"And what is this?" I asked, turning it over in my hand, it looked vaguely familiar, and I was pretty sure I had seen something like it before somewhere. Paper attached together, with words printed upon it. I squinted and leant closer. It looked like a magazine, only less glossy, thicker and with no celeb gossip or horoscopes, and way too much writing.
"It's a book," Mum answered, hands on angry hips.
"Wow, thanks," I answered, glancing at Dad, waiting for him to tell me it was a joke, and that my new car was parked outside ready for me to tear up Texas with. Please god tell me it was. "Yea, this is great," I said flat voiced.
"It's about vampires and sex," Mum said, as if that described my entire genre preference. Dad coughed awkwardly
"And werewolves!" he chipped in.
Oh no, it was Twilight wasn't it?
The absolute nation sweeping craze that it was. I had tried to be original, tried so hard to stay away, in all honesty I had glanced a few times at the hot shirtless guys on posters advertising the movies. It seemed good enough, but I had dodged it for fear of jumping on the bandwagon. And books as birthday presents were just wrong for someone who's idea of literature was trashy magazines and play scripts. The title, sure enough, as things in my life seem to play out, read 'Twilight'. I sighed, maybe one day in History I'd give it a skim. So I casually tossed it to one side and turned my attention to Noah. Possibly the one person in the world right now who gave a damn about me. I was counting on a kick ass present from the guy who I'd known and grown to love over the past nine years, a guy I could count on to convince me that my family wasn't packed full of freaks and geeks, and then my dad. The patheticness of my reliability rested solely on the fact that Noah's my nine year old little brother. His eyes, so full of unblemished innocence due to the lack of exposure to our extended family, looked at me happily as he handed the worst wrapped present in known history, that was in fact a sheet of left over wallpaper held together with blue tack, still sticky from his choccy covered fingers.
"Thanks Noey," I grinned attacking the gift with my fingernails. I stopped short, staring at it.
Wow.
An umbrella.
He saw my face fall, but his own expression of glee didn't even flicker.
"Open it!" he screeched happily.
"Bad luck," Dad chorused automatically. I almost dared to expect car keys to fall out when I opened it. What I did find however was infinitely more genius, useful and better than a car could ever hope to be. The pole was white and straight, and the handle black, shaped like the hilt of a sword. It looked…recognizable, something I had seen before, but I daren't believe it, for fear of colossal disappointment.
"Flick the switch," Noah whispered, terrified to break the magical atmosphere. I did so. And can honestly say I have never loved my brother so much. I was completely and utterly dumbfounded.
"Oh my frickin god," I managed to hiss, after moments of admiration.
"Do ya like it?" he squealed.
"I love it!" I boomed ogre style. I brandished my lightsaber umbrella for all to see, hopelessly crushed that we lived in one of the driest climates in Texas. It was a white lightsaber, wonderful for battling the dark side, and the rain. "Noah you bloody genius,"
Mum began to protest to vulgar language but I was having far too much fun than I probably should have been, wielding my illuminated weapon dangerously close to people's eyes, sound effects and all.
"Uhhh, it full on sucks we don't live somewhere rainier," I moaned, mid Jedi-spin.
"Well, we're glad you feel that way," Mum said. I paused. She was wearing one of those triumphant Cheshire cat grins, that always came before one of her spectacularly horrific ideas, that nearly always ended in me needing intense counselling. "Because we're moving."