Admission.
"Demi?"
I thought I heard something, but paid no attention. There was a million thoughts running through my head at once. They were all flying around so fast that I could hardly breathe. Madison. Mom. Madison. Fans. Madison. Tour. Nick. Kevin…. Him. They were just flying around me and I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to leave, to stop the madness in my life. I just wanted it to stop.
I just wanted it to stop.
A cold hand on my shoulder shook me out of my thoughts, "Demi, come on sweetie. They're ready for you." my mom said with a loving, yet worried voice. I looked down and closed my eyes briefly before getting up, folding my arms together, and following her.
I walked down the whiter then white halls, with shiny white tiles covering the floor. There were people walking up and down the halls in blue robes and blue slippers. I hardly noticed them anyways, I was in my own world, still worried about the thoughts in my own head. My mom turned her head towards me like she had been doing for hours now. I know she meant well, but I was getting sick of it by now.
"mom, I'm fine.." I reassured softly. She smiled and looked away, sighing lightly.
"That's what you said a few weeks ago too." she aid under her breath. I looked down and wrapped my arms tighter around myself before looking ahead of me again.
"where's Maddie?" I asked with sadness, feeling my throat close up a little. My mom stopped walking and turned to me as I did the same.
"sweetheart.." she started cautiously, taking my hands from around me, "you can't let her know how much pain you're in right now." she said with a watery voice.
"mom.." I interrupted.
"No Demi, you can't, ok?" she reaffirmed, taking my face in her hands this time, before dropping them to her side and clearing her throat, "you have to protect her right now. If she knows her big sister, and her role model is in pain…" she cut herself off and restarted, "it just wouldn't be very good for her right now. Ok?" she finished.
I nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "I'll try my best.." I whispered. I hate lying to her. Its so hard. She knows me like no one else does. She knows when I'm lying.
This is going to be hard.
We walked to the end of the hallway and turned the corner, leading into the drop off centre's waiting room. I saw my little sister with my dad , who I had said my goodbyes to previously. She had a brave look on her face, tapping her feet and twiddling her thumbs. I can tell she was trying to hold herself together with her cute-as-heck nervous habits. I walked in a bit further and she immediately saw me, running to me with her arms outstretched. I caught her as her head hit my stomach, wrapping my arms around her tightly. She squeezed me back just as tightly, as her composure began to crack. I felt her starting to break down as I rubbed her back soothingly.
"shh, I'm fine baby.. Its ok." I cooed softly, still rubbing her back. She pulled away a little, looking up at me with damp eyes. I faked a smile and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm ok.. See?" I said kneeling down to her height and looking into her eyes, "I'm just fine, ok?" I reassured.
Maddie bared a small smile and then stopped, looking down at her feet, "what are they going to do with you in here?" she asked cautiously, only looking up at the end as I saw more tears roll down her pinch-worthy cheeks. I sighed as I felt my heart drop into my stomach, willing myself not to cry. I laid my cold hands on her cheeks, wiping away the tears before answering.
"they're going to fix me in here. that's why I'm here Maddie, I need to be fixed." I answered with a watery voice. My throat felt like it was strangling itself and my breath caught in my throat. She looked down and shook her head, looking almost confused as she did so.
"but.. You're not broken.." she said starting to cry again, looking up at me sadly. It made my heart sink even further as I felt my tears betraying me behind my eyes, "you can't be broken.. You're the only person I have.."
"shh, its ok Maddie. I'm fine ok? I'm just going to go in, get fixed, and then come back out to see you again." I interrupted her as a small tear rolled down my cold cheek. I was trying my best to put on a smile for her, but she could break me down like no one else. She suddenly looked up with a face full of terror.
"wait, I can come see you in here though, right?" she said starting to panic a little. I looked up at my mom, who knitted her eyebrows together and looked away. I knew what that meant. She wasn't allowed.
Apparently she understood too because she grabbed my arm a little too tightly before her eyes widening, panic stricken, "no! I have to come see you! This isn't fair!" she yelled, backing up a bit, almost scared. I immediately pulled her back to me comfortingly.
"no no, listen.. Its ok! I'll be in here, you'll be busy with all of your friends.. and you get to see me in thirty days-"
"thirty days!-"
"Madison." my mom cut in, "stop. Its going to be ok. You'll see her soon. She'll be better next time." Maddie suddenly stopped everything and looked down, knowing when her mom stepped in, it was final.
"but I want her the way she is now. She's perfect the way she is now.. She's my Demi." She slumped her shoulders and started crying, her façade falling away. As soon as I saw her break down, my heart felt like it was broken in a million pieces. It hurt so bad to know I was hurting her. I pulled her into a hug before she could see the now fast-paced tears rolling down my face as she held on to me like she could never see me again, digging her little fingers into my baggy sweater.
"I'm so sorry.." I apologized softly, after I had built up my composure again. I pulled away slightly so I could look at her, still broken, "listen.." I said, pausing and looking up at my mom and back down to Maddie, "I'll try to arrange something where you can come in to see me in a few weeks or so, but until then you just have to be my little soldier ok? Be strong for me?" I said with a fake smile. She looked into my eyes and nodded softly before looking at mom. Mom sighed and knitted her eyebrows together, but didn't exclude it from the possibilities.
"promise?" she inquired, so hopelessly that it broke my heart all over again. I sighed and rubbed her arms.
"I'll try baby." I answered with a soft smile. She wiped her eyes with her hand, still clutching onto my sweater with the other hand. I heard my mom stir beside me as I looked up.
"ok, come on Madison. We have to go now darling." my mom said sadly, trying to be brave. Madison started breathing fast and looked at me with wide eyes.
"its ok Maddie, I'm going to be ok, alright?" I told her comfortingly before pulling her in and hugging her tightly. I closed my eyes, yelling at myself to keep my emotions in for my little sister, for my mom, for my family, "I love you so much baby girl."
"I love you to, d-dems." she said in a sob, before letting go and leaning her forehead against mine, closing her eyes. I did the same, before pulling away and kissing her forehead lovingly.
"I'm ok." I said as we let go of each other.
"Madison, go see daddy. I'll meet you two back in the waiting room ok?" my mom said in a monotone voice. Maddie wiped her eyes and turned around slowly before walking away. Still knelt down, I put my head in my hands as my tears started falling. I felt my moms strong hand gripping my shoulder as she walked around to the front of me, rubbing my shoulder and back comfortingly.
"hey.. Baby. Its ok, she'll be just fine." she tried to reassure me motherly. It didn't help however, I knew she was lying. 30 days was the minimum here. If she couldn't make it thirty days, how is she going to deal with sixty? Or even ninety? I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes and stood up.
"I know she will.. I just.. I messed up. I can't believe I'm hurting everyone like this because I was too selfish to admit I needed help earlier.. I just.. I can't anymore, you know?-"
"demi, stop. You did nothing wrong. I am so incredibly proud of you for taking this step by yourself, and being so mature about all of this." she admitted to me, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ears and cupping my face in her loving hands. She took my hand in hers and nodded to me reassuringly, "come on. We have to go meet Dr. Byrd and check you in."
Hey guys.
So, as you may or may not know, I freaking love demi lovato. The recent news of her admittance into treatment gave me a spark of inspiration to write this fan fic (as bad as that might sound). Im planning on making into a 10-30 chapter story. Probably a chapter each week. IF I get reviews. So please tell me if you want me to continue! :D
Love, Carley :D 3
PS, follow me on twitter! :D www. Twitter. Com/ ohmydeelo (NO SPACES) :D