Disclaimer: I do not own Archer

Ray hated Archer. Archer wasn't gay. Archer was also a horrible person. These were facts but as it turns out, he wasn't that horrible. Ray had just gotten shot in the arm, not paralyzed or blinded but it could be fatal. The likelihood of it ending hp with Ray dying increased due to Archer being shitfaced drunk. It increased again when the fact that they were lost in the middle of the desert. "Yuuuur so gay!" Archer slurred as he wobbled on his feet.

"That's the seventh time you said that!" Ray screeched.

"Are yuuuu gunna dieee?" Archer asked as he noticed Ray's bloody arm.

"Probably." Ray snarled.

"Wullll I guess we butter do ittt." Archer slurred.

"W-what?" Ray froze. He was pretty sure if the bullet wound in his arm causing him to bleed out, or the heat stroke didn't kill him, Archer might just give him a brain aneurism.

"Sex." Archer said as if it were no big deal. Ray was sure he was having an aneurism. Maybe a hallucination. "Cause yuuuur gunna dieee." Archer clarified as he began stripping.

"You're an ass." Ray waved the offer off. Archer either didn't hear or was pretending not to have heard because he just kept on stripping off his clothes. Ray felt like he shouldn't look but his eyes did wander. Damn Archer was hot, his skin scarred and taught. His muscles bulged slightly as he worked off his pants. Ray managed to tear his eyes away when Archer got to his boxers. "Cmon Rayyy." Archer purred as Ray's vision was impaired by the man's boxers being slung over his eyes.

"No." Ray said definitively. "I don't want your pity sex."

"Don't you?" Archer asked in his I-know-you-want-me-voice.

"I won't be able to get my shirt off." Ray sighed, giving in.

"I can handle zat." Archer said as he carefully pulled his boxers off Ray's head and slowly pulled out a knife. His hands were skilled, even as drunk as he was, as he carefully cut the shirt into strips. Ray wondered if Archer had thought cutting it into strips now would make it easier to tie into bandages later but decided Archer wasn't that smart. When he slowly worked off Ray's shorts and boxers, pulling off the sandals with them. "Rrrrr yuuuuu top rrr buttum?" Archer asked when they were both sufficiently naked.

"Bottom." Ray said before Archer roughly yanked the blond against him.