Prologue
Morty got out of bed yawning only to be grabbed, yanked out of bed and pulled through a portal. "What the hell Rick?!" Morty stammered.
"No time for you wh-whining Morty, I have something I need you for." Rick belched, taking a swig of his flask.
"What? I have school you know. Y-You can't just be taking people out of bed t-to go on crazy adventures, you know." Morty groaned rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Morty, we both know you're only saying that because you want to look at that Jessica girl's tits." Morty took a step forward breaking a stick on the ground.
"Where are we? Some planet where the entire population is i-insect people who live in forests?" Morty asked.
"N-No M-Morty! We are not in a world where the humans are insects, that would be stupid. Besides, I already went there yesterday, y-you'd be surprised what I found." Rick said.
"W-what'd you find R-Rick?" Morty asked, rubbing his foot.
"T-that's not important M-Morty, I wanted you to see this!" Rick belched, shoving a bush aside, revealing a large sign in the distance.
"Mystery Shack? What do you need me here for Rick?" Morty groaned getting irritated by his new surroundings.
"I n-need you to blend in with me M-Morty." Rick said stepping out of the woodlands. "Come on M-Morty, follow my lead." Rick said, taking steps toward the sign.
"I don't have any clothes, Rick!" Morty whined.
"You don't need clothes M-Morty! It's fine here, besides n-nobody's around." Rick said continuing to walk.
"Then why aren't y-you naked?" Morty asked, grabbing parts of the bush to cover himself.
"Because M-Morty, I already had clothes on." Rick said, stopping in front of the building apparently called the Mystery Shack. "Come on M-Morty, we don't have all day!" Rick yelled at Morty, who began to sprint, losing leaves in the process.
"Could you at least give me s-shoes?" Morty said, looking down at his feet covered in dirt and insect guts.
"You're not at a funeral, Morty, just come on." Rick muttered, reaching inside of his coat as he strode inside.
" Welcome to the Mystery Shack, care for a tour? Of course you do!" Rick and Morty heard from behind the counter. An old man in a fez said stepping forward. Rick's eyes met the man's and a silence fell.
"You can take off the the eyepatch, P-Pines." Rick belched. "We're not here for a tour or any of your shitty merchandise." Rick said, placing his flask back in his coat.
"We?" the man asked.
"Yeah, g-genius. Me and-" Rick looked around to see Morty was nowhere in the shop. "M-Morty! Get in here!" Rick yelled at the entrance
"I-I don't know, Rick," Morty called from outside. " I'm still not wearing anything, and don't places like these usually have a 'no shirt no shoes' policy? And won't they throw you in jail or something?".
"Might I interest you in some Mystery Pants, perhaps a Mystery Shirt?" Pines asked.
"What's the mystery with your shitty merchandise, nobody knows what it's m-made out of or some bullshit like that?" Rick said, narrowing his eyebrows at Pines.
"The mysteries are a Pines family trade secret." Pines said.
"The secret is that it's all a fraud." Rick said, rolling his eyes.
"Shut it, Sanchez! Do you want the clothes or not?" Pines yelled, flipping his eyepatch up from his left eye.
"Want and need are t-two very different things P-Pines." Rick said.
"Shut up and buy the clothes R-Rick!" Morty said. "There's kids out here, s-staring at me..." Morty whined from outside.
"Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" A boy in a blue vest and hat with a pine tree on it asked.
"Dipper! Obviously he's wearing clothes, they're just invisible." A girl in a pink sweater with a kitten face sewn onto it said.
"Mabel, you and I both know clothes like those don't exist." The boy said.
"Only if you don't understand the basic concepts of particle physics. Any m-moron can make invisible clothes, but you'd have to be really stupid to actually wear them." Rick yelled. "Besides he's not wearing invisible clothes."
"Ok..." Mabel said.
"Rick buy the clothes already!" Morty yelled. Pines stepped to the clothes.
"Here ya go, one pair of Mystery Pants and a Mystery Shirt. That'll be eighty dollars." Pines said, lowering his eyepatch over his right eye.
"But Grunkle Stan you normally charge fifty dollars for that combo." The boy said, walking into the shack.
"I'm giving Sanchez a discount." Stan said.
"Discount means to l-lower the price." Rick said.
"They were on sale..." Stan said, looking Rick in the eye.
"But you never put things on sale." The boy said.
"Dipper, I'm trying to do business here." Stan said.
"Fine." Rick said, reaching into his right coat pocket.
"Buy the clothes Rick!" Morty yelled.
"Fine M-Morty. If you want to give money to a con-man but this comes out of your allowance." Rick said, instead reaching for his left coat pocket.
"You don't give me an a-allowance Rick!" Morty yelled.
"Well now you know why!" Rick yelled, handing four twenty dollar bills to Stan. Rick threw the clothes at the store entrance.
"You owe me eighty bucks now M-Morty." Rick groaned, drinking from his flask.
"These are too big Rick." Morty complained walking into the store wearing a green shirt with a question mark on it, nearly falling off of him. Rick looked to Stan who grabbed a sign from behind the counter and hung it from the register. The sign read: No Refunds...
"Store policy... can't be changed." Stan said.
"You're the owner." Dipper said.
"Family policy then." Stan said, switching the eyepatch to look at Dipper.
"See Morty, a con-man, ready to deny any instance of a possible r-refund." Rick said.
"Before you start arguing with him, could you at least tell me where we are, Rick?" Morty asked, tripping over his shirt.
"Where are you, you ask? Why, you're in the most mysterious town in all of Oregon, Gravity Falls." Stan answered, pointing toward his snowglobes reading gravity falls.
"Is your name Rick all of a sudden, Pines? He asked me n-not you." Stan continued to speak,
ignoring Rick. "You can buy one of these, one of a kind, patented Gravity Falls snowglobes for only te-fifteen dollars.
"Come on Morty, you have your clothes, let's go." Rick said, dragging Morty out of the store by his oversized shirt.
"Grunkle Stan, who were those guys?" Dipper asked as the pair left.
"Rick Sanchez is the old jerk, I don't know who the short one was." Stan said.
"Maybe he was his dad? I mean, he talked about an allowance earlier." Mabel said.
"Who cares, all that matters is that I got his-" Stan reached into his pocket and pulled out lint. "Where'd it go!?" Stan began to yell looking through each of his pockets. Four green creatures scurried from under his pants, making a beeline for the store entrance.
"Is that money moving?" Dipper asked, pointing at the four green creatures. Stan looked in dismay as the money ran out the front door.
"Sanchez..." Stan huffed.
The green creatures scurried to Rick, who proceeded to lower his wallet for them to enter. "What are those things, Rick?" Morty asked. "I-Is that what you found from that planet of insect people?"
"N-No M-Morty, they are not from that universe of insect people, these come from a universe where each and every creature's home looks like a wallet." Rick said, stowing the wallet into his left coat pocket.
"That sounds s-stupid, Rick." Morty said, holding his pants and shirt up, trying not to trip again.
"I don't create the universes, M-Morty, I just traverse them." Rick said, stopping to take a gulp from his flask.