Joseph Schwartz Walker,
What can I say that expresses all of my feelings to you? The answer is, probably, nothing. No phrase of this world can capture how beautiful and amazing you are and put it into writing. You have inspired me to no end. You've helped me break out of my cocoon and become a beautiful butterfly when I thought being a caterpillar was lame, but didn't know how to change in the right way. You've indirectly given me your confidence and insanity. You are the closest thing in this world to something truly perfect. Your eyes, your smile, your voice, and your positive and silly attitude never fails to make me smile. It also never fails to make me stop and think. I think "Is it possible to ever find another man like Walker?" The answer, of course, is no. Not only are you beautifully original, but you have all of the qualities a good man needs, which is rare. You have humor, you have a positive outlook on life, you have kindness, you have friendship, you have a beautiful voice, you have a beautiful face and body, you have boss dancing skills, you have boss acting skills, you have smarts, you have wit, and you have confidence in yourself. You can laugh at yourself. Those are all amazing qualities to have, and that's only the beginning. You probably know your own qualities by now, so I won't ramble on about them. I would just like to say that you are everything I've ever hoped for in a guy. To me, you're better than perfect. You'd still be perfect even if, because of your epicness, my computer exploded. You're everything I want, need, and wish to become. Don't tell the other StarKids, but I think you're the one who attracts the most fans (The sexy body helps quite a bit). This leads me to my dilemma. Though we have more in common than you think, hundreds of other girls are falling for you, you don't even know me, and I am eleven years younger than you. This puts emphasis on the thought that's been sitting in the very back of my head for a long time: There is only a 1% chance that you'll ever feel the same love for me as I do for you. You are, as some say, out of my league, and you have ten times the talent that I could ever hope to have. You're amazing, and I'm just a stupid, annoying, nerdy little fangirl who wastes her life on the computer and has her head in the clouds. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, and you have no idea who I am. I will eventually accept the fact that we probably won't get married and raise a family together, but if StarKid taught me anything, it's to express yourself and follow your dreams. I've expressed myself, now I wish to follow my dreams. If my dream of the two of us raising a family together is impossible, but you see this letter/note/I don't even know what it is, could we at least be friends?
Less than three,
Eep opp ork ah ah,
Hugs and butterfly kisses,
Sofia the Extremely Devoted StarKid Fan
P.S. Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you had the best day in the universe! You deserve it!