Disenchantment
December 2027
Divide and conquer, that was the plan. With Christmas just over a month away, Rachel and Quinn had to start wheedling their children for information about what they wanted from Santa. Of course, getting kids to talk about what they wanted for Christmas wasn't all that hard, they were all too happy to give off long lists of toys they didn't need and would play with for a month before forgetting about it entirely.
Quinn and Rachel had split the children between them; Quinn took the girls and Rachel the boys. Of course, Alex was only a few months old, so his opinion wouldn't really be taken into account. And as for Alice, well she wasn't exactly tight-lipped about the fluffy things she wanted, including four different breeds of dog which she wouldn't be getting because they already had an awful excuse of a cat.
Now Alice was sound asleep across the room and it was Carmen's turn.
"We're going to see Santa on Tuesday," Quinn informed Carmen.
"Are you and Mommy going to come or is Stanley taking us?"
Quinn smiled tightly at the name of Rachel's assistant. He picked the children up from school, often dropped them off as well, and was present frequently at school functions when one or both of them couldn't be there because of work. He had also become something of a glorified babysitter. "I'll be going with you, but Mommy will be at work."
"I'm glad you're going," Carmen announced, smiling happily.
Quinn's expression loosened up. "What are you going to ask Santa for?"
Carmen bounced excitedly under her sheets and wiggled until she was sitting up again. "I want the Baby Bedroom Set!"
Quinn smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm. "I've never heard of that. Why don't you tell me all about it."
Carmen had seen it in some sort of catalogue that Quinn's mother had lying around when they were in Lima months ago. It had been full of all sorts of things that could be bought by mail order, from auto equipment to dog bowls to ugly sweaters, and apparently toys for children under the age of ten. It was all very 90s, Quinn could remember looking through similar catalogues when she was Carmen's age, but the company was still running strong.
Judy was more than happy to text a picture of the pink monstrosity that Carmen was desperate for to Quinn. It was cheap, thirty bucks for twenty-three pieces of pink plastic and cloth all molded into the various shapes of paraphernalia necessary to take care of a baby, including a crib and changing table complete with little pink diapers. There was also a doll included, though only in blue-eyed-blonde, which made Quinn roll her eyes viciously when she imagined the lecture Rachel would give her later about how their children were people of color just like her and deserved to see themselves reflected in their toys. Carmen had dolls of every skin, hair, and eye color available though, so Quinn didn't think it was going to bother her too much. ("It's the principle, Quinn!")
Quinn hadn't counted on the company running out of them.
"What do you mean you don't have any? Is it just back ordered?...It's been discontinued. I see. Can you tell me who your supplier is? Well did you supply any store that might have it? Yes, I'll hold."
x
A week of searching had turned up nothing. Apparently it would be illegal for the company to give her the name and phone number of the person who bought the last Baby Bedroom Set. She put out adds in the papers, sent out messages on facebook, posted on message boards and Googled like crazy. There just weren't any more available anywhere.
It was necessary to come up with a plan B.
"What would you want if Santa couldn't get you that doll you wanted? What else could he bring you?"
"Why wouldn't Santa bring it? He can make anything."
"I know he can. I was just wondering. You usually have a pretty long list. You didn't ask for your own room this year."
Carmen's eyes lit up. "Can I have my own room?"
"No. Alex is in the nursery now."
Carmen pouted and looked back down at her book. "There's nothing else I want then. Just the Baby Bedroom Set."
"There must be something."
"Nope."
Carmen's innocent brown eyes met hers with open honesty and Quinn could feel her heart breaking in her chest. She had to find that fucking toy.
x
"This is fucking NEW YORK CITY! I can get a hamburger made out of Ramen Noodles and a fake Rolex on the same goddamn street, but no toy store in the whole fucking city has the piece of shit toy my kid wants for Christmas."
The weight of Rachel's body behind her ended any further ranting and Quinn deflated, leaning back against her wife. Rachel ran her hands down Quinn's arms and linked their fingers, depositing kisses along Quinn's left shoulder, up her neck, and to her cheek. "It's going to be okay."
Quinn shook her head. "No, it's not."
Rachel tried to reassure her. "We'll get her something else. Something better." She traced over a few of the stars on Quinn's forearm. "Come to bed. We'll figure it out in the morning."
The doll they chose was exquisite, probably the nicest doll that Carmen would ever have. It was the size of a real baby, and heavy like one, with dark mahogany hair, brown eyes, and of similar skin tone to Carmen. There was also a little bassinet, delicate and soft and trimmed in white lace. It was gorgeous. Under any other circumstance, Quinn was quite sure that Carmen would have loved it. But this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something else entirely and Quinn had failed to deliver.
She kept looking, right up until Christmas Eve night when she had to finally admit defeat and go home to her family for the night. The kids were high on sugar cookies and the spirit of the holiday and all ready for the yearly tradition of reading old Christmas tales.
After T'was The Night Before Christmas, The Polar Express, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and The Velveteen Rabbit, they finally managed to wrangle their three little terrors into bed. The fourth, Alex, was already well asleep and would stay that way until around two a.m. It would be during his feeding that Quinn would sneak out the Santa presents and dispose of the cookies and milk that had been left out.
After they laid out the gifts and went back to bed, Quinn allowed Rachel to curl up to her, but she didn't fall into an easy sleep like her wife. She had a sick, queasy feeling in her stomach and chest. In just four hours the kids would be back up, ready to tear into their presents and revel in childish glee while A Christmas Story played quietly in the background. She stared up at the ceiling, dreading the sound of little feet in the hallway.
x
Morning came with the sound of excited children bursting into their room and a chant of "Santa came, Santa came," from Alice, who was jumping repeatedly on Quinn's shins. Quinn forced a smile on her face when she saw their excitement. Even Morgan, who insisted that he was already too old to believe in Santa, was caught in the enthusiasm of his sisters.
Rachel rolled out of bed after another two minutes of excited squealing, insisting that they all wait for her to fetch Alex before they went to open presents. Quinn could feel her anxiety building with each second that she had to look at Carmen's excited face.
Eventually there was no more putting it off. Quinn followed the children into the living room, Rachel beside her carrying a groggy Alex. Morgan was crowing with happiness over his new video game system, Alice was giggling as she tried to climb on the back of the rather large stuffed elephant she'd received, and Carmen…
Carmen.
Quinn, heart in her throat and arms crossed tightly over her chest to ward off the violent pain building there, could see the exact moment that Carmen lost just a little bit of her innocence. Her eyes dimmed when, after looking around the room methodically, she didn't find what she was looking for. She sat down by the little bassinet and patted the doll's hair gently. It was an empty acceptance of her disappointment. She sat by the doll but didn't pick it up, didn't acknowledge it much at all past the initial recognition that it was hers. She opened her other presents with less enthusiasm, smiling occasionally. When Alice crawled over to investigate, a violently orange and purple stuffed parrot in one hand, Carmen did pull her new doll away from Alice's grasping fingers, shrilly telling her younger sister to play with her own presents, an automatic reaction to her sister's presence.
It was only later, when Morgan had disappeared with his haul into his room and Alice had wandered off to watch Rachel make cinnamon rolls that Carmen approached Quinn, who had sat in the same place all morning, almost immobile. She climbed up in her mother's lap and tucked her head under Quinn's chin. They sat there quietly for a long time.
"He's not real, is he?" Carmen's voice was very small when she finally broke the silence and Quinn found that she had to fight back tears.
She ducked her head and kissed Carmen's hair. "I'm so sorry baby."
Carmen leaned into her embrace a little more, pressing her face against Quinn's neck, and said nothing.
x
A/N: Prompt fill for anon – Simple Parts verse, the kids during holiday or vacation.
You're welcome.