Nobody knows, but Shikamaru still remembers very well. He still remembers the day, every word, every sound, every smell, every look, every feeling, the day when it all started.
It took place on a hot summer day, out there at Asuma's flat. They were sitting on the floor, playing Shogi, back then in that summer, when Shikamaru was twelve years old and had graduated from the Academy just a few weeks before.
"If you'd put out that cigarette, you might be more concentrated, Asuma-sensei and wouldn't lose so often", he mumbled placing one of the pieces, "Additional to that… the damn smoke hurts my eyes."
Asuma started smirking and took a last puff.
"Well…", he said stroking his beard, "even if so, I don't think that I would be able to win against you just for once."
Shikamaru just raised one eyebrow as Asuma made his move.
"I guess you're right…", he mumbled again, "checkmate."
His sensei tapped his forehead and cursed. That meant another Barbequebill to pay.
Although it was already evening and the windows were opened, the sun kept shining into the flat, blinding them both and making them sweat like in a sauna. Shikamaru had been nagging on that sunshine from outside since they started playing in the afternoon and now appreciated the end of the game, being able to leave the hot flat. Sweatdrops were falling down on the Shogiboard, when he got up.
"I have to leave now, sensei or my mum will be troubling me for the rest of the week, if I get home again that late." He made a bit of a sulky face, burying his hands in his trouser pockets.
"Take your seat again, Shikamaru and drink a glass of water first, before walking through that heat… I don't want you to faint!", Asuma responded softly, walking into the kitchen to get some cold water. His student obeyed and sat down again, til he returned.
"Tell your mum, that it was my fault that you returned late, okay?"
Shikamaru nodded, taking some swallows of that liquid. Asuma sat next to him, watching him, smirking at him.
"Well", he coughed slightly, "so… talk to me… you have already a girlfriend?"
Shikamaru spit out the water again but put himself together and answered calmly.
"No. Girls are way too troublesome. They keep talking 24/7 about unimportant stuff. I pretty much like being on my own."
"But a smart boy like you… I guess the chicks can't get enough of-"
"I ain't a Sasuke.", he replied fast, taking again some swallows. He knew Asuma wouldn't let him go unless he didn't drink the whole glass of water, "and I am not interested in such things."
"Yeah… You'll start liking 'such things' one day."
Asuma snickered, approaching Shikamaru's face. "Puberty is a weird time of life… and you're only in the beginning phase of it…" again snickering he approached more, making Shikamaru lean backwards, "and for a boy in your age… it pretty often starts with something exciting" he smirked, making himself being suspicous to the boy, who still leaned backwards with a look in his face as if he'd almost want to tell, that this being close to each other was troublesome, "did you already have your first errection, Shikamaru?"
He tried to pretend, that Asuma didn't shock him in any way. Narrowing his eyebrows, he closed his eyes and said with confidence: "That's not the right topic for a conversation. How you dare to ask me something like that. Even if it was like that, it would still be something of my privacy. None of your business, Sensei!"
"Ohoho", Asuma laughed out loudly, "so you already had it?"
"I DIDN'T SAY THAT!", his student screamed indignantly. Asuma watched amusedly the boy's face turning into dark pink, no matter if it was because of embarrassement or anger.
"Hehe… still… even if not… Your time will come soon… to make your first sexuel experiences, my student"
"I'm only twelve years old!"
Shikamaru obviously felt uncomfortable. He wanted to get rid of that conversation topic and the close distance, but Asuma suddenly placed his hand on his knee.
"I know… but you have a sharp mind… so… I could teach you something", Asuma whispered with a dark voice.
"No, I think I have to go now" Shikamaru still tried to let himself put together and sound sure of himself, but somehow Asuma started moving his hand on his knee, started stroking it and placing his hand more onto the inner side of his leg, making Shikamaru shiver a bit. He even got a bit excited and blushed, when his hand moved under the leg of his pants.
"Asuma, what are you doing?"
"I'm sorry… but… I couldn't resist the soft skin of yours… Did you know, that you have an especially soft skin… like… silk?"
He knew that this was just not right. And Asuma gave him a dangerous look, a look he never had seen before in his eyes. But still discovered a bit of that gleaming, always when they played Shogi together. Somehow he always had felt a bit watched…
"Though you are sweating… it feels so soft…" Asuma grunted a bit which made him sound like Choji when he saw something delicous to eat and made Shikamaru nervous. He wanted to get up and leave, but couldn't. Asuma came that close to him, that he almost lay on him. That big and heavy body over him made him feel much more little and unsure.
"I think your lips feel like that as well… You think you can give me a kiss?"
"NO", he answered fast, turning his head towards the windows. The wind didn't move the clouds today. They hang heavy in the light blue sky. Heavy and huge as Asuma's body over his. He could almost feel that heaviness, although Asuma didn't really lay on him, YET.
"Just give me one single kiss, Shikamaru… C'mon, it wouldn't hurt, you know? It's just practice for our future life…" He raised a finger and rubbed it carefully over Shikamaru's mouth. The boy grabbed the finger, making it getting off of his lips.
"I said, NO"
"Oh why?…"
"That's not right. And it's disgusting me!"
"Aw… you're so innocent", he moaned while giving him a crooked smile, "it's more natural to learn kissing from your sensei than you might expect…"
"But I don't want to!"
Asuma kept on smiling and approached to his face. Unfortunately Asuma leaned over him placing his hands beside Shikamaru's head and made it impossible for him to get out of that troublesome situation. When Shikamaru tried to turn his head away, Asuma held his chin to place his lips on his.
"Just try", he whispered. It tickled and scratched a lot, his beard. And his lips were a mix of dry and wet.
Shikamaru closed his eyes tightly and pressed his lips together.
"Feels nice, doesn't it?", Asuma asked but Shikamaru shook his head.
"No, it feels nasty!" He put his hands on Asuma's cheeks to make his face go away, to maybe be able to get up and leave.
"Oh I guess… you'll have to get used to it!"
"Asuma-sensei, nooouuu!" But Asuma fast pressed his student down to the floor and kissed him again.
"They ARE soft", he mumbled, trying to let his tongue slip into Shikamaru's mouth.
He still pressed his lips together. The imagination of Asuma's tongue in his mouth disguted him even more. Then Asuma pushed his fingers into his cheeks, making him opening his mouth against his will and pushed in his tongue. It tasted like smoke and felt like a foreign object, moving inside his mouth but not belonging to his mouth. Asuma moaned deeply when he stopped it.
"Just watching at you makes me wanna do strange things, Shikamaru… but lying on you", he now touched him with all of his huge body and lay onto him, "makes me wanna do nasty things… naw… this small body of yours…" saying that very slowly he stroke his hand over Shikamaru's collarbone and chest, "makes me weak, Shikamaru…"
"Asuma-sensei, please… that's just so troublesome, I wanna go home now!" He wanted to slip away… and didn't succeed. Asuma was too heavy and he held him back on his shoulder, in his face a mix of dissapointment and excitement.
"Too bad, you don't like it… I guess you don't like me, do you?"
"I… er… No it's not that. I like you. I like playing Shogi with you. You're my Sensei. But this is not what a male Sensei should do with his male student."
"Too bad", he repeated, grabing under his mesh shirt, "still I can't let this precious body go now", he rubbed softly over his chest and massaged his nipples, "it's too hot… your pale skin will be burnt… we have to wait til sunset", he whispered into his ear. Shikamaru suddenly couldn't move anymore. He tried to think about a way out, but couldn't focus on that issue, as Asuma licked over his cheek. What was he? A dog?
"No, please don't…"
"Nah, Shikamaru… stop talking now… You're only complaining because it's too hot inside of here…I think…", he lifted up his shirt, "I have to free you from this!"
"NO!"
However Asuma took off Shikamaru's shirt too quick and slipped his tongue all over his torso.
"Stop that!", Shikamaru screamed, but Asuma shook his head moaning. Then he sat up, taking off his own shirt and opening his pants. Lucky him just opening.
Shikamaru felt his jaw shaking. He was too weak, he couldn't ever get away here.
"Oh I'm so sorry", Asuma groaned, touching his waist and kissing his neck, "but looking at your slim body causes an itching in my pants that I have to get rid off and you have to help me, cutie!"
Shikamaru got an ominous feeling. He once read it in a book… about that itching and about what helping means. He didn't want to do that.
"Sensei, please no…", he said quietly. His voice shivered.
Asuma didn't seem to pay attention to that. He was too busy with kissing and licking Shikamaru everywhere on his torso.
He sniffled over his shoulders and arms, taking his wrists and kissing Shikamaru's hands.
"Aw… such small and lank fingers… so… irresistible" he groaned. Shikamaru could feel his breathe on his fingertips, before Asuma put them one after another into his mouth and played around with them and his tongue. It felt wet and slippery, but Asuma seemed to like it a lot. He closed his eyes and groaned again and snuffled as if he wanted to eat them. Shikamaru was ossified and breathing became difficult as Asuma opened his eyes again, still with some of Shikamaru's fingers inside his mouth and moving his tongue up, down and around them, and started stroking over his pants with the other hand. He placed his hand exactly on the spot, where Shikamaru's penis was and stroked and stroked and groaned louder, stroked stronger and harder, rubbed his hand between Shikamaru's thighs and finally opened his pants.
"Let's see… if you are already able to get an errection, my student", he smirked, gave Shikamaru his hand back and then started being very focused on his pants. First he stroked his hips, then slipped his fingers inside the belt and grabed it and then slowly pulled it down together with Shikamaru's underwear.
"Oh no, please, don't take it off." He felt his voice shaking more and more. In his throat a certain pressure made speaking painful and his head felt hot, hot because of the sun, this being close and the feeling of starting to cry soon. He absolutely didn't want it and because he didn't know how to prevent Asuma from doing such things he became so desperate, that he didn't knew anything, he just wanted it to end.
But he only ended up lying naked under Asuma, who's groaning made him a bit scared and who breathed irregular while staring at his lunchbox.
"Oh my… ", he groaned and touched it. Not for long. He had been stroking over his penis and his balls until he suddenly closed his eyes and groaned different. He groaned so deep with so much passion and plesure, it scared Shikamaru even more.
Asuma's face twitched in a strange way and he pulled off his own pants.
Shikamaru quickly looked away. He didn't want to see Asuma's hard-on.
His Sensei leaned down again to his face, placed a hard kiss on his cheek and licked over his ear.
"Touch it", he said, "Please touch it."
"N-no", he stammered.
"C'mon", he grabbed his wraist again and moved it to his loins, "Please do me that favour and touch my penis with those slim and soft little hands of yours."
When he could feel the thin skin of Asuma's penis, he closed his fingers to a fist and screamed "No, I don't wanna touch it!"
"Oh… calm down… there is nothing to be afraid of… it's no different from yours… just a bit… bigger… you do touch yourself sometimes, don't you? I know… boys in your age always do that to explore their bodies. But know… I want you to explore mine… and touch me… You'll see, that will be as much fun as"
"as what? That nasty kissing? No, I don't like it. I never will like it, let me go, Asuma-sensei!"
"Please, touch it!", he said strictly. It sounded like an order, like Asuma wasn't able to controll himself and at the latest now, Shikamaru was scared. Asuma took his hand and made it touch his penis.
"Close your fingers around it… close your fingers and rub it… please…"
Shikamaru was so scared of what would happen, if he didn't do that now. He was so scared of that other Asuma, that Asuma that couldn't controll himself. He did it. He rubbed his penis softly. This huge body over him shivered and wobbled. The groaning came from deep inside of him and it was synchron to the rubbing.
"As expected", he gasped for air, "you learn very quickly…".
Asuma bent down, stroking over Shikamarus rubbing hand, his arms, over his chest down to his penis again. "Now… touch yourself…", he commaned. Shikamaru hesitated and stopped the rubbing. "Touch… yourself… as if you would masturbate!… You know what masturbating is, right?", he asked, licking his ear and playing around with his tongue on his earring.
Shikamaru nodded unsure.
"Yeah, exactly… it's what I always do after playing Shogi with you… when you left… I always still see your delicious body sitting in front of me and my pants feel really tight then. So I touch myself… and I rub my penis, thinking of you and imagining that you were doing it until I ejaculate." He sighed and moaned at the same time. "Let me watching you touching yourself with your skillful hands and getting an errection… you need to have an errection because then it will be become a plesure for you, too… believe me… I can't wait any longer and you jerking me off is not enough for me…"
Shikamaru knew, even if he refused to do so, Asuma wouldn't let him go now.
It's not like Shikamaru ever thought of it as a rape. He still doesn't think, that Asuma raped him, because when he started obeying his order again he indeed got an errection.
"Sit on my lap", he then told him, "would you do that? Sitting on my lap… then I'll help you, too…" With skepsis and fear he sat on his lap, feeling his huge penis between his buttcheeks and Asuma's hips moving under him. He sounded like he was in real pain. But Shikamaru was a smart boy, he knew that it was in fact the total opposite.
Then Asuma grabbed to the front, touched Shikamaru's thighs, stroked his hipbones and then grabbed his penis hardly and rubbed it. The faster he moved his hips, the faster he rubbed, until he told him to lay down again on his tammy.
"This is still not enough, though your small body… so close to mine feels real good… I need it… now… I need to push my dick inside your cute little bum!" He pinched his buttcheek, stroke over his back. Shikamaru just lay there, awaiting what Asuma would do now, how he would do it now. He never had read anything about that. He never knew, that men push their penises inside butts, to get orgasms.
"It will hurt", Asuma said calmly, while putting some cold liquid on his butt and spreading it through his buttcrack, "you have to breathe properly, you're listening?".
He rubbed his penis again between his buttcheeks.
"Then don't do that. Please… Asuma-sensei…can't we stop here?"
"Oh no… that won't do… because, you see… that's the most funniest part… you will like it!"
"No, I know", he almost started crying, "I know that I won't like it… I didn't like the kissing and didn't like touching your penis so I know… I won't like it if you'll hurt me"
"Oh no no no, Shikamaru", he moaned into his ear while touching his chest, "I won't hurt you… it's good pain!"
His penis pushed against his bumhole.
"NO!", he cryed, "DON'T!" He couldn't remember being so scared once in his lifetime til that moment. But Asuma started pushing it inside. Slowly, centimeter by centimeter and every centimeter he groaned so passionately and loudly that Shikamaru almost couldn't hear his own crying.
"Oh…", Asuma gasped for air after having it inside, "my…. You are so… tight… gosh… I often imagined how you would feel inside… but I never thought you'd be tight like THIS!"
"W-why… is.. is that bad?", Shikamaru asked. His fear and the pain inside his body made him think, that he should do his best and that he shouldn't do anything what could make Asuma be angry. He still liked his Sensei a lot and suddenly felt like wanting to do something good to him.
"Oh no… that's really good", he moaned, "oh, but no reason to cry", he dashed away his tears and kissed his cheek, "I know it hurts, but it'll feel good in a few minutes."
He raised himself up and started moving slowly forward and backward, pulling it out a bit and pushing it inside and really after a few minutes a kind off itching showed up beside the pain that caused so much tears. It felt like his body wanted to be ripped of into two halfs.
The big shaking and shivering, sweating, wet body over his moved faster and faster. Asuma didn't talk anymore he just banged him really hard. Shikamaru tried to not listen to his moaning, to not feel the movement and to not smell the sweat, to not see the floor moving in front his eyes. He closed them and tried to think of something calm… he thought of clouds, when he felt the warm and slick luiqid that was spread inside of him and when he felt for a little moment a very strong itching.
He still doesn't think of a rape, as he ejaculated, too. Ejaculating during Sex means to him that it was voluntary plesure.
Although, he was some kind of… glad that the end was there and that he didn't dissppoint his Sensei, he was mad at him and quickly turned around, pretending to sleep. The sun had sunk already, but he wasn't able to move. He wouldn't be able to leave now.
Asuma knew, that Shikamaru wasn't sleeping and started talking to him, while holding the child in his arms.
"Thank you…", he whispered, "I didn't meant to hurt you… Believe me, I am really sorry. It's alright if you didn't like it, like I did. We won't do it again, if you don't want to…"
Shikamaru still doesn't think of it as a rape, because he woke up the next morning, snuggling up to Asuma.
They did it again, several times.
He still remembers his 14th birthday when Asuma told him, that they aren't far away from a legal relationship.
He still remembers a few weeks later, when Asuma told him, that if he had to decide between him and Kurenai, he always would pick Kurenai.
He still remembers the last time they were together, that night before that mission. And remembers him saying, that if Asuma would die one day, he'd keep smoking those cancer sticks for him.
He still remembers his feeling when Asuma died in his arms. He still feels the pressure in his stomach because he wasn't able, wasn't allowed to tell Asuma in front of all the others, how much he really ment to him, that he loved him.
He still remembers the feelings of guilt and shame towards Kurenai.
And now he knows, that Asuma was right keeping the relationship a secret. The truth would hurt too many people.
So Shikamaru is alright with just one person, who is hurt.
Because he is that kind of person, that nobody is ever listening to anyway, and so nobody knows.