-1A white room and a fragile looking boy sitting on the bed. This is what his first love looks like to Renji. The boy in question is not really a boy, but a young man, too old to be a child, too young to be an adult. But Renji had often considered him a boy for his innocence and naïveté. This young man had never seen much of the outside world and considered the four walls of the hospital his domain. He never seen him gets angry or cry, he's wasn't one to have tantrums or complaints. Renji often saw him smiling, that wonderful smile on his scarred face. His laughter often charmed the nurses at the hospital. He was in an accident long ago and he was left with a permanent scar down on one of his eye. But despite of that scar, for the red head doctor, he always sees him only as beautiful.
His name is Shuuhei Hisagi. He is a permanent resident of one of the wards of the Seireitei General Hospital. The doctor in charge of Shuuhei, Byakuya Kuchiki, had entrusted him now to Renji. Shuuhei had finally reached the stage when he could be released from the hospital, and Renji would be his attending physician and his guide to the outside world.
"What do you want to do first? Or is there a particular place you want to go to?" Renji asked, as he put Shuuhei's bag in the back seat and help the man with his seat belt.
Shuuhei was excited, his face was radiant and he was practically bouncing in his seat that Renji couldn't help but smile and laugh with him. He reached out and touched his head.
"Hey, brat. What do you want to do? Are you hungry, you want to go eat first? Or you want to go to my place first and rest?" he asked, ruffling his hair.
Shuuhei remembered that hand. He had often sought it out. It was always warm and gentle and helped to pacify him when he is in pain, or soothe him when he is feeling lonely.
He leaned closer to the touch, "I want to eat cheese burger or that big mac that I saw on TV, and some French fries and a sundae, and I want some chicken nuggets too." He replied excitedly, he was talking too fast that he almost run out of breath.
Renji laughed, patting him on the shoulder, and handed him bottled water.
"Are you sure you can finish all of those in one sitting? We can always buy some for later. But okay, we'll go to the nearest one right now." He said.
Shuuhei clapped his hands happily. Renji chuckled again, started the car and drove to the closest Mc Donald's he could find.
He ordered everything that Shuuhei wanted and found a table near the recreation area, and observed his patient as the boy eagerly watch kids run around squealing and playing. He smirked knowing Shuuhei was probably contemplating if he would fit in the mini jungle gym or could go through the tunnel where the kids are squeezing themselves in.
When their eyes met, he chuckled at the look on Shuuhei's face, like he was asking for permission.
"No, don't even think about it, pal. You're six feet tall, think of all those kids, running, screaming at you, you would look like Gulliver stalking the town of Lilliput. Just finish your happy meal and we'll go to the park and you can ran around and play on the swing and slides to your heart's content." Renji said, smiling.
"Really? Thank you, Renji! You're the best!" Shuuhei said, happily as he digs in his cheese burger and tinkered with his free toy.
After their meal, Renji drove them to the park, it was rather late in the afternoon and surprisingly, they found one that was practically empty. At first all he was going to do was sit and watch but Shuuhei insisted that he'd join him. He was going to protest that he was too old, but Shuuhei is rather too old for these things too, he's only a few years older than the man and now here he is fascinated as he watched his fragile form going up and down those bars like one of those kids at Mc Donald's earlier. His shirt hangs very loose from his thin form. But he was beautiful; Renji had confirmed that, as the afternoon sun highlight his face like a beautiful angel. Renji climbed after him, and they laughed together like they've been doing this all their lives.
After the park, Shuuhei fell asleep in the car, clutching at the toy that he got from his happy meal. Renji felt happy watching his peaceful sleeping form. Tomorrow would be another day, he wondered where Shuuhei would like to go or what he would want to do. But right now, he headed for his place, knowing his patient is probably tired from running and jumping around at the park, this day is done for him.
He shook him lightly on the shoulder, "Wake up, brat. We're home, come on let's go in or you would catch a cold sleeping there." He said, as he reached out his hand to help him out of the car.
Shuuhei rubbed his eye sleepily and took the gentle hand, when he stood up; he leaned forward and laid his head on the man's shoulder. Renji supported him.
"Are you feeling okay?" He asked worriedly. The head on his shoulder nodded.
"Sleepy." Shuuhei replied, his voice croaked.
Renji put an arm around his waist and supported him as they walked inside the house. He turned on lights along the way and led the boy to the guest bed room.
He helped him lie down and started removing his sneakers and helping him change clothes. He turned off the lamp and was about to stand up to leave when a hand grabbed the tail of his shirt.
"Stay with me?" Shuuhei asked in a little voice.
Renji smiled and climbed in bed with him. "Of course." He replied.
The minute the doctor climbed in the bed, Shuuhei hugged him and nuzzled his head close to the doctor's.
"Warm." Shuuhei said, smiling with his eyes closed.
Renji touched his head again and pulled him closer. In the span of a couple of months, he had grown to like this man like he would like a younger brother. He had considered him special, since the first time he saw him sitting in the morning light coming from the hospital window. Some people consider him silly, or sometimes stupid, since he had limited access to other people, school or even time out of the hospital. The only education he even got was from watching TV, and some kind soul taught him how to read and write. He had been gravely ill, so living in the hospital was his only option. His family stopped coming and Renji never get to meet any of them. They had completely abandoned Shuuhei and left him to his fate. They still payed the bills and asked to be informed when the time comes so they can make the arrangements. So cold to do that to your own flesh and blood, Renji thought. and here he was a stranger who only got to know this boy a couple of months ago, and he couldn't understand why they couldn't love the boy or even care what happened to him. Shuuhei needed them now more than ever, this is their last chance, but they chose to leave that task to Renji. So here they are now. Renji would make him a promise.
The Hisagi is an old clan. It was used to be run by a feudal lord who was rather promiscuous during his time, and ended up having wives and children from different places, some known and unknown. And Shuuhei was a product of one of those time. That said lord was long gone. The successor is a kind man who wouldn't shun away a child who was in dire need of help. But that was as far as he would go for someone whom he has no real connection with. He had Shuuhei be treated in one of the best hospitals in the land. A private one, billeted at a private room, unknown to the people around. For the new lord, he had done his part. And Shuuhei would have a place in the family records but one of those unknown and unrecognized. That was as how far the man was willing to go in respect for his ancestors.
"I will love you twice as more to make up for all those love that you've been missing; I hope my love would be enough to satisfy you." Renji said.
"Your love is enough to complete me, Renji." Shuuhei replied with a smile.
The next day, Renji made him breakfast, it his task after all to grant everything he desires.
Shuuhei insisted this is what he wants to eat for breakfast, an egg sandwich but it's Shuuhei's style of egg sandwich, not your usual egg salad on bread. His kind is scrambled eggs with mayo and ketchup. Renji made a face when he took a bite with gusto.
"It's good, Renji. You ought to try it!" he said, happily, shoving his sandwich right in front of the older man.
Renji put his hand up, "No, thanks, I'll take your word for it." He said, but when he saw the little hurt look on his face, he took the other slice and started eating it. This made Shuuhei laughed and smiled at him.
Renji looked at the sandwich and shrugs, it's not bad, he thought to himself, he might get used to it.
"So what do you want to do today?" he asked, turning to his patient.
"Let's go to the park! I want to play with the slides again." He said, clapping his hands.
"No, we already did that, we can always go to the park some other time, there is one near the apartment, think of something else. How about if you give me a list of things you want and places you want to go to." He said, as put the plates and mugs away and carried them to the sink.
"Okay." Shuuhei said, and run to the room and got the organizer that Renji got him. He had turned it to a journal, it has dividers so he used the other pages to draw some stuff and make doodles.
Renji even got him a sketch pad, crayons, colored pencils, graphite pencil and pens since he saw that the younger man loves to draw stuff. Renji watched him hunched over his paper concentrated on making his list. It gave him a shudder somehow looking at him like that. It hurts his heart but he smiled when Shuuhei looked up to him and shouting triumphantly saying he was done.
He got the paper and read it. Some of the spelling was wrong, but he understood what the boy meant. He was rubbing his chin, chuckling at some of the things that Shuuhei had wrote there.
"Hmmm….You are easy to please, Shuuhei. A plane ride, beach, see some whales, climb a mountain, make a flower garden, make sandcastles. But snow? Does it snow it Seireitei?" he asked more to himself than the other man.
"Let me think, maybe I can come up with something. So today, let's go see some whales." He said, as he ruffled the younger man's hair.
"Yay! I'm going to see some whales, and dolphins and sharks! Thanks Renji! I'm going to shower now." He said, happily running back to the room.
The doctor took him to the ocean park, and he must admit, he also enjoyed himself. Some people take little things for granted, and it takes this one person to make him realized that. To someone like Shuuhei this is some of the things he wanted to see, and treasure it until it was time for him to go.
Who would be so anxious to savor the taste of hamburgers? Put the toy they got from a happy meal and placed them in his bag for his special treasures. This young man got one bag with all his clothes, and then there's a small zippered portion where he put the stuff that Renji and the other staff had given him, he treasured each one of them, no matter how much insignificant it is. A ballpoint pen given by a nurse with her initials engraved on it, a bottle cap from one of the rare soda he got from one of the intern, Renji's bandana he asked if he could have and the doctor gave it to him. A postcard from a distant relative, a button from his favorite shirt.
Renji watched him, when they are back home like this from the places they've been too, and the boy would dig out his treasures, as he calls them and tell a story of each one of them, where he got them, what happened that time and who gave it to him. It hurts Renji to watch him like that. The excitement and happiness on his face, holding an old bottle cap, an inkless pen, his bandana and other stuff people gave him and things he requested if he could have. He cherished them like they were gold, kept them safe and secure. Very careful in storing them.
How could this person be someone so insignificant? How could anyone brush off someone who is a part of you and say that you are too afraid to watch him go on like this? He asked himself as he reached out and grabbed Shuuhei into an embrace.
"Renji are you okay?" he asked innocently when the man pulled him and stopped him from talking. He patted the older man's back.
Renji chuckled lightly; he should be the one asking him that. He should be the one who is supposedly being sad and afraid. Renji wondered if he was the one needing the comfort instead of the one giving it. He was supposed to be an expert, this was supposed to be his job, to ease the pain, to ease the suffering of his patients. One week. They only have one week to be together.
He withdrew slowly and gazed into his eyes. And slowly pulled him again, and this time kissed him tenderly. Shuuhei didn't resist but instead put an arm around his neck. Renji deepened the kiss until they were panting and trying to catch their breath.
The older man ran a hand through his long red hair, "Let's go to the backyard, I got the seeds from the store, you said you wanted to plant some flowers." He said, smiling, his eyes bright from unshed tears. No, he will not cry. No, he will not pity him. He is far more precious than anyone he had ever had in his entire life. He would gladly give up everything to be forever like this with him.
Shuuhei jumped off the bed happily and followed him. Renji grabbed a jacket and put it on him, "Now, bundled up, it's a little nippy out there, don't want you catching a cold now, we still have the beach, the snow and the mountain to climb. Remember your list? So bundle up." He said.
Shuuhei smiled and obediently zippered up the jacket and grabbed his cap and put it on his head and excitedly followed the man, carrying the small shovel while Renji brought the bags of seeds.
Just a few minutes of puttering in the backyard tired him, he was already wheezing and Renji was worried that he was going to have an attack.
"Hurts. Renji. It hurts." Shuuhei uttered, clutching at his chest.
Renji scooped him up in his arms about to rush him to the hospital. Shuuhei never complains, never cries no matter how extreme the pain is, so he knew that this time it's really different. He had been in denial all this time. He believed that he would be alright, that he would fulfill every one of those task in the list and they would go back to the hospital and laugh at the doctor's faces and tell them that they are wrong. That Shuuhei would fall in love with him, and they would live together, plant dozen and dozen of flowers in the backyard, eat happy meals and collect all the toys, play in the park, eat egg sandwich Shuuhei style. Tears started to fall as he gathered the jacket around the boy tighter, he was shaking, and he considers it a miracle that he didn't drop him.
"Hold on, baby, hold on, I'm going to take you to the hospital okay? Just hold on." He cried frantically almost slipping as he search wild eyed for his keys and wallet.
They were almost out the door when Shuuhei reached out and put his arms around Renji's neck.
"Its okay, Renji. I don't want to go back there yet. I still want to spend more time with you." Shuuhei whispered in a weak voice.
Renji laid him down on the couch, "Are you sure?" he asked, searching his face, feeling his pulse, checking his vitals.
But Shuuhei captured his hands in his, stopping him. "I'm alright. Don't cry, don't be sad. It just hurt a little. Maybe if you kiss me again it will go away." He said, reaching for him, opening his arms to welcome him.
Renji filled them, encircle the frail form in his arms as he cried and showered him with kisses at the same time.
"Do you know what you mean to me?" Renji asked him when he finally calmed down and looked at him.
The younger man shook his head, still clutching at his hand.
"In all my life, since I met you, you have been nothing," Renji said, as he kissed him.
Shuuhei was about to say something when he interrupted him with a passionate kiss, leaving the boy a little breathless. "Nothing, but magic." Renji completed. The boy reached for him, asking for an embrace and Renji was happy to comply.
After they watched TV and snacked on egg sandwich Shuuhei style, his own mix of punch juice, combination of grape, strawberry and pink lemonade. Renji ate and drank it all, and after that the boy fallen asleep watching TV and holding his power punch as he called it. Renji carried him to the bedroom and laid him on the bed. The boy murmured something which sounded like his name, and sleepily reached out for him; he climbed in bed and watches him.
He was smiling all the while, content until the boy started having some difficulty in breathing, and he had to get him some oxygen so he wouldn't have to wake him up. He shouldn't have insisted to do the gardening another day, he had been exhausted when he took him to planetarium and made him ride a simulation booth so he can experience how it is to fly and ride on a plane. He was so ecstatic, all the people were watching him and smiling, thinking he looked so cute, a young man no longer a boy, a boy too young to be an adult. Nineteen. Shuuhei was barely nineteen. And he is just a few years older at twenty-six. He'll be twenty by next month will he be able to make it that far? Will he be able to experience all those things?
Renji was quiet as he watched Shuuhei picked a frame for their picture, he wanted to take a sticker picture of the two of them and Renji posed with him, trying to smile feeling his face would crack.
He should have let him rest. But a week is not enough to fulfill everything he wanted to do before his time would come. His heart ache watching him but Renji only broke down once and that's when he thought he would rush him to the hospital. But as much as possible, he would keep on smiling, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts. He didn't want him leaving here with a memory of him being sad.
Renji fell asleep beside him, exhausted too from all the hurried memories they are trying to squeeze in one week. He woke up with a gentle shaking; it was the boy, waking him up.
He was startled and almost jumped up the bed.
"What is it, Shuuhei? Are you in pain?" he asked, frantic seeing that the boy had removed the oxygen mask.
"Renji, let's go to the beach! I want to go to the beach and see the ocean, I want to pick up sea shells and make sandcastles." He said, smiling at him, nuzzling his head underneath the older man's chin.
"But it's already dark out. We could do that tomorrow." He said.
"But tomorrow we are climbing the mountain, remember?" the boy replied, "There's no time, I want to do everything." He said.
Renji grabbed him almost roughly by the arm, "Don't say that, there's plenty of time, after this week we would go back to the hospital and then we would schedule another week off like this, you'll see." Renji said, trying to convince more himself than the boy.
Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to say that you're not going to die or you're not dying. Although he knew that is why he was given a week to do these tasks that the boy wants. That is why the other specialist had handed over the boy to him. This is his specialty and he is a professional. But somehow along the way, after meeting Shuuhei, he had become an emotional wreck. He was uncertain of his capabilities, he was putting his emotions on the line, and he was taking everything personally which is not good. Not for Shuuhei. It would be Shuuhei who would suffer.
Shuuhei had a rare blood type and with this unique blood, comes a unique terminal illness. It mostly affected the men, but ironically, it's not hereditary, only the ones who got this rare blood type are affected, and unluckily he was the last. Most of the time they never reached their twentieth birthday. And Renji had vowed he would prove the doctors wrong. If he could even extend it one more days, one more week, another minute, another hour he knew it would mean so much to Shuuhei. Is it Shuuhei or is it him? Although he had kissed and held the boy, he had never told him he loves him. He never expressed his feelings to words. Probably because he didn't want the boy to think he was only saying it because he pitied him. But because he truly love him. So this week, he would cram up all the memories he could possibly share with Shuuhei and have the boy so many memories he can take wherever he is going. He didn't know if the boy could remember those memories, or could remember him. But he wanted to. Was he doing it for himself?
Right now Renji is gambling with a trembling heart. On the inside he was shaking so bad that he couldn't stand up straight, as if he was walking on a tight rope, no matter how much he steeled himself, he knew he would fall and that would be the end of it.
Renji looked at him for a moment, and nodded. He won't deny him anything; he would do everything that he asked. He went to his closet and fish out a thermal sweater and asked him to wear it, then got some thick socks and mittens and a beanie.
Shuuhei looked at him oddly, "Are we going to the north pole, Renji?" he asked, thinking that the man would take him to see snow now.
Renji smiled, "Indulge me, brat. Indulge this old man who is so in love with you." He said, finally having the courage to say those words before it was too late.
"What is love?" Shuuhei asked innocently, looking at him as he put on the clothes that he was given.
"When I kiss you, you feel butterflies in your stomach, right? When I hugged you, you feel a tightening in your chest like you cannot breathe from so much happiness. When you think of me, you would either go in a giggling fit remembering the antics we did, or sigh consecutively remembering how I touched you." He said, and helped him bundled him up.
"Did I make you feel all those things, Shuuhei?" he asked.
Shuuhei smiled, "Yes and much, much more. I couldn't stop smiling and I wanted to jump up and down in the air until I ran out of breathe, or run the corridors of the hospital with the wind on my face, like the touch of your hand, gentler even than a breathe." Shuuhei said.
Renji blushed and smiled, leaned over and kissed him, "Yes, you got it right, perfect. Now you know what love is, and now you know how much I love you. I won't need anything else or anyone else except you. I'm fine where I am, if we are going to be stuck here forever, then so be it. I would live all my lifetimes with you." He said, he kissed him again.
"Are you ready muffin man?" he teased as the boy tried to walk with so many clothes on him.
"Could we get rid of the mittens and the extra jacket plus the socks? I can't breathe and I'm feeling so hot. I can stick my hands in my pocket so I won't get cold; I promise I won't take off the jacket." He said.
Renji chuckled and helped him take off the other stuff and then they were on their way, luckily the beach is close to the ocean park where Renji took the boy to see the whales. He drove pass the park and then after a few more minutes, he was pulling in the parking lot. They were lucky that there was a full moon out, it was so clear and bright like it was still day.
Shuuhei pointed, "Look at the moon, it's so big!" he exclaimed, and started running towards it, removing the jacket and his sneakers before Renji could protest.
He didn't stop him but picked it up and followed him running and dancing on the sand and then running to the water.
"Slow down or you would get tired. Just walk slowly so we can stay here longer. We are going to pick shells and build sandcastle remember?" he said.
"Yes! Yes!" Shuuhei replied, crouched down on the sand and started picking up shells, Renji got the plastic pail and shovel and handed it to him. He crouched down beside him and started digging sand while the boy picked up sea shells.
After that they were laughing and playing at the water, splashing each other and then went back to building the sandcastle again.
Shuuhei started coughing and shivering, and clutched at his chest. Renji rushed to him and encircled him in his arms tightly. "Are you cold?" he asked, "Do you want to go now?" he asked, trying to take away the worry in his voice.
Shuuhei shook his head, "No, let's just sit here and watched our sandcastle and protect it from the water." He said, in a very weak voice, burying himself further in the older man's arms.
He was playing in the sand with the plastic shovel, digging a hole. Renji watched him.
"I've been looking for a grave to bury my heart in, so that when I'm gone you would have a place to go to when you want to find me." Shuuhei said quietly.
Tears started falling down Renji's face. He couldn't speak, his mouth was dry and his chin was quivering so badly, his teeth were chattering.
"Don't worry, Renji. No matter where I go, I would always be with you." Shuuhei said, tilting his head for a kiss. Renji kissed him hard, and Shuuhei kissed away his tears.
It was daybreak when the two got up and picked up their stuff and went back to the car. They watched the sunrise together. Renji wished there would be more moments like this.
In companionable silence they rode back home, Renji carried his sleeping patient back in the house. He had already made arrangements for the mountain and the snow. Although it doesn't snow in Seireitei, Renji and his friends had come up with something to produce snow for Shuuhei.
He was packing up their stuff for the trip, it's a three hour drive, and Renji made sure that they would be able to make it back to the hospital to check back Shuuhei in for a check up. He let him sleep almost until noon, he doze off too for a couple of hours beside him. He was a little surprise when he opened his eyes he saw Shuuhei watching him.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked, as he sat up.
"I just want to watch you sleep so that I would have that memory of you sleeping. I took a picture too," he said, grinning, showing the man a Polaroid picture with his mouth hanging open.
:"Why, you, brat!" he said, and pinched his nose, "Come on, get up and get ready, we're going to the mountain today." He said, smiling but Shuuhei pulled him back to the bed.
"Wait a minute, Renji. I got something to give you." He said, a little shyly.
Renji couldn't speak. He just looked at him and smiled. Shuuhei took out a braided string rope with a shell hanging on it. He sat up on the bed and tied it around Renji's neck.
"I don't know how I could give you my heart except to rip it out of my chest, but that would be a bad idea, I don't want to bury it in the sand, because you might not be able to find it or the tide would shift and it would be carried away into the ocean. I don't want to bury it in the garden, because even myself, I won't remember where I mark it. So I decided to bury it with you. I know all the shells we saw at the beach used to be alive and now are empty houses from the creatures that used to live there. But this one stood out, it was shiny and beautiful, I don't think it would fade." He said, touching the shell that now nestled around Renji's neck.
Tears are threatening to fall again, but Renji held it back. "This is my heart, Renji. I want it to stay with you always, so that when you are feeling lonely, or you're missing me, all you have to do is touch it and I'm there with you. Don't throw your life away when I'm gone, live for me. Be happy because only my human shell that is fading away but I won't disappear, I would always be with you no matter where you are and where you go." Shuuhei said, and tap Renji on the chest where the shell lay.
"I would be right here, living inside of you, in the space that you provided for me in your heart. I would be very happy to reside there along with the memories that I shared with you. So make more memories, so I can hang it on the walls of your heart." Shuuhei said, and leaned closer and kissed him hard.
Shuuhei started to breathe hard again, and clutched at his chest. At first Renji said they should postpone the trip but the boy insisted that they go, that he would sleep in the car along the way.
He made a place for him to lie down comfortably at the back seat of the car. Brought enough blankets to make sure that he would be warm, it would be cold up in the mountains once they reached it.
Renji touched the shell that was sitting on his skin. It had already adapted to his warmth. Somehow he didn't feel like crying now after what Shuuhei had said. He would fulfill the last of his wishes now. And then bring him back to the hospital after there. He hoped that he would still have time, and probably there is still something more that can be done. Surely, Shuuhei won't disappear like they say he would. He is different. He is special. He would make it and they would continue to live up to a hundred.
The hours had gone by, he hardly felt the tiredness of driving for three straight hours, his mind was wandering in deep thoughts as he push the car further for another mile until they reached the summit.
He was gentle when he shook him awake. "Shuuhei, we're here, my love." He said, as he leaned forward and wakes him with a kiss.
The boy woke up with a smile like he was renewed and just got out of the hospital, the weakness and the malaise not even visible on his face or on his quick movement as he fished out his camera and took pictures, of him and him and Renji. The sticker photos were all over his Polaroid camera, a souvenir of their trip to the ocean park.
The boy started shouting at the top of his lungs, calling Renji's name and then his name, and was giggling when it echoes. Renji and his friends watched him, and finally he shouted I love you Renji and that made the doctor cry. And he shouted I love you back.
Then Renji's friends said it was time to go or the ice would melt. They took the two inside a big skating arena that they had managed to fill up with crushed ice. It was a lot of work but when Renji explained the situation to his friends, they were more than happy to help out to bring snow to Seireitei, even if it's just inside that skating rink. Shuuhei's mouth was hanging open, as looked at all the ice. He walked over to the rink and started tromping down the thick layers of crushed ice. It looked like a giant snow cone. He was laughing. Renji joined him smiling and taking pictures of him.
"This is snow?" he asked, for he never seen one.
Renji smiled, "Yes, snow is really just crushed ice that falls down from the sky." At the mention of that, one of his friends had switched on a huge machine that started to make a racket but slowly turned to a hum, and then the two started laughing when it started raining "snow" all over them. Shuuhei was laughing and squealing. Renji told him to lie down and make a snow angel and he took pictures of him.
Then they stopped the machine and one grabbed the camera and took pictures of them. When Shuuhei started breathing heavily again, Renji's friends decided to leave them alone. He had already instructed them what to do when that time comes.
Renji started crying again. Shuuhei looked up to him as he cradled him in his arms; they were in the middle of melting ice surrounded by white.
"Don't cry. Didn't you promise you won't cry?" Shuuhei said, touching his face smiling.
"No, I'm not crying, it's snow." He said, and laughs lightly, smiling and leaned over and kissed him.
"I'm not ready yet, Shuuhei. I'm not ready to let you go." He said, gripping him tighter in his arms.
"But all I'm going to do is go home, Renji. Go home to where I permanently reside." Shuuhei said, weakly, smiling at him.
"Whenever you feel your heart beating, think of me beating there inside of you. I would be a part of you now; your every being is synchronized with mine." Shuuhei said.
"You're not just a part, you're my everything. If I lose everything, then I have nothing. I am nothing without you." Renji said.
Shuuhei smiled and touched his face. "You're not going to lose me because I'm going to be a part of you. I would live inside of you and be with you. All you have to do is close your eyes and I'm there." He said.
Renji held him tighter as he close his eyes, he was shaking but not just from the cold of the water that was now seeping his pants as the ice began to melt but at the coldness that was wrapping at his heart. He won't be getting his wish after all. The week is done and already Shuuhei is starting to fade away. Soon he would be nothing like paper.
"I love you Renji, you are the best thing that ever happened to me." Shuuhei said, his voice sounded so far away.
"I love you Shuuhei. I love you like I know my own name, it's given." He said, and leaned forward and gave him the most earnest kissed that he could ever give him.
When the door to the arena opened with a loud creak, Renji was surprised when a shower of paper snow surrounded him, and then Shuuhei was gone. In his hand is a paper heart. All that was left of the person that he had loved for the last two months of his life. The last two months when his life started all because of Shuuhei.
"Renji? Are you ready to go?" one of his friends ask in a subdued voice, trying so hard not to ask what happened to Shuuhei and where did he go. The friend watched the paper snow that surrounded Renji, then in a blink of an eye, Shuuhei was gone.
Renji moved his stuff to the guest room; he decided to use that room instead. He started unpacking the bag. Gathering an old bottle cap, inkless pen, his old bandana, and a sketchbook filled with wonderful sketches. He had sorted it out and was going to take it down to the gallery and have it framed. He also bought an album and stored all those Polaroid pictures there. He had mounted a shelf for all the happy meal toys that he got and started collecting. In the evening when he gets home, he got a hose and watered the plants and flowers that he and Shuuhei planted. He got used to eating egg sandwich now, a different kind of egg sandwich with mayo and ketchup. His favorite drink is power punch made of grape, strawberry and pink lemonade. His friends often tell him to stop doing these things. Like going to the beach and making sand castles, going up the mountain and calling out his name, waiting for him to answer back like he did before when he last saw him.
He told them that he was fine. He wasn't lonely or sad or anything. He just like doing the same stuff that Shuuhei used to do. It doesn't hurt anymore when he looks at their pictures. He even started making a collage of all the stuff that was used to be owned by him. They told him to stop living in the past, that Shuuhei would have wanted him to go on living with his life and find someone to share his life with. But Renji said that he was living his life the way he wanted to, he is not wallowing into self-pity or locking himself in the house and forgetting the world. He gets up and goes to work, does the things he got used to doing for the past week that started his life a year ago. He said that he was remembering him. That he didn't need anyone else to stay by him. He's got friends that he could call up and visit when he needs company; he's got his work to occupy his time. But once he is home. It's his special time. A time for himself and his memories. He told them that he was making more memories and sharing them with himself, because inside of him lives his love, and like as if he is there, he would relate what happened to his day; watch TV and goes to bed surrounded by memories of him. Because from that moment that he let Shuuhei in his heart, that was the sole reason of Renji's existence.
Owari