Butterfly

(0/4 in "The Butterfly Arc")

((I am only including this because it was the catalyst for me to write this arc. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's really very good. It's very short, and I don't get the emotional aspect of what I am trying to say across. Anyways, read it if you like; the beginning is around the same as the first actual chapter, it's the end that is different.

Warnings: shonen ai, cursing, angst, Duo's POV, death fic (neither Duo nor Heero though), insanity, darkish

Rated: R

Disclaimer: Leaf owns nothing!

Loving someone that you see everyday is torture. Especially when you can't tell them because you're so scared of rejection. That would be my predicament at the moment. Yeah, I could always have Hilde if I wanted her. The girl is head over heels in love with me, but I just couldn't do it. Pretend to love someone, I mean.

Anyway, back to my other situation. Heero Yuy. Why the hell does he have to be so fucking hot? Why do his eyes have to be that perfect shade of blue that makes me want to melt? The muscles showing through that green tank-top of his and the skintight spandex shorts don't help me any.

Why oh why do I have to go on missions with him? It'd be easier for me to fall out of love with him if I didn't have to. If I could just try to avoid him, then I couldn't see the real him. The cold, uncaring Heero. I hate that. I managed to fall in love with the most cold-hearted bastard I could find. Pretty peachy, huh?

Well, I plan on telling him soon enough. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not.
Did I forget to mention the fact that all of my other friends have found love? Yeah, well, they have, and I have to put up with it. Trowa and Quatre are cute and perfect together, and I am happy for them. If only I could get one night of peaceful sleep, though. Why does their room have to be right next to mine!

Even Wufei found soon that wanted to be with him. Oh well, Sally straightening him up pretty quickly.

Back to the Heero-thing...I really can't do it. Seriously...it's impossible. What would I do if he said no? Going into a severe state of insanity sounds pretty damn close to me.

I'm just stalling, I know.

It's not fair. Here I am, sitting in this damn living room watching freaking Wheel of Fortune with only him and me in the room. The opportunity couldn't be any more perfect, and I'm being a wuss. I am such a wuss. It's not like I would kill me or anything to just ask.
I can see it now.

"Hey, Heero, wanta be my boyfriend" I could ask.

He'd glare at me and shoot me, or something of the like. Oh god, I can seriously see that happening.

As Vanna (1) pulls a couple more letters out of her ass, I sit here wasting time. The question just cannot come out. Right when I think that I'm going to blurt it out because a commercial comes on, Quatre and Trowa walk into the house and plop down on the chair. Quat, of course, sits in Trowa's lap.

Almost immediately, Heero gives the death glare to the entire room and leaves.

Shit! Shit Shit! I scream to myself, not able to contain my glare.

"Are you feeling okay, Duo" Quat asked, seemingly being able to sense my upset aura or what not.

"Just spiffy, Quat" I grumble, still glaring at the television.

Trowa did his raising eyebrow thing, but said nothing.

Tossing the remote over to the blonde, I stand up and began to walk out of the room.

"I'm going to take a nap" I lamely explain.

"Okay, duo" Quatre says, accepting my reason. "Trowa and I are making dinner anyway. I'll get you when it's ready."

I didn't even say thanks or anything. I just walked up to my room like the defeated loser I knew I'd end up being soon.

Ironically enough, trying to get to sleep was easy. Probably because I felt so shitty and didn't want to hear or see anything in the reality of my life.

Sleep ended too soon, and I heard my door being knocked on not seconds after I had fallen asleep.

I got my lazy ass out of bed and went downstairs to eat what smelled like some kind of pasta. Trowa and Quatre always cooked really good food. At least something was going good for me that day.

Enough about the food though. I had never noticed until that night how sexy Heero's lips are. Especially when he's sucking pasta through them. Oh dear, pants are getting a bit too tight. A cold shower is defiantly in store for me tonight.

..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..

Yeah know, the shower didn't help much last night. So much for that solution anymore. My day is going pretty much like it has been ever since I met Heero. Terribly horrible and unbearable. We've been called to go on a mission. Isn't that just great? I get to go run around in the rain with Heero trying to kill people.

It's actually more like a protecting-the-outer-regions-of-the-safehouse-until-we-kill-the-bad-guys type of thing. Quatre and Trowa are staying at the house, and only God knows where Wufei is right now.

It's raining outside. It's muddy too. Now I get to see Heero prance around in wet spandex. Oh the joy. Like he'll never figure it out on this mission just how obsessed I am with him.

Well, Heero has officially called me to go and try to help him kill people. This'll be just spiffy.

"Yeah know, Heero, maybe you shouldn't go outside in that" a murmur pointing to his outfit.

He just "hn'd" at me.

"Seriously...you might get...cold." That wasn't lame, was it?
"I'll be fine, Duo. Just come on."

Damn. And I was so close to not having to have sexual tension for once on a mission. Why does it have to be raining!

..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..

Killing sure is fun. Yay. At least I'm finally dry. At least Heero's finally dry. As Heero would say, Mission completed.

..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..

The day has come. Nothing is going to stand in my way! I'm not going to hold it in any longer. I'm finally going to tell Heero...as soon as I answer the door...

"Hello" I asks opening the door, and coming face-to-face with Hilde.

This was going to be such a wonderful day.

"Hey Duo" she says cheerfully.

"Hi" I reply, trying to sound happy.

She frowns a bit, but still smiles as I let her come in.

"Is there anything that you wanted, Hilde" I ask.

She shrugs a little. "No, not really. I just wanted to hang out, I guess."

"I guess" didn't sound very convincing. I really hope she isn't planning on asking me out on a date or something.

I notice that Heero is walking down the stairs and that he goes into the kitchen.

"Um, want anything to drink, Hil" I ask, hoping that she'll say yes.

"Sure."

I get up quickly and go into the kitchen, only to find Heero sitting at the table, not really doing anything.

I sit down across from him, pretty scared at the moment.

"Can I ask you something, Heero"

He kind of nodded, I think.

"Do you like Relena" That was probably a pretty dumb way to start the conversation, but what can I say? I'm not really the most intelligent person in the world.

Heero glared at me a little. "Why"

"Well..." I began in a whisper. "I wanted to know because I kind of like you and wanted to know what you thought about it." That also all came out a bit fast...

I wasn't looking at Heero at this point, but I would bet that he was glaring at me.

"Are you asking me out, Duo"

"Yea" I managed to squeak out.

"Well, I do like Relena, and..."

That hurt...

"No. Did you actually think that I was gay"

And that hurt even worse.

Heero left the kitchen, just as I started to cry. The wuss is at it again.

..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..

((No longer Duo's POV))

A couple days later...

"Ms. Relena Darlian's personal assistants have no idea as to where she have been today. They reported that she wasn't in the mansion this morning. At this time, Ms. Darlian is still missing. If anyone has seen her, please report to the proper authorities as soon as possible." The reporter on the 6 o'clock news said.

Four of the boys, including Sally and Hilde were watching it together. Hilde sniffled. The others just watched the news in shock. Was it so much of a coincidence that both Duo and Relena had disappeared around the same time? Heero stared blankly at the television screen. He had a sinking feeling that Relena wasn't alive, and that he knew who had killed her...

..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..o..

((Duo's POV))

So much for sweet, sweet revenge. Relena's funeral could only be explained as beautiful. I was there, in the background, watching as Heero cried a few tears. I'm so glad that I broke his heart. It makes me feel so good, because the bastard did it to me.

Anyway, I did get revenge. Just not enough. I used to think that I was good at hiding. Apparently, I'm not. Quatre saw me in the shadows, and let's just say it all went to hell from there.

I went to court. Surprise, surprise, I was found guilty. Well, I did admit to it. I even told them why I did it.

Quatre has too much money. Yeah know that, he really does.
Instead of going to a prison, I'm here, in this wonderful institution. I'm not crazy. Not crazy at all.

The psychiatrist was full of it. Oh well, at least I don't have to eat prison food.

I'm not surprised that no one ever visits me. Except that one time when Quatre did, but I think Trowa told him to never come visit the crazy man again. What a laugh.

I'm not crazy, though. I only wanted revenge. Revenge on that little, blonde Relena bitch.

I'm glad she's dead. Now, I can laugh and imagine how much Heero is hurting. I can laugh like a crazy man all day and all night long because I can get away with it. After all, I am supposed to be crazy. Why not make the most out of it?

(1) Vanna White is the lady who stands by the board looking pretty, in case you didn't know.

Oh dear, this fic was dark depressing. Please review, though.

I'm searching for a man,
All across Japan,
Just to find, to find my samurai.
Someone who is strong,
But still a little shy,
Yes I need, I need my samurai...

I'm his little butterfly...

Butterfly, Dance Dance Revolution