''Its his soul … its gone''
Dean had stood there, not protesting as Cas had given Sam the leather belt to bite down on, as he had told him he would need it. They had all known this wasn't going to be a picnic. He hadn't moved as Sam had screamed out. Not even when, as Cas was done, Sam had slumped as far forward in the chair as his bindings would allow, unconscious now that it was over.
''It's gone….''
He couldn't help himself then, had to move forward, be closer to the still form of his brother. Still he stopped just short of the chair,hand hovering, resisting the urge to reach out, touch him. They had known something was wrong, hell he had feared the worst - that Lucifer was somehow still inside him, that he was a monster - but that was the kicker right there wasn't it ? That he had been right after all .. Dean rubbed a hand across his eyes, hadn't Cas just said that he was little more than a monster now ? He shook his head, and turned, backing away, would have left the room entirely if he hadn't known Bobby would be somewhere just outside, waiting to know what was happening. After everything he couldn't be losing his brother again, not so soon
….Dean was looking from where he was collapsed against the Impala - pain radiated through him so that it was all he could do just to stay conscious, to keep his focus on the man in front of him, his brother.."Its gonna be ok Dean," Sam had panted "its gonna be ok, i've got him" he watched, barely able to see - have too, for Sammy - through his good eye as Sam nodded to him, turned, spoke the incantation, used the horsemen rings to open the cage - the mouth of hell. He was unable to help as Adam, Michael had tried to stop Sam, fought with him. He watched helplessly as Sam pushed himself backwards, as they grappled briefly and both tipped over into the mouth of the pit out of Deans sight...
He had lost what was left of family that day - his brother, that he would have traded places with if he could was gone taken from him again in front of his eyes, and Jake - the young man who he never really had the chance to be a brother to had died for the second time just because he had been cursed to be born a Winchester.
He had gone to Lisa, because he had promised to, and because he knew that he wouldn't have had the strength to go on alone. For a year Dean had clung to her and Ben, as his reasons to keep going, keep living and he had slowly but surely began to carve out a life for himself. Had worked a steady job for the first time in his life, came home every night to the same woman, to a family, his family, until the day Sam had come back into his life, when Dean had learned he was alive. He hadn't wanted to draw away, hadn't meant to lose her and Ben, but he should have realized that from the moment he saw Sam it had been the beginning of the end. He couldn't have his apple pie life.. not and have his brother too …
Dean turned to Cas, who had been silently standing just behind him, waiting for Dean to speak, to react. ''He's m'brother Cas - he's all I…we have to find a way…'' Dean's head dropped. He couldn't have gone through the pain of losing his brother of seeing him die in front of him again, been unable to save him, can never save him.. and then get him back. Couldn't have lost Lisa and Ben - his one chance for a real life, not to give up on him now, not for it to end like this.
''We will Dean'' Cas's direct blue eyes shifted briefly to Sam who was still unconscious, still sagged forward in the chair before coming back to meet Deans gaze ''We will find a way to help him''
Dean spoke again, quietly, voice determined now ''We have to''