Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer own all things Twilight. We just borrow her characters and screw up their lives.
A/N:
Hey guys, this is our first fanfic story, so we hope you enjoy. We have been thinking about this for a long time, and finally decided to just do it and see what you readers think. Also, just FYI, if you go to the upper right hand corner of your computer screen, and click on the 1/2 page thing, it's alot easier to read! Have a good time reading! More A/N at the bottom!
Haunted Memories of Misguided Souls: Chapter 1
I woke with a start, gasping for breath and trying to bring myself back to the present. Right. My room, Renee and Phil's condo in Phoenix. I'm not there anymore. It didn't just happen. One glance out of my window showed the disgusting heat and humidity already settling in. And it's only 9 in the morning…. Great.
Today is my final day to pack and I can already tell that I will be too exhausted to function properly. Having these dreams/nightmares/flashbacks, whatever you want to call them, is seriously weighing me down. It's been 8 months since that night, and I still haven't been able to get a full nights' sleep. Of course I cant let Renee know how bad its gotten because she'll go all mega-mom on me and try to put me back in therapy. Not that I don't appreciate her 'loving attempts' they are just useless. I can hear footsteps coming down the hall. Ahhh… speaking of….
"Bella, honey?" Renee calls though the door.
"Yeah ma, I'm awake." I clear my throat. Sometimes when my nightmares are real bad, I wake up feeling like I've been screaming all night. I probably have.
Renee walks in and, glancing around, her eyes settle on me. She sucks in a deep breath before coming to sit on the edge of my bed. Oh gosh, here we go.
"Bella, are you sure you don't want help packing your things? I know you're upset about moving, but that doesn't mean you have to do this alone…"
"Mom. Trust me, I'm fine. I need to do this myself." How many times do I need to tell her this?!
Renee starts again, "Well, you know I hate having to do this, but I'm just at a loss here. I want to help you; you don't always have to face things on your own. I'm here for you. I know we're not very close, but you know I love you."
Right. Maybe if you hadn't spent half of my life chasing men around, we'd be a little bit closer! Not that I'd ever tell her that to her face.
Instead I say, "I know mom. I love you too. Don't worry about me; I'll be fine in Forks. I'll be with Charlie."
"Alright honey, if you're sure…." Renee says, sounding all hopeful that I'll change my mind. Ha. Like that'll happen.
"I am, but if I need your help with anything, I promise to call you."
This seems to please her enough to hop off the bed and head towards the door. She calls after her as she walking down the hall, "Ok, I'll be downstairs if you need me."
Phew. I love my mother, but I'm just not in the mood for her optimistic bullshit.
I glance at the clock on my bedside table, 2:57. I've been going as slow as possible and time still hasn't passed. I'm pretty much done with my packing; all that's left are the shelves in my closet. I've been saving those for last because I know those boxes house a lot of old memories that I just don't want to face.
I zipped up my suitcase with the last of my clothes in it, not that there's much. Forks' weather is like the polar opposite from Phoenix's. Sweaters and Jeans are going to be my new wardrobe since there wont ever be a chance for me to wear my tanks and t-shirts. God I feel like I'm moving to bum-fuck Alaska.
With a groan, I pick myself up from my spot on the floor and head towards the closet. I open it up and start pulling boxes down, reminding myself not to look at anything too closely, for fear of having another anxiety attack. The first box is all old school work and assignments. The next one turns out to be the one thing I wanted to avoid, pictures. I glance through them quickly, picking out ones to take and shove the box into a corner. One day I will be able to go through it the right way. Just not today. And onto the last box. One glance inside brings back so many memories I feel like I cant breathe. I have to face this. Jake would want me to suck it up and face it.
I start rummaging through all of the things from my best friend with tears streaming down my face. God, why are you so cruel to me? In the very bottom of the box in the corner is a wrapped gift that I've never seen before. It has a note attached to it and I recognize Renee's writing right away.
Bella,
I know you are going through things, and I figure you are not ready to open this. It is a birthday present from Jacob that they found in his belongings. If, by the time you are reading this, you don't feel ready to face this, its fine. You will one day. I love you, and never forget that Jake would want you to be happy.
Mom
My breathing is so erratic I honestly feel like I'm having a heart attack. But I have to do this. Like I said, Jake would want me to suck it up and face it. With that thought, I tear open the package. It's a good-sized box, about the size of a Christmas card. Breathe, Bella, Breathe. I chant in my head over and over. I open it up and the first thing I see is a card. I open it up and read.
Bella!
Happy Sweet 16! Wow, you're getting old! Oh wait… I'm sixteen too. Well, I don't want to get all girlie and sappy, so I will keep this short. I love you and I wanted you to have something special for your special birthday. I hope when you look at it everyday when you wake up, you will think of all of our great times together and smile. I know that what started just as something we randomly said to each other turned into our thing, but you know that I absolutely mean it. When I say I will forever love you and be there for you, I'm speaking the truth. No matter where our lives take us, I will always be near you, and you will always be near me. We live in each other's hearts. You're my best friend. Happy birthday, I love you.
Jake
P.s. Oh and btw, my matching one is in there too, so don't think you get both!
P.p.s. ok so I just re-read that and I sound kinda girlie, so umm… I'm gonna go play some football! HAHAHA. Bye You Old Fart!!!!
Oh, Jake. Can I even go any further? The card alone crippled me with tears. I have to finish it; I've already come this far. One last deep breath and I look in the box.
My breath catches in my throat as I choke back my tears. A necklace and chain. The necklace has a small feather charm on it and the back has been engraved. I hold it up to the light to read the small words, 'Forever?…'. I look at the chain still in the box, already knowing what his will say. I pull it out and look at the wolf charm and the words on the back. '…Of course…'.
Through the salty mess running down my cheeks I can feel the smile tugging at my lips. It feels so foreign, having a true smile that wasn't forced just for the sake of someone else. I make up my mind right then and there and start un-clasping both of them.
I pull my feather off the necklace and add it onto the chain next to his wolf. After clasping it back together I slip it over my head and let the charms and words rest over my heart. The cold silver pangs against my warm chest and I can feel the memory coming forth, and for once I welcome it.
4 years earlier
"But Jake, I look so stupid in this dress!! You can't expect me to wear this in front of the whole 6th grade!!" I wail through the bathroom door.
"Bella Marie Swan! If you are not out here in 30 seconds I'm throwing all of your Disney books out of your window!!!" Jacob yells through the door, but I can tell he's joking. He is joking right?
I pull open the door to see my best friend Jake standing there in black church pants and a teal button up shirt and I just can't stop myself from laughing. Jake is so dark skinned, being Indian and all, that the teal color just pops right off of him.
"Jake, who dressed you? I thought you were going for casual…." I start snorting at the end to keep the laughter at bay. It's not helping that he's standing in front of me looking so mad he resembles a bull.
" Oh shut your face Bella! My dad made me wear this. As he says, 'Jacob, you are becoming a man, your sixth grade graduation represents your life ahead of you. You will not wear jeans and tennis shoes!'" Jake says in a deep voice trying to imitate his father. "Anyways, what took you so long? And why did you say the dress looked stupid? Bella you look beautiful."
I turn beet red at that. Jacob is always complimenting me and I have a feeling he does it just to see me turn pink. Whatever. "Are you sure Jake? Everyone is going to be there…" I whine.
"Bella, how long have we been best friends?" Jake asks.
"For 2 years, why?"
"Have I ever lied to you about anything?"
"No of course not Jake, I just feel so stupid in this dress, you know I'm not one of those glamour girls that looks fantastic in a dress and strappy shoes!" I feel like I'm going to cry now as again, I second-guess my outfit.
Jake pulls me into one of his big bear hugs and starts running his hands soothingly over my back. "Bella, trust me, you are beautiful. Don't ever doubt that. You are my best friend and I love you. I will always love you Bella."
"Forever?"
"Of course." Jake reassures me.
This seems to take a huge load off of my shoulders and I stand up a little straighter, straighten my clothes out, and reach for Jake's hand.
"Well in that case, lets go graduate Jakie!!" We take off down the stairs and fly out the door, looking forward to next year as big 7th graders at a new school.
End Flashback.
That day so many years ago was one of the best days in my life. After that, we always told each other how much we cared, and yes, that it would be forever. It became our little inside joke, but we both knew how much it meant even when we were just joking around.
With that, I wiped my tears and stood up. Feeling just a little bit stronger now that I had a small piece of Jake with me forever. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for the day tomorrow, might as well try to get a few hours sleep.
The morning passed just as I thought it would. Renee cried and told me how much she loved me and would miss me. I tried to act like I was actually feeling anything, when really I just felt kind of numb. I told her empty words that I couldn't really hear myself saying. I loaded all of my things in the car and we headed towards the airport.
Once we said our official goodbyes I boarded the plane and took my seat next to the window. I popped my headphones into my ears and switched on my ipod, selecting to listen to the songs at random.
I doze off and on for most of the flight until I heard the captain announcing our descent. I sit up and glance out of the tiny window. Clouds and rain. Wonderful. Just as I'm getting ready to turn off my music I hear a familiar song and pause.
Rain on the window makes me lonelyTime keeps on passing so slowly
The old man sittin' next to me is falling asleep
On a Greyhound bound for nowhere
Yeah Miranda Lambert, I know exactly how you feel. The flight attendant comes on the speaker to let us know of our arrival. Guess there's no turning back now. I gather my things and exit the plane, keeping my gaze down at my feet until I'm back on solid ground. I look up and it's so… dark, and green and… wet. This is nothing like home; I don't know how I'm going to survive this.
Here goes nothing.
Walking through the terminal at Sea-Tac Airport was giving me a weird sense of deja vu. I used to come for a week every summer to visit Charlie until a couple years ago, and it felt so wrong coming here to live. I kept my head lowered as I maneuvered my way through this huge airport. And to think this is the biggest town close to my new "home", and it's over 3 hours away. Bah. Not like I have anything better to do than live in a town that's like bum-fuck Alaska, right?
I hear someone calling my name near the baggage claim and look up to see none other than Police Chief Charlie Swan. My lovely, awkward, surprisingly good-looking father.
"Hey Bells, how was your flight?" Charlie asked as he gave me an awkward hug and kiss on my head.
"Hey Ch-…dad. It was fine. Nothing very exciting." He hates it when I call him Charlie. Good thing I caught myself before it slipped out.
"Mmhhmm… well that's good Bells. Lets get your bags and get on the road." And that was the end of conversation for the time being. Thank whatever God there is up there. I'm not in the mood for small talk.
After gathering my whole 3 suitcases, we headed out and towards the car. I can't say that I'm surprised to see that Charlie decided to pick me up in the cruiser, he always had a habit of inadvertently embarrassing me every chance he got. Well, being mortified is something I've grown accustomed to; I am not exactly the most graceful person in the world.
Charlie attempted some small talk for the first hour of the drive, and then found it much more comfortable to just keep quiet. I pulled out my iPod and started scanning through my music, finally coming to a stop on one of my favorite songs by Boys II Men, Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.
How do I say good bye,
To what we had,
The good times that made us laugh,
Outweigh the bad,
I thought we'd get to see forever,
But forever's gone away,
It so hard to say goodbye to yesterday,
I don't know where this road,
Is going to lead,
All I know is where we've been,
And what we've been through,
If we get to see tomorrow,
I hope it's worth all the wait,
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday,
And I'll take with me the memories,
To be my sunshine after the rain,
It's so hard to say goodbye,
To yesterday,
And I'll take with me the memories,
To be my sunshine after the rain,
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
Listening to that makes me want to cry but I haveto keep it together. Don't want to freak Charlie out on my very first day here by bursting into tears and having a panic attack in his car.
I hurry to change the song to something more upbeat, just to beat back my feelings to where they will be locked up once again. Britney Spears' Circus is playing now, and it's brought back my numbness instead of the ever-growing sorrow.
Staring out of the passenger window in the cruiser, it looks like we're in the middle of nowhere, but we've been driving for at least 3 hours, so we must be getting close soon. Just as I think that, I see the sign for Forks coming up on the right.
Just a couple minutes later, we are driving through what the locals call "downtown". Please, this is like the size of my old middle school in Phoenix. I let out a large huff of breath and slump further into my seat. Sounds pretty crazy, but it seems like this rink-a-dink town has gotten even smaller in the 3 years its been since I have visited. Oh joy, oh joy. I will be living in a town where everyone knows everyone else. Kinda hard to be invisible when I will be the talk of the town for the next year! Curse my parents for making me do this.
I just close my eyes and pray for this to be over. Soon enough we are pulling into the bumpy driveway of Charlie's house. Oh right, my house too now. Again, oh joy oh joy! Not. As soon as the car stops I hop out and start pulling out my bags. I just want this day to be over already.
Charlie helps bring my things upstairs to my childhood bedroom, where everything is the same as it's always been. Same exact twin sized bed, same exact black and purple comforter I got in 6th grade. Same exact off-white drapes my mom put up when I was born, same exact rocking chair in the corner. Same everything. I guess he never expected me to grow up, although he's going to have to accept it now. I'm going to change everything in this room as soon as possible. Too many memories arise when I look at things that remind me of before.
I hear a throat clearing behind me, as I stand motionless next to the bed. I turn to see Charlie, standing in the door next to my two big suitcases, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Umm Bells, I know it's not what you're used to, but we can change things if you like, I can even go buy some paint if you want a different color. I know how you teenage girls like to have everything new."
"Thanks Dad, it'll be fine for now. At least until I find a job to buy new things." Oh, that reminds me, I need to find a job and fast. I can't sit in this house all summer long and do nothing.
"Oh I forgot to tell you, I talked to the lady that runs the community center, Wendi? Do you remember her?"
Honestly, no, I don't remember anyone from here. Every summer I came to visit I would keep to myself until it was time to go back home. "Yeah dad, I'm pretty sure I remember her."
"Well, she said that she could possibly get you a job there. It wont be anything super nice or well paying, but it's better than nothing. I think she said that it's mainly a position that you will play with kids all day and monitor the sports areas. She is supposed to give me a call tomorrow to let me know if she was able to get you a position."
"Wow, thanks dad. That sounds great." Apparently I wont have to go job searching after all. Score one for Bella.
"I will let you know what she says and we can figure it out. I will let you get your things unpacked and see you downstairs for dinner. Let me know if you need anything before then."
"Thanks again dad." I call after him and get a grunt in return as he heads down the stairs. At least he leaves me alone and doesn't hover like Renee.
Now, onto unpacking. I grab my luggage and throw everything on the bed to start pulling things out. First off are my clothes, which ends up with the jeans and sweats thrown in the dresser, and the shirt and sweaters thrown haphazardly into the closet. I will deal with that another day, seeing as how I have all the time in the world, not having a life and all. Wow, I should invite people to my pity party. How lame am I? Oh yeah, pretty damn lame. I turn to the second suitcase and unzip the zipper very slowly, as if any second snakes are going to jump out and latch onto me. I can already tell this is going to be the one I've been dreading. Opening it at a painstakingly slow pace, I peer inside. Yep. The suitcase of horrors. Oh Bella, you will be fine. Charlie is right downstairs; your memories wont pull you in too deep this time. Just go through it and get it over with!
I pull out the first photo album and start flipping though it. A couple of my childhood with Charlie and Renee are right in the beginning. We all look so happy; I can't even remember a time that all three of us were together and actually happy. I don't even have real memories of this, all I have is the pictures. Moving onto the next couple of photos, I take a minute to look at them slowly. They represent the first time my world was turned upside down. There were no longer three of us, it was just me and Renee. She looked happy, I looked like my puppy just died. I don't even want to look at this anymore, it brings back useless memories that are such a waste of time.
Album number 2 is next up and my breathing is starting to pick up dramatically. I take three deep breaths and open it. The first picture is of Jake and me in 5th grade, showing off our science project. I can't take this. It hurts too much, and I've already had a long and painful day. The book slams shut and I shove everything back into my suitcase, grabbing it up and throwing it into the back of my closet. I will deal with that tomorrow.
Walking blindly towards my bed, my shins smack into the wooden frame and I just let myself collapse onto the mattress. I know I will have bruises tomorrow, but for now I cant bother to think about it, just letting my tears overtake me.
An hour later I head down the stairs in my ugliest t-shirt and sweats. Seriously, what the hell was my mom thinking buying me a damn Miley Cyrus Party in the U.S.A. shirt?! She thought my reaction was so funny, I decided to only wear it when upset or cleaning. Preferably when cleaning with bleach. Take that Renee. I smell something that sort of resembles a pizza, and look around the corner into the kitchen to see Charlie at the table eating a hot pocket. Are you fucking kidding me??!?!? This is DINNER?! I'd do better eating goddamn cardboard.
I walk over to the fridge and take a peek inside. Week old milk and green cheese. Yum! The freezer isn't much better: frozen pizza, frozen fish, and hot pockets. Well, at least I have something to do tomorrow. Grocery shopping has always been like my yoga and meditation. Walking up and down the isles with a specific list and looking for the cheapest prices, ahh, I can feel it already.
"Charlie? Do you not eat real food here?" I ask with my back facing him.
"Yeah, in the freezer." Followed by some sort of animal sounding grunt. Well guess I'm stuck with this crap tonight.
I heat up the sorry excuse of a meal and start rummaging through the cabinets, noting what we could use. Damn, how did he live off of this crap before? It's like food you'd feed a skinny mouse.
The microwave dings and I grab it out, bundling it up in a napkin as I walk towards the door. "G'day sir." I say in a horrible British accent as I walk out, leaving a shocked Charlie in my wake. I don't think I've ever been sarcastic or said any type of joke to him before. Damn you brain. Start using your mouth filter every now and again! It's there for a reason! Now Charlie's going to think I'm crazy or something. Oh just forget it. I am crazy. I head up the stairs, shaking my head at the ongoing war inside of my brain. I look down to see the nasty food in my hand seeping grease through the napkin. Ugh! Well, here going nothing. Cheers!
The next couple of days passed pretty slowly. I went grocery shopping, cleaned, cooked, cleaned some more, and sat in my room the rest of the time. Not a whole lot to do in bum-fuck Forks when you have no friends, and don't really want any.
The lady Wendi from the Community Center called to let us know that I got the job, so I pretty much just spent the rest of the week preparing myself for that. At least I have something to look forward to now, even though I'm not the least bit excited to spend my days playing with kids all day long. Something is better than nothing, right?
As I got ready for bed the night before my first day at work, I took a chance and peeked at a picture in my dresser drawer. Jake in 7th grade, when he lost a dare and had to let me put his long hair in pigtails. It hurt to look at it, but I felt like the tears were tears of strength, so I stared at it just a little while longer. I will take any type of strength I could get, because I sure as hell couldn't bring it along on my own. I reached down and ran my finger over his face and pigtailed hair, remembering that day, before closing the drawer and climbing into bed.
The tears started to subside, and before I knew it, I was drifting off into a fitful sleep.
A/N:
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