(Don't) Lie to Me - Ereri New Year Weekend – Day 1: Action|Canon|Intimacy
The sun beat down on them, UV rays giving everything they had to make the expedition as miserable as possible. In Levi's humble opinion, that was still better than freezing their asses off, but still...
It was really freaking hot.
Eren didn't seem to mind. As a titan shifter, the kid tended to run rather warm. He didn't even really look like he was sweating much. The rest of the Corps was dripping buckets, but Eren was just chilling, like he was out for a leisurely ride in mild spring weather.
Levi mentally rolled his eyes and looked away from the kid, returning to his alert survey of the horizon. Apart from a few scraggly trees and a random farm to the southwest, there was nothing in sight. There'd been surprisingly few titans so far on this expedition (re: none) and Levi was getting antsy. It was highly unusual for there to be zero titans between the wall and their current position, and Levi knew they'd encounter them eventually. Levi really wished they'd run into some already. Not because he liked titans, and not because he was bored. It was because it was safer. It was safer to encounter one or two every so often then run into a pack of them. Levi wanted- needed them to be spread out over the long distance they were supposed to cover on this expedition.
If they weren't spread out everywhere, then they must be grouped together. That's a problem - a big one. Titans were like cows, or zombies. Slow and stupid and predictable. One they could handle just fine, just as they'd been trained. It was the heard that trampled you.
Levi knew it was quite odd behavior to sigh in relief at the sight of a titan on the horizon. Even so, he couldn't help it. It had been hours since they'd left that morning, and in the time it took the sun to climb to the summit of its journey across the sky, this was the first titan they'd encountered. If it was just the one, Levi might could believe that the titans had just generally migrated away from their path and it wouldn't be a big deal. Well, no, Levi probably still wouldn't believe that, but he might've been a little less worried. After all, the alternative was that they'd just stumbled across the leading member of a titan heard. If that was the case...
Levi wasn't really a panicky kind of guy, but in that scenario he would come pretty close to it.
As the titan and the soldiers drew closer to each other, Levi was torn between a sigh of relief because it was alone and an annoyed huff because the one titan they'd run into just happened to be an abnormal. Figures.
The titan had been walking normally until it apparently noticed the group of delicious-looking humans, at which point it dropped to all fours and started running towards them like a dog. As it got closer, the squad leaders had to work extra hard to keep their soldiers in check. Levi was preparing to join the fight in the event that the nearest soldiers couldn't handle it when the titan leaped into the air, about as high as Eren's titan was tall, and sailing through the sky at least 20 meters before landing in a pounce in a circle of screaming soldiers. Levi rolled his eyes. How perfect.
Levi put Mikasa in charge of his squad and steered his horse over to help. He made relatively quick work of the abnormal, though he did use a little more gas than he should have. As what was left of the right side of the formation regrouped into their squads, Levi rode over to Erwin.
The commander raised one of his ridiculous eyebrows at Levi's approach. "Yes, Levi?"
"It's been hours since we left and an abnormal is the first titan we see? Alone?"
Erwin sighed. "Yes, it's strange. What's your point?"
Rolling his eyes, Levi maneuvered his horse to stop in Erwin's path, forcing him to come to a halt. "You know what my point is. This could get really bad, really quickly, and you know it. One abnormal just killed six of us. What happens if we run into a group of them?"
Erwin made eye contact with Levi, and he knew Erwin had been thinking along these same lines. "We can't turn back because we're afraid of what we might run into. If we did, we'd never leave the walls. And we'd be just like everyone else who lives in them."
"I know that."
"So then you don't have a point. You just don't like this." Levi hesitated but nodded nonetheless. "I don't either. But we have a mission."
"Captain!"
Levi looked over his shoulder. That was Eren's voice. The kid was waiving his hand in the air to get his attention. Levi rolled his eyes. There was no way he was yelling back. Eren seemed to realize that so he just settled for pointing. Levi followed the direction to the northwest, basically the direction they'd come from when they left the walls that morning. Levi's eyes would have gone wide if he made facial expressions, but instead he just settled for a resigned, "Shit."
Erwin heard and looked over his shoulder in the direction Levi was staring in. He sighed. "Great. Just great."
Effectively blocking off their route home - and thus any chance of escape - was a fairly ginormous pack of titans. There were at least a couple dozen of them, and they were all headed straight in their direction. Levi hadn't seen so many titans in one place since they'd trapped Annie in the forest of giant trees and she'd summoned dozens of them to eat her with a scream.
Levi took a deep breath. "What do we do, Eyebrows?"
"We have no choice." They exchanged a look, and Levi saw no fear in his eyes. Just resignation. "We have to fight them."
Levi looked back at the hoard approaching. "Right."
"Go back to Eren. The survival of your squad is our top priority."
Levi's eyebrows furrowed. "Wouldn't now be a good time to utilize Eren's titan ability?"
"That's a last resort. If Eren shifts into a titan, they'll all swarm him. We can't risk them eating him like they ate Annie's form in the woods."
Levi huffed in annoyance but nodded nonetheless. He jerked the reigns and pushed his horse into a quick gallop back to his squad. "We're going to stay back for as long as we can," Levi told them. Only a few of his squad members looked relieved that they were going to get to avoid some of the fighting. The rest looked miffed at having to sit back while their comrades died - to protect Eren, they knew.
Eren himself looked pissed. "Why aren't you letting me help?" He switched back and forth between glaring at Levi and glaring at the approaching titans. "I can save people!"
Levi shook his head. "We can't afford to lose you. You're too valuable to risk unless we absolutely have to. Erwin's orders."
Eren huffed and slumped, glaring down at his hands now instead. "What's the point of having this strength if nobody ever lets me use it to help people?" he mumbled.
Levi knew he was mostly talking to himself, but he also knew an answer could go a long way to secure Eren's compliance. "Jaegar." Eren whipped his head up to look at Levi, a little hope in his face. Levi knew he was hoping Levi would go against Erwin's orders and let him fight. As if. There was no way Levi was putting him in danger without explicit orders from someone he couldn't ignore. "You are our last resort. As always. Pray we don't need to use you, because if we do, a lot of people died to get us to that point."
Eren didn't look any more pleased to sit back and do nothing than he had before, but Levi no longer worried Eren would charge into battle without permission.
Levi's squad stayed back as the fighting began. It hurt to watch so many people die, but Levi forced himself not to look away. The soldiers had spread out, both to force titans to spread out themselves and to make it harder for the titans to grab them. The denser of a group humans are in, the more likely it is that a titan can just reach out a hand and come away with someone in its grasp.
The battle wasn't going well. There were roughly thirty titans in that group, and in the first ten minutes, the Corps had only managed to take out two. The rest of the time was spent in some crazy game of chicken, running and dodging to avoid getting caught. Levi winced as yet another soldier was grabbed and brought to the open mouth of a hungry titan.
It wasn't much longer after that that Levi couldn't really take it anymore. Levi's primary mission was to protect Eren, but that wasn't his only mission. Besides, keeping the titans from overwhelming their primary force was protecting Eren. In the long run.
At least, that was what he told himself as he put Mikasa in charge again and steered his horse into the fray.
He managed to help put down a couple of the titans, but when there were so many, avoiding getting grabbed really did have to take precedent. Couple that with doing his best to cut a few soldiers loose from a titan's hold here and there and it really wouldn't be that much of a surprise that he only managed to kill seven of them before he ran out of gas.
He cursed as he fell to the ground, doing his best to use his maneuver gear to slow his decent and keep himself from splatting on the hard dirt. He really had used too much gas to kill that abnormal earlier, and as much as he didn't like the thought, he probably shouldn't have put so much effort - and gas - into saving other soldiers. If he was going to fight, he should have actually fought, instead of running around dodging and saving.
In that moment though, it didn't really make any difference. He'd screwed up and now he was probably going to die. That didn't mean he was going down without a fight though.
He whistled for his horse and rolled away from a titan's hand at the same time. As he waited for his horse to return to him, he did his best to slash away at fingers as more titans headed toward the apparently easy prey. His horse arrived and he hopped on, riding away and around the titans. If he couldn't kill them, he could at least slash at ankles and distract them well enough that other soldiers would have an easier time with it.
Sure enough, two more fell in the next couple minutes. And then Levi got grabbed.
He struggled against the titan's fingers as best he could as he rose. He knew there was little chance he could actually escape, but he couldn't exactly give up either. As he got closer to the titan's opening mouth, Levi thrashed as best he could against the constraining grip, to no avail.
There was an explosion. And lightning. Levi knew what that meant. Eren, no. That stupid kid had shifted, and probably without permission, since there was no way Mikasa was going to let him charge in like that. Levi sighed. Figures. He'd spend his last moments worrying about that kid. That stupid, impulsive, stubborn, brave, selfless kid.
The titan that was about to eat Levi jolted, and the next thing he knew, the fingers tightly wrapped around him loosened and Levi slipped out. He fell through the air, but Levi figured he'd survive. The titan hadn't been that big. Still, broken legs in a titan attack really wasn't a good position to be in.
He never made it to the ground. Eren's titan caught him just a few feet away from the dirt. Eren's titan opened his hand to make sure Levi was okay before securing him - tightly but not too tightly - and turning back to the titan who'd been trying to eat Levi. Its head was steaming, so Levi figured Eren had punched it
Eren roared in fury and swung again at the titan. The titan fell, but it wasn't dead yet, so Eren continued to swing at it with his one free hand. Over and over again, he punched its face, until eventually there wasn't really anything left to punch and its body stopped trying to squirm away.
Eren didn't pause to enjoy his victory - or to set Levi down. He simply turned to the next titan and roundhouse kicked it in the face, kicking its head clean off its shoulders. The titan fell to the ground and Eren moved on to the next in line.
Titan after titan, Eren took them all down. Punching, kicking, and biting, he killed the remaining dozen or so. The Corps mostly just tried to stay out of the way as Eren brought his fury down on the titans with every blow, one hand protectively holding Levi close to his chest. Eventually there were no more titans to kill, so Levi figured Eren would finally put him down.
But nope. Eren just turned on the Corps instead. He didn't attack, thank God, but he took a defensive stance, glared at the soldiers, and roared in defiance, like he was daring them to attack him too. Eren shifted Levi in his hand and Levi realized he wasn't daring them to attack Eren, he was daring them to attack Levi. He was purely focused on protecting him, against anyone or anything. The Corps was probably lucky that Eren's titan had somehow managed - and chosen - to distinguish between the titans and the human soldiers, since Levi and Mikasa were the only ones capable of taking Eren down, - Mikasa wouldn't, and, without gas and trapped in his hand, Levi simply couldn't.
Levi cursed at the situation. Eren wasn't attacking the Corps - yet - but he wasn't calming down or letting Levi go. He roared again, and Levi winced a bit at the volume. Eren's hand pressed Levi more firmly to his chest, though a little higher up than before. Levi wondered if Eren would hear him if he tried to talk. Without any other options, Levi figured he might should try.
"Eren," he called, and the titan didn't exactly look at him, but he seemed to cock his head to the side a bit, as if communicating that he was listening. Levi took a deep breath. So far, so good. "Eren, you need to calm down." The titan huffed. "Come on, we need to go back to the walls. We'll be safer there."
Eren seemed to be considering it, and his grip on Levi loosened a bit.
Until Mikasa leapt off her horse and came flying up on her maneuver gear and yelling Eren's name. Eren tensed up again, roaring at Mikasa in defiance. Levi rolled his eyes. Idiot. "Mikasa, go back to your horse, now."
She glared at him. "But Eren-"
"That's an order, soldier." Mikasa kept glaring, but she shut her mouth. After a second of hesitation, she returned to the ground and mounted her horse once more.
Once she had, Levi returned his attention to Eren. He was still tensed up, but now that she had rejoined the ranks, his attention was no longer solely on Mikasa. His eyes were roving over the remaining soldiers, keeping an eye out for any one of them to become a new threat. Levi knew something had to be done, but he wasn't sure how to get through to Eren that the Corps wasn't a threat.
He looked around as best he could with Eren holding him to his chest. He looked down and managed to get a glimpse of Erwin. They made eye contact and Levi tried to convey to Erwin what he was thinking. Erwin nodded, and Levi wasn't sure if Erwin knew exactly what Levi was trying to tell him, but Eyebrows was a smart guy. Surely he'd be able to think of something.
"You okay up there, Levi?" Erwin called to him. Levi pushed against Eren's hand and the titan gave a little, allow him some wiggle room. Levi had no doubt that if Levi tried to jump down Eren would grab him again.
"Yeah, Eyebrows, I'm fine." Eren looked down at the sound of Levi's voice, and he swore he saw Eren's titan's face shift from a defensive glare to a softer look of concern once Levi became his focus. All signs pointed to Eren's primary goal being simply to protect Levi. If Eren believed Levi was no longer in danger, maybe he'd let him go. Levi decided to try addressing Eren again. "See, Eren? They don't want to hurt me. I'm not in danger, I promise." Eren's defensive posture didn't change, but he held on to Levi less firmly. His hand was almost completely open now. Instead of moving like he was going to run away, Levi decided to try a different tactic. A tactic that might appeal to Eren's apparent desire to protect him. He tried to climb up Eren's chest. He didn't get very far before he slipped and fell a bit. He knew he would though. He also knew Eren would catch him, and he hoped Eren would figure out what he wanted. It appeared that he had when Eren raised Levi up and allowed Levi to step off of his hand onto his shoulder.
"Be careful, Levi," Erwin called from below, but Levi just rolled his eyes and paid him no mind. He knew Eren wouldn't let anything happen to him. This whole thing was only a problem because Eren wanted to protect him.
"Ignore them," he told Eren as he situated himself on the titan's shoulder. "Now, Eren, I want to thank you for saving my life."
The titan huffed a breath, like an acknowledgement. Eren was hearing him, but more than that, Eren was actually listening. That was a good sign.
"I also want to thank you for killing all those titans. That was very brave of you." Eren raised a hand, and Levi figured he should probably be wary, but he couldn't bring himself to be. One of Eren's fingers gently touched his head and ran down the side of his face and chest, like he was petting him or something. Levi didn't smile, but he did snort. "You were protecting me, right? Thank you. I appreciate it. But I'm not in danger anymore."
Eren growled, low in his throat, and Levi took a deep breath to steady himself. "Hey, I'm serious. I'm fine. You saved me, and now all the titans are gone. I'm not in danger anymore. Now I just want to go home. Will you let me get back on my horse?"
Eren let out a low grumble again, but - slowly - he took Levi lightly in his hand and lowered him to the ground, kneeling down next to him on his hands and knees. Erwin and Hange started to ride over to him, but Eren growled in their direction, placing a hand down between them and Levi. Levi rolled his eyes but held out a hand to motion for Erwin and Hange to stay back. "I've got this. You don't need to come any closer." Erwin hesitated, but Hange nodded and they pulled back. Levi then turned back to Eren. "You know, I'm not in danger anymore, so I'd prefer it if you weren't in titan form anymore, Jaegar. Titans are attracted to that form, so you'll probably just bring more of them over here if you stay like that."
Eren hesitated but eventually backed away from Levi. Only a few seconds later, Eren's tired and steaming body pulled out of the titan's neck. Levi dismounted and ran over, and it was a good thing too, because Eren stumbled as he tried to climb down from the titan, too exhausted to be properly coordinated. Levi caught him in his arms and set him down gently. "You okay, kid?"
Eren nodded, and Levi swore he could see a pink twinge to his cheeks, though that was probably from the heat of the titan's steaming body and the warmth of the summer day.
Levi motioned for his squad to come over, and they brought his and Eren's horses with them. He helped Eren mount up before climbing onto his horse himself. By the time they were all situated, Erwin had already managed to regroup the rest of the soldiers into their squads and pull out back towards home. Levi and his squad followed at a distance, managing to give some piece of mind to the soldiers who were a little on edge from being nearly attacked by Eren's titan form. Levi also figured Eren was a little embarrassed from almost losing control, and he'd probably like to not have to face everyone so soon after having to be talked down.
For the rest of the several-hours-long journey back to the walls, Mikasa fussed over Eren, and Jean made fun of him, and the rest of the squad all had something to say. Eren managed to laugh off some of it, and the rest he patiently endured (except for Mikasa's mothering, but who could blame him).
The whole ride home, he refused to look Levi in the eye.
Levi finally found the kid holed up in his room. He wasn't all that surprised. It'd been a long, exhausting, and embarrassing day for him, so no wonder he didn't want to spend what was left of it with his friends.
When Levi knocked on the door and was met with a quiet, "Enter," he opened the door to find Eren sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall with a vaguely sad look in his green eyes. Levi wasn't really sure what happened to make them that way, but he figured he was about to find out.
He didn't enter immediately, instead choosing to lean against the door and observe. After a few moments with no change in Eren's expression, Levi huffed. "Shouldn't you be resting?" Eren seemed to shake himself out of a daze as he turned to look at him. "It's late, and you've had a long day."
Eren smiled gently, though his eyes still held sadness in them. "I could say the same thing about you, Captain. You did almost die today, after all."
Levi rolled his eyes, but before he answered he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He figured they wouldn't want any eavesdroppers. "At least I was calm about my own near-death experience. You, not so much." Eren's shoulders drooped and he looked away sullenly, as if he thought he could escape this conversation. Not on Levi's watch, he couldn't. "You want to explain what happened today?"
Eren sighed. "Not particularly."
Levi raised in eyebrow. Somebody had gotten very brave over the last few years. Eren was far from 15 nowadays, a full-fledged adult in his own right. Apparently a spine and a nineteenth birthday were a packaged deal for the kid. "Well, tough. You nearly attacked the entire Survey Corps today. And you practically held me hostage in the palm of your hand." Eren flinched and Levi sighed, deciding maybe a gentler approach would be more appreciated. Not that Levi was very good at 'gentle' anyways, but he could still put a little effort into it, he supposed. "I'm grateful for you saving my ass and all, but I'd really like to know what you were thinking to make you shift into your titan your in the first place."
"I wasn't thinking," Eren all but yelled in reply, finally making eye contact with Levi again. "You were about to get eaten, and I reacted."
"Panicked is more like it, kid." Eren rolled his eyes, and Levi took a step closer. "Oi. You don't get to be annoyed because I called you out on your own behavior. I'm your superior officer, it's kind of my job. If it's worth it to you, then own up to it. Defend yourself, sure, but don't get defensive. You aren't a child anymore." Eren huffed, but he didn't argue. "I am grateful, you know." Eren looked up at him, a doubtful expression replacing the sad one from earlier. "You know that, right?"
Eren hesitated, which answered Levi's question, but Eren decided to lie anyway. "Yeah, I suppose."
Levi snorted. "You're a terrible liar. You should get better at that."
Eren's eyebrows furrowed. "What, because you want me to lie?"
Nodding, Levi sat down on the bed next to Eren. "Absolutely. I'm not the only one who's going to ask you about what happened today. About why you shifted, yeah, but also about why you also almost lost control and nearly attacked the entire Corps, apparently because you were trying to protect me. If the reason why is what I think it is, you should absolutely lie. To everyone." Eren looked away, but Levi still saw the blush on his cheeks. "Everyone except me, that is."
Eren still wouldn't look at him, and his blush only grew. "And why's that?"
"Because the truth is dangerous. Especially that truth."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Eren stared at the ground between his feet, determination hardening his jaw and squaring his shoulders.
Levi shook his head in disbelief. He knew Eren was stubborn, but really? "Okay, fine. Let's practice. Pretend I'm Erwin, or Hange, or literally anyone else asking you about why you acted like you did today. What's your answer?"
Eren shifted on the bed so his whole upper body was facing Levi and braced himself with one hand on the mattress and one hand on his knee. "I was protecting you, yeah. You're my captain, you have been for four fucking years, so of course I care about whether you live or die. When I shift, I need a mission, and in that moment, my mission was to protect you. There's no way to complete that mission, because there is no way you will ever be safe as long as a single titan exists." Eren was basically yelling at this point, but Levi refused to look even remotely fazed by it. "I returned to my human form when I was convinced that was the best way to protect you. It's not complicated."
Levi blinked lazily. "And you still want to protect me?"
Eren huffed and crossed his arms. "Of course I do! As previously stated, you're my captain."
Levi smirked. "Well, as previously stated, you're a terrible liar. No one is going to be convinced by that. I'm sure as hell not."
Eren stood up from the bed and turned away from Levi, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you want from me, Levi," he said defiantly.
"The truth."
"Why?"
Levi wasn't sure why, but suddenly he felt anger boiling in him. He found himself rocketing up from the bed himself, but he stopped himself from reaching out, from forcibly turning Eren around to look him in the eye. "Because I need to hear it! Because I'm your superior officer and I'm fifteen years older than you are, and if you don't say it first, I never will." Eren turned his head slightly, but he still didn't look at Levi. "Because if I make the first move, I will spend the rest of my life wondering if I pressured you into something you didn't want." Now Eren turned to look at him, hesitantly but finally. His eyes were wide and his jaw was hanging open, but now that he'd started, Levi couldn't seem to stop himself from spilling it all out. He was calmer now, no longer yelling, but surely Eren wouldn't be able to mistake the heartbreak in his voice as he almost whispered the last few words. "Because I can suspect and believe all I want, and I can know for a fact that you are lying to me when you say that you only protected me today because I'm your captain, but unless you tell me that you love me with your own lips, I will never be allowed to say it back. I will never allow myself to tell you how much you mean to me."
Levi gasped for air at the end of it all, staring into Eren's eyes and waiting for what he would do, now that he knew everything. Now that Levi had basically just laid his heart out for Eren to do with as he wished. Please, Levi thought, it has been broken so many times. Don't let it break again.
Eren gaped at him for a good fifteen seconds before taking a step closer to him. With every step, he drew nearer until there was barely a few inches between them. Levi wanted to reach out, but he couldn't. Eren would have to reach first.
He did. Eren cupped one of Levi's cheeks in his palm, wonder in his eyes as his thumb wiped away a tear from Levi's cheek that he hadn't even realized had fallen. "Levi," Eren whispered as he drew nearer still. Their noses brushed against each other in an eskimo kiss. Levi gasped shakily. "Of course I love you." Levi let out a breath of relief as Eren leaned in the rest of the way to kiss him.
It was not a soft kiss. It was hard and rushed and full of every emotion they'd kept to themselves over the years. It was power and passion and relief and love and so many things that Levi had spent so long thinking would never really be his. He wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist, pulling him closer – as if that was possible – as he deepened the kiss. Eren made a sound of approval, wrapping his own arms around Levi's neck.
As much as it killed him, Levi had to pull away. Now that he could finally say it back, nothing was going to stop him. "I love you, too, Eren."
Eren laughed in a way only a young man in love could, giddy and free and high on that first kiss. "Well, I'm relieved I don't have to lie anymore." His smile resurrected something that had been long dead inside Levi. The weight of humanity was resting on this kid's shoulders, but kissing Levi had brought out a smile brighter than Levi had ever seen from him. Four years of pain and responsibility and grief and rage, but finally there was something else. Something with meaning. Something they didn't have to wait for.
For the first time in what felt like years – probably had been years – Levi felt himself smile back.
"Well," he managed to reply through the small grin, always keeping his head on straight. "You still need to lie to everyone else, somehow. Erwin wouldn't care if he found out, and something tells me Hange would be absolutely ecstatic," Eren laughed again, nuzzling his nose against Levi's as he listened, "but if anyone else in the Corps found out, Erwin would have to do something about it, even if just for appearances." That managed to temper Eren's smile, and Levi was so sad to see it go he interrupted himself with a quick kiss.
"And," he continued, forcing himself to stay on track as Eren turned his attention away from Levi's lips and onto his neck, sucking on a spot just above Levi's pulse. "And," Levi repeated, tilting his head to give Eren better access in spite of his better judgement, "if the Military Police found out that your handler went soft on you, they'd try to take you away from the Survey Corps. They'd try to take you away from me." Levi tightened his hold on Eren's hips. "I can't let that happen."
Eren sighed with a mix of contentment and resignation, pulling away from Levi's neck. "Well, according to you, I suck at lying." Levi nodded, and Eren laughed again, placing a quick peck on Levi's lips. "I guess you'll just have to teach me how to better use my tongue." Eren wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Levi couldn't decide whether to laugh or roll his eyes. He settled for the latter.
Then Eren licked a long stripe up Levi's neck, bringing a shiver up his spine in a way Levi had never felt. Levi figured lying lessons could wait until later.
Much later.