A/N: Before you get started, I feel it important to explain that this is just a fan-fiction. It is not meant to be read with the unyielding scrutiny of someone casting judgment upon a serious work, nor for that matter, does it exist for any profit. That's not to say that I don't embrace an educated critique as far as where I might improve on my grammar or lack of description or maybe even my depiction of characters. (I also have a tendency to get a bit wordy.) However, I wrote this little Walking Dead fan-fiction just out of a certain love for the show and the comic series, with no intention of it being some great and momentous testament to the fandom.
Also, let me reiterate on the fact that I'm basing my fan-fiction more on the character profiles that were originally presented in the comics. And yes, I do know that the future appearance of Daryl in this fan-fiction totally brings it forward into the television show, but he's my friend's favourite character and, seeing as Allie is based on her, I decided to bring him in for her love interest. Okay? Okay.
CHAPTER 1
The summer had been long and hot, so Kaylee was thankful when the first fresh scent of autumn began to fill the air. It promised easier hiking and cooler temperatures that didn't cause the sweat to adhere your clothes to your back and crotch, reminding you that it had been too long since your last decent shower. Kaylee had always hated being dirty, so Woodbury had been a God-send. But now she was trudging along, boots squishing in mud from recent rain, weeks without a hot shower—back to the way things were before…
Kaylee glanced over at Rick, who had fallen back to walk beside her as they cut the distance between the fallen prison and wherever the hell they would end up next.
"You haven't said much since we left," Rick stated calmly. Kaylee could tell from the man's tone that the former Deputy Sheriff was analyzing her. "Got something on your mind that I should know about?"
Kaylee sighed. She really had no intention of drudging up old relationship statuses. In her mind, what had happened between her and The Governor had been a fleeting mistake. A huge mistake. She hadn't known that such a charming talker and profound leader would turn out to be a psychotic homicidal sociopath. But she had the notion that if she shook her head in a refusal to answer the question, that Rick might not be so forgiving. Especially in his current mental state of mourning his wife and daughter.
"I feel that your situation is my fault. I thought I knew Philip when, in reality, I didn't know a damn thing. And then I went and talked you and the others into staying…"
"You didn't talk us into doing anything." Rick corrected gruffly. "We all made that choice. He fooled a lot of people. You can't have that hanging over your head just because it went south on us." His tone was stern, but reassuring, even though Kaylee could hear the sorrowful undertones he worked so hard to hide. It made her heart hurt to see such a strong man so wounded. "We just have to keep going now. Don't let it get to your head."
Rick turned to consider the young girl. His eyes were soft around the edges, though his blue irises held a seriousness that made Kaylee's heart skip a beat. And she certainly didn't expect the man to reach out and ruffle her long red hair. That action alone made Kaylee's heart flutter and she stifled the urge to act on whatever her stupid lonely heart was persuading her to do. The former Deputy Sheriff had enough on his plate to worry about, what with a kid and an entire extended family to look out for. The last thing he needed was for a member of that figurative family to express feelings of desire towards him so quickly after his wife and baby had been killed. Kaylee didn't want to be that type of person. And Lori had been Rick's rock for years… What was she supposed to say: the love of your entire life is dead now; forget about her and fuck me? Besides, relationships in this day and age were only a noose and love, in the end, only left you a dangling piece of Walker bait.
By the end of the day, the group had finally settled just outside of a large clearing, deep in a large patch of woods they had wandered into around noon. With not much else for shelter to choose from except a few brambles and the scarce canopy overhead, everyone was happy that the night sky was clear and the air was favourable enough to sleep comfortably. But even this small amount of luck had people on edge. They had just lost the prison that had promised them a new life and a new start. Met a man who stole even more from them… A lot of trust had been killed alongside Hershel, Lori, and Judith….
Kaylee stared into the small fire, meditative on the flickering flames dancing on the blackened logs. The smell of burning pecans wafted into the air, reminding her of a simpler time before the outbreak, lulling her mind out of the harsh realities that had befallen them in such a short time. She didn't even hear Rick as he sat down beside her on the ground, one hand holding a few sticks to kindle the fire.
He allowed Kaylee the time alone with her thoughts for a moment. Out of the corner of his eye he would catch the faint glimpse of firelight flickering in the younger woman's eyes as she stared into the controlled blaze. A part of him was curious as to what she was so deep in thought about. What memories ailed her mind? Was she still with them? Was she against them? His questions turned dark as he took the opportunity to feed the flames and sat back slightly, his only hand supporting him as he lounged, half observing his family and half keeping an eye on Kaylee.
Rick remembered his first meeting with the young girl. He had been out on a run with Daryl and been cornered in a convenience store by two strangers who he mistook as teenagers. One girl, who had turned out to be Kaylee's sister, Allie, made it clear that she only wanted medicine to help her twin. Rick had taken one look at the weakened state of Allie's sister, the gash that stretched from above her right eyebrow to the middle of her cheek, and taken pity on her. It wasn't like him to trust like that anymore and he admitted that Kaylee and her sister would probably be the last strangers he would let into the group for a long while.
He warred with the fact that the loss of his wife and baby was not Kaylee's fault. The girl had been entranced by all the grandeur that the town of Woodbury had to offer, that the Governor himself offered. As if she were looking at a beautifully drawn picture on the cover of a book. But Rick had known better. His time on the police force had honed his senses and obligated him to flip through the pages, to read the fine print. Rick's instincts had been on point, sadly. And the end result was a blow that he didn't think he would ever return from.
How long had he been staring into the fire, Kaylee thought, as she came out of her reverie? She turned to see Rick staring at her and it made her nervous. How long had this man been watching her?
"I'm sorry," Kaylee said a little embarrassed that she had been swimming so deep in past memories that her attunement to her surroundings had been muddled. She mentally kicked herself for being so careless. "I lost my head for a second."
She heard Rick grunt. "It's alright. I figured I'd let you sort things out by yourself. Let you relax. Just remember your surroundings. Don't get clouded. That's what gets people killed."
She nodded. "I know better now." Kaylee didn't know what else to say and opted for the soft crackling of the fire and the chirping crickets to fill the silence in place of her voice. And the two of them sat there, listening for any dangers that may be trampling out in the woods around them, as the rest of the group fell into a light chorus of soft murmurs and snores.
When Rick finally stood up, Kaylee poked at the flames a few times with a long branch, assuming that the older man was calling it a night. However, this was not the case.
"Hey. Let's take a walk."
Kaylee didn't really know what else to say, so she conceded. She stood then, too, groaning at the effort and stretched her back before turning to face Rick.
They both turned and Kaylee fell into step behind Rick as they made their way through the woods, taking care to be as quiet as possible as they crunched through a thin carpet of dead leaves and branches. They didn't walk very far. Maybe a quarter of a mile, Kaylee estimated. Then Rick stopped them and he turned to face Kaylee head-on. His expression was unreadable in the darkness, but his aura presented something about the former Deputy Sheriff that the young woman had only witnessed at a distance. He seemed—perplexed, agitated, brooding and…not all there. Kaylee honestly had no inkling of what to expect from this isolated rendezvous. And it made her anxious.
"I'm gonna get straight to the point." Rick's voice was lowered to a husky tone in the din. Kaylee could feel the pure sentiment of what he was as a leader emanating from him and listened intently out of respect, though her head stayed lowered submissively, her eyes fixating on the place on Rick's right arm where his hand used to be. "You need to get out of the mindset that everything that has happened up to this point is your fault. I have tried to keep my distance; tried to shrug it off because sometimes people need to deal with things on their own." Regardless of the blunt and painful truth, Rick spoke with firm patience. "But you need to be strong. I can't let you fall into an emotional hole and open yourself up to an attack. You're still here. Your sister is still here. Be thankful for that."
Kaylee, whose head had bowed in shame, felt a hand come up under to grab her chin and tilt it upwards. Her chocolate brown eyes locked with icy blue. It made Kaylee's entire body freeze.
"Don't look away when I'm talking to you. It shows weakness." Rick scolded, his tone going cold as he held Kaylee's gaze in the darkness. His attention steady. "Even if you have made a grave mistake, even if you know it; never show weakness. It will get you killed."
As bad a move as it was to speak anything other than in agreement, especially with Rick being emotionally unstable, Kaylee couldn't stop herself from blurting out, "You're one to talk about falling into an emotional hole and opening yourself to an attack."
Rick stopped. "What?"
"Yeah." Kaylee swallowed, but she felt this needed to be said. "I feel bad for what happened. I fell for a killer and he hurt you. Really hurt you. He took everything from you. And I'm going to be reminded of that every time I see that stump at the end of your arm. But right now, I am more worried about your mental health than my own." She paused, breathed and when Rick didn't move to speak, she continued. Her voice gentler. "I know you see her… I know you see both of them… Everyone is worried about you…"
Rick's hand dropped to his side. Kaylee could see the shaded movement as it clenched, but she stayed silent. The only sound between them was the faint whispers of the leaves overhead as a slight breeze tickled the trees as well as Kaylee's bared arms causing her to shiver slightly, her sleeveless black shirt offering no protection for the oncoming weather change.
Rick must have noticed Kaylee's trembling, however, because he sighed and ran his left hand through his mussed hair before speaking. "Let's head back." He stepped around her and began to take the trail back to the small encampment. "If I let you freeze out here, Allie will kill me."