SHOULD'VE SAID NO
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Info: Oneshot songfic. Meredith's thoughts when she and Derek have broken up in season 4 after Rose. Title and Lyrics are from "Should've Said No" by Taylor Swift.
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Its strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles the flowers everything
Is gone
How is it that everything I've known for this entire last year, is gone? It's over. C'est fini. Every time something happened between us, we'd find our way back to each other. It was never over. Until now.
Yesterday I found out about you
Even now just looking at you
Feels wrong
When I heard you'd kissed her, I couldn't believe it. I had talked to you. I had gone up to you and told you that I didn't want to date other people. That I was trying to get ready. To get ready for YOU. You, said nothing. You wouldn't have told me. I can't believe that you'd do that. It hurts to think about it. To look at you. It feels wrong to look at you and know that you have real plans with her. That she's ready for that type of commitment, and you're with her. And not me.
You say that you'd take it all back
Given one chance
It was a moment of weakness
And you said yes
Your eyes tell me that you love me. No matter what you say, I can always tell from your eyes. They speak to me. Telling me you didn't mean it, telling me you'd take it all back. That you didn't want Rose, you want me. And only me. But it was a moment of weakness and you'd said yes. But in my opinion, it is our choices and actions in our moments of weakness or vulnerability that truly show our characters- who we are and who we always will be. And you betrayed me. Sure, technically, we weren't a couple. But we were in love. You knew what was going to happen. But you kissed her anyway.
You should've said no
You should've gone home
You should've thought twice before you let it all go
You should've known that what
What you did with her'd get back to me
You shouldn't have done that. I had told you that I only wanted you, that I was really trying. That I wanted this. And you said nothing. Did honesty mean nothing to you? How was it fair that I was working on all my issues and you didn't tell me that? And honestly, the rumor mill. Did you really think that I wouldn't hear about it? Of course I did. I heard. And it hurt. Rather than hearing it from YOU, I heard it from GEORGE. George, my old loyal companion. George, who never gossips unless its true. He was the unknowing messenger. Not you.
And I should've been there
In the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've thought of me. Yes, we were dating other people. But I was trying. And you knew. So I should've been in the back of your mind. I shouldn't be asking myself why you would do this to me. Even if we were technically seeing other people, you love me and no matter how hard it is for me to express it, I love you! And you know it! So you should have thought of me. Your eyes shouldn't have to be pleading with me.
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me
You shouldn't have kissed her. Resisting the temptation might have been hard, but wouldn't being with me make up for it? Had you not done that, we'd be together. Again. Finally. This time, for good.
You can see that I've been crying
Baby you know all the right things to say
But do you honestly
Expect me to believe
That we could ever be the same?
I know you can see that I'm dark and twisty. Even more than usual. The messy, dirty hair in a loose ponytail. The bags under my eyes and the streaks of mascara across my eyes. The running into a supply closet to avoid you and breaking into tears again when I realize that this time, it's probably for good. If you would only come in, you would know how to comfort me. But no matter what you'd say, you could never convince me that things would be the same. That things would be like they used to be; in the beginning. Before Rose, before the drowning and the bomb, before Addison. When we were really, truly happy. I wish we could. But we can't.
You say that the past is the past
You need one chance
It was a moment of weakness
And you said yes
You tell me that past is the past and there's nothing you can do about it now. But you want another chance, because it was a moment of weakness and you gave in. But you don't want her, and you love me. You tell me that I'm the only one for you. And it shouldn't have happened, but it did. But it's over.
You should've said no
You should've gone home
You should've thought twice before you let it all go
You should've known that
What you did with her'd get back to me
And I should've been there
In the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me
You should've walked away. You should've gone home. You should've called me. You should've told me rather than letting me find out through gossip. You should've thought before you let it all go. Let go of any hope of us. You should've known that I'd find out. And I shouldn't be questioning how we used to b e, and you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness. You would've had me, and we'd be happy. Together again. This time for good.
I can't resist
But boy you go tell me this
Was it worth it?
Was she worth this?
Nooo….
I just want to know. Was that one kiss worth it? A short, simple kiss. Was she, a scrub nurse, worth all this trouble? Was she worth ending us for? Forever? No..
You should've said no
You should've gone home
You should've thought twice before you let it all go
You should've known that
What you did with her'd get back to me
And I should've been there
In the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no
Baby and you might still have me
All I can do is wish that you hadn't done it. But you did. You shouldn't have but you did. But just know that if you hadn't, you would've had me now.