After reading chapter 14, I felt the need to write something about this pain-inducing fandom. Half of the story is set during chapter 14, the other half is how I wish chapter 15 would progress, although it probably wouldn't because Saburouta is a sadistic person who gets around everything in some way or another. This is my take on the characters' thoughts. Alternating POVs (still 3rd person) between mainly Yuzu, partly Mei, and a bit of Harumin. Keep in mind that whenever a character is referred to differently, it means that it is switching POVs. Primary example would be Harumin.
Yuzu and most of the readers refer to the character Taniguchi Harumi by her nickname, "Harumin." Mei never referred to her specifically but because they aren't close, I would assume that she would call her formally by her last name, Taniguchi. The part with Harumin's POV will refer to herself as "Harumi" because that is her actual given name. Hopefully this will clear up any confusion regarding how the characters are addressed.
"What are your feelings for me?"
Yuzu thought about that question over and over again. The answer was obvious: she loves Mei. But what kind of love? She knew that she loves her little sister, but now she's been unsure about how she loves her. Sisterly love? Or romantic love? Or both? Yuzu sighed in exasperation. She hated how she couldn't even figure out her own feelings. She hated how she couldn't tell Mei what she needed to hear.
"Please forget about what happened that day."
How could she ever forget about that? Of course, Mei couldn't possibly expect her to actually forget, but Yuzu knew what she was trying to say: let's act as if that never happened. But Yuzu couldn't. That night was when her relationship with Mei actually got somewhere, although too quickly. Just when Yuzu thought she made progress, she was rejected by her sister again. Yelling after her was in vain; the other girl simply walked away without looking back at her.
Harumin was right. They were finally on their school excursion, yet she was being too "gloomy" to enjoy it. She couldn't help it. Just when she had finally talked to Mei in months, she didn't know what to say. She knew that a part of her had always known that she harbored forbidden feelings for her sister.
"Does your family know you're lusting after your little sister?"
That was the whole reason why Yuzu tried to suppress her romantic feelings for Mei. Aside from both being girls, love between family is absolutely forbidden. She wanted to become Mei's family, as someone who can be there for her, but she couldn't help loving her.
"Ha, romance between sisters! Do you even see a future for yourselves?"
"We're both girls and on top of that, we're sisters, so… Obviously we shouldn't try to become more than that. We need to stop with what we were doing."
Yuzu knew she shouldn't keep going after her sister. It was wrong on so many levels. Even so, she couldn't bear the distant relationship they had now.
Meeting Sara again made her realize something. Sara was after a stranger she had met, yet she was able to talk to that person normally and got her name. She was doing everything she could, even coming to the shrine and planning to confess to her. Yuzu was so close to Mei, yet she couldn't do anything to close the distance between them. In fact, Mei was growing more distant from her. She was envious of how Sara was so bold and daring, not hesitating to go after her destined person.
"But I kind of doubt that I'll ever again get the chance to do it."
Despite Sara's sad face, she looked so happy. Yuzu was sure that even if Sara were to fail, she would still be able to stay happy.
Yuzu didn't want to lie to herself anymore. She had denied her feelings for Mei several times since she had met her. She denied them when Matsuri asked her in the karaoke room. If I don't put my heart into my words… then they won't reach her. And I must have my feelings reach her!
The matching charms that Harumin and Himeko picked out for her encouraged her to face Mei once more. She had to tell her how she really felt.
Mei came to the hotel lobby as expected. It was now or never. "I l-" She was getting nervous.
"I lo-"
Say it!
"Sorry, wait one second! I need to catch my breath…" Yuzu hated herself. For not being able to say the words she had always kept in her heart. For getting cold feet again. All she had to do was convey her feelings to Mei and give her the matching charm. She was so close…
Just as she was about to start speaking again, Mei called for her attention. Then it hit. Hard.
"Earlier today, someone confessed to me. And I decided to go out with that person."
Time seemed to stop. Yuzu clenched the charm in her hands behind her back, her grip on it tightening by the second. She could only replay Mei's words in her head.
Eh? Does this mean… I'm too late? You're kidding me...
She had gathered up the courage to confess to Mei, only to be heartbroken before doing so. She was so close… yet so far… She had been too slow. Someone beat her to it.
Thinking about it now, she shouldn't be so surprised because she knew how popular Mei was in her school. It never occurred to her that Mei would ever agree to go out with anyone.
Time seemed to take a million times longer to pass. Yuzu didn't know how to respond. She was too shocked to say anything.
Is this karma for saying no to her on Christmas night?
Yuzu had prayed to God or anyone out there to help her close the distance between her and her sister. Now it seemed like God was mocking her.
"But I kind of doubt that I'll ever again get the chance to do it."
She was reminded of Sara's words. This was the one chance that Yuzu had. And she wasn't able to make it in time.
As wounded as she was, Yuzu put on a smile. She didn't know how she looked, but she tried to be happy for little sister. "I-Is that so? I'm happy for you, Mei… Really…" Yuzu felt her eyes getting warm, knowing that tears would soon spill. "I hope you find happiness with that person…"
Mei was a bit startled that Yuzu had started crying, but didn't know what to say. "Thank you," she said quietly.
It seemed like Yuzu wasn't in any condition to continue what she was trying to say, so Mei walked past her, wanting to give her privacy.
"Even so…" Yuzu started again.
Mei turned around, facing her older sister once more.
"Even so!" She had come this far. She would not back down anymore. She made up her mind to have her feelings reach the other girl. It didn't matter if it was too late. Her goal was to tell Mei how she felt. No matter what, she would declare her feelings so that Mei would know.
"Even if you have someone else as your lover… I just want you to know that I have loved you all this time. Regardless of our relationship of being sisters, I have always cherished you as a special person to me. I still will… Whether you feel the same way towards me or not… I need you more than you think!"
Yuzu ran past Mei, covering her face with her arm and wiping away her stream of tears.
She hadn't allowed Mei to say anything back, quickly confessing and running soon after.
"I need you more than you think!" Mei had always believed that Yuzu didn't need her at all. When she asked her before if she needed her, Yuzu had slapped her and yelled at her to be considerate of other people's feelings. So she took her advice and went out with Sara. She was considerate of Sara's feelings for her and accepted them.
Yet, why did Yuzu choose to tell her this now? Why did she have that hurt look on her face? Mei didn't believe Yuzu's words. Especially after rejecting her on Christmas night… Yuzu didn't need her at all.
Mei's eyes landed on the charm on the floor. Yuzu must have dropped it in her haste to her room. Picking it up, she realized that it was a love knot charm. Surely Yuzu must have known that the shrine they visited was a matchmaking shrine. She couldn't have thought that it was a charm for luck.
This…
She held on to the charm, keeping it alongside her personal belongings in her hotel room. She would return it to Yuzu the next day.
When Mei saw Yuzu the next day in the hotel lobby, she tried to call out to her.
"Yu-" But before she could, the blonde had already ran outside.
Mei didn't know whether she should feel hurt or not, but she couldn't deny the painful throb in her chest. She would catch the other girl by the arm next time.
But she couldn't. Whenever the two made eye contact, Yuzu turned away and avoided her.
Finally, Mei addressed a note to her and asked Taniguchi to give it to her.
"I don't know why Yuzucchi is in an even worse state now than before, but I have a good idea as to who's behind it. C'mon, Miss President, can't you make the poor girl feel better already?"
Harumi got the same stoic look from the student council president as always, but took the piece of paper anyways. "I'll do you this favor once but in return, try not to hurt my best friend anymore."
I need to talk to you. Meet me in my room after dinner.
–Aihara Mei
Yuzu didn't know whether she should go or not. She was aware that she was acting obviously bitter about the night before and that she should go apologize. But knowing that Mei had a girlfriend now never failed to leave a stinging pain.
She looked over to Harumin. Her best friend didn't ask about the note, even though Yuzu was sure that it only got on her desk because she had put it there as a request from Mei. Harumin's silence seemed cold, but Yuzu got the feeling that she wasn't really mad. Instead, it seemed like she was encouraging her to meet with Mei.
"Harumin."
The said girl didn't look back to her. "Hm?"
"Thank you. For everything you've done on this school trip for me..." Yuzu's voice sounded somewhat sad, yet reassured.
This time, Harumi walked over to Yuzu and playfully punched her on top of her head. "What are you talking about?" she said with a smile. "You're my best friend! You don't have to thank me for anything."
For the first time ever since the school trip began, Yuzu showed a genuine smile. Seeing her recover made Harumi grateful for being able to help.
"Oh, and by the way, the charm cost 300 yen. Pay up if you're really thankful."
Yuzu's smile disappeared and was replaced with a pout. Harumi laughed and patted her on the head, "I'm just kidding! Don't start crying on me now."
Yuzu stood outside the door to Mei's room, nervous than ever before. She didn't want to face her, especially after confessing. Things were even more awkward since last night, worse than the months between Christmas and then.
She found the courage to knock on the door and was met with Mei's usual face. "Come in."
Yuzu hesitatingly stepped inside the room, closing the door softly behind her.
"S-So what did you want to talk about?" Yuzu asked, anxious about what was to come.
Mei picked up something from her desk, holding it up for Yuzu to see. "This is yours, isn't it? You dropped it last night."
Yuzu was half relieved that Mei didn't say anything else about that night, but also half disappointed for the same reason.
"Um, yeah, that's mine. Thanks for picking it up for me," she said as she walked towards Mei to retrieve her charm.
As she was within reaching distance, Yuzu stopped. She pulled her arm back, deciding that she didn't want it anymore.
Mei had the same expression, although she was a bit confused.
"What's wrong? I thought this belonged to you?"
Yuzu looked down for a moment. Thinking about something very quickly, she looked up at Mei. "It does. But I meant to give it to you last night. So keep it."
Mei could see that her sister's smile this time was genuine and sincere.
"But-"
"Oh, have you already tied another love knot charm with that person? Sorry, I didn't consider that. But... Can you let me be selfish just this once?"
"What do you mean?" Mei asked.
"I'm sorry for avoiding you today. I really am. I just didn't know how to face you after what happened. But I only ask that you accept the gift. Please?"
Accept my feelings for you.
Mei was amazed at how her sister would always apologize to her even when things weren't her fault. Yuzu was always trying to make things better between them. Even though she was the one who led Yuzu to cry, the older girl still came to her room as requested and even apologized to her. Mei should be the one to say sorry. If she says it now, their relationship might improve.
"I'm sorry for making you cry last night, Yuzu."
Yuzu was surprised by the sudden apology. "No no, that was my fault! You don't have to say anything!" She felt her cheeks get warm from Mei's words. She's so cute…
"I'll keep this then."
Upon hearing those words, Yuzu's face lit up. Even something as trivial as accepting her charm was enough to make her happy.
A moment of silence filled the room. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"
"…Yes."
Yuzu excused herself and went back to her room.
Mei accepted my feelings for her even though she has a girlfriend.
It wasn't hopeless after all. She made progress, as little as it was. She hoped that, in time, Mei would come reciprocate her feelings. It might be a long time from now, but Yuzu had hope. It hurts now, but she was sure that in the end, they would be happy together. She was willing to wait however long it would take. She loved her sister too much.
It didn't change the fact that she was still hurt. Why couldn't Mei realize it?
I need you more than you would ever need me.
Please excuse any errors you might have spotted, as I wrote this in 2 and a half hours continuously instead of studying for my tests tomorrow. I didn't proofread yet either.
3/02/15 Edit: Fixed for errors.
I feel that the main reason why Mei isn't aware of Yuzu's true love for her is because she fails to see that Yuzu needs her. Also because Yuzu never really explained why she said "I can't" to her in chapter 13. Yuzu fails to express herself properly and just when she decides to, Saburouta has to be like "LOL NOPE." URGH, this series.
I didn't really know how to end it, so it might seem really optimistic at the end. Well, even in the middle because we all know Yuzu's not gonna muster up the courage to go through with her confession. If she does, then YES, this arc will end sooner. If she just gets too sad and angsty, then oh no, more angst for us, the poor readers.
Hope you guys enjoyed this even the slightest bit. I NEED MOAR CITRUS THAT IT'S RUINING MY LIFE.