From the makers of The New Hero of Time, comes, The New Hero of Time Deluxe Edition! I'll bet yer all thrilled! NOW WITH 60% MORE NAVI!!!!!!!!!
Tucker: What the hell?
Navi: Don't be jealous, but it's obvious that America likes me more than you.
Tucker: And how do you figure that, pray tell?
Navi: Well, I'm the comic relief sidekick whos got a heart of gold and buns of steel. I make the masses laugh and I'm smarter than you in every way! You're just the nonsensical star of a half-baked fictional video game series who makes bad jokes and falls into obvious traps just to get a cheap laugh, you make bad decisions and you're vain, idiotic, shoddy and completely rigid!
Tucker: I'm not rigid…
Navi: There see, you make bad jokes from bad movies that only serves to make yourself look stupid, you need to be smarter, like me.
Tucker: But I write all the dialogue…
Navi: What?
Tucker: Everything that you and me are saying, I'm the one who's writing it…
Navi: …
Tucker: Not so stupid now am I?
Navi: Well, you still make too many spelling errors!
Tucker: Can we just start already?
Navi: I'd better have more lines in this episode…
Tucker: Oh, you will, Navi, you will… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Navi: Um, thank you?
Tucker: You're welcome!
The Legend of Zelda The New Hero of Time – Episode 6
Last time, Tucker had made his way into the clutches of a group of moblins, sent his way by those dastardly, bastardly witch sisters: Twinrova. Luckily, our hero had escaped and made his way to Death Mountain, only to run into more trouble, in the form of a few gorons who made poor little Tucker go into the big bad dondongo's cavern and fight the big scary shadow beast and that big bully, Zant who-
Navi: Bully? Big bad dodongo's cavern? You were all piss and vinegar down there!
Tucker: Navi, shut up!
And after that big mean ol' Zant beat up some puppies and threw water balloons at old nuns, Tucker somehow managed to vanquish the evil tyrant and send his ass packing. Then-
Navi: Send his ass packing? Where were the nuns? You just made fun of him until he ran off cryng!
Tucker: NAVI! STOP TALKING DURING THE OPENING!
Navi: Fine, sorry… But it's still complete crap!
Tucker: If they read the previous fic, then they'll already know that, now be quiet!
Anyway, Tucker and Navi now make their way to Zora's domain, to right that which has been wronged…
Tucker: I still say that the king's hair was a wig!
Navi: You're out of your mind!
Tucker: I've seen a lot of wigs, and I know a wig when I see one!
Navi: The leader of the land of Hyrule does not wear fake hair!
Tucker: You like the fantasy world you live in don't you Navi?
Later, after more squabbling, Tucker and navi finally reached the waterfall entrance to Zora's domain. Upon realizing that he had no way of getting into Zora's domain, and after finishing his screaming, curse-word filled rant on how stupid the waterfall was, he caught the attention of a nearby Zora, who was sitting just inside the waterfall.
Zora: What's a Gaylord munching mother fu-
Navi: Let's not repeat anything that he said.
Tucker: Don't you censor me, Navi…
Zora: Why do you want in here so bad?
Tucker: I need to save the world or something, it was really important, like end of the world stuff, but… Oh well…
Zora: Wait, if it's to save the world, I could let you in to talk to king Zora!
Tucker: Oh, you're swell, Zora guy…
Zora: Thanks, and I'm a girl…
Tucker: OH!!! That's my bad…
Zora: It's okay, follow me, I'll just enter the code here, and there we go!
The Zora pushed some buttons on the inside of the waterfall, then the waterfall disappeared and a bridge formed. Tucker walked across the bridge and the Zora led him into Zora's Domain. Tucker walked in after the zora and looked around and saw that the place was the same. Tucker breathed a sigh of relief and followed after the zora up the ramp to the king's quarters.
Zora: What do you think, nice eh?
Tucker looked down at the Zora and noticed that she had a nice ass, the zora turned to look and Tucker quickly averted his gaze and looked at the wall.
Zora: What's wrong?
Tucker: Oh, nothing, I'm just checking out this wall here. Yup, that's a wall! It's wallness amazes me…
Zora: Uh, yes, it is a good wall, it does a great job holding up the ceiling.
Tucker: Sweet…
Tucker continued to follow the zora as she led him up to King Zora's room and as they entered, Tucker looked up and saw the king, completely chopped to death.
Tucker: HOLY FREAKIN' JUMPING SHITBALLS!!!! (Not the bad word, thank you)
Zora: KING ZORA!!!! How did this happen?
Tucker: Looks like someone kicked his ass! I'll bet it was that dude, Ganondorf! He's such a jerk doing stuff like this all day!
Zora: What will we do without him!? He was everything to us! We needed him!
Tucker: Oh, no, come here, you, let me comfort you miss…
The Zora embraced Tucker and started crying into his shoulder. Tucker looked down and the Zora's breasts were rubbing against him. Tucker noticed that they were a lot bigger than the regular zoras' in the game, even Ruto, who he assumed was the only female Zora in the world. The zora moved her arms to tucker's chest and turned around and turned around to look at him.
Tucker: What are you-
Zora: Comfort me, brave hero…
Tucker: YES MA'AM!!!!! Turn off the fic for about ten minutes!
Ten minutes later…
Navi: Ow, my eyes, and my head, and my soul…
Tucker: Get over it Navi, just live life to the fullest, that's my motto…
Zora: So, will you come back for me after you save the world?
Tucker: After that thing you did with your-
Navi: CAN WE MOVE ALONG PLEASE? THE KING IS STARTING TO SMELL!!!!!
Zora: Who?
Tucker: Your leader is dead, rmember?
Zora: Oh, right, oh well, can you be our leader when yer done?
Tucker: Well, as fun as being god of the sea people would be for me, I'm gonna have to stop at keeping you, baby.
Zora: Baby? Oh that's right, I never told you my name… My name is Ivana…
Tucker: That's a hot name…
Ivana: Hot? You talk very funny, especially what you said a minute ago when you were in my-
Navi: And on that note, we're out of here…
Ivana: Can I come?
Navi: I don't think that's a good idea-
Tucker: Sure you can, and my name's Tucker, let's get moving.
Ivana: YAY! I love you!
Tucker: This game kicks ass!
Ivana: Game?
Tucker: Never mind, let's roll!
Tucker, Ivana and Navi all walked back to where Lord Jabbu Jabbu was supposed to be, but as they turned the corner, they saw that he to had been chopped into little bits. Ivana started to cry again, and Tucker turned to Navi.
Tucker: Take a hike, she needs more comforting…
Navi: Ugh, this is no way to save the world…
Fifteen minutes later…
Ivana: I'm all better now!
Tucker: Me too!
Navi: Well, what do we do now?
Zant: This is where you die!
Tucker: Navi, what's wrong with your voice?
Navi: That wasn't me…
Tucker: Ivana?
Ivana: Nope… Not me…
Zant: IT WAS ME!!!
Tucker: Who could it have been?
Zant: LOOK AT ME!!!!!
Tucker: Ivana, did you hear something?
Ivana: Nope…
Zant: GODDAMNIT! STOP IGNORING ME!!!!
Tucker: Look, voice, there's no need to get snooty…
Zant: AHHHHH!!!!!!
Zant floated up to the middle of the lake and pulled out his sword and flung it at Tucker who ducked and pulled out his sword and looked back at Ivana.
Tucker: Get out of here, I'll be back for you.
Ivana: Kick his ass! I'll be I the Domain waiting for you to come back.
Tucker sprinted at Zant who flew into the air and threw his arms apart, causing a ginat circle of red writing and dark energy to surround him. Tucker remembered this was a teleportation technique, so he called back to Ivana, who came running and grabbed tucker's hand as Zant teleported everyone away. Tucker looked around as his vision returned to see that they were in the water battle room that Zant had transported Link to during his adventure. Ivana grabbed Tucker and started pulling him around underwater to dodge the beams that Zant was shooting at him. Ivana was doing a great job of helping tucker, but Tucker was losing his breath and needed to breathe. Ivana tried to pull Tucker to the surface but about ten feet from it, Zant scored a hit to Ivana's back and she passed out. Tucker floated up to the surface and pulled Ivana out of the water. Zant appeared above them as tucker tried to revive Ivana. After she wouldn't' wake up, Tucker looked up at Zant and stood up.
Zant: HAHAHA!!! I've killed your little girlfriend, what now, bitch?
Tucker: DOOM! BFG 9000!!!!!
Zant: What?!
Tucker: DIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Tucker aimed the VERY large weapon at Zant and pulled the trigger. Zant quickly disappeared as a giant ball of green plasma energy flew through him, hit the wall behind him and exploded in a blinding flash of green light. Tucker looked down at Ivana and picked her up and looked at the giant hole in the wall that all the water was leaking into from the room. Tucker walked around the ring of platforms left in the room over to the wall and discovered that he had only bee teleported about 100 yards from Zora's Domain, the hole led into the lake where jabbu jabbu was. Tucker jumped down and carried Ivana over to the wall where the Great Fairy's fountain was. He aimed his weapon at the wall and fired, the explosion blew away the entire wall reveling the entrance to the fairy's fountain. Tucker carried Ivana into the dark fountain cave, and navi just floated there watching him…
Tucker: If Ivana dies, I'm tearing this whole world down to kill that bastard…