Homage to a Third Wheel

by Rhino7

It was like a rule. A trio of friends would always consist of Love Interest One, Love Interest Two, and the Funny Guy. The curse of the third wheel.

Homage to a Third Wheel

By Rhino7

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This thingy is mine. Mostly I wrote this because I got tired of reading Twilight Town stories that either leave Pence out all together or only briefly mention his presence in passing. I fall prey to it too, and this is an attempt to remedy that. It takes three to make a trio, and while I love Hayner and Olette, Pence needs his spotlight time too. So this is basically a little nod to the too often forgotten character.

I want to make clear that I'm not trying to bash or make fun of any of the pairings mentioned in this. I'm merely and meekly attempting to put a humorous spin on how silly things can get sometimes. Some of my opinions snuck in there, and for that I apologize. Please don't read too much into it. I was bored and the muse was gnawing on my brain.

..:--X--:..

"Oh for the love of…"

Pence shoved the laptop away from him, folding his arms and glaring at the screen sourly. Two hours. The internet was like one big brainwashing Borg. Pure evil…yet strangely addicting. Still…two hours and nothing?! Ridiculous.

Across the table, Namine sat across the length of three chairs, legs stretched out and a goofy grin on her face, licking at a bar of sea salt ice cream. The rest of the Twilight Town library was relatively empty. This was mainly because everyone else had gotten their winter break homework done earlier. Olette was probably lounging in her room right now, giggling at his misfortune. The only other people in the library besides Pence and Namine were Rai's tutor, Bridget, who had been blackmailed into writing his report for him by Seifer, and Hayner, who Pence hadn't seen in the last two hours.

"Y'know, you aren't really supposed to eat ice cream in here." Pence scratched his head.

Namine shrugged lightly, munching on the base of the stick to keep a trail of melting ice from reaching her fingers.

Shaking his head at her, Pence tilted the computer screen back and grimaced. He would rather have gone his entire life without finding out about the ugly side of rumors and analysis. He looked over the rim of the computer and over Namine's shoulder in time to see a stack of books topple out of sight, making an ungodly noise in the quiet library. Shortly after, Hayner marched out of the aisle, fists clenched and red faced.

So much for the report on the history of Struggle.

Just looking at Hayner's face made him nauseas.

Stupid, stupid internet.

"How's the report coming?" Namine chirped, still working on the ice cream.

Pence dropped his face to the keyboard and groaned.

"That swell, huh?" She replied.

He lifted his head to face her again. "Horrible. Two hours and nothing."

She tilted her head, "Nothing?"

"Well…" He averted his eyes.

Namine narrowed her gaze, "I smell procrastination."

Pence pointed at her. "Don't give me that look."

Namine turned her attention back to her ice cream. "What look?"

"The 'you totally deserve being in a library on a beautiful Saturday because you wasted all winter break by not doing your homework ahead of time' look. There's a name for that. We call it the Olette Look." He replied, sitting back.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean." Namine finished off the ice cream and twiddled the remaining stick between her fingers.

"Don't judge me." Pence tapped a few keys on the computer.

"What have you been doing for two hours if you can't find anything on the history of railroads?" She asked nonchalantly, spinning the stick.

"It's this…it's disgusting…Listen to this." Pence sat up straighter. "There's this website where the other kids in Twilight Town vote in polls about who would make a good couple with who."

He could almost hear Namine's ears perk up and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Girls and their romance.

"So." Namine swung her legs from the chairs and propped her elbows on the table. "Who's cheatin' who, who's bein' true, and who don't even care anymore?" She chanted.

Pence looked at her flatly. "You want to join me in the Scarred for Life club?"

She smirked, tapping her teeth with the stick, "Sure, sounds like fun."

He bit his lip and started reading aloud. "Here's a few. Hayner and Olette."

Namine snorted. "I can see that."

"Really?" He blinked.

She nodded, "Totally, the little looks, the constant bickering, the inadvertent flirtation. They're one back hand slap and a hug from being a couple."

Pence pouted at her. "I don't see it." He looked at the list, "Here's another one. Seifer and Fuu?"

Namine knit her brows, "I've never heard her speak more than three words at a time. How could anybody around here know her well enough to pair her off?"

"Well apparently people think she says three words to Seifer, el jerko extraordinare."

Namine chuckled, "Yeah, three words: 'back off, butch'."

Pence laughed and read another. "All right, fair enough. How about Hayner and Seifer?"

Namine nearly inhaled her ice cream stick. "What?!"

Pence scratched his ear. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"How—on what grounds?"

"I think it's the whole thing about how they hate each other. In the mysterious world of the female brain, hate translates into love…or lust depending on which thread you're reading."

Namine winced and waved her hand, "Ick, move on."

Pence inhaled. "Rai and Fuu…the sidekick pairing."

Namine lifted her eyebrows, "Better than Rai and Seifer."

Pence slid her a look.

Namine's eyes widened. "No way."

"It's on here. Not as supported as, say, you and Seifer, but whatever."

"Me?! I'm on there?!" Namine jumped to her feet and moved around the table, leaning over his shoulder. "Me and that jerk? Who voted for that?"

Pence pointed at the statistics and she scowled.

"Oh yeah? Well, look down further, there, bucko, there's you and Hayner!" She pointed.

Pence grimaced, "I've been trying not to look at it."

Namine seized the mouse and started scrolling like a maniac.

"There's more! Jeez, all of the other worlds are on here?! Radiant Garden and Destiny Islands and even Organization XIII. Have you seen all of this?" She gaped.

Pence stared at the screen, trying to ignore the smell of paper and nail polish that drifted off Namine's person. "Unfortunately, yes." He said.

She scoffed. "Xemnas and Saix? Xigbar and Xaldin? Zexion and Demyx? Roxas and Ax—well, all right, I'll give them that one…but these others…what are these people on?!"

Pence didn't know any of those people, but he assumed it wasn't pretty.

"Wait," He lifted a hand, "Is this the same Roxas that you and that DiZ or Ansem the Wise or whoever stuck in the bizarro Twilight Town with the bizarro gang?"

Namine's cheeks colored slightly, "Er, yeah."

"And I remember Axel…They're…a thing?"

"Apparently people wish they were." Namine squinted at the screen. "I mean, from what I saw, they were really good friends, but I don't know about lovers."

Pence smirked and pointed at the list. Namine read over his finger.

"Me and Roxas? Oh please." Namine straightened and Pence leaned away from the computer with her. "We're, I mean, we were like brother and sister."

"How?"

"I was—well, I mean, Roxas was Sora's Nobody, created when Sora's heart left his body. I'm technically Kairi's Nobody, created when Kairi's heart left Sora's body. That's as close to siblings as we Nobodies get." She chuckled, but Pence saw her re-read the pairing again before continuing.

Pence blew out a lungful of air. "Okay, dropping that one." He moved on. "How about…okay, Sora and Kairi. That's pretty standard."

Namine offered a tiny smile. "Yeah, pretty standard."

Pence leaned back to catch her eye. "Is that crush I see in your eyes?"

Namine blinked and narrowed her eyes. "More like regret."

"Really. The memory thing?"

"Thing? I completely rearranged his brain, almost ruined his life, and manipulated him. Does that sound like a crush to you?"

"In psycho world, yeah."

She rolled her eyes and read on. "And we reach Everest." She scrolled down. "Here we go. Sora and Kairi. Kairi and Riku. Riku and Sora. That handles about half of the poll results."

Pence made a face. "Aren't Riku and Sora best friends?"

"Or something more?" Namine added dramatically, "No, trust me, I had to work some major hoodoo to get Sora to forget Kairi in Castle Oblivion. I didn't even bother with Riku. They're smitten, but with her, not each other."

"Lovely." He grimaced. "Oh, we have the Nam-list."

"Shut it." She flicked his ear with her ice cream stick, reading on. "Me and…Demyx? Marluxia? XEMNAS? Okay," She held up one finger, "Talks to his sitar." She lifted another finger. "Has a flower fetish." A third finger went up. "Is creepy, melodramatic, and really old."

"Tut, tut, tut." He shushed her, "I'm not even close to halfway done." He cleared his throat, "You and Roxas. You and Sora. Riku, Riku Replica, Kai—yikes, Kairi, and Axel, among others."

Namine snarled at the computer but it didn't cover up the blush that had risen to her cheeks.

"Wait, explain something." Pence propped one forearm on the table. "Roxas was part of Sora, so it constitutes that he felt something for Kairi too. You are a part of Kairi, so it follows that your feelings toward Sora are—more than platonic?"

Namine opened and closed her mouth a few times before pursing her lips and sliding away from the computer. "It doesn't matter. You should get back to your report."

Pence watched her plop down across from him again and frowned, looking at the screen. "Who was Riku Replica? His evil twin or something?"

Namine leaned back in her chair, "So far all I've heard of your dastardly smooches is you and Hayner. Who else do these people strike your fancy toward?"

He narrowed his eyes, "Olette."

Namine tilted her head, "What do you think of that?"

He gave her a flat look, "She's one of my best friends. I…No, I don't think of her in a romantic sense."

"Okay, who else?"

He sat back, "Nothing else."

She blinked, "Seriously?"

"You sound surprised."

"Well…" Namine lifted her shoulders, "Everybody else around here is voted to be in an illegal, heterosexual, homosexual, pedophilic, or nonsensical relationship. Why should you be spared?"

"See, I've come up with a theory about that."

"And that is?"

Pence sighed. "I suck."

Namine stuck the popsicle stick back in her mouth. "You do not."

"Then how else do you explain this? Look, there are nearly twice as many guys in this town as girls, and they're still willing to vote for girl on girl than me with anybody."

"Besides Hayner." She said slyly.

"Exactly, who is my best friend…and a dude!" Pence propped his hands behind his head.

"There's Olette."

"Well, okay…but still…best friend!"

"What, you'd rather be pimped out to every. Single. Person in every. Single. World? Because that's what happens…and it sucks." She tapped the stick against her teeth.

"No, but I've been looking at this list for two hours—"

"Instead of doing your research paper."

"—and have only come up with two votes for me with anybody! I'm not one for crazy, rabid perversion, but nothing? Really? I mean—" He looked down at the keyboard, "What's wrong with me?"

Namine paused her tapping and withdrew the popsicle stick from her mouth, "Nothing is wrong with you. You're totally normal."

"Yeah, which translates into boring and incompatible."

"Now, don't go to the Bad Place." She moved back around the table to look over his shoulder at the computer screen. "What do these people know?"

"Oh, they're only my friends, peers, neighbors, and fellow inhabitants of Twilight Town." He said, folding his arms.

"Exactly!" She lightly slapped his arm. "Just because you're not—"

"Hunky? Effeminate? I don't have anger issues or an angsty past?"

"There's nothing wrong with normal."

Pence swallowed whatever he'd wanted to say next. It didn't matter. She didn't get it. No one did. Well, besides other normal people. How depressing. People didn't want normal. They wanted tall, tan, blond, blue eyed, and with rippling biceps. It was like a rule. A trio of friends would always consist of Love Interest One, Love Interest Two, and the Funny Guy. The curse of the third wheel.

"Namine, let me put this into perspective. Consider Hayner, Olette, and me. Hayner and Olette are apparently an expected couple. Third wheel: me."

"That's not—"

"Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Sora and Kairi could be a couple or Riku and Kairi could be a couple, or if we stretch reality, Sora and Riku could be a…there could…There's always going to be an odd man out, you get me?"

"That's a love triangle, not a Third Wheel system."

"But you see what I'm saying? I'm never going to be in a love triangle. I'm the Funny Guy."

"What about me?"

"You? Nam, look at you. You're interesting, beautiful, and could have any guy you want."

"I'm borderline sociopathic and an outcast of society."

"But you still have love interests! You're not the funny one!" He pointed at the screen.

Namine exhaled heavily and pushed the laptop closed, "Someone's spent a little too much time on Mr. Internet."

Just then, Hayner marched by, notebook dangling wounded from one hand. All of the paper had been torn out, leaving only the spine coil and a chunk of the front and back covers.

"I give up! Struggle had no beginning and it will never end. It. Has. Always. Been. That's my report!" He slumped into the chair Namine had vacated.

Neither of them responded to him.

Pence tilted his head. "Hayner, you're an idiot with an anger problem."

Hayner dropped his head over the back of the chair, eyes closed. "At least I'll always have my friends' support while I fail my classes."

"No seriously." Pence leaned forward, scrutinizing his friend. "You're not suave or cool or a badass. Why do people like you?"

Hayner lifted his head and opened one eye. "What?"

Namine straightened from looking over Pence's shoulder. "Did you know about the pairing poll?"

"Oh that crack romance wannabe? Yeah." He shrugged.

"And it doesn't make you want to gouge your eyes out?" Pence lifted an eyebrow.

Hayner hunched his shoulders, "It's insane, but what are you gonna do?"

"It's sick and twisted." Pence muttered.

"You're not on there, are you?" Hayner snickered.

"Oh shut up." Namine replied. "He's lucky not to be on there as often as you! Or shall I call you Seifer's bitch?"

The true indignant tone of her voice made Pence grin. She was cute when she was irritated. Hayner didn't look so amused.

"It's not my fault people are sick."

Pence snorted, "You think Seifer knows about this site?"

Namine giggled and Hayner stood up, snatching up his ruined notebook.

"You're gross. You both are. There. You want to be on that poll? Try out Pence and Namine." He marched off in a huff.

"He really can be a bitch sometimes." Namine put her hands on her hips, glaring after him.

Pence blurted out a belated. "Yeah."

Shaking her head slightly, she opened the laptop and closed the program. "You need to get to work and stop rotting your brain cells on this."

"But…I wasn't done being angsty and melodramatic!" He whined sarcastically.

She ruffled his hair, "Well, you'll just have to blog about it."

"Or incorporate my suffering into the history of railroads."

"See? Now you're using your noggin." She smiled and walked around the table, pushing her chair in.

"You're leaving?"

"I just spent an hour in here eating ice cream and losing my innocence to the Internet. What more do you want from me?" She said, twiddling the popsicle stick between her fingers.

Pence pondered that answer, but went for witty instead.

"Don't leave me now. This is my hour of need!" He gestured to the blank page on his writing program.

She lifted her shoulders. "I'm meeting Olette to go shopping after this. You're a big boy, buckle down!"

He grumbled and pulled the computer toward him again, glaring at the emptiness that was his report. "Hey, Namine?"

"Yes?" She half turned back to him.

"How—I mean, what do you think about—Y'know, Hayner's an idiot…but that—"

"Me and you?" She gestured between them.

Pence swallowed and ducked his head. "Yeah, he's stupid, that's a dumb idea. I mean—like with Olette—you're one of my best friends."

She squinted one eye. "…Sure…yeah…You're one of my best friends too."

"I was kidding earlier, how awkward would that be?"

"Hey, we still got Hayner and Olette to torture." She recovered with an odd grin.

Pence nodded. Had she hesitated before she answered that?

"Anyway, I really do have to go. This was…" She bunched her lips, "This was interesting. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, sure, later."

She waved and left the table area, disappearing around an aisle of books. As soon as she'd gone, Pence groaned and dropped his face to the table surface. How much more of an idiot could he be? He was the Funny Guy. Namine was…Love Interest One. He couldn't compete with Keybearers and Organization machos and silver haired bad boys. He was normal.

"Stupid Internet."

Against his better judgment, he opened the site again and submitted a new pairing, voting on it himself. There would probably only ever be that one vote, but at least it was up there now too…between Riku with Larxene and Kairi with Axel.