SO hey! HEre is another fic... Warning angst and stuff... My life isn't easy and I have a lot of problems... so please be gentle with me... Leave a reveiw if you want to and... that's all
I don't own Dragon Ball, only my creppy ideas...
Enjoy?
Don't jump! - onseshot
Where is he? WHERE? I looked around the whole house and he was nowhere in sight. Where did he go?! I started to panic but then an idea popped in my mind. His old house! I ran down the street and then in direction of his house. The street was dark and there were almost no lights on it. I saw the river at my left but ignored it, I had only one goal. Find him. I can't forgive myself for what I did… He didn't deserve it… I didn't mean to be rude for him… I never mean that… After al he came through and I was a jerk that make his world dark once again… I'm a shame… I saw his old house. It looked untouched… It was abandoned since he came to live with me. I stopped in front of the front door and slowly reached for it. I opened the door and looked inside… Nothing… He wasn't here… I got inside and everything was the same. I climbed the stairs and went right in his old bedroom. Over his bed there was a notebook. I took it and read what he wrote on it.
«I thought everything was okay now… That I would not be like this again. I thought that finally light came into my life… but… it was all a lie… He hates me, how could he not? I'm a shame… I'm trash. I don't worth anything, and now I know I am not worth of his love either… I have nothing, he was everything I had and now he's gone… Why is the world so cruel to me? Why do I always end up alone? Abandoned. God… I prayed every night for happiness, I only wanted to be happy. Someone to love and take care of me… Didn't I prayed enough? Didn't I tried hard enough? Tell me… What have I done wrong?
Why?
I only have that question. Why can't they explain me? Why can't you answer me? Why can't I be happy for once? I thought you cared, but now I know. You don't give a fuck of what happens, you don't care. Anyone cares and once again, I'm alone and abandoned in this dark world.
Everything is gone now. If I have nothing… why am I still alive? Why am I still here? Wasn't it better for everybody if I didn't exist? Wasn't it easier for them? At least they would not have me whining the whole time. They wouldn't have me bothering them… He wouldn't have me around his house, hugging him and trying to get his attention. After all, he also hates me… The last person I had, the only one that stayed all this time. He's gone as well… I lost the last chance I had and now he hates me… He wants me dead, all this time, I wanted to end everything but he stopped me and he started to be frustrated and bored because I was being annoying, always trying to get him… He finally let out everything he felt towards me. At least he wasn't a liar nor a coward, he told me everything in the face, he let me know everything… he told me the truth, I'm happy for that, and I understand what he feels. He was frustrated and I pushed him too much… Obviously he exploded and said what he felt… "You fool, can't you let me be? Why don't you let me go? Fuck! I'm done with you, Get out! I don't want to see your face anymore! Go kill yourself if you want, I can't stand you anymore" Those words, they hit me so hard…
I thought he cared… I live in a lie… My life is a lie. I loved him, I really did and that's why I was always hugging him, telling him stories, laugh and play with him. It was my way to show that I loved him. I can't anymore, my head hurts and my body is giving up. The most insignificant move makes me shiver in pain… If I die now, will I be missed? Will someone miss me? No… I know that's the answer… I try to smile, but I can't. I try to look forward, but can I do it? No… I can only cry my eyes out, whine for things that nobody cares about and then keep living, cry, live in pain, live alone… That's my life…
These are my final words… After this I will not be around anymore. I will be gone, only Kami knows to where I can go… Heaven, hell, I don't care anymore… Do I deserve anything? Do Kami even cares about me? Will I ever found peace? Will I smile and run around with someone that will care about me… will I even be happy in the afterlife? Is afterlife even real?
Why am I asking this? It's useless… anyone is going to answer me… If someone ever finds this notebook, they will read or just ignore the things I wrote? I don't know, if someone read this, then you must know what happened this night…I don't expect anyone to find this until I'm gone… You don't know what happened? You just found this abandoned?
I tell you… This night, 24 march of 2014 I will finish my pain… I'll leave this world… I will… I will jump to the river… I will jump and let my body be carried away by his waters. I will let my soul leave me and I will let life drain from my body. I don't expect people to come after me, neither do I expect them to find my body somewhere in this world… My corpse… the corpse of the man that they called Kakarott. If you read this, thank you for at least reading my last words and to care a little to read it until the very end. Maybe you don't know who I am… My name is Kakarott, I'm 21 years old, I'm a male and I'm alone… Not for long… I will be in the other side after my final act… Will I be happy? I hope so…. It is 5:56 in the morning… I will go now…
Goodbye world, life and everybody. Until we meet again…»
I can't believe what I read… He plans on killing himself. I looked at the clock. 6:13… Maybe he didn't do it yet. Maybe… He is still alive. I took the notebook with me and ran down the stairs. I know very well where the bridge where he plans to end his life is… we spent a lot of time there when we were younger. I ran and ran trying to get to the bridge the faster I could… His words never leaving my head… It's all my fault… he… I… I'm the worst person in the world. He was alone, he… Kami… he loved me and I didn't notice it… How could I be so cruel…?
FUCK! It's all my fault! I'm the reason he hates himself, the reason he is going to throw himself to the river, the reason he is alone. I'm the reason why he's like this… I was his only hope, his savior form the darkness, and what I did? I treated him like trash, made him hate himself and played with his feelings… He loves me… Do I love him…? Why is my chest hurting so much? Why everything is spinning around me? Why…? I saw the bridge and ran the last meters that separated us as fast as I could… There he was… T
he wind was hitting his pale face and his eyes were full of tears. His white clothes moved with the wind and he was looking to the sky, seeing the stars… If I don't stop him, he will be there as well… I slowly walked, hoping that he wouldn't notice me… I got closer and closer… I hold my breath, I was almost reaching him, just a bit more. If I reach him I can push him towards me and stop him… I don't want him to die… I…I love him… I know that I do. I know why I felt like that when running and thinking of why he was going to do and that it was because of me. It wasn't only guilt, it was love… I care for him too much to let him go…
- Stop… - I heard him. How can he know I'm here? My heart stopped and I looked in his eyes. They were… empty… he already gave up on life. – How did you find me? - His voice reached my ears.
- The notebook… I… - I walked to him and he glared at me.
- Stop… Don't come near me.
-Kakarott… Please…
- What? – His voice was so deserted…
-Don't do it…
- Do what? – He looked to the horizon, his eyes half closed and more tears came down his thin face.
- Please, Don't jump… -
Why? Nobody cares even you hate me…
-No… I don't…
- Yes, you do, you hate me, like everyone else… I don't blame you… Just please, let me do it. Let me finish this pain. I beg you…
-I can't… -
WHY!? Goddammit, let me be!
- NO! I won't! Stop this! – I screamed and his body trembled.
- I'm sorry… I can't… - he gave a step forward and he was now in the edge of the bridge. He took a deep breath and prepared himself to jump. No… he will not jump. I can't let him do it… I ran towards him and grabbed his arm at the same time as he let his body fall. He screamed and I tried to push him. He was almost falling, only my grip stopped his body from meeting the cold waters of the river. He hung in the air, I was laid on the ground trying to push him up.
- Let me go!
- No! I can't!
- WHY!?
-BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! DO YOU THINK THAT IF I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT YOU I WOULD COME TO STOP YOU HUH? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT!?
- NO! You… You hate me…
- No! I don't hate you!
- Then why did you yell at me? WHY! TELL ME WHY!
- I DON'T KNOW!
- LET GO!
- NO! With his other hand he tried to ease the grip around his wrist. I grabbed it even tighter and his reaction was a scream in pain and then he started to fight with my hand, he tried desperately for me to let him go.
If stopping him from suicide means breaking his wrist, I prefer to break it and he will still be alive than not breaking it and see his corpse. He screamed in pain and his eyes were full of tears, one by one they all fell down his face.
- Let go…
- No! Silence took over the moment and some minutes later he grabbed my wrist. Did he finally give up? Slowly I pushed him up, but it was a mistake. As soon as my hold around his wrist eased he released my hand. My eyes went wide as I saw him fall. The distance between us getting bigger and bigger.
-NOOOO! KAKAROTT! – I stretched my arm trying to catch him in vain. He was already too far for me to reach him. My eyes got full of tears and a splash was heard, my eyes and mouth wide as his body was swallowed by the waters of the river.
–NOOOOO! TELL ME THIS IS ONLY A NIGHTMARE! KAKAROTT! YOU'RE ALIVE AREN'T YOU? KAKAROTT!? – I heard people in the street and they came to my side. I looked to the river in panic, trying to find him. He can't be dead… he just can't!
- What happened here? - People were asking around me.
- I think it was a suicide… - they were whispers but I could hear them. I fell a hand on my shoulder and I looked for his owner. A young woman was looking at me, her eyes sad and worried.
- Is everything fine dear? Tell me, what happened…
- He… He jumped… I tried to stop him but he deceived me and as fast as he was safe he was falling… He… He can't be dead…
- Stay calm dear, the paramedics are here. One habitant from here called us. We will find him okay? - Alive? - I don't know dear… The paramedics are already down there, see? – She pointed down, to the left side of the river. I could see some people there. – The sun is starting to get up and we can already look for him, just stay calm and come with me okay?
I got up and followed her, she told me to sit in a chair that she had on the ambulance and gave me cold water. I drank it slowly. Kami, please, tell me he's still alive… Please!
~30 minutes later~ -
There's someone here! – We heard a man screaming. I got up and went to the edge of the bridge. One of the paramedics had Kakarott on his arms. His white large clothes came to my sight as well as his pale and thin body.
- It's him?
- Yes…- I nodded.
- Come with me… - Once again I followed her. She took us to the edge of the river were the paramedics were. When we arrived they had already laid Kakarott's body in a portable bed. I passed over the woman and went to the side of the bed.
- He's still alive, but his heartbeat is really slow. We are going to try to make it go back to normal… -
Please save him…
-We will do our best, sir… They get inside the second ambulance they took with them and asked me to go with them. I got inside of it and sat down beside Kakarott.
Gently I grabbed his injured hand and caressed it. One of the paramedics that rescued him inserted two air tubes on his nose, one in each of his nostrils, those tubes went directly to his lungs. His breath didn't get better but at least they helped him.
Soon we arrived to the hospital and they took him. The woman stayed by my side and made me some questions about him and wrote them on a sheet of paper were she had his informations. She then leaved me in the waiting room and I took the notebook, reading what he wrote once again. Time passed very slowly, each minute seemed like an hour but one hour later the woman came to me, she a sad look in her eyes.
- He's alive, but we don't know if he will survive… You can go see him if you want.
- Thanks… for everything.
- You're welcome dear…- she smiled at me and guided me to the room where he was. I took a look over his body, he still had the air tubes on his nose and he had something around his arm, counting his heartbeats. They were irregular, my heart felt thigh. If I wasn't such an idiot, this would never happen. He would not suffer, he would be happy, we would be happy… I… It's all my fault… I sat down beside him and took his hand. It was cold and paler than usual… Tears came to my eyes again…
- I will let you alone… I nodded and looked at her but soon I was looking at Kakarott once again as tears made their way up to my eyes and fell one by one down my face. I laid my head on the bed, next to his shoulder and closed my eyes and soon I fell asleep.
I only woke up when I heard a moan beside me. I opened my eyes and lifted my head. He was awake but his eyes were half open. He looked at me under his eyelids and sighed, tears started to fall from his eyes again…
- Kakarott…?
- Vegeta? Why… - his voice was a whisper, I barely could hear it.
- Because I love you…
- Vegeta… I… I love you…
- I know Kakarott, thanks to you I could see what I really felt towards the man you are… I didn't know about these feelings… - He lifted his arm and rest his hand on my cheek.
- Vegeta… I'm sorry… I can't… Much longer…
- Kakarott. Please, stay…
- I want to… But I'm afraid I can't… -
I beg you… - I kissed the palm of his hand gently and then put on of my arms around his shoulders. Gently I lifted him towards me and he rested one of his hands on my cheek. I leaned forward and our noses touched. I wanted to kiss him… I wanted it so badly… Our lips were separated by mere inches. He moved a little closer and I held him. Our lips touching lightly. I leaned against him and kissed jis lips. The first time I ever kissed him… Why did it have to be in such a situation? His lips were soft and gentle, he had a sweet taste, a taste of…innocence…I kept kissing him for a bit longer and then I backed to allow us to breath.
- Vegeta… I'm sorry… If I die… please… promise you won't do the same mistake I did…
- Kakarott… I… I promise… – I leaned against him again and kissed his soft lips, this time it was a shorter and lighter kiss…
- I love you, Vegeta… - he said my name in a whisper, his hand fell limp on his side and his eyes closed. I laid him on the bed and covered him. He was… dead…
I grabbed his hand and fell on my knees. I rested my face on it and cried silently while kissing his knuckles slowly… The machine of the heartbeats also telling me that he wasn't with me anumore making a continuous beep sound.
Not now, not anymore in the near future… Someday… I will find him in the other world and we will be together forever… Isn't it like that? When I go to the other world I will be able to be with him… I just need to wait…
I need to be a bit patient. One day I will be with him again.
Until there I must live.
I promised him!
THE END!