Falling in love. It wasn't something Lovino had planned on. Hell, he'd spent the majority of his life trying to avoid it. From what he'd seen, it led to nothing but suffering. It was a drug that made you feel amazing for a while, but the high would always end. Lovers used each other up until they were hollow, emotionless husks of their former selves. Once you got hooked, you couldn't let go, but each hit got less satisfying, until it stopped working altogether. It led to loneliness and false expectations and crying and broken families. It led to real drugs, the kind you inject into your veins, and bruised eyes and empty wallets. It led to one night stands to try and fill the void with booze and worthless whispered nothings. It led to children being sent to their grandparents' to live, not understanding why they couldn't see their mother anymore.
It was something that felt good at first, but tore you apart in the end.
But sitting here with Antonio's arm around his shoulder and a cup of cocoa in his hand, Lovino could understand why people found it so addictive. He almost hated himself for giving in so easily when he knew what it could do to him. He knew that Antonio would leave him eventually. It was only a matter of time. As soon as Feliciano left that bastard Ludwig, Antonio would go after the twin he'd wanted all along. Lovino knew he was just a understudy for now. He had the same face as his perfect brother; he made a perfect replacement.
Lovino pulled a handful of Antonio's shirt into a possessive fist, fearing that he could be swept away at any moment. He was so damn scared of getting hurt, he couldn't stand it.
"Lovi, what's wrong?" Antonio's innocent lilting voice broke through Lovino's thoughts and dragged him back to reality. Antonio was here, with him.
For now.
"Nothing."
Everything.
"I love you."
And I hate myself for it.
So why can't I stop?