Who You'd Be Today
The day was warm and sunny. A perfect day to be outside playing Quidditch. Hermione winced at the thought. Quidditch. Ron. She felt the tears forming in her eyes. She took a deep breath and blinked the tears away. She had to be strong. She couldn't go on like this. It was time to move on. What was she thinking? She could never move on. She had nothing to move on to. Nothing to look forward to. No life to live. Ron was her life. He was the love of her life. When he was taken from her, she lost everything. It still seemed so surreal.
The mornings were awful. She would wake up after the few hours of sleep she could actually get between all the dreams and nightmares, and she would have forgotten. Then, it would all hit her, like a pail of ice cold water. And then came the pain. It was like nothing else she'd ever experienced. It was like having your heart ripped out, shredded, and thrown in a blender over and over again. It was almost more than she could take. Just when she thought she'd had more than she could take, she would feel him there. His presence always helped. She could hear him telling her to be strong and hold on, for him.
Today, it had been exactly a year since he'd died. She was going to visit him. She put on his sweater over a t-shirt and her jeans. She pulled up her hair, just the way he liked it. She looked in the mirror, contemplating make-up.
"I guess I will, just for you," she said to the picture of him she had on her mirror. It had been taken on the last day of summer vacation before their seventh and final day at Hogwarts. He was sitting on a rock out in his backyard at the Burrow. He was smiling up at her, tossing his shaggy red locks out of his eyes and kept winking at her. Looking at it brought a smile to her lips and tears to her eyes. She sighed and looked back at her reflection. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door.
When she got to the cemetery, she was the only one there. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was always easier to visit him alone. Her feet automatically found the path to his stone. She didn't even have to think about it, she knew the way so well. She could have found it in her sleep. She approached the spot very slowly. She took the flowers out of the vase at the side and replaced them with the ones in her arms. She looked at the stone. Her fingers traced the words.
"Hello, Ron. Today is a beautiful day. Just the kind you and Harry loved to use for Quidditch practice. He's doing good, Harry is. I'm not sure when the last time he came to visit you was, but he's really busy at the Ministry. So don't be upset if he doesn't come to visit as often as you'd like. I know if he had the time, he'd come every day. But life isn't that giving.
"I'm holding up pretty well, myself. But only for you. You give me the strength I need. I think it gets easier to believe with each passing day. Not easier to accept, but believe. I don't cry as much. I've learned to control the tears, to stop them. I can't go around like a weeping willow for the rest of my life, now can I?
"Your mom is getting better. I went to see her yesterday. She hasn't locked herself in her room anymore. That's an improvement. The rest of the family is coping, too. No one has the same spirit they used to, especially Ginny, but they're still going on with their lives. I mean they can't just stop because you're gone, no matter how much we might want. I want that more than anything, just so you know.
"I can't believe it's only been a year. It seems like you've been gone for a lifetime. But then again, I feel you, like you only left moments ago. It helps. Oh! I just remembered. I wrote you a song. It's not the happiest, but it fits so well. As you know, I don't have the best voice. So please don't laugh. You know I'd only sing for you. Okay here it goes:
'Sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat. I feel you everywhere I go. I see your smile, I see your face. I hear you laughing in the rain. Still can't believe you're gone. It ain't fair you died too young. Like a story that had just begun. But death tore the pages all away. God knows how I miss you. All the hell that I've been through, just knowing no one can take your place. Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today. Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams? Settle down with a family? I wonder what would you name your babies. Some days the sky's so blue, I feel like I can talk to you. I know it might sound crazy. It ain't fair you died too young. Like a story that had just begun. But death tore the pages all away. God knows how I miss you. All the hell that I've been through, just knowing no one can take your place. Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today. Today. Today. Sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat. The only thing that gives me hope is I know, I'll see you again someday. Someday. Someday.'
"So what do you think? Well, I really should be going now. I've already sat here for two hours, talking to you. Just like always, huh? Like you were here with me. Okay, I really do have to go. I love you. I'll see you again…someday." She kissed her fingertips and placed the kiss on the picture of him that was engraved on the stone, picked up her purse, and turned to walk back to her car, tears streaming down her face. She felt his presence again and heard him whisper to her as she left,
"I love you, too."
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song Who You'd Be Today.