It as like the first day of autumn, except that's what it was like everyday in this dreary old town. The traditions, the grocery store, where everyone shops, and the one school. The school where everything goes on, thank god were not one of those towns where football is what were obsessed with, its more like a PTA town…there are huge signs hat say IM PTA PRESEDENT outside the lawns. It was my first day of high school, High School: the begging of the best days of your life (so they say) yet the challenge of stressing all the time to get into college, or plan for the future.
As I walked into the room, I felt like a piece of meat, well it's a used analogy, I felt starred at, think of it this way. These kids go to that one pre-k, where they meet they're future friends, and loved ones, the ones they know they're supposed to marry. You meet the future Prom king and queen. Then from there you move into the elementary school. Greenwood elementary…here the nerds, jocks, artists, cheerleaders, suck ups, and all those "stereotypes" in school. From elementary you move onto middle school where the stereotypes are dividing by thinner lines, the cheerleaders divide into the future Gwenyths, the blondes, or the dancers. Jocks turn into football players, baseball players, or track runners. Then yet another stereotype is added, your taste in music. Which if you think about it brings the jocks, cheerleaders, artists, and nerds together, but divides them into even further thin lines. There were the rappers, rocker, teenyboppers, ravers, then there is that group of people that don't belong to anything, they're in school just to be there, they listen to NIN to britney, they're not categorized as anything, they're just there.
And that's me, im nothing, I like art, but iv'e never advertised the fact that I paint, and I like everything from NSYNC to Fuel, and I now this wasn't going to help…help me fit in anymore than I wanted to.
Well the classes were a hole lo better than my old school, the teachers taught, and I felt my "gifted brain" (as my mom quoted in my application) was being used in a "gifted" way. Sara Remlap Preparatory was the last place I wanted to go to school. Why you ask. Well lets see, at Greenwood High (ironically the only high school in Greenwood) I was getting many awards, I was top of the class, god I was the freaking Homecoming jestress (sophomore's name for queen) but I got into Sara's prep and my mom didn't even ask, she Forced me to go. I had a boyfriend, he was the cutest guy in the world…I MET him in the 7th grade. I mean I really met him, before, he turned out to be my best friend, and my mom would always say "don't fret he'll come around someday, and you will realize what Matthew really is…" and then shed lower her voice and say "im going to be a grandmother, ooohhh…" and I never understood what she meant, until he got shipped away. The summer before 7th grade, that's when everything happened, I became a "women" if you know what I mean, I started wearing a bra, eyeliner, and I had to stop climbing trees, which was the one thing I hated giving up. Well Matthew went away, and I missed him a lot, more than I had realized until the day I saw him. It was hmmm… August 14…the weekend before 7th grade…wow, I was sitting imagining the first day of school, wow, I was already planning my outfit for homecoming, im all anti-that because of the horror I went through trying to find a dress with my mom, but I was going to wear PANTS, lovely pants. Anyway back to the story…as i was "dreaming" (if you must call it that) I heard a doorbell, and I rushed hoping it was Matthew, so I peeked around the corner, and saw him. Tall, Tan, Dark Black hair, he was dressed like one of those American Eagle Models, my stomach went hallow the moment I saw him. "Is Lorelei home?" he asked my mother, as you could imagine the look on her face, was this Matthew? She was thinking I told her, why as she even not thinking about it. I wasn't home, I wasn't home, PLEASE SAY I WASN'T HOME, "yeah she's in her room go on back…" she replied. As he walked towards the corner I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything but stare as he walked down the hall looking for me.
As he turned the corner I almost bumped into him trying to run into my room trying not to make it obvious I was watching him. He grabbed me and said "trying to get away…ha never" and he hugged me, I was so surprised, I just screamed back. "Matthew!! Ahhhh!! Wow you've changed…" sure he's changed, duh, he's HOT. Just like my mother said. We sat in my room and just talked, and talked, talked, talked, and it felt so good, we were such adults, and I loved ever second of it, his eyes were categorized as brown, butt they were more gold…Mrs. Matthew Bombs! "So Lorelei, your mom said u were applying more Sara prep, is that true?" he said grabbing my hand "I don't know…" I looked down, and didn't want to acknowledge that he was starring at me. "I hope not, because iv'e been waiting all summer to ask you something, I um, was wonder. Oh shit SHIT!! I was thinking to my self, was he asking me out, he was going to ask me out omg he was asking me out, omg im not ready for a boyfriend, especially one that used to be my best friend, but look at his eyes, they're so beautiful, handsome, innocent. "Do you want to maybe want to share a locker at school, and sit together?" there it was he asked it, OMG! "Yes" thats all that could come out of my mouth "yes…" "Good because I have been waiting to do this all summer…" he pulled me toward him, and our lips melted together. We had never kissed before I was waiting for one of us to crack up, or even make a joke about the whole thing…was this real? Then, with a shock, I realized how right this felt, like I had been kissing him forever. I drew him closer to me and ran my finger through his hair, and we looked at each other and realized how long we have been waiting for this to happen.
Well, the first week of My Sophomore year was great! I mean I got my two favorite classes drawing and painting portfolio, which is the senior's class, but the teacher recommended me, and I got creative writing! Matthew and I were sharing locker 008, my lucky number 8, this was the day of our 4 year anniversary. Every year they some how or another decided to start school one day earlier each year. So it went from August 17 to August 14 in 4 years. Today was the first day, and you could just imagine the looks on all my teachers faces, when I got a dozen roses every class…making that 8…12…96 roses. Then after school when he was walking me home he gave me 4 more, so I would have a full hundred. It was our 4th anniversary and he gave me 100 roses, and we weren't even "serious" like most of the sophomores were "serious".
"Umm Lorelei…did u like the roses." he said in his deep shy voice, it was weird he still got nervous asking me out on dates, and talking to me, unless we got into something he was strong about, like music, he loved his music…and me! Ok im not getting too into myself. Back to the point why this was the greatest day of my life, the summer while Matthew was away at camp (he goes every summer now) I, kind of wanting to go, went to the audition for Sara Remlap prep, tacking name right, but they do have a great art program which was my number one priority. Well I went to the audition and they said I would be getting a reply near the first week of school. Private school starts the same time every year, November 1, they always start 3 weeks after, but they said I would be getting the reply…ironically today. So I was telling Matthew how incredibly sweet the roses were, and as we walked into my front door I check the mailbox, and there it was, the letter. I stopped right in my track, I couldn't move, what if I got in, no more Matthew, no more Greenwood, no more freedom to dress, and if I did get in, college opportunities, the really cute uniforms, plaids skirts… "Lorelei, hello, are you ok, hello…" he was screaming in my ear, that's all he kept saying "yeah…" I replied I couldn't think, I just opened it. "Da da da da da. IN! Im IN!" I turned around and planted the longest kiss I had ever planted don him, "IM IN I GOT IN!"
"What?" he sounded so stunned. Well I would give him that, I hadn't told him…well it wasn't that I haven't told him, it's that I lied. What a great girlfriend right, I lied to my boyfriend, the only one IV had at that. "I got in, I got into Sara. Ahhhh!" I replied to his stunned question. Then it hit me; it all hit me like a running freight train. "So your going to leave greenwood?" he asked, he was treating me like one of brothers when he was mad at them…he had that attitude, I hated that! But what could I do, what could I say, how could I get that look out of his eyes, I loved his eyes. "Yeah, I kind of meant to mention that to you, my mom kind of made me go and audition while you were away…" I couldn't even finish the sentence, as he stormed out the door. My roses were on the floor and I realized I had dropped them on the floor opening my letter. It was kind of ironic, Matthew was mad at me, and the roses he gave me are lying all over the floor, my life being spread out, the roses spread out. Never mind there goes my "writers thoughts…"
I called him all night, Joey just kept picking up and saying, no he's not home, and I knew he was lying. Its just like a movie: I cheat, he goes home and tells his whole family when I call to say he's not home, then they grow to hate me…they'll hate me then they'll hate my family, and well be forever separated, and I did love him. What was I going to do? "What am I going to do!?!" I didn't realize I was screaming… " Lorelei are you ok?" great my mother had heard me, that means im going to have to tell her. "Iliedtomatthewanddidnttellimaboutsaraprep!" I said in one breath, and ran into my room. I cranked on my loudest Fiona apple cd, and fell into my bed. The tears just came and came and came. I couldn't stop. It was only the first week of school, and I thought things were going so well. I had everything, until the one thing I wanted came to me.
When it all came out, and my dad asked me to turn down the music a "notch" I "whipped" out my canvas that I had been waiting to use for inspiration and my paints, and I just painted. I had no clue what I was painting, but I decided to paint for my mood. Everything was blue, and dark except for this little gold eye in the corner, representing Matthew. Then I started crying again, the painting made me tear, it reminded me so much of him, it has been almost 24 hours, and I didn't sleep at all. To think of it my dad asked to turn down the music a long time ago. I walked out and it was dark, did I fall asleep mid-tear? I went back in my room and did some homework, and my alarm went of, it was five thirty already. I had to be in school in an hour, but I couldn't do it. I could go to school, what would he say, what would people think? Would they stare, I had to do it, I had to stand up! It took me longer than usual to get ready…but I was out by 7, luckily.
I walked up the steps and realized the cracks on the steps, those steps had to be there when my mom and dad were dating in high school; those same cracks were there. The same scratches on the handlebars that nobody touched in fear of being ran over from the wheels of the skateboards gliding down the everyday. I walked into the school with my head down, if people were starring I didn't want to see, I could just imagine it in my head, I didn't need to see the real thing. As I saw my locker, Matthew was just departing from it. Departing isn't actually the word; he was avoiding being near it for more than five seconds. Matthew I was going to be Mrs. Matthew Bombs, we were going to have kids, and have them fall in love and grow roots in this town, we were going to be in love everyday for the rest of our lives, now that seemed as far fetched as Dawson and Joey ever getting back together for the right reasons. I opened the locker; things went slower today, slower than other days. I opened the locker, and the first thing I smelled was his smell. Every guy has this distinct smell, weather its they're after-shave, they're cologne, or must I say it they're body odor mixed with the smell of there deodorant. Well the locker smelled like him, and he had such a sweet smell. I had grabbed my sketchbook, and I saw something fall to the ground. It was an envelope, what could it have been, oh no, not some thing for me, yep! It was my worst nightmare; it said Lorelei in Matthews's handwriting. What would it say "I love you, and I would never give you up because you go to a different school…" or would it say what he couldn't say in person…as I opened the letter I stopped breathing, it was long, and the only three words I could see as I pulled it out was I love you.
As I opened the letter, I knew once I saw I love you it could turn both ways…omg has going to break up with me isn't he, karma had always had her eyes on him, when ever I wasn't around, she be all over him, he's ignore her of course, until now, he was going to accept her passes this time, I bet! Imagine Trudy from Disturbing Behavior, mixed with the clothing of spice girl and the attitude of that chick with the black hair in Sabrina the teenage witch. She was hanis, and she had a thing for Matthew. He going to fuck her isn't he, I bet he has, oh I hate him so much.oooo.Ill kill him…wait what am I thinking, this is Matthew, he's nervous talking to me sometimes, and I've dated him for 3 years and known him the rest of my life, but he is on the rebound, Omg, what am I supposed to think, I opened the letter and started to read…
"Dearest Lorelei…"he wrote in his nicest handwriting… "What can I say, you lied to me, and you the closest thing I have to love, and actually you are my love…my first and when I die I will be thinking I love Lorelei, and I will forever love you" that's the part I saw in the letter… "But how can I ever trust you again, its not the truth that hurts, it the fact that we wont share those moments outside your house when I walk you home, we wont share our long hours after school working on your canvas'…" I can remember that, we used to stay after class when I had a huge art show the next day, and I had always procrastinated hanging up my work, he would help me seal them with primer, and nail them to the wall of the auditorium, somehow or another we would always end up kissing under my best piece…irony again my best piece, my best friend and boyfriend kissing me. Wow. "I will miss those moments, to you remember the first time I came over to your house? I was five right? When I started roaming town alone with Joey, I knocked on your door, and your mother knew just who I was, she had something that we would end up together; she knew what she was talking about didn't she. You have the greatest green eyes, sometimes they're brown and other times thy look like my eyes, and even sometimes they turn the color of mud but they're still the most beautiful eyes in the world, and I don't want to give you up to some prep school, but I guess I will have to…" and the letter just stopped, had that meant that he was going to stay with, me or the fact that he was breaking up with me. I couldn't handle it anymore, I stood there at my, our locker ad started crying, then I felt someone turn me around…I looked up at those gold eyes, they were gold he was my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow.
"Im sorry, I acted like a jerk…" Matthew said
"No it's really my fault…" I said in a teary reply
"I do love you, and if that's what you want than so be it!" he leaned over me and kissed me, it felt like everyone was starring, but who the fuck cares, im back on the top of the world! This was the best feeling in the world;