – not caring about the blood tricking staining his hands and haori red. A stray tear fell on her face, and as it made it's journey down her cheek it wiped a trail of blood away, letting a river of her white skin shine through. White skin that was shades lighter than it's usual milky tone. The blush in her cheeks had dissipated; a blush that he could encourage to take over her whole face with accurate teasing.
It wasn't until the initial despair faded and anger began to rise up inside him that he was pulled back to reality, and to the two people outside. If those two were the only ones there... then one of them had to be responsible for this.
Reluctantly, he laid her back on the ground. Her lifeless hand dropped in his shaking one as he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, wincing his eyes shut as he did so no emotion would leak out.
I will avenge you, was his resolve as he piled himself back together inside. He stood, his back still to the two captains outside. Still looking at the most important person in his life laying in the floor in her blood.
Aizen's voice once again reached into the tower and cut through the silence. "Pardon me, Hitsugaya-Taicho, it was not my intention to traumatize you. Before you arrived I should have cut her up into... unrecognizable pieces."
Hitsugaya could feel the bile rising in his throat once again at that mental image. "Aizen. Ichimaru. What is the meaning of this?" Talking forced the lump down and he continued, "Since when did you two become comrades?"
"Well, from the very beginning of course. Since I became a captain there was no one else that could ever take the place as my Fuku-Taicho." The self-satisfaction in Aizen's voice was clear.
Hitsugaya's stare still remained on the broken girl on the floor. "Then this was all a charade... to me, Hinamori, the other Shinigmai... To everyone! You deceived us all!" He lost it at the very end, his calm voice escalating into a sharp yell, echoing through the tower.
Aizen still kept his calmness. "It wasn't that I deceived any one of you, Hitsugaya-Taicho, it was simply that no one truly understood who I really am."
"Seriously, Aizen?" Hitsugaya's rage began to boil as he turned around, "Hinamori admired and respected you. She worked hard every day just for the opportunity to be in your squad, to be your Fuku-Taicho!"
"I know this, Hitsugaya-Kun." Aizen spoke softly, "And there is nothing easier than controlling a person who admires you. That's why I fought for her to be my subordinate. This will be a good lesson for you, Hitsugaya-Kun, and remember this always... admiration is the furthest thing from understanding."
That did it.
Rage overflowed within him as he grabbed the hilt of his sword, finally unsheathing it, as well as the bottled up emotion in the form of pure energy that burst out of him, covering the surrounding area in a sheet of ice. Aizen and Ichimaru leapt to the side to avoid the wintery blast.
Ice settled, and Hitsugaya crouched low, his resolve clear.
"Bankai." He muttered as icy wings crackled and began to form. In a matter of seconds they were outstretched proudly along side him. "Daiguren Hyourinmaru."
The icy temperature around him calmed his burning anger as he made his avenge clear. Eyes narrowed, he burned them into his enemy. "Aizen... I am going to kill you."
Aizen chuckled. "Don't use such strong words, Hitsugaya-Kun. They make your weakness that much more apparent."
The words didn't matter. His resolve was already in place. Killing Aizen was the only thing he could do to somehow make Hinamori's death better. Letting him escape would mean he had won, and had gotten away with his crimes. Betrayal.
He had betrayed the trust of the person who meant the world to him, and that was simply unforgivable.
Aizen had yet to draw his sword, and it didn't look as though he intended to. Hitsugaya took his chance.
In a swift, dizzingly fast motion he lunged at Aizen, positive he was going to get a direct hit.
Or so he thought.
As his blade pierced Aizen's body, and solid ice formed around him, the captain only looked up and smiled as he dissipated, leaving Hitsugaya in a momentary state of confusion. I just landed a direct hit... what is going-?
Thoughts were cut short as Aizen suddenly appeared before him. The same blade that was stained with Hinamori's blood sliced through his chest, as he stood in blatant shock.
The sound of shattering ice echoed off the towers in the massive room as he fell into darkness.
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Hitsugaya woke up in a jerk, gasping for air and drowning in a sea of sheets. Clawing his way out, he finally reached the fresh air and inhaled it in large, desperate gasps. He was greeted with the darkness of night, which explains why it took him so long to find a way out of the tangle of blankets.
As he sat upright on the edge of the bed, the calamity of what had happened hit him like a slap. He brought his hands to his face as he stared into the blank darkness through cracked fingers.
Hinamori.
Where was she? What had happened to her? Was she still alive? Oh, please, God, let her live. Please.
As if on cue, in came Unohana. She was carrying a lantern, and the light was welcoming. She was wearing a robe and had clearly been woken up suddenly, as her hair was long and flowing around her, not being restricted in it's usual braid.
"Are you alright, Hitsugaya-Taicho?" She asked, worry evident in her brows as she drew nearer. The lamplight flickered it's dance around the room, taunting away the darkness.
Hitsugaya looked up at her, still breathing heavily. "Hinamori," was all he managed to choke out in a hoarse voice.
Unohana's gaze softened. "I should have known," She muttered softly to the floor before looking directly at Hitsugaya. "Put on your robe and follow me to my office. I'll make you some tea."
–
He followed the sound of her bare feet on the wood floor to her office, which was not far. She gestured for him to sit down as she poured two cups of tea. Instead of sitting behind her desk she sat in the chair next to Hitsugaya and handed him a steaming cup.
"Arigato," Hitsugaya said politely, but inside he was frantic, praying she was not about to tell him Hinamori was gone. He simply couldn't bring himself to ask. This purgatory of wishful thinking was better than having to accept the hard truth, it seemed.
"If you don't mind, Hitsugaya-Taicho," she started before taking a small sip, "can I ask what your dream was about?"
"I remembered... everything." He spoke down to the cup in his hands. "It was a blur when I woke up the first time. I had no idea how I had gotten hurt or..." He trailed off briefly, "But then this dream... it was like I was living it for the first time. I'm... I'm sorry that I woke you." He added sheepishly, his pupils darting to the corners of his eyes in her direction.
"Oh, not to worry. I was sleeping here by choice in case something were to happen to you or Hinamori Fuku-Taicho."
At the mention of her name, Hitsugaya perked up, looking Unohana directly in the eye for the first time. "Hinamori is alive?"
Unohana smiled that sweet smile of hers, but Hitsugaya noticed a moment's hesitation. "Yes, she's alive..."
Hitsugaya waited for it.
"But... she is in a coma."
"Is she going to be okay? Will she wake up?" Dread began to creep in.
Unohana paused, before meeting his eyes with a smile. "We certainly all hope she will. We are doing all that we can. She was in a critical state for longer than you when we found you both. I began administering emergency treatment right then, while Isane contacted the other captains, informing them of Aizen Souske's betrayal. I was able to get her stable before transporting her here. It seemed as though the ice from your Bankai helped her hang on for a little longer."
This was of little condolence. He hadn't been able to protect her, or avenge her.
A hand rested on his shoulder. "Arigato, Hitsugaya-Taicho," Unohana said, sensing his change in demeanor. "For going after her. As you know, she was masking her riatsu so you couldn't tell she was following you. That means no one else was able to trace her either. I already had my suspicions about Aizen using the Seijōtōkyorin, but I did not rush there until I felt your riatsu fluctuate. If I hadn't gotten there when I had..." She trailed off, paused and licked her lips. "So, Arigato, Hitsugaya-Taicho, for Hinamori."
"Where... where is she?" He asked cup in his hands instead of Unohana.
"She's here, just across the hall. You are welcome to visit her at any time, once you are feeling well enough."
He didn't know when that was going to be. Healing was not an issue, he would be back in his division in no time. Missing Hinamori was the problem. He needed her right now to tell him everything was going to be okay, like she always did. To offer him a beam of hope that only she could give him.
But this time it was different. This time he had to fight it alone. This time it was her. He had to deal with the guilt weighing down on him. He had to manage with the mental images of her lying in her blood with blank and lifeless eyes. He had to wait, and hope for her to wake up.
How could he even face her if she did? What could he even say to her? "I'm sorry" was the only thing that came to mind.
"Hitsugaya-Taicho?" Unohana's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Hm?" His head jerked up, towards her.
She smiled, as always. "You had better get some rest. You'll feel better in the morning."
Nodding, he placed his empty cup on the table. "Thank you for the tea," he murmured, and stood up to leave.
"Oh, there is one more thing."
He stopped, and sat back down.
"I'm not certain if this is significant, but the leftover riatsu on her wound, you have it too?"
He nodded as his hand reflexively rose to his chest. "Aizen. And... something else."
She nodded. "It's the something else that caught my attention. It's normal for the spiritual energy of the attacker to remain. However, there is something else there. And it feels... dark. Your scar only has a small trace, but for some reason Hinamori is more infected with it, which has made healing her with kido somewhat more difficult."
His brow furrowed, "How so?"
"It just... doesn't come out, no matter how many spells we try. It is something that will either take time, or it has somehow embedded itself within her. I wish I had more insight for you, but at the moment I simply don't know."
"Is it... life-threatening? Will she wake up?" A thick fog of dread had moved in.
"There's some in you, and you woke up, right?" She smiled hopefully.
"... Right." He said. He stood up, gave her a slight bow, and walked back to his room. His mind was full, thoughts tumbled around in an unorganized worry as he found himself wishing he hadn't woken up at all.
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Thank you so very much for reading!
I apologize if I have bored you with stuff you have already witnessed. I just find that scene so heart-wrenching, and it was interesting to play with that pivotal scene (both for the manga and this fanfic). This is where my story takes off, and after that it's all original.
Next chapter expect an angsty Hitsugaya. You know you love it.