A/N: I'm back. Missed me? ;P
My first Gossip Girl fic. Takes place in S01 E04.
Warning: slash Carter/Nate
Carter Baizen – To Chuck he was the guy that gave them their first joint. To Nate he was the first guy that gave him a blowjob.
He needs to get out. He needs a break from all this. He leaves the building, not paying attention to the passers-by, not paying attention to where he's heading. Just get away for a while. He's not in search for any distraction, no alcohol, pot, games, or women he leaves the Palace. He needs clarity. He needs someone to – maybe just to talk. Really talk with someone who'll understand. There's so much going on in his life. In his life, but it seems that, no, in fact it is not him who is in control of his own life. Maybe he could talk to Serena. She'll understand. But she is so much part of this world, too.
He keeps walking on, not strolling, but almost running. And without admitting to himself that he has been aiming this direction the whole time, he finds himself in front of a hotel.
He walks past, then turns and walks towards the entrance. For a moment he is afraid that his lingering might seem conspicuous. So he turns again, determined to –
"Archibald, is that you?"
He turns, recognizing the voice.
"Hey, I just was – " Nate puts on a smile. That smile and his hands try hard to finish his sentence, his obvious lie.
Of course, he is here on purpose, to see him. After that basketball game he's needed a break from the lost weekend – and Chuck.
"Hey, man. Good to see you. Wanna come up?"
"No, thanks. I need to return to the Palace." Nate wonders why there's this uneasy tone in his voice.
"Ah, c'mon. They – Chuck – is fine for some time without you." Carter gives him a crooked smile, pats his shoulder and pulls him towards the entrance.
---
"You know, the point is, he just doesn't see me. He's got this image, this fucking idea in his head, the idea of his son. But it's not me. I can't be like that." Nate takes a sip from the glass that Carter has handed him and refilled for at least the third time.
He has been talking for a while, just to express his anger, just to tell someone, to tell Carter how messed up his life is at this moment, how much he is afraid when looking at the future, dreading that future his parents have planned for him.
Carter has been listening the whole time, patiently, understandingly. From time to time he has uttered a remark that has made Nate only exclaim "Exactly!" and down his whiskey.
And then it is Carter who's talking, talking in that voice with that light tone that makes everything he says sound so goddamn right. He talks about his time away from this Upper East Side world, his time in the real world. And Nate listens, listens attentively, listens with awe, eager to take in each and every word that leaves his lips, those constantly moving lips.
"God, I wish I could go away with you." Nate only realizes that he's said this sentence aloud when Carter suddenly stops his detailed report about his time as a card dealer at a casino in Saint Petersburg and looks at him, looks straight into his blue eyes with his grey ones and grins.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to –" Confused about his words, their truth, and maybe most of all about that look on Carter's face, he lowers his head and looks at the drink in his hand.
Carter's finger under his chin makes him look up again, meet his eyes.
He opens his mouth, trying hard to find a word to begin with, but there's none.
And then Carter's mouth meets his lips.
Nate is puzzled. He's confused why Carter is kissing him, why his hands are cupping his face, why his tongue slides through his parting lips. Most of all he's confused why he doesn't pull away but closes his eyes and leans in to the kiss.
---
It was at that party years ago, one of his parents' society parties. For some reason he could never quite remember why his girlfriend since kindergarten, Blair Waldorf, wasn't there. But Carter Baizen was. It was only a few weeks after Chuck and he had started to hang out with Carter Baizen, the Carter Baizen. Nate couldn't help but admire the older boy, and so did Chuck.
It was in Nate's room. He and Carter had retreated to there to smoke some pot that Carter generously offered to the younger boy.
By now Nate was lying on his back on his bed, his feet still touching the ground. He was about to succeed in fighting his giggles. Breathless, he rubbed his stomach.
"Oh, man, she's such a bitch", he said, his voice still not steady.
"Hey, careful what you're saying about my mom. She's a poor dirty old dry cunt." Carter lay next to him on the bed.
Nate turned his head and when he met his eyes, they both broke out into unrestrained laughter.
Then it was only Nate that was laughing, before he raised his head, gasping for air, and looked at Carter who had somehow changed the bed for the bedroom floor and was now kneeling in front of him.
"What you're doing?" Nate tried to get up but Carter pushed him down again.
Nate felt confused, his head dizzy, light and numb.
"What you're doing?" He repeated when he saw Carter open his pants.
"What you're doing?" He uttered breathlessly when Carter's mouth took in his cock.
---
Nate breathes hard, his face buried in the pillow, his naked body covered in sweat. There's not this how-the-fuck-did-I-end-up-here moment. He exactly knows how he's got here. Here means being in Carter's bed, on his knees, his hands clenching into the linen, his mouth uttering suppressed moans into the pillow, his ass raised and being excessively fucked by Carter Baizen.
They haven't gone on talking after that kiss. The only words that are uttered afterwards are Carter's groaned statement "Fuck, Archibald, you're tight". And from Carter's tone of voice and that smirk on his face Nate sees when spinning round his head, Nate guesses that that is a good thing.
Later he'll think it didn't hurt that much, but for now it does. And yet, it's a pain he enjoys more than anything else, for such a long time.
Carter's hands keep a firm grip on his hips. His nails will surely leave small marks that will still be visible tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow.
At first the sensation has been strange, even repulsive when Carter shoved his dick into him. But somehow, after each hard thrust, which sends shivers through his whole body, he's grown not only familiar to that sensation, but he's wanting it more than anything he has ever wanted before.
Just being there and being fucked by Carter Baizen, who enjoys nothing more than the sight of his own hard cock disappearing into Nate Archibald's ass, is all that matters. It is the real world.
He wonders what his parents would say if they knew, what Serena would say, what Blair would think, or Chuck.
A loud and deep groan tells him that Carter has come inside of him. He almost immediately collapses when Carter lets go off him.
Breathing hard, he lies face down in the bed. His own cock hard, aching to be released.
Carter lies next to him, gently rolls him to the side. Carter's hand gives Nate the release he is so desperately craving for. Not much effort is necessary to make Nate come in Carter's hand, who's looking at him the whole time, grinning that knowing grin.
This is the real world.