Don't come back for me

The Young Riders

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri - This song is amazing and it really made me think of a story I am writing and this may be part of it someday, but for now it stands alone. Snippets of the lyrics through out the story. Set After the war, Lou and Kid. Let me know what you think, I know all the Kid & Lou folks might take exception but well, plot zombies will be plot zombies. They won't die till you write them.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

"I searched for you, for months before I left Virginia." Lou said looking into the blue eyes she never thought she'd see again. She stood looking at the man she had loved, the man she had followed to the ends of the earth. But she refused to turn away, she would stare him down, make him see her strength and make him see how her life without him had turned out better than it ever could have had been with him. "I found you though didn't I, with her, your wife, your family. Does she know her marriage to you isn't legal, isn't real"

The wind was cold and it blew through his worn out coat, he watched the snow melting off the barn roof, but he knew spring would come soon. Kid stood looking at the woman he had loved so long ago. And realize that he didn't know why he had come.

"Does Jimmy? Does he know that your marriage isn't real either." He didn't mean to say that, he had caused this, not Jimmy and surely not the beautiful woman who stood in front of him.

Lou stood holding her gun, she didn't feel the cold wind, just the cold from inside. The lack of warmth she felt for Kid was surprising, she thought she was over the hate. She shouted back "What do you want? You can't come here and expect to pick up where you left off." Lou felt eyes on her back. She knew that her family was watching this 'reunion' from the porch, guns drawn, ready to shoot, ready to kill for her.

"Everythin' is different now, the only reason you ain't dead yet, either by my hand or theirs" Lou said nodding towards the house "is I want answers. Why? Tell my why and then you can get the hell off my place, or one of us can shoot you where you stand, your choice."

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

Lou had come back to Sweetwater 4 years ago and bought Emma's old place, The Pony Express station where they had all worked and lived like family. She been here almost a year, fixing the place up, making it livable again, before any of her family found out it was her that had bought the old place. Even Emma didn't know, the transaction was all done through the bank out of St jo, so Lou could come out here in the middle of nowhere, hide and lick her wounds. She didn't need or want the family she loved to know what a mess her life had become. But that changed the day Buck came riding through.

As Lou stood looking at Kid, not wavering in her gaze, she thought back to that day, the day had Buck found her.

Lou was fixing the fence on the corral, she had bought a few horses in Fort Kearny and the man was delivering them soon so she needed the corral and barn ready by the end of the week. She stopped to get a drink of water and to wipe the sweat from her face; the day was hot, every bit as hot as she remembered August could be in Nebraska. She looked up and saw a rider on the raise just beyond where the road curved. She watched the rider, he wasn't moving and she couldn't make out who it was. That he had long dark hair and sitting a fine horse was all she could see, Indian she figured as she place her hand on her gun, always ready.

Buck turned his horse and rode to the top of the hill that overlooked the old station. He didn't want to intrude he just wanted to see if anyone was living there. He had been through Lawrenceville last month and spent some time with Emma and Sam, they had mentioned that old place had been bought and how strange it had been since the person buying it wasn't even from Sweetwater and lived in St Jo.

Buck sat on the raise and watched a small figure working to repair the old corral, it obviously needed a lot of work, the house too, hell the whole place really, but even from this distance he could see a lot of work had already been done, he could see the new wood on the fence, the places where the roof had been repaired on the house and the front door looked new. But as he watched the figure working something felt familiar, the clothes, the small body, the old worn hat. Lou? He thought to himself, it couldn't be. No one had heard from her in two years, since she and Kid left for Virginia. The figure stood up, wiped their face and turned to see him sitting there; watched Buck for a moment and then she slowly reached across and laid a hand on her gun, at that moment he was sure it was Lou. She still wore her gun in the cross draw fashion she had learned from Jimmy. He smiled and rode towards the corral.

Lou watched the figure approach and she drew her weapon and moved so her back was near the barn, her rifle was in there in and she wanted easy access should she need it. As the rider got closer she felt something coming up from deep within her, breath, she felt herself breathing again, it had been a long time. She took a deep breath and lowered her gun and watched as Buck rode up. He leapt from his horse before it had even stopped, ran and grabbed Lou, he swung her around and as he stopped he pushed her always so he could get a good look at her.

"Lou, my sister, it is good to see you." He pulled her back in and hugged her close. He had seen something in her face, fear, surprise, and now he felt her gentle sobs against his chest.

"Buck I can't believe it's you. How did you know I was here?" Lou asked as she pushed away from her pony express brother. She wiped the tears from her face and pushed down all the emotions that were surfacing.

"I didn't know Lou, we heard the old place had sold, I was riding through so thought I'd stop just to, I guess reminisce. Do you live here?" Lou nodded yes as Buck looked around "The old place needs some work, you and Kid have your work cut out for you."

Lou steeled herself, squared her shoulders and hardened her face, she'd known this day would come "You should have seen it when I bought it" Lou said lifting her chin and turning away "Let's go to the house Buck I'll make coffee" Lou looked back at Buck as she walked away "and Kid ain't here." That was the day she started living again. The day she knew it was alright to need her family.

And now 3 years later most of them were here. Rachel & Teaspoon married last year and moved here so Teaspoon could take over as the marshal of Sweetwater. Buck moved back to Sweetwater almost immediately, he and Lou ran the ranch together. Buck had taken over the old bunk house, added on and made it a real nice home for him and Emily; they had married 2 years ago and were expecting their second child. Lou tried to get them to take the main house but they wouldn't hear of it. Cody was here in spirit, he came to visit when he could and he and Lou wrote letters to each other almost monthly. Cody had been the first one to come see her after Buck found her. Cody and Buck, Lou couldn't imagine life without her brothers. And Lou, well Lou had thrown everything she had, everything she was and every waking moment for the last 4 years into the ranch. Her brother and sister had finally come to live with her almost 3 years ago, when she felt like it was a fit place for them to live. It was about that same time that Jimmy had come back into her life.

And now Kid had come home. No not home, he'd made his choice, now his home was in Mississippi, he had just come looking, for what she didn't know.

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

"I got a letter from the sisters at the orphanage that you was looking for me, why?" Lou said with steel in her voice "You can't be thinking there's any place in my life for you."

Kid continued to look at Lou just a blank unreadable expression on his face "Just wanted to see if you were alright, if all of you were ok" Kid looked away "I know I ain't got no right to know, but can you tell me, Lou, the baby is it a boy or a girl?"

Lou was shocked that he would ask he'd left her, pregnant to go fight in some stupid war, left her to try and live on her own in a strange place, no one to even help her when the baby came. Lou answered coldly "You're right you got no rights, but don't matter now, she's dead. I buried MY daughter a month after she was born. I stood over her tiny grave and promised her I would find her father and bring him home. I was a fool. You'd already found a new home, hadn't you."

"It wasn't like that Lou, I was hurt, been shot and well her family took me in and it had been a year since I left, since I had joined the war, I wasn't strong enough to make it home. There are things that happened." Kid just shook his head "I don't know Lou I just stayed there." Kid wanted to tell her, but he didn't know where to start.

"5 Years Kid, over 5 years since you left, why now? Did she throw you out, or did you just up and leave her too. Who do you think you are coming back here, you ain't welcome, not here not now." Lou said flourishing her gun around.

And who do you think you are?
runnin' 'round leaving scars
collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

"I don't want trouble Lou, I just wanted…. I don't know what I wanted." Kid said rubbing his eyes feeling more tired than he ever remembered feeling. "No she didn't throw me out and I didn't leave her. I just had to see you. To make amends, to say I'm sorry, to do what's right. I wondered about our baby…"

"MY BABY" Lou screamed "She died in my arms Kid she stopped being your baby when I had to dig her grave alone." Lou paused remembering all the times Kid did what he thought was right but to Lou it had felt so wrong.

"What was her name?" Kid asked softly looking at his feet.

"You have some nerve coming here and asking me that, asking me anything. It took me a long time to get right with what you did, to start breathing again and I spent a lot of nights wondering about your lies and broken promises. And you know what? I'm much stronger now than I ever was with you, happier too." Lou holstered her gun "Kid, truth be told I ain't even mad at you anymore, sad for you I guess. I have moments when I wish I had never met you that would have been easier. And now I see you're just a pitiful man and you need to go. Go before Jimmy shoots you, he won't give it a second thought, but I don't want your blood on my land or on his hands."

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Jimmy walked off the porch seeing that Lou had holstered her gun, Teaspoon and Buck taken his guns when Kid rode up. But now he needed to stand with the woman he loved, whose life he shared. Jimmy stood beside Lou reached down and took her hand. Lou Looked up at Jimmy and smiled, Jimmy nodded towards Kid not taking his eyes off of Lou. She turned to Kid "Her name was Emma."

Kid, with a tear on his cheek murmured to himself 'Emma, Emma' he mounted up and turned one last time to look at the faces of the family that had once loved him. Rachel with tears on her face, Buck looking both angry and sad at the same time and Teaspoon, the man who thought of all of his riders as his children, and who Kid thought of as a father, the look of disappointment on his face wasn't something he will ever forget. But seeing Lou was safe and with Jimmy, he knows now that's why he came.

Looking at Lou and Jimmy "I just needed to know you were safe" he nodded at Jimmy and Lou and rode away. They didn't need to know anything else. She was safe, that's all that mattered.

~c

Well that made me cry. Damn plot zombies.