AN: Alright I'll say right here that i might get a couple of people calling me crazy. That's alright. I'm ok with that. And If i am breaking the posting rules let me know, although I don't consider this a FanFiction I don't consider it one long authors note either. This was just me, venting. I figured if anyone understood at all It would be you guys. throws oreo please be nice. and have a Spectacular day. Really. I mean it.

-DW-

I really find myself getting maybe a little too invested, in this whole… TV show? How can something that makes me sense so strongly be unreal? The tears, the laughs how can I get like that over nothing? I get so upset when they tell me I am being obsessive. I get so wrapped up in this 'fake' universe. I forget… that it isn't supposed to be true. I am not supposed to care about these written characters so much; after all, they aren't alive. They don't breathe and they don't save the world from aliens. There is no Doctor and his Tardis, no long lost love Rose. No brilliant man who has my heart and millions of others entranced, every single one wanting to cure his state of always being alone.

I can't help it. I really can't stop. When I think of the whole universe that he inhabits, he isn't a figment or wishful fancy. He is out there, in some universe, on some planet, doing something right now. Just to save me.

I have no idea why I get so attached to things that can't possibly love me back. A fire burns inside my heart and a sinking feeling punches me in the stomach every time I am reminded by somebody that it is just a show. They can't even begin to understand, because even I don't.

If there is by some chance a man out there living in a blue box, if I have this irrational hope, maybe one day he will find me and he will take me away to visit far off worlds. Even if that did happen I would be the only one who knows. I don't think I am alone in listening for that WHIRRR WHIRRR. I can't stop my heart from hoping, can't stop my mind from slipping into thinking, like they are out there just waiting for someone to discover their masquerade.

I know it's not factual. I try not to think about it too much because every time I do, the fact that they will only ever be fantasy breaks my heart. I don't even know why I can get so upset at the thought of no one holding the Doctor's hand, because there isn't a hand to hold. Maybe if I believe hard enough someday, some way…. No never mind… I've sounded like a fool enough without adding crazy to the list. Still like Winifred said (no matter how hard I try not to), I'll look to the stars, and, Doctor, I'll think of you.