This is mockingjay five years after the war….

Today is the day Prim died. She died five years ago today and every year this day is the day when I can't get out of bed. Even with Peeta's strong arms wrapped tightly around me its hard. Most days I can go through the motions, and some days be happy. However, my happiness always seems to end short when I remember all we lost. There are reminders very were I look of our loses. The scars that make up my skin, Peeta's flashback, and worst of all the nightmares that plague both of us.

I have noticed that Peeta's heavy breathing has stopped and I realize that he must be awake. I roll over and look into those bright blue eyes. Peeta knows what today is and he has the usual worried look on his face. Before he can ask if I'm okay I throw my head into his chest and cry.

"It's okay. I'm here. You're safe no one is going to hurt you. Sssshhh, stop crying I love you. Stop crying everything is going to be all right," Peeta whispers in my ear.

I stop crying and look up at his face and gently kiss him on the lips and whisper "thanks" once we break apart. Then the hunger that I first felt in the cave and on the beach in the second games takes over, and it over powers the horrible grief that engulfs me and I am passionately kissing Peeta and wanting to be as close as possible. We break once again and Peeta gives me look of worry. "Today is the day that I am going to live for her, and live as much as possible. She can't live today but I can".

"I will do anything to make you happy today," Peeta whispers back.

Then we start to kiss again and I put as much love as possible into each kiss to try and make sure that Peeta knows I love him. Soon we are tangled together as one and there is no where else I would rather be. Once we are done and untangle our sweaty bodies. Peeta gently picks me up and carries me to shower. We start washing each other and Peeta takes out my messy braid and starts to wash my hair. I love when he does this. He started doing this after we got married and hasn't stopped since. We both get out of the shower and get dressed.

Peeta starts to make cheese buns and looks over at me."So what are you planning on doing today," Peeta says still obviously still worried about me.

"I think I will go hunting and them maybe go see Haymitch," I say trying to said cheerful to ease his worry.

"Okay, I was going to stay home from the bakery today and I was wondering if I could surprise you with something special," he says.

He knows that I hate surprises of any kind, but I can never say no to Peeta."That sounds much better then what I had planned," I say. With that he finally breaks into a smile and gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Okay then, go and get you hunting clothes on and then we will go," Peeta says.

I have no idea why I need to change I was wearing swear pants and a t-shirt, but who knows what he could have in store for today. After I get changed I head down to the hall closet and get out my bow and arrows. I don't need to hide them in the woods any more so I like to keep them close. As I walk down the stairs I see Peeta waiting by the front door still smiling.

"What are you smiling at," I say sarcastically while he pulls me in for an embrace.

"Just smiling at the most beautiful woman in the world who happens to be my wife." He says before giving me a kiss on the lips.

Peeta is still good with words, and always knows how to make me smile even when I don't think I can make it through the day.

We walk out the door and start in the direction of town. Most of the town is back up and running. Most of the main construction is now just houses in the seam for people that are moving back here or are moving from other districts. It is still very early in the morning and only a few people are out on the street. However, the ones who are out just stare at us as we walk past.

Peeta then turns us towards the meadow dragging me by the hand. Once we get into the woods I finally realize that Peeta is holding a basket which seems to have a blanket and some food in it. I eye him suspiciously and he just shakes his head 'no', and keeps on walking throw the woods.

I finally have to ask "Peeta where are we going," he stops and looks down at me and says,"Just your favorite place in the world", and with that I knew that we headed to the lake. The lake that my father took me to when I was younger and where he taught me how to swim. Peeta was the first person I ever went here with besides my father And Peeta. I taught him how to swim shortly after we git married.

We finally get to the lake and Peeta lays down the blanket and gestures for me to sit. After that long hike I am really hungry considering we never actually ate breakfast. Peeta hands me a cheese bun.

Right before I take a bite I look him in the eyes. His eyes are so beautiful from the reflection off the water and make his eyes even brighter and I didn't think that was possible. "We only come out here on the special occasions so what is it that is special," I ask.

"I didn't know if I wanted to ask you this today, but since you said you where going to live today I thought that I shouldn't hold back ether." He takes a breath and pulls me so I am sitting on his lap. I lean my head against his chest and he puts his chin on my head and he starts to stroke my hair and talk.

"We have been married for four years now, and every day I love you a little more. You have made me so happy and you are my whole world. I would never do anything to hurt you and I will always love you and be right by your side," Peeta says this part looking into my eyes.

"So I was wondering if you would consider us having a baby". He says this with so much love in his eyes that it hurts me because I know my answer is no. I am barely able to take care of myself let alone another human being. I am too broken and to hurt. I can make it through the day because of Peeta and his love. I can't be a mother. What if something happens to Peeta and I turn into my mother and can't even take care of it? What if I get pregnant and have a miscarriage? What if I can't even have children? I know that the games are over, but what if they come back. I could never let that happen to my child. What if I fail my child like I failed Prim. Protect the baby for almost all their life and then one day it dies and it is my fault.

Suddenly Peeta is shaking me and I realize that I am crying and shaking. I must have been thinking for a while because Peeta's eyes are so full of worry.

"I-I-I," I can't even talk. I can't say no to Peeta knowing that this is something he has wanted his whole life.

Finally I get words out "I just can't Peeta. I can't fail another person like I failed Prim." I can see the hurt in his eyes, but he understands and just picks me up and walks us back home.

Once he sets me down on the porch I look up into his eyes, "I'm sorry Peeta I just can't have a baby right now. It's just too soon and please remember that I will always love you too." I give him a kiss on the lips and run across the street to Haymitch's house. Haymitch has become the only other person I talk to besides Peeta. I don't bother to knock on the door because he is probably passed out on the couch any how. When I push open the door and brace myself for the horrible smell of vomit and alcohol. I don't smell anything and as I start to look around and see that he has cleaned. Sure it isn't really clean, but for an old drunk it's pretty clean. As I walk into the kitchen I see Haymitch sitting at the table playing chess by himself.

"So what do you need sweetheart," he says bitterly.

I can tell he hasn't had a drink yet today which is pretty impressive considering it is already past noon.

"How do you know that I need something," I say back with my usual cold tone and a scowl.

"Well you sure as hell don't come over here for the company. So just tell me what you want or will I have to start guessing."

"I want a drink," I say trying to hide the slight shakiness in my voice. Haymitch just looks at me and shakes his head. "What? I am not joking I want a drink."

"Okay whatever you say sweetheart," he says as he gets up and grabs two glasses and a bottle of white liquor from the cabinet. He pours some white liquor into both of the glasses. I sit down and slam the whole glass back without any hesitation. Haymitch just looks at me amazed because the last time I had a drank it was the night the quell was announced.

"So why are you really here? I know you have another reason besides wanting a drink," Hyamitch says while I pour myself another glass and slam that one back too. I start to feel relaxed, and my mind starts to cloud over, but in a good way. It feels good to not remember everything for a minute. Then I remember why I came over to talk about Peeta wanting to have a baby.

I Look at Haymitch. "Peeta asked if I would have a baby," I say slightly slurred because I have no alcohol tolerance what so ever.

Haymitch raises his eye brows" I thought that boy would ask a lot sooner to be honest."

I pour myself another glass and slam that one back to. I kind of understand why Haymitch drinks it seems to temporarily take away all the pain, and it feels great.

"I knew he wanted kids, but I made up my mind long ago that I never would. I could never bring Peeta's child into this horrible world just for it to get hurt and reaped for the games."

Haymitch gives a look that I'm use to seeing from the old drunken mentor a look of pity and sympathy. I don't like it and wish he would just stop.

"You know sweetheart, Peeta will always love you. Kids or no kids that boy will be happy with just you."

"I just don't want him to not get what he deserves. Peeta deserves children that he can love, teach how to bake, and paint," I say and wish I didn't slur some of the words or it would sound more serious.

Haymitch looks at me and before he can say what he is going to say I am already stumbling out the door towards our house. Half way across Haymitch's I see that Peeta is sitting on the porch. As I get closer I realize that he is sitting in a chair on the porch, but his eyes are pitch black and his muscles are tense. He is lost in a flashback and can't come back. I start to shake Peeta and yell "It's not real Peeta! Just come back to me please! Peeta just come back it isn't real! I love you Peeta! We have been married for four years and I love you!" Peeta's eyes start to soften, but he is still gone. I did the only thing that is left to do I pull Peeta into my arms and kiss him and muster all the love possible into it. At first he tenses at my touch, but then relaxes when he realizes that it's me. We break apart and his eyes are back to that beautiful blue.

He then whispers "Always."

With that one word I know that I have my Peeta back. That's when he seems to notice that I am a little off, and puts together the pieces that I had some drinks with Haymitch. Peeta doesn't say anything else just scoops me up and carries me to bed. He lays me down and gets in bed next to me. He opens his arms and I scoot into to his warm embrace, and lay my head on his chest so I can listen to his heart beat. That's when I realize that I will give Peeta the one thing he has always wanted, besides me. I will have Peeta Mellark's baby.