Afternoon Showers
Written on: 0928-2900
17:31
"It's raining, Kaoru-dono," murmured the redhead to his lone companion.
"Ahhh," she said, peering out the open door and out into the wet world outside. "So it is. What about it, Kenshin?"
Kenshin turned to her, arching his body in an awkward position, straining to see her from his place in the dojo's bamboo slat floor. "I didn't really mean anything by it," he said thoughtfully. "I just, well, said it."
Kaoru sauntered to where he sat. The other smiled at her, patting the empty space beside him.
"Sit down, Miss Kaoru," he said.
"It's strange isn't it?" she remarked as she relaxed in her new position. "Every time you say it rains, there's something… something…"
"Ah. Old memories, old regrets. The usual stuff."
"And the guilt of the hitokiri. It comes, too. Doesn't it?"
"Well, yes."
Both grew silent. Kaoru was silent not because she was distraught by the uncommunicative disposition of the ruruoni. Neither was he quiet because he disliked the intrusion on his privacy. Both of them felt that nature and the rest of the world demanded silence. They felt that everything wanted them to enjoy the serenity of the afternoon.
The rain continued to fall. There were big drops, small drops, all of them falling in a straight vertical direction. There was no wind this afternoon. The leaves of the various floras in the local vicinity all lay limp, battered by the onslaught of the heavens.
It didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. Grey clouds stretched as far as the eye can see, covering the whole of the sky like cotton blankets of the angels. Their black lining sagged heavily as they tried their best to keep their cargo from heeding the call of the earth.
Kaoru was only a few inches away from Kenshin. They were not only speechless, but also withdrawn, mentally unattached to the material world. Still, they were together. Not just in the sense that they were sitting there side by side, shielding themselves from the same rain, under the same roof. They both felt as if they are linked with each other, that they are part of everything they see around them despite the fact that they are not making any contact at all. It was as if they are part of a giant circuit of wires joined by the environment, instead of being separated by it, and electricity was flowing through freely.
Kaoru, naïve and innocent as she was, was probably unconscious of the jumping charges. Kenshin knew better. He had felt it all before. He also knew of the danger of such high variable voltage. He knew how much potential it has for pain. He knew that once the heart was broken, it can never be whole again. Mended, yes, you can patch it up. Still, the scars remain. They remain forever.
Yes, the old wounds still hurt. No, it's not the one that developed Keloid formation on his face. It was the one in his chest, the one in his heart, the one in his spirit.
He has found the medicine, hasn't he? She doesn't really numb the pain caused by the memories of Tomoe. Kaoru somehow detoxicated the poison of his guilt. She somehow transformed the reeking venom of his past into a light stimulant. Yes, the reminiscences are clearer now, bittersweet, yes, but at least harmless.
He rejected the medicine sometimes. He was very aware that these rejections inflicted pain on her. The ironic thing was, he gave everything just to ensure her safety, to make sure that no one/nothing hurt her. Yet, it was he himself who hurt her most.
Was the medicine that awful? No. On the contrary, it's delicious and desirable. It was just embittered by the sole thing that has forever hindered man from attaining ultimate happiness: worry.
He worried about what may happen. He worried that if he let himself heal, he'll get injured again. He was afraid that if he dare love another, something might happen again to that person, something that he himself may bring about. He worried that perhaps he was indeed damned to live his life alone for eternity. He worried that out of the depths of his dark past, something might catch up with him, something might emerge to punish him by destroying those he held most dear, just as once he did to others.
He vowed never to kill again, to atone for all the wickedness he had caused. He swore to protect life, even at the cost of his own. Yet, even if he did not slay directly, it tortured him to know that he caused many people to deviate from the good lives they live because of hatred and their thirst for retribution.
That's the reason why he felt that he cannot let loose his feelings. That's why he can't love. Not now, not ever, not until he forgives himself.
However, his unwillingness to love that doesn't immune him from falling in love at all. Even if he struggled to keep control, to remain impassive, it's still there. He can't become cold and shut out life. That would be like returning to the old life of the hitokiri. He vowed to preserve life therefore, he needs to embrace it, to be part of it. So, it is inevitable that someone like Kaoru came and touched a part of him that still hurts, a part that has yet to heal.
Lately, he's given up to lying to himself. Love may be fatal but its really no use concealing it since everybody knows anyhow. True, he is kind, civil and respectful to everyone but even Kaoru herself suffered at how Kenshin neglects to return her affection. She's probably too close to him (and to herself!) to observe what the others note. With her, Kenshin's particularly more tender and, yes, loving.
Jin'eh (?) termed Kaoru as his woman. Perhaps, she really was and that makes him her man. Finally, he has something aside from the sakabatou, those rags he calls clothes and the deep scars. Now, he has her, his small circle of friends and the small family they eventually formed in the Kamiya dojo. Besides, denying only hurt. It hurt her. It hurt him.
Kaoru broke the silence with a deep sigh. Kenshin left his limbo-like state and turned to her questioningly, realizing as he did how much darker it has become relative to the light intensity a while ago.
"I'm fine," she said. "It's just that these little afternoon showers are so nice."
"Hmmm," said Kenshin. "It's healthy I suppose."
"Spring has come. It crept quietly and we didn't even notice. Look, the cherry blossoms are about to bloom."
"Rain is life-giving."
"Yes, the world is always nice, green and dewy after a little rain. I like it."
No sooner had she spoken when lightning flashed and thunder rolled formidably across the sky.
"Oops," she said. "I think I spoke too soon."
The calm rhythmic spattering of rain suddenly became wild and frenzied. The wind gusted spasmodically, making the trees limp and still one moment, then vigorous and shaking another.
Kenshin soon grew tired of the violence of nature. It so reminded him of himself, the old slasher that still lurked in the depths of his being.
He yearned for the peaceful young night. He grew weary of the dark gray of the sky and the occasional flash of purple cracks across the rain. He wanted the dark blue of the evening, the same blue that can be found in the eyes of his beloved.
"We should go inside, Kaoru-dono," he said, rising. "We're getting wet."
"Ok," she agreed. She gave her hands to his waiting ones and hoisted herself up with his support. "Thanks."
"Welcome."
She walked inside and lit a lamp.
"Do you think Sano and Yahiko would be alright?" she asked.
"Why not?" he asked back. "They're at Dr. Genzai's. Sano's having his hand checked up."
"Perhaps, they won't be here tonight to insult my cooking. You'll have to endure it alone." Kaoru smiled wryly.
"Why not with you?" Kenshin smiled back at her gently.
"Fine, alone with me then. Speaking of cooking, I better start now." She went off.
After a while, he followed her.
"Need a hand?" he offered.
Kaoru didn't answer him but instead dropped what she was doing and looked at him.
"I've been thinking," she started. "What do you think about Sanosuke and Megumi-san?"
Kenshin wasn't able to suppress a smile. He understood her despite the incompleteness of the question because of the slight coloring of Kaoru's cheeks. She misinterpreted the grin for amusement.
"Forget I said that!" she said. Blushing more violently, she resumed her work.
Much to her surprise, Kenshin replied, "Why not?"
She looked back at him, eyebrows raised. "They're both hopeless. And Megumi's still hankering for you remember?"
Kenshin chuckled lightly. "Sano's not that hopeless." Why, everybody thought her was hopeless, too, now and fifteen years ago. "Don't you think?"
Kaoru was still wearing the skeptical expression. "Perhaps. But I'd bet more on Tsubame and Yahiko."
Kenshin laughed again. If asked, he'd say he'd bet on himself and his girl.
Note: This is an entry from my silly collection: The Dryad's Bubble: Visions From Unknown Realms…
A collection of brief scenes bubbling up from the depths of my unstable mind. There are no particular plot, just a glimpse, a magnification of some tiny detail, taken from an untold story. Some have titles, others don's. Just one thing's for sure: They're all bound to be interesting.
Note again (Wed 012302 17:46): Bwehehehe.. This was two years ago. Hmmm… I think I have improved. Or not. Weh.