Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
...
It was their one year anniversary and Draco wanted to do something to celebrate. It was a bit sappy and sentimental of him...he knew that, but he couldn't help it. Harry seemed to bring out all these feelings that he never even knew that he was capable of. It's not as if it is a wedding anniversary, he thought as he tried to talk himself out of doing something special to mark the day. But it didn't work. It was exactly a year since their first date...they had been a couple for a whole year. A fact that Draco thought was significant and definitely worth celebrating, but he didn't know whether Harry felt the same way or not.
He sighed as he stared out of the window, watching the sunrise and feeling rather lonely. Harry had gone out with his friends the previous night and he had probably gone back to his house...unless he'd got too drunk and wound up sleeping on the Granger-Weasley couch. A thought that Draco didn't like at all. Not because he resented Harry's friends but because he couldn't help but feel that Harry should be coming home to him. It didn't matter if he was drunk, Draco would've been quite happy to pick Harry up and bring him back home. But Harry had never asked. Draco had even offered a couple of times, but Harry had refused, saying that he would be fine, his friends would take care of him
"But I want to be the one who takes care of you, Harry!" he'd wanted to shout. But he'd bit his tongue and kept quiet. He hadn't wanted to put Harry off by being needy and acting all possessive. But the truth was that somewhere along the way he had fallen rather hopelessly in love with the man and he wanted them to live together and plan a future together...be a proper couple. But Harry didn't seem to want any of that. Not that they had ever talked about it properly...
Draco had dropped several hints, but Harry had never responded. Was it because he simply hadn't picked up on the hints or because he was choosing to ignore them? Draco had no idea. And then there was the issue of moving in together. Draco had brought it up a couple of times, but Harry hadn't really responded. He never said no, exactly, but he never said yes either. It was driving him crazy. He wanted, no he needed to know what Harry felt for him.
But Harry was rather hard to read. He was warm and affectionate and bloody amazing in bed. He was also very appreciative of Draco's body and very vocal about his desire for him, but he never talked about his feelings. He'd never said anything that might lead Draco to believe that he might love him. And he never talked of their future or said anything to suggest that he wanted something lasting with Draco. And yet, he was tender and thoughtful and though he never said it, he certainly behaved as if he missed Draco when he wasn't around. It was all very confusing.
It was a couple of months since Draco had figured out his feelings and it was getting harder and harder to keep quiet about them. He had to bite his tongue every time they hugged, every time they shared a meal, a movie, a walk or even just a quiet afternoon. And every time they made love, Draco was dying to just blurt it out...and one of these days, he just might. He didn't know what the consequence of that would be. Would Harry reciprocate or would he be embarrassed and uncomfortable because he didn't feel the same way?
What did Harry really think of this relationship? Did he see a future for them? Did he want them to have a future or was this all just a bit of fun? Draco had no way of knowing, not unless he chose to be direct and just ask the questions instead of being all subtle and Slytherin about it. He'd dropped hints, he'd asked these questions in a very roundabout way and nothing had come of it. Harry continued to be oblivious. Maybe it was time to be direct...he would be risking rejection, of course...that was the fear that had held him back all this time. But he simply couldn't stand the not knowing anymore.
Draco sighed. He thought some more and then he made a decision. He would plan a date, something that he was sure that Harry would like and then he would just tell him and...well, it would be up to Harry then. He may not love him and he may not want a future with him...Merlin! just thinking that hurts, Draco thought as he felt his heart twist painfully in his chest. But he got a hold of himself. Even if that were the case, he had to know. He had to do this, he had to take a chance.
So he made his plans and sent Harry an owl asking him to meet him at his apartment at six-thirty in the evening. He kept the note brief. He didn't say anything that might make Harry suspect that it was not going to be a regular evening together. Harry replied, saying that he would be there. Then Draco went about making his preparations, resolutely not thinking about the possible outcome of the evening.
...
It was six-thirty. Draco had bathed and dressed and he was pacing up and down his living room, straightening cushions, rearranging his books and flicking invisible flecks of dust off the furniture and generally driving himself crazy. Then the Floo flared and Harry stepped through, looking as delectable as ever. He was wearing a rather snug-looking pair of black denims and a forest green shirt...both of which Draco had bought for him. Draco went slack jawed for a moment and then he gathered himself. "Merlin, Harry! You look delicious. I could just eat you," he said, feeling his pulse quicken when Harry blushed.
It was only then that he noticed the way Harry was looking at him. Draco knew that he looked good. He'd deliberately chosen the charcoal grey slacks and the black shirt. He knew that Harry loved to see him in black. "It really sets off your colour," he'd told him once. He stood there waiting and watching as Harry collected himself and walked over to him. "You are utterly gorgeous," Harry said and then he put his arms around Draco and drew him into a lingering kiss.
Draco put all his worries aside and gave in to that kiss and for a while there was nothing other than the heat of their bodies the mingling of their breaths and the small moans and little needy noises that slipped out of them as they fell into a well practiced rhythm. But familiar as it was, there was something different about it today. There was a whole new level of intensity that Draco had never experienced before. He found himself getting swept away in an overwhelming tide of desire, but he didn't want this to end with them naked and panting on the floor. He'd planned something very special tonight and if he wanted to make it happen, this had to stop now.
So he gently pulled away, feeling rather pleased when he heard Harry's soft mewl of disappointment.
"There will be time enough for all this and more, Harry," he said as he took Harry's hands in his and kissed them softly. "I have something special planned for us tonight."
Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? What's the occasion?" he said.
The question stung. He either doesn't know, or he does and he doesn't think it's important, Draco thought. "Nothing," he said as calmly as he could manage. "I just thought we could do something different from the usual, that's all."
"So what are we doing?"
"We're going somewhere," Draco said.
"Where?"
"You'll know in just a minute," Draco said as he put his arms around Harry and turned on the spot. Harry felt the familiar tug around his navel as they disppeared from Draco's appartment and landed on a hill...somewhere. They were standing in the shade of an old oak tree. It was the middle of summer so the sun was still out and it lit up the trees and the grass and the fields in the distance. It was beautiful...Harry looked up to see Draco watching him intently, almost as if he was looking for an answer to a question, though Harry had no idea what that question might be. But this didn't feel like the best time to ask, so he let it go.
Then he smiled and said, "Draco, this is beautiful. Where are we?"
"Hampshire."
"Why Hampshire?" Harry was obviously curious.
Draco coloured a little, the way he did every time he was about to confess to thinking or doing something sentimental. It was a sight that Harry found quite adorable.
"My family used to own an estate here and we would come here every summer. I have some good memories of this place and...I wanted to share it with you," Draco said, his colour deepening as he finished. He drew a small basket out of his pocket and pointed his wand at it. It grew into a large picnic basket. "I thought we could have an old-fashioned picnic."
"In the evening?"
"Why not? There's still plenty of light and I thought we could stay a few hours and..."
"And what?"
Make love under the stars, he wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to say it, somehow.
"What is it?" Harry asked, sure now, that there was something that Draco was not telling him.
"Nothing," Draco said, as he opened the basket and pulled out a couple of blankets.
Harry didn't believe that even for a moment. But he decided not to push, at least not yet. So he helped Draco spread the blankets on the floor, kicked off his shoes and helped him unpack the basket. It was a typical picnic meal, sandwiches, biscuits, tea and cake. They leaned against the tree as they ate and they talked about their day and their friends and a few other inconsequential things while their minds were clearly elsewhere.
They packed up the basket when they were done. Harry set it aside and then he settled himself against the broad trunk of the oak tree and he reached for Draco and drew him close, so that Draco was sitting between his legs with his head resting on Harry's shoulder. They sat quietly for a while as they took in the view and let the silence settle over them. Draco felt comforted by the silence and warmed by the way Harry was holding him. He leaned a bit closer and nuzzled against Harry's neck...Harry hummed in response.
Draco sighed. This was such a perfect moment and he wanted to forget everything else and just enjoy it. But he couldn't, not when he didn't know where all of this was headed. He had to ask. He had to know. He turned his head and kissed Harry lightly on his lips.
"There's something I need to tell you," he said.
"What?" Harry asked as he gently ran his fingers through Draco's hair.
"I love you," Draco said. The words were out. He'd said them and now his heart was pounding in his chest and he felt like he might be sick any moment.
Harry looked incredulous, like he couldn't believe what he had just heard. Draco felt his heart sinking, but he stayed where he was and he kept his eyes on Harry, waiting for him to respond.
"You...what?! What did you just say?" Harry said finally.
"I said I love you, Potter. Focus, will you?" Draco said, a bit of his snark returning despite his nervousness.
Harry stared at Draco, as if he was trying to make sure that he meant what he said. Then he almost sagged with relief..."Oh thank Merlin!" he said and then he lunged for Draco and kissed him fiercely. Draco was still trying to work out what was happening when Harry pushed his tongue into his mouth and then Draco didn't want to think anymore. He figured that it could only be a good thing if Harry was kissing him like that in response to his confession. So he put his hands around Harry's neck and let himself go.
He twined his fingers through Harry's hair and moaned when Harry ran his hands down his back and gripped his arse. He angled his head and thrust his tongue into Harry's mouth, kissing him pssionately as he finally gave way to the pent-up feelings of the last few months. They kissed for a long time and they were both flushed, breathless and painfully hard when they were finally able to stop. They held on to each other as they tried to catch their breaths, both aware that they needed to talk before this could go any further.
"Okay, so what was that?" Draco said after a while.
"That was me trying to tell you that I love you too," Harry replied, looking a bit sheepish.
"Not that I'm complaining, I mean that was by far the best kiss I've ever had, but why couldn't you just say it, instead of going all cave man on me?" Draco said, his voice laced with amusement.
"I couldn't stop myself," Harry said, as he blushed and looked away.
Draco put his hand on Harry's face. "Look at me," he said softly.
Harry turned and they looked at each other for a long minute and for the first time Draco saw Harry's feelings clearly in his eyes. There was love, desire, passion and need and it was all so intense that Draco could almost not bear to look. If Harry loved him, why had he never said so? Why had he never agreed to Draco's suggestion that they move in together? It was all very confusing.
"Why did you not tell me, Harry?" he asked gently.
"Because I didn't think you felt the same way."
"Why would you think that?"
"How could I not think that? You were the one who said you didn't believe in love and that it was all sappy, sentimental nonsense which only suits silly Gryffindors like me."
"But, Harry, that was..."
"A couple of years before we started dating, I know, but I had no reason to believe that you had changed your opinion. You said yourself that you get bored of relationships and the longest you'd ever been with anyone was six months," Harry said and Draco found himself cringing at the memory. Harry was right. He had said all those things, believed them even, and what made it worse was that he'd said it on their first date and Harry had taken those words to heart.
"I was such an idiot! I'm so sorry, Harry, I just ugh! I have no excuse," Draco said.
He looked so stricken..."Hey it's okay," Harry said. He stroked Draco's cheek and kissed him lightly. Draco shuffled a bit closer and he rested his head on Harry's shoulder and Harry put his arm around him. They sat like that for a while looking at the hills and the trees and beautiful sunlit fields so far below them, as they each tried to wrap their heads around this shift in their relationship...
"There's something I don't understand..." Draco said after a bit.
"What?"
"Why did you ask me out on a second date you know after..."
"You were so charming and witty and interesting on that first date, not to mention gorgeous, that I was...smitten. I couldn't get you out of my head, so I thought I'd take a chance. See if I could change your mind about relationships..."
"And you did...you were just so wonderful that I couldn't help myself. I love you, Harry. I love you so much," Draco said and then he put his arms around Harry and held him close.
Harry nuzzled against Draco's neck. "I love you too and I've been dying to tell you. But I was afraid you'd laugh at me."
"But surely you've seen that I care about you. In fact I'm the who's been trying to take this relationship further...I've been suggesting for months that we move in together. Why would I do that if I didn't care about you? And if you love me, why on earth did you keep putting me off? Don't you want to live with me?"
"Of course I do, but I don't want to move in with you because 'it's convenient or sensible or because it'll make our lives simpler'..."
"Ouch!" Draco said. It didn't feel very good to have his own words quoted back to him...again.
"Exactly. All you ever said was that it would be convenient. And how your place was bigger and better furnished than mine and that I would really be more comfortable there and...you never once said anything about wanting to share a home with me or wanting me to come home to you every night. Not once..."
"Damn!" Draco said. I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't want you to move in with me only because it was convenient...I just wasn't able to tell you the real reasons. I don't do well with sentiment, you know that."
"So what are the real reasons?" Harry asked. Somehow, he needed Draco to say the words.
Draco understood, of course. He took a deep breath, then he turned around so he was facing Harry. He reached for Harry's hands and kissed them lightly. "I love you," he said, "and though we've only been together a year now, I see a future for us. I can honestly see us sharing a home, raising kids, living a life together and...I can see myself growing old with you, Harry. I can see all that and I want it for us. I know it sounds like I'm proposing marriage...and maybe I am, because I really can't picture my life without you any more...I know this is reckless and ridiculously Gryffindor of me, I mean, I don't even have a ring, but, Harry, will you marry me?"
Harry had never been more overwhelmed in his life. It was not just the words, but the look on the Draco's face, the vulnerability in his eyes as he said all those things and the break in his voice as finally asked the question...
Harry squeezed Draco's hands and then he leaned forward and kissed him lightly. "You couldn't have done it better even if you had planned it, you know," he said softly. "I don't give a toss about the ring, but I would love to call you my husband. Happy anniversary, love."
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A/N: I need to know what you think...so please leave a review on your way out.