Disclaimer: My real name contains neither "Mike" nor "Mignola", so you should do the math. Flunked at math? Well it means that I don't own Hellboy or the characters you've heard of before…

I also don't own the "Big and Tall" store.

00:02 at The Local "Big and Tall" store somewhere in CT.

It was two minutes after closing time, and Larry was just about to lock up the "Big and Tall" store and head home. Right as he was about to leave, he bumped into a shorter, dark-haired woman in a pair of cargo pants and a leather jacket sporting a nose ring.

"I'm sorry ma'am, we're closed," Larry said sleepily, "I don't think you'd fit into anything in here anyways. Try back Monday."

"I know you're closed, that's why I'm here. I need you to keep the store open a little while longer," she replied.

"Sorry miss, we only do that for celebrities, and we don't get those in Connecticut much," Larry said, and he turned to walk away.

"Hey!" the woman yelled, "This guy is a celebrity!"

Larry turned around. This was one determined woman. Who else claimed to have a celebrity with them to get in a store unless they were really desperate? Naturally, he asked the woman where this invisible celebrity was.

"Hellboy! Get over here so this guy can open up the door for us!" the woman yelled to the back of the building. Larry heard the muffled reply of "I'm coming Liz, I'm coming…"

To Larry's amazement, out came a gigantic red man from behind the building. He had hooves for feet, a gigantic right hand, and two little stubs on top of his head. Larry rubbed his eyes a couple of times to make sure he wasn't dreaming the whole thing.

Liz crossed her arms and stared at the store clerk as she waited for the doors to open. Larry immediately fished out his key and opened the door for the two strange people, still in a daze about the creature he was seeing.

Hellboy immediately grabbed a cart and headed to the trench coat section of the store. He started trying on coat after coat. He must have put at least twenty of them into the shopping cart. Liz walked over and rolled her eyes.

"Hellboy, how many of those do you really need. Haven't you got 10 more of those at home?" she said.

"They wear out fast, Liz. Look, in the past month:

One got destroyed in those catacombs,

Two got ripped to shreds in Baskerville,

One got bloodstains on it (thank you La Llorona),

That annoying poltergeist stole one,

Hecate completely trashed one,

And I think you burned up almost all the rest." Hellboy replied. Liz stayed silent and hoped that the budget would cover the amount he was buying.

The two spent another hour picking out and having Hellboy try on clothes. Finally, they had finished and Liz went down the list to make sure they didn't forget anything.

"Okay, we got 12 overcoats, 11 pairs of pants, 10…" she started.

"And a partridge in a pear tree. Can we go now?" Hellboy pestered.

Liz glared. "Hey, you're the one that didn't want to buy online and avoid this entire thing," she reminded.

"It never fits me right then," Hellboy grumbled. Liz rolled her eyes and continued to check the rest of the list.

After waking up Larry and paying for the clothes, Hellboy and Liz headed back to the BPRD Headquarters to catch a few hours of rest before having to wake up again.

Kate dragged Hellboy out of bed at 10:00 am (which is most likely early for Hellboy). "Rise and shine Hellboy. You're going to Tibet today, I hope you bought a new parka last night…" she said.

Hellboy immediately woke up, and shouted a few choice curse words…

The moral of this story is to always bring a list while going shopping. Who knows? Maybe you'll forget something like our poor demonic friend…

Author's Note: I decided to take a break from my more serious stories to write this oneshot about my most loathed activity: clothes shopping. Please review, it's appreciated.