Title: there's a train leaving town (if you hurry up, you might just make it)
Pairing and Fandom: Halfshipping (Ryou Bakura x Miho Nosaka), Yuugiou - Yu-Gi-Oh! (Toei) and Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Rating: PG
Summary: On those who are left behind, and building bridges. Partially an explanation-fic on Miho's disappearance. Halfshipping. Set during DOMA arc.
Other: I had to write this in a relatively short amount of time because of technology failure related reasons. Written for the Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction Contest, Season 9 3/4, Round 1. I might change the summary later.
Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda and Anzu are gone, gone off gallivanting somewhere and part of him can't help but resent them because staying with them makes the Spirit angry, makes him silent, and best of all, the Spirit doesn't bother him. It's irrational and stupid, but the resentment is there, seeping and writhing beneath his skin.
It's stupid, and irrational and he knows this, he knows this very well, so he pushes it aside and tries to deal with the Spirit, tries to deal with the soft malignant whispers breathed into his ear when it's late at night and he can't sleep, the occasional flare of pain when he's in the middle of something, and laughter that echoes through his head, and he swears he can feel vibrations shaking his through his skull. It's probably psychosomatic.
There's a purpose to everything the Spirit does, a calculated move mixed within the chaos and the madness, and isn't that wonderful, a voice whispers in his head, and it's not the Spirit, it's his personal little corner of madness, a sarcastic voice with more bravado than courage. Talking to yourself is a sign of madness, isn't it?
It's not just them leaving that has him feeling tiny little spikes of resentment, which curl in his gut and bring up feelings of disgust at himself. It's that they've left him behind, without a single word, and what sort of friend does that?
It's not fair on them. He knows that. It's not fair on him either.
He wishes, again, that the Spirit never existed.
Ryou spends more and more of his time outside the apartment, because, see, the only thing that occupies his apartment is the bitter taste of what-if. His footsteps echo too loudly when he walks, and the only other noise is the hum of the refrigerator and the harsh sound of his breath. He lives in a relatively quiet part of town, and traffic doesn't pass by often. He hates it, the sheer loneliness of it. He used to hang out with Yuugi and the others, but now, he's alone.
He's read reports of people driven insane by loneliness, by isolation, by darkness.
The thought crosses his mind, 'I'm vulnerable'.
It's not a pleasant thought. (The Spirit laughs.)
So-
Ryou traverses town and sits in quiet little cafés and does his homework with a cup of tea at hand. He's surrounded by the hum of people, and lets him think, for a moment, maybe that he isn't alone. It's a pleasant self-deception, which he can easily keep up so long as he doesn't inspect it too much.
But-
The thing is, Ryou knows he's pretty. He knows he's attractive, because there's always people watching him, as if he won't notice. People who watch under half lidded eyes, as if it's a secret. Usually, it's girls. But he supposes there's something about his features – perhaps it's the long hair, or perhaps it's the delicate curve of his jaw (thank you Mother) – that has his classmates staring at him in the change rooms for gym, watching beneath half-lidded eyes (it's not a secret, but you act as if it were).
The problem with this?
He attracts attention.
Very soon, within days even, he has a group of people watching him, usually girls, while he works. It's distracting. And it's only a matter of time before one of them pulls up the courage to come over, sometimes bold, sometimes blushing, and ask him out.
He turns them down as nicely as he can.
Still, it's enough of a bother that he changes cafés frequently.
This café is decorated tastefully in muted greens and browns. Someone has taken the effort to paint the walls with the scene of a forest surrounding a waterfall, and the detail is astonishing. There's a plastic layer covering the walls, to ensure the painting doesn't get damaged. Ryou enters, and inspects the menu for a moment.
"I'll have strawberries and cream tea and the light cheesecake please," he says, and hands over the money.
He takes the sign post given to him, noting that it's the image of a faerie, holding up a number. Ryou settles into an isolated corner, and pulls out his work. He's not the only one – there seem to be students everywhere, although most of them are university students. It makes sense, he thinks, because this café is fairly close to the local university.
"Here's your order~" a cheerful voice says, and he blinks, and looks up.
He would recognise the ribbon anywhere.
"Miho?" he says, the question hidden in his tone of voice.
He remembers her – how could he forget, with the diorama placed in his room, her figurine included along with everyone else's, a reminder of their friendship – but they haven't spoken in a long time. He remembers her, because unlike all the others, she's extremely straightforward with her feelings. He doesn't welcome them, but he is, was, glad that at least she didn't look at him as if he was a secret, to be hidden away.
She looks as startled as he does, balancing her tray with his food.
Ryou is quiet, but he is also observant. He remembers when she first started to drift from them, far before anyone, but Anzu (who had been informed by Miho), had noticed. He had seen how she had come to school, more and more withdrawn, although she would always put on an effort for Honda. But he remembers – one day, she comes in, crying, and rushes straight to Anzu's side. The two make their way out together to talk, with strict orders, snapped at them from Anzu, not to follow.
Miho had stopped hanging out with them after that.
They'd all asked about Miho, but Anzu had refused to say a word, and had yelled at them, angry, when they'd kept asking.
He studies Miho in the silence that ensures. There are slight bags around her eyes, which never used to be there, and her smile is far dimmer than it used to be. She's paler than she used to be, and there's an air of tiredness that he associates with his past self, after dealing with strange accidents in his old school.
"Bakura-kun," she says, and it's uncertain. She's staring at the food as if it's the most fascinating thing in the world.
"Are you alright?" he says.
It seems to snap her out of her reverie. Ryou watches in fascination as a mask snaps back on, and a smile stretches on her face, and her eyes shift, just so, and suddenly she's an entirely new person, she's happy and cheerful and perhaps looks a little tired, but that's it.
"Miho is fine," she says, and now that he's noticed it, now that he's watched it happen, he notices the forced cheer. "Hello Bakura-kun," she says, and places his food on the table. "Right now, it's Miho's shift, so she doesn't have any time to talk. Please enjoy your meal!"
He's actually productive for once, for no one in the café pays attention to him, all focused on their own work. None of his schoolmates have appeared, save Miho (who does not count, as she works here. He wonders how she got around the restrictions on working, but decides it's not his business).
Miho corners him after school.
"Bakura-kun~" she says, and nobody sees anything wrong with her, they don't see that she's pretending the cheer.
"Miho," he says in reply.
She aligns her pace with his, and says in a quiet, but conversational tone of voice, "Is Bakura-kun going to the café again?"
He considers it for a moment, then nods.
"Bakura-kun can walk with Miho then~" she says, and it's for the benefit of the people who are watching them.
They walk outside the boundaries of the school, and a few blocks more in silence, each contemplating their own thoughts.
"Bakura-kun… Please don't tell the others about this. Miho has permission to work from the school, but Miho doesn't want her classmates to know."
He contemplates it for a moment, wondering what sort of situation Miho had landed herself in that not only had the school given her permission to work, but she also wanted to keep it hidden from her friends and her peers. He realises after a moment that she's looking at him, clearly worried.
"Don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone," he says, and there's something heartbreaking about the way she relaxes, tension draining completely out from her body. She looks like a doll- no- a puppet with its strings cut.
"Do you mind if I ask why you've been given permission," he says before he can think about it, and he rushes to backtrack. "I mean, if you don't want to, you don't have to, of course you don't have to, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."
It startles a laugh out of Miho, and she smiles at him, but says nothing. Ryou doesn't press further, and they walk in a far more companionable silence to the café.
Miho walks off to the employee's entrance, whilst Ryou uses the front door. He takes the same order as he did yesterday, and settles down in the corner that he'd claimed for himself.
He doesn't talk to Miho again, but he is left strangely contented, seeing her flit around the café as he works through his homework.
They see each other like this for the next two following weeks. Ryou and Miho will walk together to the café after-school making sure to talk about relatively inane things. Relatively, in that they did not mention their friends, or magic, or Miho's situation.
Miho's aunt Chiako Higurashi runs the café that she works at. Her aunty had lived in America most of her life, Miho explains, and earned a doctorate degree in philosophy, summa cum laude, taught at a university, did some humanitarian work (the nature of which her aunt refuses to disclose) and then moved to Japan to open a café. Ryou wonders what causes a person to have such a dramatic change in career, but doesn't ask.
Miho, Ryou is surprised to find, is surprisingly informed, and opinionated, about current events worldwide. She says it's the influence of her aunt. Once, he listens mutely as she somehow, manages to quietly, but still angrily rant about the state of women's rights in Japan. He thinks she'd be an excellent actress. Or even a seiyuu, or an audio book recorder. The emotion is conveyed in the sharp, biting words, and the fact that there is a personal layer to the whole thing.
Ah.
"It's personal, isn't it?" he murmurs, and watches her for a reaction.
She's silent for a few moments, and Ryou thinks that maybe, he's crossed the line.
"Yeah," she says finally.
Ryou draws her back into conversation, asking questions, but refusing to intrude further on what she wishes not to divulge.
Being able to talk to her, and be around her leaves him in a pleasant mood most of the time. He enjoys her company, and finds himself smiling more because of it. Not everything of hers is an act. He remembers how she used to seem so shallow, but there was always that bit of kindness, quietly tacked onto the end, that spoke louder than words ever did. He watches her in class sometimes, and watches how her happiness, forced or not, is infectious. It's interesting.
Sometime between then and now, he's transitioned from "Bakura-kun" to "Ryou-kun". He isn't sure how he feels about the familiar form of address, but, it's so easy, to simply let it happen.
Once, Miho asks how is it that Bakura-kun manages to afford to eat out so frequently. Her mouth quirks into a smile, and she says that she knows better than anyone how poor students usually are. He freezes, and he can feel the weight of her anxious gaze settle on him as she wonders if she's made a mistake.
"My Father..." he says, and trails off, wondering how to phrase it. He sighs. "My father is often absent from home, and away on excavations. He cannot bear to look at me, for I remind him of Mother, and my younger sister, Amane." He shrugs, and pretends his not bitter. "He thinks that he can make up for being absent by giving me a large allowance, separate from food, electricity, water, gas and rent money."
He stiffens as he feels a pair of bony arms wrap around him, but then relaxes into the hug. It's highly irregular to people who are not couples, or family, to show affection in public, but there is no one around to see.
Miho's phone beeps, a notification that she has a text message. Miho clings onto him for a moment longer, and belatedly, he remembers that she once had a crush on him. She lets him go, reluctantly, and checks her phone.
"Aunty says that she's giving me the day off."
Before he can think about it, he says, "Do you want to go to the park with me?"
When Miho looks at him and blinks, in confusion. He flushes slightly, and hopes she doesn't notices.
"Just to hang out."
She smiles, sunny and real. "Sure!"
It's a glorious day today. Miho and Bakura lay beneath the shade of a tree, and watch the clouds as they pass by, making guesses and speculations as to the shapes. It's a rare, carefree moment, the serenity of the scene occasionally interrupted by the shriek of children and the call of birds, soaring through the vivid blue skies.
"My father is a bad father as well, you know… Miho didn't see it when she was younger, but she sees now—" her voice is soft, and it lacks its usual cheer "—that he was bad all along." Ryou rests his hand on Miho's and grips it, a sign of reassurance. "He would yell at Mama for the smallest things." She shakes her head. "He never hit her. But after Miho's brother died in a car crash—" it's eerie, because his sister died that way too, along with his mother, "—Miho's father started drinking and gambling. Miho—" Her voice breaks for a moment, but it continues on. "Miho's sometimes glad, that Hikaru isn't around to see what Miho's father has become… She's glad that Mama doesn't have another mouth to feed, even though Miho is being selfish for saying such things." Her grip on his hand has tightened, and he can feel the numbness set in. He doesn't let go.
She's staring at the sky, not looking at him. Does she think she'll find judgement in his face? He doesn't. Judge that is. He's often wondered himself, what would it be like, if Amane had been there. What would it be like, if his father hadn't gone off to Egypt. What would it have been like, if Amane had been there when the Spirit was around. He feels a stirring in the back of his mind, and hopes that the Spirit won't come out, not at a moment like this.
Small requests, landlord, I shall grant, he hears, and has to keep himself from slumping further from relief.
"That's why the school has let Miho work. It's still part time, but Miho does what she can to help relieve Mama's stress."
Ryou is quiet, but he's observant. He notices how Miho talks in third person when she's stressed, he notices how she calls her mother Mama, and her father by a formal name. A person's speech habits could tell you heaps about them, if only you observed carefully enough.
Ryou doesn't know what to say. He's not good at comforting people. So he unlaces his fingers around Miho's, now aware of her reasons for rejecting him to go for ice-cream, and various other treats, for the past few weeks, and gives her a hug.
If he notices the slightest amount of wetness against his cheeks, he says nothing.
Their friends return, with a wild story about Atlantis, three Knights, and a Leviathan. Ryou quashes the jealously when he hears that Kaiba was involved, because he got to spend the time that they were away, with Miho, building bridges.
He doesn't spend as much time with them, preferring to spend time at the café, and occasionally talk to Miho.
Time passes. And then-
"Ryou-kuuunn~" Miho is cheerful, genuinely cheerful.
"What happened, Miho?" he asks, watching her carefully. Miho takes a discrete glance around and whispers into his ear.
"You remember that Aunty finally convinced Mama to divorce with Father awhile ago right?" He remembers very well. Miho's Aunt is… Terrifying. She's a take no prisoners, no-nonsense woman, but she somehow manages to be the sweetest person he's ever met, bar none. She's… Worldy, he supposes. She sometimes flits around the café, helping students with their work when there are no new orders coming in. She is, he finds, a great dispenser of advice for Life, having tackled and examined thoroughly these problems whilst studying for her degree, and as an adult whose experienced life. "Well the case finally went through," Miho is saying, "and even better, Mama managed to get Father to take ownership of debts through the courts."
She scowls. "But Father somehow convinced the judge that he should take possession of the house. But Aunty says that we can stay with her!"
"That's wonderful," he says. "Well, not that your father got the house, but everything else…" They share smiles before the bell for classes starts again.
Ryou is fully intending to spend the entire week with Miho to help her celebrate, and move out.
Then the Spirit happens.
Then, Egypt happens.
They're sitting beneath the tree where they had gone when Miho had first told him about what her family had been going through.
"…And I never knew that what he did was for this sake." Ryou sighs. "I feel as if I shouldn't pity him, that I shouldn't feel empathy for him, because of what he's done to us."
They sit together in silence.
"Has he ever lied?"
Ryou blinks.
"Has the Spirit ever lied to Ryou-kun?"
Her eyes lock with his, her face serious. "Because what if what the Spirit was lying? Or what if Zorc Necrophades fabricated it all?"
"He's used me. He's locked me away, he's placed my friends in danger."
Ryou looks down, "He's never lied," he says quietly. "Not to me, not ever that I would remember."
"So there. Feel sorry for him, empathise with him, and remember him. Remember what he did to your friends. Remember what he did to you. But ultimately, remember that he suffered too. That he too, was once human."
Ryou lets out a short chuckle, and shakes his head when Miho looks at him, a question in the slight tilt of her head.
"No. Thank you. But I was thinking, I would have never pegged you for insight."
"Miho was shallow. Is shallow, but sometimes, your circumstances force you to grow up."
"Your aunty?"
She laughs.
"All me."
"So tell Miho again about the zombie! Was it super super freaky?"
The thing is, graduation is coming up, and Ryou doesn't know what to do with his life.
The thing is, he's free of the Spirit now. There'd always been that hope there, but he'd limited it to small things.
Like saving up most of the spare money that his father had sent him. It is – was – his way of telling the Spirit, that he would have a life after him, that he would have a future, and save up for that future.
Today, he's come to the café alone. Miho isn't working today – she's hanging out with Anzu at the arcade, likely playing DDR. He enters cautiously. There aren't many customers at this time, and he stands at the counter, feeling a little foolish.
"Is- Is Chiako-san here?"
He hears a voice yelling, something about "a cute white haired kid's looking for ya, Chiako"
"Chiako-san," he says politely.
She tsks, and raises an eyebrow at him. "Bakura-kun. Nice to see you." Her eyes narrow. "And how many times have I told you to call me Chiako-nēsan, hmm?" She leans casually against the wall, and smiles. "So, what do you want, kiddo?"
"I-" It comes out in a rush. "I'm going to graduate high school soon and I don't know what I want to do with my life."
She looks at him, and loads a plate up with food, and a pot of tea.
"Pull up a chair, and let's talk"
When she tells him to talk, he looks her in the eye and says "You won't believe me."
She looks back, equally serious, before a grin tugs at her lips. "Try me."
When he finally stops talking, she looks blown away. He hasn't told her everything – some things are just too private, too personal, to give to a stranger. She's not a stranger though. But even so. He's… Not comfortable telling her about some things. His mouth twitches in a grim mockery of a smile, and he says "I told you that you wouldn't believe me."
She laughs. "More things in heaven and earth kid, more things in heaven and earth."
At his confused look, she smiles. "Shakespeare."
Ryou takes a sip of the tea. It's his favourite flavour, and one that he only gets on special occasions, because it's fairly expensive. Chiako must have anticipated something.
He looks at Chiako, waiting for her words. "Bakura-kun, I can't tell you what to do in life. You have to figure it out for yourself. I can only give you advice, which you should take with a grain of salt." She frowns, and considers the situation. "Miho-chan's told me a bit about you, you know. Have you ever considered writing?"
He blinks.
"There are obviously more sides to this tale than just the side of your friends. There is no clear, plain good and evil." She smiles, crooked. "Rise beyond the constricted polar nature of the concepts of good and evil. Go beyond good and evil." There's an amused tone to her voice, as if she were referring to some inside joke that he didn't get.
"You could sell that story. Make them remembered. Hell, if you're lucky, you might get some of the big names, like Hayao Miyazaki interested."
Ryou's intrigued, but- "I don't know," he says. "It sounds appealing, but I feel… I think I wouldn't be objective."
She laughs. "A truly objective narrator makes for a poor story. Explore their biases, and make it clear that you condemn, and not approve, of their wrongs."
Her expression turns serious again. "You mentioned that you liked visiting Egypt. How about a road trip? Back pack across the world, gain some worldly experience, and see where you want to go from there? From what I understand of your financial situation, you have enough to at least travel around Japan, and you could always accompany your father if he decides to go on excavations."
She makes an amused snort at the face he must be making at the thought of his father.
"You'll learn this once you get older, but you tend get along better with your parents once you realise how hard things can be." She shrugs. "Or not. Some parents are plain bad, and should've never been trusted with children. Family is who you make of it."
He nods, slowly. They talk longer, considering different pathways that he might take. He's not sure if he could dedicate himself to humanitarian aid, and while he certainly supports the rights of people, he's not sure if he's the right person to go for it. Law is something that Chiako makes a face of disdain at, and tells it to him straight. She's biased, and she doesn't like it. There's medicine, and theoretical research, and arts, and literature, and all sorts of university courses or jobs or other things that he might consider taking.
He doesn't realise how much time has passed until he hears the yell of Chiako's assistant, telling her it's time to close up.
Chiako gives him a crooked grin. "Well then kid. I hope I didn't leave you more confused than when you came here."
He nods, slowly. "I- Thank you, Chiako-san."
She nods. "It's no problem."
Ryou makes his decision.
He carefully discusses it with his father, trying to take Chiako's advice. It doesn't end as badly as he expects it to, but the resentment is still there, gnawing at him and trying to get him to act rashly. He can't – he's an adult, almost an adult now. He suspects that it will fade with time, but it will never truly be gone. Only time will tell.
He tells none of his friends – they have his number and his email if they ever need him, but something in him aches at the thought of leaving Miho behind.
A fresh start.
His train is arriving on the platform in three minutes. It's still early in the morning, and the sun is barely rising. He covers a yawn with his palm, and rubs the sleep out of his eyes.
"Ryou-kun!"
Ryou blinks. That voice-
"Miho?" he asks.
She's running toward him with a backpack, and a ticket in her hand. Before he realises what's happening, she's jump hug tackled him.
"Silly Ryou-kun. Why did you try to leave without saying goodbye?"
"But- I- You-"
Miho sniffs, making sure to convey as much disdain as possible.
"You should have at least told me."
"But how did you find out? The only people I told were Father and… Chiako-san…" he trails off as realisation dawns in him. Before he can fully contemplate this however, there's a pair of lips on his own, kissing him.
"I like you, Ryou-kun."
He flushes.
She giggles. "You know, for someone who watches so much, you can miss so much."
He'd been aware that she had had a crush on him, but that had faded as she had gotten to know him better.
She shakes her head.
Behind them, the conductor is yelling at the customers to hurry up and board the train.
Miho and Ryou exchange amused looks, and board the train
Their road trip awaits.