*Sigh* Ok, this is my first complete story, first LoTR story, first time putting anything on ff.net, and first, well, everything. I actually *was* writing another LoTR fic, but I got a giant writer's block of cheese which I'm currently trying to eat my way through. Awell. I actually only wrote this in about...maybe an hour an' a half in all. Heehee, I have absolutely *NOTHING* against any of the characters if any of you find this discriminating. Especially Pip, Sam, Frodo, Merry, Gandalf....wait, that's all whose in here....
Yeah, this is Pre-LoTR. Frodo and Sam find a bird while walking and need to make haste to Gandalf who, for the purpose of this story, is the only one capable of healing the little thing's twisted leg. So on with it! All flames will be used to fire up Frodo and I's heaty bonfire of love! *Roasts marshmallow over bonfire...ice forms all over it making it into an icemallow* aw bugger...
If any of these characters were mine...heh...heheheheh. You wouldn't even wanna know the horrors.
So yah. They're not. But if they were...heh...heheheheh...heh.
~*~Gandalf, What The Hell Are you Doing In My Bush?~*~
....For lack of a better title...
Samwise startled at the sudden bang of the famous green door of Bag-End. He paused his clipping and looked at his master, just emerged from the smial and grinning like a crazed chimpanzee. Frodo caught his stare and bounded over to him "Lookit here, Sam!" Frodo exclaimed to his startled servant "It's quite a lovely day in the shire, and I just can't imagine being stuffed up in this drab old hole much longer! Do take a walk with me and forget all this gardening!" with this, Frodo promptly grabbed Sam's clippers and threw them into a bush, where they unintentional ly hit an eavesdropping Gandalf in the head, yielding him unconscious.
Frodo grabbed his servants hand and started skipping down his frontpath, dragging poor Samwise along.
"Now just a minute! Mr. Frodo! Sir! WAIT A MOMENT!"
Frodo paused and turned to him.
"You...you mean, you don't *want* to go out walking with me?" Frodo's face began to scrunch up as if ready to bawl.
"Oh! Sir, of course I do!" Sam quickly replied before his master could could start the waterworks "It's just, well, it does seem like a bit o rain'll be comin' our way sir, I feel it in me bones, and I do have the garden to tend to..." Sam cast a look at the picture perfect garden, Frodo turned to look also. A bright yellow butterfly was just landing on a red tulip as two blue birds flew overhead, perching atop a cherry blossom tree in full bloom singing songs of love to one another. And who could miss the glorious streaks of sunlight, shining brilliantly through the leaves of Frodo's precious shady willow tree, as the wind blew gently, making slivers of golden shine appear on even the darkest corners of the yard.
"Well, Sam, it will have to wait. I want to go walking, and walking I shall go. I see no sign of cloud, rain or gloom. Now, will you come with me?" Frodo gave his friend a hard stare as he folded his arms.
Sam sighed and looked at the sky , big puffy white clouds slowly moving like molasses across the blue abyss.
"Aye sir, I'll go. But nay much more than willingly."
"Oh thank you Sam! You are a good friend to me!" Frodo once again grinned and grabbed Sam's hand as he pulled him out the gate and along the road. Sam glanced into The Water, bubbling silently beside them, and for a minute, he swear he saw a fish mock him.
Frodo whistled, skipping along the path beside the edge of a crop yard. Sam walked behind him, not as energetic as his master, but he was feeling quite a bit better about the whole situation. Sam smiled as he saw Frodo lean down and pick a small bird out of the brush. But soon the smile faded as he got closer.
"Frodo? What's that you've got there?"
Frodo held the creature delicately.
"A baby bird Sam, I think it's hurt. Poor thing."
Sam walked over and examined it.
"Aye, seems to have a twisted leg, poor fella." He muttered
"Look! Up there, I think I see it's nest!" Frodo was pointing to a branch in a nearby tree.
Sam contemplated trying to put the bird back with it's kin, but decided against it.
"If we put it back, the mum bird will very likely eat it whole, or just not feed it at all...we best leave it be..."
Frodo looked horrified "We can't just let it sit here to die! We've got to do something for it!" He took the little feathered creature from Sam "Gandalf will know what to do. I say we take Robin here to Gandalf."
Sam raised an eyebrow "Robin?"
Frodo's cheeks became tainted with pink
"Well, I couldn't just call it `Bird' now could I?"
"Fine, let's take `Robin' to Gandalf, then what's say we go have elevenses? It will surely be time for it by then."
So they slowly walked back along the crop, little Robin snuggled away in a bit of Frodo's cloak, but with enough air to breath. They were going a different way they had come and Sam was getting worried. He didn't recognize much of the area. Suddenly Frodo stopped.
"Hey! Sam! Look there! It's Merry! And Pip!"
Indeed Meriadoc and Peregrin of the Shire were to be seen not but a bit away.
Both were nestled under a grand oak tree smoking some weed in their delicate pipes, heads downcast as if trying to catch a bit of sleep in the late morning sun.
Frodo ran up to them, carefully cradling the bird in his left hand.
"Hey! Guys! Wake up! Aren't you two scalawags going to greet your favorite cousin?"
The two looked up with slight interest
"Frodo, well, hello, what brings you away out here?" Merry stood, putting out his pipe. "And what in the world is that in your hand?"
Frodo grinned "Why, it's a baby bird! It's quite hurt I'm afraid, and Me an' Sam here are taking it to Gandalf for instant repair!"
"A bird?" Pippins interest was caught. He stood, forgetting his pipe as well. "Let me see, will you?"
After Frodo had shown his new found friend off to an extent, Sam cleared his throat.
They all turned to look at him.
"Hum, we ah, we best be gettin' back to Bag-End Mr. Frodo....'tis gettin' quite late, and if me eyes ain't goin' stale, them there appear to be storm clouds brewin' in the west....Sir."
They turned to the indeed quickly darkening sky and all silently agreed to leave. Merry and Pippin decided to go to Bag-End with them for the Hell of it.
Merry, having his wonderful sense of direction, knew exactly how to get there.
As they walked, the wind grew fiercer by the moment. Trees waved as if pleading to be saved by the powerful force, not a creature could be seen for fear of being blown into the distance, the sun became shadowed by dark, foreboding clouds, promising cold rain that chills to the bone.
The hobbits however.
The hobbits were quite fine. Frodo, Merry, and Pippin's cheerful dispositions just would not let any kind of darkness or danger through. A halo of sunlight and clear calm air surrounded them as they merrily walked along, side by side, chitting the chat. Sam however, Sam was getting chilled to the core. It had started to rain and his poor feet, as well as everything else, were quite soaked. Pippin noticed this and laughed.
"C'mon Sam! Don't be a sourpuss! Let's sing a song! That'll cheer you up and keep that pesky rain away!"
Merry looked at his cousin. "Oh, but what song to sing, Pip? There's so many, and we can't surely sing them *all*!"
Pippin grinned cheerfully, a butterfly flew past his face, then reached the edge of the miracle barrier as torrents of rain hit it and it was quickly forced to the ground into the mud.
"I know just the one! Guys? Number 372B?"
Frodo and Merry grinned
"Aye!" They said in unison. The three linked arms and begin to start.
Sam groaned "Not that o-!"
"Hello world, here's a song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin',
we'll make you happy!"
"Please! Stop!"
"We have a dream
we're gonna travel together
we'll spread a little lovin'
and we'll keep movin' on!
Something always happens
whenever we're together
we get a happy feeling
when we're singin' a song!"
"I'm happy already! You needn't be singin' it!" Sam covered his ears.
"Travelin along
here's a song that we're singin',
C'mon get happy!
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin',
we'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!"
Frodo looked at Sam, huddling on the wet ground rocking back and forth muttering threats of manslaughter.
"I dun believe we made him very happy..."
And so the four went. Pippin, Merry, and Frodo singing songs of joy and laughter, Sam stalking after them muttering things of repercussions and such.
They finally reached Bag-End and a wave of relief overpowered Samwise. The garden was perfectly intact. Not a single blossom nor bud had been disturbed in the least. The storm was subsiding now, and soon was gone completely. Bag-End looked as though it had simply just undergone a lovely spring day in the Shire with droplets of dew hanging for dear life to various flowers and grass blades. Sam helped himself into the smial, caring not that barging into Bag-End was simply a royal no-no, and promptly collapsed in Bilbo's old chair and fell asleep. How tired he was indeed! Meanwhile, Frodo and his cousins were yet outside, waiting for sign of Gandalf. How did he know they needed him? Well, he wouldn't be a very good wizard if he wasn't there when people needed him, now would he.
"No, no he wouldn't." Pippin replied.
"O_o" --Frodo
"What was that Pip?"
Silly hobbit, he wasn't supposed to be hearing this, and replying no less...
"-_-" --Merry
"Ignore it, he does that sometimes" Merry muttered to him.
"Well! How can I help but reply when there's a loud scary voice boomin in my ear?!" Pippin yelled to the sky, then continued to seemingly argue with an unseeable being.
"I tell his folks he needs help, but they refuse to believe that their "precious little boy"...is a total nutcase." Merry continued.
They watched as their poor crazy cousin carried on. Suddenly Pippin passed out from lack of oxygen and promptly landed on the ground with a `thud'.
"I did no-!" *thud*
Gandalf chose that moment to crawl out from the bushes, just regaining consciousness. He looked up and was greeted by two bemused hobbits wondering why in the world the great Gandalf The Gray was residing in a bush outside Bag-End, and one passed out a few feet away seemingly forgotten.
"Oh, bugger..." He muttered and slowly started crawling back into his humble, leafy abode.
"Oh no you don't!" a small fist grabbed the flowing gray robes and yanked him back into the sunlight. Gandalf looked up, then stood, eyes never leaving their source of focus, with a look of threat in them. Meriadoc, remembering just who he had forcefully yanked out of the bush, a scary all knowing and all powerful wizard with capabilities beyond any other race of being, retreated back to where his cousin Frodo stood.
There was silence until Frodo cleared his throat and found the courage to speak.
"Gandalf, old friend, I will not inquire your presence within my bush, though I may like to hear a grand tale of the sure adventures you might have had whilst there," Here Frodo took a deep breath and, slowly but surely, pressed on, holding his precious feathered friend out to the fountain of gray before him "I wish to require your help. I have here, a small creature I found earlier. I've come to believe he's quite hurt, and, being my sensitive, kindhearted, nature-loving, sincere, frie-"
"Enough! You're the best dang person in this entire accursed world, all right already?! Just get on with it!" Meriadoc spat at his cousin. And he had every right to be angry, for it was well past elevenses and all poor Merry had had that day was a few stolen carrots and a pie, fresh off Mrs. Wickerbicker's `sill.
Frodo glowered in his general direction, then continued.
"-and an all around good guy, I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving the poor thing out to decease into nothingness. So, if you could find it within your withered old heart, please do me this favor, and heal my new little friend of it's ailments?"
The two small hobbits looked intently at the wizard, hope clearly in their eyes. Gandalf looked closer. Frodo's eyes held hope for his small insignificant bird thing, while Merry's held hope for a full stomach and- what was that? Oh my...
Gandalf shuddered with distaste. Merry, seemingly knowing Gandalf knew his thoughts, smiled, put a finger to his lips, and winked. This caused the wizard more distress.
Sighing and clearing his mind of disturbance, Gandalf took hold of the bird and, saying a few magic diddly doddly words to it, let it go as it flew away, happy as could be to get away from it's horrid captor.
They all watched as the winged beast became a small dot in the afternoon sky.
"Buh bye Robin. I'll....miss....you..." Frodo choked back a sob. Merry put a comforting arm around his dear friend's shoulders. "There there, Frodo, I'm sure where ever he was going, little...Robin...will be just fine and happy to be back among it's kind."
*Elsewhere*
`Robin' flies, singing a lovely song as he does. He then settles on the ground in front of a beautiful sparkling sapphire lake. He starts to cutely dig in the ground for a worm. A nearby tree falls down smack on top of him.
*Back at Bag-End*
"I hope so." Frodo sniffled "He didn't even say good bye..."
"`Ey? Whazz goin' on?" They turned to look at the newly roused Pippin, a bit groggy from his....nap.
"Issat bird still `ere? What happened? Zuh?" Pippin shook his head, stood, looked up at Gandalf and squinted his eyes at him. Gandalf squinted right back.
"Yes?" He boomed down, trying to frighten the young one a bit.
Not phased in the least, Pippin opened his mouth to speak.
"You know, you are quite old and ugly."
Frodo, Merry, and even a nearby squirrel gasped at this. How could Pippin say that! To the wizard's face no less! Gandalf stood on, looking quite shocked, if only a tiny bit bemused.
"In fact," The Took foolishly continued "I do believe you're the ugliest oldest person I've ever seen! Quite an extraordinary record I must say, for there are many an ugly and indeed, *quite* old people here in the Shire, but you surely top them all by far."
The Wizard sputtered in disbelief as the young hobbit lad continued on with names and places of all ugly and old people he'd ever come to pass.
Samwise, startled out of slumber by his thundering stomach, walked calmly out the smial. Seeing Gandalf, stupefied at something the foolish Took lad was rambling on about, he turned to find Frodo and Merry, engaging in a conversation about cricket with a small woodland creature. A squirrel to be precise. Sam watched as the small being actually gave demonstrations of it's best moves while Frodo took notes. Merry, seeing Sam, jumped up and strided over.
"Samwise, about time you decided to join us again. I am quite hungry. Have you anything to quench my need? Mushrooms? Rolls? Keys to the pantry.....?"
"Indeed I've not, but let us go and order a bit of good ol' take out from the Flaming Gut Deli, shall we? For I know me own innards be tumblin about in need of nourishment. Besides, the pantries are empty."
"Aye, fine then. But I sincerely dun feel like walkin the way. I do wish Frodo kept ponies or horses or some sort of transportation about." Merry sighed, dreading the 3 mile walk to the Deli.
Gandalf took this moment to rid himself of his distressing little pest.
"Worry not Meriadoc! For I have a plan to get you and Samwise to your destination with no trouble at all on your parts."
Moments later, Merry and Sam were riding comfortably on their way in a lovely carriage pulled along by a great noble steed.
"Didja hear that Mer? She called me Noble!" Pip-Horse said.
"Pip, do be quite about this `She, Her, Lady' person, no one but you seems to believe what your saying! I didn't hear anything, and neither did Sam. No one but you EVER hears anything." Merry leaned over and pat Pip-Horse on his long brown-blonde head "Just do your job for now and when we get there, maybe you can have some of the food we're on our way to receive, eh?"
Pip-Horse whinnied for the Hell of it.
"That's a good boy."
*Back at Bag-End however...*
"Frodo Baggins!"
Frodo looked up from the squirrel, who quickly bounded away into the nearby wood.
"Yes Gandalf?"
"Do not go about thinking I do favors without repercussions! You have a job to do!"
Frodo stood, aghast "B-but Gandalf! We're good friends! You did plenty of favors for my Uncle Bilbo!"
"Yes, and he succumbed to them all. Friend or foe, you must do ME a favor now"
Frodo pondered on what possible favors a Wizard could possible want.
"All right then" he sighed "what am I to do in order to repay you?"
"I want....a foot massage!" He announced, producing a bottle of lotion. "And don't go easy! I like it hard and sensual."
Frodo shuddered and considered running off to live as a monk rather than touch the crusty sharp appendages of the old wizard, but....he *had* said....
"Fine" Frodo sighed "follow me..."
And as Frodo Baggins led the kindly old wizard into the safety of his home, the sun was setting, ablazing the sky with an array of colors in a pattern of unimaginable beauty. Even the single lonely fish in The Water seemed to be content. Except for the fact it was lonely and the only fish in the entire brook, but nonetheless, happy. All was well as evening set in Hobbiton, smoke poured from the stacks of distant smials, and the chilling but pleasant atmosphere encouraged small leprechauns to come out and play. Yes, it was a pleasant evening indeed.
"Oh yeah! That's the stuff....don't you lighten up on that lotion lad! Keep it goin;....ahhhhhh."
A sound of disgust is heard.
Oh yes, and Merry, Sam, and Pip-Horse all returned happily, with bags stuffed with various foods and a few cafe lattes. Pippin did indeed get returned to his former self, but only after Gandalf realized that being a horse had had no effect on the Tooks mouth and constant babble running out of it.
THE END
"But I dun want it to end!"
Aw, shuttup Pip...
Yeah, this is Pre-LoTR. Frodo and Sam find a bird while walking and need to make haste to Gandalf who, for the purpose of this story, is the only one capable of healing the little thing's twisted leg. So on with it! All flames will be used to fire up Frodo and I's heaty bonfire of love! *Roasts marshmallow over bonfire...ice forms all over it making it into an icemallow* aw bugger...
If any of these characters were mine...heh...heheheheh. You wouldn't even wanna know the horrors.
So yah. They're not. But if they were...heh...heheheheh...heh.
~*~Gandalf, What The Hell Are you Doing In My Bush?~*~
....For lack of a better title...
Samwise startled at the sudden bang of the famous green door of Bag-End. He paused his clipping and looked at his master, just emerged from the smial and grinning like a crazed chimpanzee. Frodo caught his stare and bounded over to him "Lookit here, Sam!" Frodo exclaimed to his startled servant "It's quite a lovely day in the shire, and I just can't imagine being stuffed up in this drab old hole much longer! Do take a walk with me and forget all this gardening!" with this, Frodo promptly grabbed Sam's clippers and threw them into a bush, where they unintentional ly hit an eavesdropping Gandalf in the head, yielding him unconscious.
Frodo grabbed his servants hand and started skipping down his frontpath, dragging poor Samwise along.
"Now just a minute! Mr. Frodo! Sir! WAIT A MOMENT!"
Frodo paused and turned to him.
"You...you mean, you don't *want* to go out walking with me?" Frodo's face began to scrunch up as if ready to bawl.
"Oh! Sir, of course I do!" Sam quickly replied before his master could could start the waterworks "It's just, well, it does seem like a bit o rain'll be comin' our way sir, I feel it in me bones, and I do have the garden to tend to..." Sam cast a look at the picture perfect garden, Frodo turned to look also. A bright yellow butterfly was just landing on a red tulip as two blue birds flew overhead, perching atop a cherry blossom tree in full bloom singing songs of love to one another. And who could miss the glorious streaks of sunlight, shining brilliantly through the leaves of Frodo's precious shady willow tree, as the wind blew gently, making slivers of golden shine appear on even the darkest corners of the yard.
"Well, Sam, it will have to wait. I want to go walking, and walking I shall go. I see no sign of cloud, rain or gloom. Now, will you come with me?" Frodo gave his friend a hard stare as he folded his arms.
Sam sighed and looked at the sky , big puffy white clouds slowly moving like molasses across the blue abyss.
"Aye sir, I'll go. But nay much more than willingly."
"Oh thank you Sam! You are a good friend to me!" Frodo once again grinned and grabbed Sam's hand as he pulled him out the gate and along the road. Sam glanced into The Water, bubbling silently beside them, and for a minute, he swear he saw a fish mock him.
Frodo whistled, skipping along the path beside the edge of a crop yard. Sam walked behind him, not as energetic as his master, but he was feeling quite a bit better about the whole situation. Sam smiled as he saw Frodo lean down and pick a small bird out of the brush. But soon the smile faded as he got closer.
"Frodo? What's that you've got there?"
Frodo held the creature delicately.
"A baby bird Sam, I think it's hurt. Poor thing."
Sam walked over and examined it.
"Aye, seems to have a twisted leg, poor fella." He muttered
"Look! Up there, I think I see it's nest!" Frodo was pointing to a branch in a nearby tree.
Sam contemplated trying to put the bird back with it's kin, but decided against it.
"If we put it back, the mum bird will very likely eat it whole, or just not feed it at all...we best leave it be..."
Frodo looked horrified "We can't just let it sit here to die! We've got to do something for it!" He took the little feathered creature from Sam "Gandalf will know what to do. I say we take Robin here to Gandalf."
Sam raised an eyebrow "Robin?"
Frodo's cheeks became tainted with pink
"Well, I couldn't just call it `Bird' now could I?"
"Fine, let's take `Robin' to Gandalf, then what's say we go have elevenses? It will surely be time for it by then."
So they slowly walked back along the crop, little Robin snuggled away in a bit of Frodo's cloak, but with enough air to breath. They were going a different way they had come and Sam was getting worried. He didn't recognize much of the area. Suddenly Frodo stopped.
"Hey! Sam! Look there! It's Merry! And Pip!"
Indeed Meriadoc and Peregrin of the Shire were to be seen not but a bit away.
Both were nestled under a grand oak tree smoking some weed in their delicate pipes, heads downcast as if trying to catch a bit of sleep in the late morning sun.
Frodo ran up to them, carefully cradling the bird in his left hand.
"Hey! Guys! Wake up! Aren't you two scalawags going to greet your favorite cousin?"
The two looked up with slight interest
"Frodo, well, hello, what brings you away out here?" Merry stood, putting out his pipe. "And what in the world is that in your hand?"
Frodo grinned "Why, it's a baby bird! It's quite hurt I'm afraid, and Me an' Sam here are taking it to Gandalf for instant repair!"
"A bird?" Pippins interest was caught. He stood, forgetting his pipe as well. "Let me see, will you?"
After Frodo had shown his new found friend off to an extent, Sam cleared his throat.
They all turned to look at him.
"Hum, we ah, we best be gettin' back to Bag-End Mr. Frodo....'tis gettin' quite late, and if me eyes ain't goin' stale, them there appear to be storm clouds brewin' in the west....Sir."
They turned to the indeed quickly darkening sky and all silently agreed to leave. Merry and Pippin decided to go to Bag-End with them for the Hell of it.
Merry, having his wonderful sense of direction, knew exactly how to get there.
As they walked, the wind grew fiercer by the moment. Trees waved as if pleading to be saved by the powerful force, not a creature could be seen for fear of being blown into the distance, the sun became shadowed by dark, foreboding clouds, promising cold rain that chills to the bone.
The hobbits however.
The hobbits were quite fine. Frodo, Merry, and Pippin's cheerful dispositions just would not let any kind of darkness or danger through. A halo of sunlight and clear calm air surrounded them as they merrily walked along, side by side, chitting the chat. Sam however, Sam was getting chilled to the core. It had started to rain and his poor feet, as well as everything else, were quite soaked. Pippin noticed this and laughed.
"C'mon Sam! Don't be a sourpuss! Let's sing a song! That'll cheer you up and keep that pesky rain away!"
Merry looked at his cousin. "Oh, but what song to sing, Pip? There's so many, and we can't surely sing them *all*!"
Pippin grinned cheerfully, a butterfly flew past his face, then reached the edge of the miracle barrier as torrents of rain hit it and it was quickly forced to the ground into the mud.
"I know just the one! Guys? Number 372B?"
Frodo and Merry grinned
"Aye!" They said in unison. The three linked arms and begin to start.
Sam groaned "Not that o-!"
"Hello world, here's a song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin',
we'll make you happy!"
"Please! Stop!"
"We have a dream
we're gonna travel together
we'll spread a little lovin'
and we'll keep movin' on!
Something always happens
whenever we're together
we get a happy feeling
when we're singin' a song!"
"I'm happy already! You needn't be singin' it!" Sam covered his ears.
"Travelin along
here's a song that we're singin',
C'mon get happy!
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin',
we'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!"
Frodo looked at Sam, huddling on the wet ground rocking back and forth muttering threats of manslaughter.
"I dun believe we made him very happy..."
And so the four went. Pippin, Merry, and Frodo singing songs of joy and laughter, Sam stalking after them muttering things of repercussions and such.
They finally reached Bag-End and a wave of relief overpowered Samwise. The garden was perfectly intact. Not a single blossom nor bud had been disturbed in the least. The storm was subsiding now, and soon was gone completely. Bag-End looked as though it had simply just undergone a lovely spring day in the Shire with droplets of dew hanging for dear life to various flowers and grass blades. Sam helped himself into the smial, caring not that barging into Bag-End was simply a royal no-no, and promptly collapsed in Bilbo's old chair and fell asleep. How tired he was indeed! Meanwhile, Frodo and his cousins were yet outside, waiting for sign of Gandalf. How did he know they needed him? Well, he wouldn't be a very good wizard if he wasn't there when people needed him, now would he.
"No, no he wouldn't." Pippin replied.
"O_o" --Frodo
"What was that Pip?"
Silly hobbit, he wasn't supposed to be hearing this, and replying no less...
"-_-" --Merry
"Ignore it, he does that sometimes" Merry muttered to him.
"Well! How can I help but reply when there's a loud scary voice boomin in my ear?!" Pippin yelled to the sky, then continued to seemingly argue with an unseeable being.
"I tell his folks he needs help, but they refuse to believe that their "precious little boy"...is a total nutcase." Merry continued.
They watched as their poor crazy cousin carried on. Suddenly Pippin passed out from lack of oxygen and promptly landed on the ground with a `thud'.
"I did no-!" *thud*
Gandalf chose that moment to crawl out from the bushes, just regaining consciousness. He looked up and was greeted by two bemused hobbits wondering why in the world the great Gandalf The Gray was residing in a bush outside Bag-End, and one passed out a few feet away seemingly forgotten.
"Oh, bugger..." He muttered and slowly started crawling back into his humble, leafy abode.
"Oh no you don't!" a small fist grabbed the flowing gray robes and yanked him back into the sunlight. Gandalf looked up, then stood, eyes never leaving their source of focus, with a look of threat in them. Meriadoc, remembering just who he had forcefully yanked out of the bush, a scary all knowing and all powerful wizard with capabilities beyond any other race of being, retreated back to where his cousin Frodo stood.
There was silence until Frodo cleared his throat and found the courage to speak.
"Gandalf, old friend, I will not inquire your presence within my bush, though I may like to hear a grand tale of the sure adventures you might have had whilst there," Here Frodo took a deep breath and, slowly but surely, pressed on, holding his precious feathered friend out to the fountain of gray before him "I wish to require your help. I have here, a small creature I found earlier. I've come to believe he's quite hurt, and, being my sensitive, kindhearted, nature-loving, sincere, frie-"
"Enough! You're the best dang person in this entire accursed world, all right already?! Just get on with it!" Meriadoc spat at his cousin. And he had every right to be angry, for it was well past elevenses and all poor Merry had had that day was a few stolen carrots and a pie, fresh off Mrs. Wickerbicker's `sill.
Frodo glowered in his general direction, then continued.
"-and an all around good guy, I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving the poor thing out to decease into nothingness. So, if you could find it within your withered old heart, please do me this favor, and heal my new little friend of it's ailments?"
The two small hobbits looked intently at the wizard, hope clearly in their eyes. Gandalf looked closer. Frodo's eyes held hope for his small insignificant bird thing, while Merry's held hope for a full stomach and- what was that? Oh my...
Gandalf shuddered with distaste. Merry, seemingly knowing Gandalf knew his thoughts, smiled, put a finger to his lips, and winked. This caused the wizard more distress.
Sighing and clearing his mind of disturbance, Gandalf took hold of the bird and, saying a few magic diddly doddly words to it, let it go as it flew away, happy as could be to get away from it's horrid captor.
They all watched as the winged beast became a small dot in the afternoon sky.
"Buh bye Robin. I'll....miss....you..." Frodo choked back a sob. Merry put a comforting arm around his dear friend's shoulders. "There there, Frodo, I'm sure where ever he was going, little...Robin...will be just fine and happy to be back among it's kind."
*Elsewhere*
`Robin' flies, singing a lovely song as he does. He then settles on the ground in front of a beautiful sparkling sapphire lake. He starts to cutely dig in the ground for a worm. A nearby tree falls down smack on top of him.
*Back at Bag-End*
"I hope so." Frodo sniffled "He didn't even say good bye..."
"`Ey? Whazz goin' on?" They turned to look at the newly roused Pippin, a bit groggy from his....nap.
"Issat bird still `ere? What happened? Zuh?" Pippin shook his head, stood, looked up at Gandalf and squinted his eyes at him. Gandalf squinted right back.
"Yes?" He boomed down, trying to frighten the young one a bit.
Not phased in the least, Pippin opened his mouth to speak.
"You know, you are quite old and ugly."
Frodo, Merry, and even a nearby squirrel gasped at this. How could Pippin say that! To the wizard's face no less! Gandalf stood on, looking quite shocked, if only a tiny bit bemused.
"In fact," The Took foolishly continued "I do believe you're the ugliest oldest person I've ever seen! Quite an extraordinary record I must say, for there are many an ugly and indeed, *quite* old people here in the Shire, but you surely top them all by far."
The Wizard sputtered in disbelief as the young hobbit lad continued on with names and places of all ugly and old people he'd ever come to pass.
Samwise, startled out of slumber by his thundering stomach, walked calmly out the smial. Seeing Gandalf, stupefied at something the foolish Took lad was rambling on about, he turned to find Frodo and Merry, engaging in a conversation about cricket with a small woodland creature. A squirrel to be precise. Sam watched as the small being actually gave demonstrations of it's best moves while Frodo took notes. Merry, seeing Sam, jumped up and strided over.
"Samwise, about time you decided to join us again. I am quite hungry. Have you anything to quench my need? Mushrooms? Rolls? Keys to the pantry.....?"
"Indeed I've not, but let us go and order a bit of good ol' take out from the Flaming Gut Deli, shall we? For I know me own innards be tumblin about in need of nourishment. Besides, the pantries are empty."
"Aye, fine then. But I sincerely dun feel like walkin the way. I do wish Frodo kept ponies or horses or some sort of transportation about." Merry sighed, dreading the 3 mile walk to the Deli.
Gandalf took this moment to rid himself of his distressing little pest.
"Worry not Meriadoc! For I have a plan to get you and Samwise to your destination with no trouble at all on your parts."
Moments later, Merry and Sam were riding comfortably on their way in a lovely carriage pulled along by a great noble steed.
"Didja hear that Mer? She called me Noble!" Pip-Horse said.
"Pip, do be quite about this `She, Her, Lady' person, no one but you seems to believe what your saying! I didn't hear anything, and neither did Sam. No one but you EVER hears anything." Merry leaned over and pat Pip-Horse on his long brown-blonde head "Just do your job for now and when we get there, maybe you can have some of the food we're on our way to receive, eh?"
Pip-Horse whinnied for the Hell of it.
"That's a good boy."
*Back at Bag-End however...*
"Frodo Baggins!"
Frodo looked up from the squirrel, who quickly bounded away into the nearby wood.
"Yes Gandalf?"
"Do not go about thinking I do favors without repercussions! You have a job to do!"
Frodo stood, aghast "B-but Gandalf! We're good friends! You did plenty of favors for my Uncle Bilbo!"
"Yes, and he succumbed to them all. Friend or foe, you must do ME a favor now"
Frodo pondered on what possible favors a Wizard could possible want.
"All right then" he sighed "what am I to do in order to repay you?"
"I want....a foot massage!" He announced, producing a bottle of lotion. "And don't go easy! I like it hard and sensual."
Frodo shuddered and considered running off to live as a monk rather than touch the crusty sharp appendages of the old wizard, but....he *had* said....
"Fine" Frodo sighed "follow me..."
And as Frodo Baggins led the kindly old wizard into the safety of his home, the sun was setting, ablazing the sky with an array of colors in a pattern of unimaginable beauty. Even the single lonely fish in The Water seemed to be content. Except for the fact it was lonely and the only fish in the entire brook, but nonetheless, happy. All was well as evening set in Hobbiton, smoke poured from the stacks of distant smials, and the chilling but pleasant atmosphere encouraged small leprechauns to come out and play. Yes, it was a pleasant evening indeed.
"Oh yeah! That's the stuff....don't you lighten up on that lotion lad! Keep it goin;....ahhhhhh."
A sound of disgust is heard.
Oh yes, and Merry, Sam, and Pip-Horse all returned happily, with bags stuffed with various foods and a few cafe lattes. Pippin did indeed get returned to his former self, but only after Gandalf realized that being a horse had had no effect on the Tooks mouth and constant babble running out of it.
THE END
"But I dun want it to end!"
Aw, shuttup Pip...