Flap of a Butterfly's Wing
By Autumn Win-Dow
(AoGA House Cup. Words: 591)
They are everywhere.
They stare, they judge, they despise, they scoff, they fear.
They make assumptions about you, assumptions without any proof—to them, you are heartless, ugly, a freak.
To them, you are dangerous.
And even though they do not have a speck of proof to support themselves, they choose to believe themselves—they begin to hate you because of the image they have built for you.
But you know exactly why they do it—why they chose you to be the spectacle of the pitiful Alice circus.
Perhaps it's the way your present yourself to them—you are already a stand-out with your messy black hair which hides your long eyelashes and slanted eyebrows, but you are sure that it is the bandages concealing half of your face which make them fear you.
They cannot see your eyes. They fear not knowing you. Instead of directly looking at you in the eye, they choose to taunt indirectly—but who ever said you cared about that?
…You don't care, but you aren't exactly enlightened by the prospect.
Perhaps it is because you are classified by the school as dangerous—and even then, you know that you are one of the least liked out of your class.
Rui has confidence—he is the brightest firefly, the light of the middle class division.
Nobara has beauty and respect on her side—a ladybug with the ability to withstand everything with a sweet smile.
Hayate has a rare cheerfulness and efficiency—an ant, the one who despite all, can make the non-Dangerous Alices smile and laugh with him.
Yoichi is far too young to comprehend, but he already knows himself at a young age—a centipede, in synchronisation with everything around him.
And you don't even want to get started on Natsume.
They all have certain charms which manage to blur the segregation of normal and Dangerous Alices, but you know that you have nothing. You do not talk, you do not charm, and you don't plan to do anything about it.
You are merely an estranged caterpillar, trying to make sense of the cruel word as you live on by your own.
You don't need them. You don't need your impolite classmates—they don't want you either. You don't need the other dangerous ability students—they do not have to struggle every day, like a moth caught on a spider web. You don't need Persona—even though he is the only one who understands how you feel as a masked man, he is only concerned about his own tragic life. Your life is trivial to his.
But at times, you hope that things could be different, even for a moment.
The most beautiful thing to ever approach you was a butterfly—the ultimate transformer. As it balanced lightly on your finger and flapped its vibrant wings, you wondered if you could be like a butterfly too.
Could you ever change?
It is a rhetorical question, but you don't know if you even want to know the answer.
But all you know is that like the flap of a butterfly's wings—the most delicate movement to ever be executed—anything could change from the most irrelevant decision.
For now, however, it is not yet time. The scars underneath your bandages have yet to heal, and so have your eyes.
You are not ready to see the world in full clarity yet—it is too evil for you to bear.
It is not yet the world where a caterpillar can survive against a wolf.