Title: Everafter
Author: Lady Valmar
Genre: General/One Shot POV
Rating: T
Archive: Fanfiction, SGAHC, Forbidden Galaxies, Live Journal, Jumper Bay
Spoilers: Season 3 Sateda
Date: August 16, 2006
Pairing: None.
Summary: The entire concept of fairytales puzzles me, as a scientist. I just don't get it. My sister did but not me. Never me. Perhaps it's because I prefer equations and reality to some falsehood dream that could never be.
Warnings: Rodney POV Reflection
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters, So stuff not owned by Stargate Atlantis is mine and therefore please ask and do not infringe nor steal my original themes, concepts, ideas or characters please.
... .LV. ...
Everafter
By Lady Valmar
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Life is simply not a fairtytale that you clamor on and ride away into the sunset with. I stopped thinking like ever since I was two. Well maybe ever since I was one.
The entire concept of fairytales puzzles me, as a scientist. I just don't get it. My sister did but not me. Never me. Perhaps it's because I prefer equations and reality to some falsehood dream that could never be.
I think that was where me and Jeannie's path diverged when I think of it. After I'd hit college, I had tried to pester her about her potential...a potential that would rival my own but after awhile I'd stopped trying. She gave up a real dream, my dream for her, for a fairytale one.
One in which I had no inclination to follow. I wasn't stupid. Romance and love were real to me as equations were but I just didn't see how that could ever be a part of my equation. In my world everything had it's place and romance...was not one of them.
With every turn I've taken with my life I've had about as much luck with romance and women as I have at taking a psychology class. The problem I have is that relationships aren't clear and organized. Their worse than a jumble of cables and codes. If only I could have a rule book, like I do for science, that could help me make sense of it all.
I feel rather like a lost kitten when it comes to asking out a woman or even accepting when they ask me out. Its just too confusing and not to mention I'm constantly reminded of Jeannie's fairytale life. Maybe in a way I'm jealous of her. Maybe I wish I could have it but like I said...fairytales don't exist. But then again, I never thought vampires existed either...
Unfortunately, though vampires do seem to exist, there is no such thing as snow white or happy endings. There is no ever after for me only reality. That's why I've learned. From this I also learned to separate myself from people. People, just like relationships, are unpredictable, confusing and sometimes annoying. Okay I think everyone is annoying but that's besides the point. I don't think I haven't met one person yet who hasn't spent time with me and said something condescending or rude to me.
Of course it helps to have good people skills…as the saying goes but what good is it anyways? Just another useless skill to learn when I already have so much to focus on. I just don't have time for people. So that's why I've never bothered to learn to keep my mouth shut, besides why should I anyways? What's the point. I don't happen to care what anybody thinks of me. As long as I can continue my clear-cut path in science, I don't need anyone. Period!
That all changed when I was brought to Atlantis though. My little box of what was and what wasn't almost went out the window when I came. It wasn't so much the dying or being close to death experiences that changed me but the people around me.
They saw through me to the core and saw things I didn't even know I had. Then when they assumed I didn't care about Ronon's capture I was shocked because I'd thought they'd understood me. As they seemed to know more about who I was then me. It's strange really because Carson should have known I cared about Ronon as much as I did about anyone on Atlantis.
Okay so maybe I'm not so mushy and emotional as I could be but I do happen to care. I never said I didn't care about them. I just didn't care what they thought of me. Now I'm seeing even in that I'm wrong. I do care what they think of me but it's not so much the caring part but the who part. If it's someone I've never met before, I could care less if they think I'm bastard, but if it's Sheppard or Elizabeth or Carson…
I'm learning that relationship mystery, just like in mystery in science, is just as exciting a discovery. Did I mention Sheppard thinks of me as family. That kind of shocked when he had stopped in the hallway today, just after we'd brought Ronon back, and told me that. It was weird because the only reason I can stand to talk with him more than anyone else is because he's already kind of standoffish.
It works well for my fragile emotions. Most think I'm as hard as steel when it comes emotions but if they bothered to see, I'm hurt easily...I just learn to hide the hurt by covering it up with rude behavior and attitude. Now Sheppard he hides his feelingspretty well. Actually a lot better than I do, I can say.
It was just shocking that he said that to me, though it shouldn't have been. Him, Teyla, Ronon, Carson, Elizabeth, Zelenka…they've become family to me. I never really thought about it until I'd sat down at my lab bench today and felt the pressing need to call down to the infirmary to see how Ronon was doing.
But it's true their family now and I still have no clue what I'm doing. I can say I'm a genius but that's only when it comes to facts, science and physics. When it comes to people, I'm not an idiot but I'm a little under average. Well maybe a lot under average.
And even though being that sucks in it's own right, I'd rather that than be an without anyone at all. That's when I began to think about the whole fairytale thing again. It just kind of crept back into mind. Like a deja vu sort of thing. I still don't believe in ever after but in a way I do have my ever after. No girl unfortunately. That would be nice but at least my ever after is knowing that I have people who value me for more than just my brains.
People who would give up their lives just for me. People who are family. So in away I guess Jeannie was semi-right. You can't get ever after but you can get pretty close and that's all I need. Well um having Carter say she would love to go on date with me would be even better but…
Ever after. Who'd a thought? Me thinking that?
fine